I got a question that made me pause, it asked me:
How do you do it all? Family, career, blogging, lifestyle…?
I barely do it all. I’m a swan… nay, a duck swimming on the surface serenely but then paddling like crazy just to stay afloat.
When you look at me, maybe you see someone who has it together, and yeah, superficially it looks like I do.
I have a great family who is healthy, and I am not as stressed or pulled in all directions as with families who have more than one kid.
My career is on track, my money sitch is great and I truly have everything I could want and need. Even if I didn’t, I can easily absorb a $1000 cost, and up to a $10,000 expense before feeling a little pinch.
Nothing is perfect.
I miss my friends.
I have made some friends here, acquaintances, I get my fair share of chatting at the office with colleagues.. but I miss my REAL friends.
My friends whom I have grown up with or really connect on another level and care about deeply.
I don’t have many of them, and they live in Ontario.
I am so busy with work and life that I have made zero time to travel back. No excuses, really. I just haven’t prioritized that.
People are popping out babies who are already talking and walking now and I haven’t even met them.
I forget to do many things that are important like renew my health card because I am so tired that I just want to get home (so I pass by that government office yet again) and when I get home, I think: DAMN. IT. .. because I know it has to get done and I am procrastinating out of fatigue. That adds another drop of stress because now I’m punting it to next week but it is just going to be stockpiling MORE To Dos to accomplish.
Or how about my main family stress? It is a certain little cutie…
Little Bun is a great kid like all children, but he can also drive you to the e-d-g-e..
You know it is like how you can read all these books on surgery and go to courses for your job to become a surgeon but it doesn’t actually prepare you for real surgery until you do your first one and inside, freak the eff out a little?
Children are like that — you read all the books when they are growing inside of you, you vow to not let them have too much screen time (all the LOLS right now) and all this perfect parenting stuff… until they come out, wake you up at 11 p.m., 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. screaming that they lost their toy/sock/blanket/Mommy Nook …. and kill your deep REM along with your will to live.
Or work stress.
This one really was a lot to handle in the past year.
I was on 4 projects at once and my four managers (and counting) from various departments don’t confer with each other and wonder why the hell I am not delivering for them, individually.
Listen… things may look perfect on Instagram or when I talk about how I reached certain milestones in my life, and in some ways it absolutely is perfect.
It is a perfectly imperfect life, and I grumble but would not change much (except maybe if someone wanted to console me with a $2 million dollar paycheque, I’d be on board with that).
I am grateful and cannot complain because I have no cause to.
I can only grumble about #FirstWorldProblems. I know people have it worse.
In short, I don’t feel like I have everything under control or locked down, and I really hope it comes across that I should not have to demand that of myself to be Perfect as a mother, partner, freelancer, etc…
See, I feel like if I tried to be Perfect in one area (family), my other areas of career, blogging, finances and personal life would take a hit.
If I tried to be Perfect in blogging, that time gets taken out elsewhere. You know?
I’m just juggling things and putting out whatever fire is closest to me right now until I can take a breather.
And I regret nothing.
It all happened for a reason to bring me to where I am, and while I have had a strong hand in making sure I create great opportunities and choose solid life choices, I am also acknowledging that bit of unknown luck that comes with a lot of what I have accomplished (being born in the right year to my own particular family, etc).
If you want daily, pretty honest and raw accounts of how not perfect my life is, read my Week of Money accounts.