In Discussions, Money, Wealth

Why the rich marry … rich

Of course there are exceptions and they are mostly in alpha male to beta female relationships (boss running off with the secretary bits) but it really seems like rich people mingle and match only with the rich.

1. You have money too?

This is the most obvious reason — you have lots? She does too. Good match.

2. Same social mores and circles

Moneyed folks have privileges of going to elite schools and end up with elite friends who then host or go to events where other elite friends from the same schools show up.

They don’t really have chances to meet with the hoi polloi because they don’t go to the same events to mingle, generally speaking.

Same values for better or worse as well — not frugal at all or prioritizing X over Y.

People might find it distasteful that someone can spend over 6-figures on a trinket or a watch, but this is not something unusual when you’re used to it.

My partner went to a very good school and met a lot of very rich kids, but he always told me felt a bit out of place in the sense that he did not have the same habits they did, the same culture, etc.. he had to double down and work harder to pick up things like how to handle cutlery at a formal meal when it just came naturally to the others.

He just never learned it and they never made him feel bad about it  – they knew he was on a full scholarship because he was from a poor family from a bad area, and that made them respect him even more because they knew how hard he had to work to even reach their level when they had legions of money at their disposal to hire tutors, lived in the right zip codes, and the ability to spend summers in England to learn English, etc.


I also, went to a very rich school full of rich kids, and I did not have the same experience of being accepted, in fact, it was more the opposite.

Kids my age were dropping $1000s of dollars on accessories in Chanel on a weekend shopping whim, while I was working two full-time jobs.

Not exactly the same thing.

3. Lack of judgement from the other

You’d be surprised.

We judge rich people all the time. “Why did she buy a place that costs $200,000 a month just for the mortgage alone?!?

For the amount spent on that car/wedding/pet(s) they could have done X, Y or Z with the cash instead.

To a lesser extent I have the same issues.

Why did she spend over six figures on a car? She should have put it towards an investment like a condo or in the stock market.

Why is she still shopping for designer goods? Doesn’t she have enough clothes already?

These judgment calls are both good and bad.

The good is that it is my money so I can do WTF I want with it… and the bad is that people feel entitled to tell me what I should have done with it.

Some good comes out of the bad however — I consider what they’re saying and wonder if I should scale back in areas, I re-evaluate priorities and then decide what I want to do with the money. It at least makes me THINK twice even if I don’t change my behaviour.

I can see that being a “thing” with people who have far more than I do. Being judged by their spouse or the spouse’s family.

4. Less awkward gawking

Already grew up with money? It won’t look weird then if you don’t gawk at a huge McMansion or a fleet of expensive cars worth more than houses.

You also, won’t feel so uncomfortable in such situations and will know what they are saying when they ask you: “So where do you summer?

It makes people less upset if they’re already used to it and they don’t have to make up for their spouse not being used to it all, or making awkward social gaffes that can only be criticized by those in that circle.

There is a lot of awkwardness with contrasting how your family does things versus someone else’s especially if money is a huge factor.

Thoughts?



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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

I got out of $60,000 of debt in 18 months using TheBudgetingTool.com. Since then, I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K (savings rate = 85%). I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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3 Comments

  1. A
    Amyl Ghanem

    I am by no means rich, but many of my friends judge me for belonging to a private members only summer club! Its ridiculous, as it costs about the same as belonging to a gym, is blocks from my house and is a gorgeous place to hang out in the summer with 4 outdoor pools and tonnes of family activities.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Well I guess people judge on anything…

      Reply

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