Week of Money: Where I start saying “No” and leaving people alone

DAY ONE

??:?? — I wake up from Little Bun squealing.

??:?? — Tired. Really tired.

6:36 a.m. — He is missing a good hour and a half of sleep, I guess. I am sure he is napping today.

6:58 a.m. — I go downstairs for some yoga. I need this time.

7:36 a.m. — I overwork my back so now it is in pain. STUPID.

7:50 a.m. — I make hot chocolate and log in to work.

9:07 a.m. — Freezing rain today, I won’t be getting my health card renewed. I punt it to later on this week, no choice…

12:08 p.m. — Lunchtime and Little Bun goes down for a nap.

1:03 p.m. — Logged back in and working. I have started just not stepping in to try and fix things that other people screw up. I am leaving them to screw it up and spend the week trying to figure out what happened. I have to focus on getting MY deliverables done. They are getting in the way of my work.

3:11 p.m. — Done for the day. I will finish it tomorrow, I have a headache and am tired. I go into my closet to try and clean it out.

5:44 p.m. — Dinner. I make a light dinner of noodles while washing the dishes. My back is KILLING ME… I can barely stand, and can only lie down in a fetal position. Little Bun of course, chooses this time to want to learn and play math games with me, obsessed with fractions again. And this coding book.

7:24 p.m. — We get ready for bed. I tell him my back hurts and I need to lie down. He looks at me and says: My back hurts too! I also need to lie down and rest my back too, Mommy. I tell him that is a good idea and I close my eyes for a short 5 minute nap (yes they exist) … Kids, they REALLY imitate you, so you have to be careful what you do and what you say.

8:50 p.m. — Have to go to work tomorrow. Back killing me.

Spent: $0

DAY TWO

??:?? — He is on my stomach (his heavy baby boy head)… He finally falls asleep and rolls off on his own onto his pillow, I roll onto my side.

??:?? — I am rolled over on my side, curled up, and he snuffle snorts up against my back, trying to find a soft warm Mommy Nook to cuddle into to sleep. I feel him rubbing his head against my back, and his body.

??:?? — There is no readily available soft belly for him to sleep on.  so I feel his little hands tugging on my body to flip me over on my back like a hedgehog so he can sleep on my stomach. I comply, and he immediately puts his head on my stomach (it is soft, warm and he can hear my gurgly stomach which I guess is comforting like being in the womb) and he falls asleep immediately, snoring on his new Mommy belly pillow.

??:?? — I can’t sleep in this position, my back is aching a little. I wait for an appropriate amount of time before I slowly shift him off as he snuffle snorts, and he curls up hard against my side. I tuck a huge blanket up against his body to mimic mine, and try to go back to sleep.

6:46 a.m. — Too late. My partner is up so I am up too. ARG.

7:09 a.m. — I leave for work. Little Bun didn’t want me to go. I told him Daddy has big plans for him today with math and he nods bravely, saying “Mommy has to get stuff done“, and hugs and kisses me goodbye.

7:21 a.m. — At work, it starts early. There is a person on the project who is my age, but really… not at all like me personality-wise. It is why people were so surprised we were the same age. I act way older than she does, I’m more confident, assertive and have a lot more experience than she does, even though we started at the same time. I took more risks and more work early on to learn as much as I could.  She however, is not lazy at all but seems to be kind of …. lacklustre about everything. In that, I mean when someone assigns me a task, I follow up. I go to the different teams, I ask questions, I pester people, I want to genuinely learn WTF is going on and help. She is the opposite. She is a little mousier, doesn’t take any initiative, check for anything… it is like you have to tell her what to do and she doesn’t want to go and do it for her own work and career growth.

8:40 a.m. — Non-stop. I am desperately trying to get my own work done but people keep asking me so many questions… O_o

12:08 p.m. — Lunch time. YAY!!!!! I am being treated to one by a colleague. $0

1:17 p.m. — I come back from lunch happy and stuffed.

4:09 p.m. — I leave for the day. Non-stop work. I have a list of things to do that keeps growing.

4:42 p.m. — I get back home, my partner took Little Bun to register for school (yep, time for Daddy to step up and take over more tasks), and he met another father registering his son too. I hope they become school friends so he can do playdates with Daddy and leave me in the apartment alone. #EveryParentsFantasy

4:59 p.m. — My partner heads out to run errands. I am still stuffed from lunch. Not sure I can eat any more, so I will probably do dishes and make a tisane (caffeine-free drink). I chop open my cream cleanser bottle to finish it off:

6:25 p.m. — My partner is home, we end up having a light dinner.

6:45 p.m. — So true.

7:15 p.m. — Little Bun hops on my lap and announces he wants to look at fancy toilets. Background — the past week or so, we have been on the Sotheby’s real estate page, just curious about what Montreal homes and condos cost in really expensive areas, and somehow out of that, Little Bun found it HILARIOUS to choose houses and look for the fancy toilet. So, this is now a game, and he truly enjoys picking out the house, flipping through the photos and squealing when he sees a toilet. Boys.

8:41 p.m. — Time for bed. He is refusing to sleep. I am tired. PLEASE GO TO SLEEP.

Spent: $0

DAY THREE

??:?? — Crying he can’t find his toy. And he insists on ‘ sleeping on Mommy ‘ but it seems to be giving him a crick in his neck so I tell him my back hurts (true) and he has to sleep in the Mommy Nook but not ON Mommy.

6:40 a.m. — I get up and get ready for work. I dress comfortably and in really great grey cashmere and wool pants that will make me feel GOOD all day. YAY!

7:13 a.m. — Right into work. Constant questions, people… omg.

8:00 a.m. — First meeting of the day.

11:30 a.m. — I finally get out of the back to back meetings.

12:08 p.m. — I really don’t want to eat my lunch. I don’t really like chickpeas and couscous that much. I end up buying a burrito wrap instead. $10.25

12:28 p.m. — I chat and relax my brain with people.. they ask me if I am getting my piano this year AND I AM.

1:03 p.m. — Back to work.

3:02 p.m. — I leave earlier to make the trek all the way to the UPS store to return items (Canada Post is starting to fall out of favour of companies).

3:40 p.m. — OMG. DID I FORGET TO PUT LABELS ON THESE THINGS? FML. I am at UPS, I am parked, dropping it off, only to realize that I DID NOT PRINT THE LABELS. This is so not like me.

4:04 p.m. — I get home and find the printed labels in a folder in my bag. Ugh. I was organized. My partner tells me that I just didn’t trust my process, and that is what made me panic.

4:10 p.m. — Wait. Why is it so quiet. Where is Little Bun? He is still NAPPING?… Are you SERIOUS? I ask my partner when he went down, and apparently at 1 o’clock which means he has been napping for 3 hours now. I wonder if he is sick.

4:11 p.m. — I suddenly get this Mommy Panic in my heart and I wonder if he somehow got tangled in the blankets and has smothered himself to death and that is why he is “napping” so long. I feel scared now.

4:12 p.m. — I creak open the door and check on him. Twice. The first time was to see his head in the clear, the second was to squint and to make sure he looked alive and he was still breathing.

4:15 p.m. — I wait and watch some episodes of TV, still nervous that he wasn’t pink enough to be alive in his bed when I saw him, and it isn’t until my partner goes to listen to the door and bring him his milk, and then he runs out that I am relieved. Isn’t that silly? How parents panic?

4:43 p.m. — I make notes about things I want to get done. I feel like I have a bajillion items to cover from downloading forms to returns to … you know, everything. Life is going by FAST. This made me laugh though:

6:15 p.m. — I play with Little Bun and get myself organized for tomorrow.

6:32 p.m. — I make a massive dinner of noodles. That little burrito is long gone now into the depths of hunger.

7:00 p.m. — I hop into the shower. I feel grimy. I think my laziness with my dirty hair is causing my acne to flare up on the sides of my face (hair oil = clogged pores), and I vow to not be so tired/lazy and wash my hair more often instead of dry-shampooing.

7:20 p.m. — I go to sleep after we play “hiding Teddy”. He likes it when I make Teddy dance and then he throws pillows at Teddy to hide him and to stop him from dancing. This feels faintly violent… and yet just playful? Hard to tell what the line is with kids.

7:45 p.m. — I bustle around the apartment making notes. I have a nagging feeling I forgot something. WHY. WHAT.

8:30 p.m. — Time for bed. Little Bun having had a marathon 3-hour nap (*eye roll*) takes forever to sleep.

Spent: $10.25

DAY FOUR

6:00 a.m. — FREEZING RAIN? ARE YOU SERIOUS. I was planning on getting my health card renewed, dropping off consignment pieces, and also doing that UPS dropoff. Now I can’t go anywhere. I’m stuck. I HAD PLANS. I HAD PLANNNNNNSSSSSSSS….

7:00 a.m. — I log in and start working. No yoga today, my body and back is telling me I am a fool for having overworked it, and now I need the pain to go away before I can go back to the gym.

9:30 a.m. — First call of the day. Little Bun is eating.

11:48 a.m. — Time for lunch. Again, I don’t want to eat my lunch but …. my partner made it and I feel bad if I didn’t. And yet I really want noodles instead. O_o

12:28 p.m. — I feed Little Bun again for lunch. And then a banana after. And then he throws himself down and squeals on the floor that he is STARVING AND SOOOOOOOo HUNGRY. O_O …. is he growing again? He is eating like a MONSTER. Like a bottomless pit. I joke to my partner that he better go out and get more food.

12:40 p.m. — Time for his nap. I am exhausted.

2:29 p.m. — He wakes up and runs out for a hug and a kiss. I pick him up and realize my back is in pain, so I quickly put him down and give him milk.

3:45 p.m. — Fires being put out all over the dang place. 25 emails, people asking me so many questions, leave me ALONE TO DO MY WORK.

4:02 p.m. — I log off, drained. I could do more work but man… this place will suck the life out of you.

4:16 p.m. — A little IG surfing…

6:33 p.m. — Little Bun comes to me and ‘tickles’ me (he wiggles his fingers on my side but it isn’t ticklish at all), and loves it when I go “hee hee hee!!” and he squeals happily: I AM TICKLING MOMMY !! Mommy is giggling! I love this child SO MUCH that I just smile and stare at him in wonder at least 20 times a week. How did I end up so lucky? (Must be Stockholm Syndrome.)

8:40 p.m. — Time for bed. More nonsense about not wanting to brush his teeth, not wanting to do this, that… errrggguurrhrhghghiehgiegh …. I lie in bed tired. My nose is hurting with this massive pimple that looks like a mountain.

Spent: $0

DAY FIVE

6:30 a.m. — I wake up earlier than Little Bun and make a tea to drink and check mails in the dark living room. It is close to 6:30. I should get ready for work after he is awake.

6:41 a.m. — I drink my tea then hear him giggling in the bedroom with his father, and he thunderstomps out to the living room and into my waiting arms, blinking at the light. I grab his milk.

7:03 a.m. — I get ready for work and decide on a red lip.

7:50 a.m. — At work, INSTANT BOSS MODE. I turn it on and just power through my tasks.

11:50 a.m. — I make it through almost to my third task and then go for lunch. $17.79

1:02 p.m. — Mmmmmm that lunch hit the spot! I have been teaching the Francophones at work the phrase “it is like herding cats” to mean something near impossible.

1:30 p.m. — OMG. I forgot to renew my health card!!!!! I quickly write a note to my lead saying it is my last day and I bolt.

1:48 p.m. — I drop off my two boxes at UPS. Finally. I had to circle twice to find a spot to park.

2:15 p.m. — In line, I realize I need a photo taken for this. FML. Red lipstick is disappearing, face is shiny, massive pimple on my cheek and nose… the photo booth lady kindly tells me I can use the mirror at the back. Ugh. I did not come prepared. Oh well, who cares it is a HEALTH card.

2:18 p.m. — I manage to de-shine my face but forgot my red lipstick at work so… well.

2:24 p.m. — The lady takes my photo again and grimaces. That is not a good sign. She is trying to be nice but I was just NOT prepared. Oh well. I remind myself it is a health card and I won’t forget next time. Fingers crossed. I take TERRIBLE company, health, passport and any kind of permanent, official documentation photos. I just look tired and sick.

2:32 p.m. — I get a message asking me if I am coming to the meeting. What meeting? WHAT MEETING!?!? I am freaking out. I am really not on top of this and not organized at all today. I was in a panic and just bolted when I realized the renewal office going to close and I would not make it in time to also avoid traffic.

2:37 p.m. — I dial in, all panicky. Ugh…. I go through the tasks and try to de-fluster myself.

2:49 p.m. — While on the call in the car (yassssss hands-free calling), I am trying to go through all my emails. I have so many and I need to start listing things I buy for the household and myself, and what gets returned and track this. My partner orders a bajillion things a week, I swear.

2:53 p.m. — I run into the drugstore quickly and pick up a new makeup brush. I bought this e.l.f. one from Target and loved it, but just in the past week it has been SHEDDING like mad all over my face and driving me crazy. I have to toss it. I can’t be cheap. I mean LOOK AT THIS NONSENSE.

2:55 p.m. — I pick up a new bamboo kabuki brush instead (similar buffing motion happening with it), especially since I have had good experience with these brushes (I have a powder brush that so far is going strong), and a Green Tea Kitkat because it is one of those days. $12.86

3:12 p.m. — At home, Little Bun squeals in happiness at my presence (best feeling ever).

3:18 p.m. — I log in and work.

4:47 p.m. — I log off for the day. I check the mail I got. They want me to PRE-PAY my personal taxes? What are they, stupid? Who has ever heard of a person PRE-PAYING their personal taxes? I wonder if I have to or not, or if it is a suggestion that I can ignore. I’ll ask my partner to read it and let me know, as I don’t always get all the nuances in French.

5:14 p.m. — I do all the dishes and my partner heads out to run errands. Little Bun is in the bedroom, occupied with this:

6:30 p.m. — Time for dinner — I make a HUGE bowl of comforting noodles with my vegan sauce. Goodness I cannot get tired of this.

8:08 p.m. — Time for bed.

Spent: $30.65

DAY SIX

??:?? — I wake up not of my own volition. My partner is already up and Little Bun starts crying beside me for an adult. He didn’t realize I was there, tucked in the corner, lying on my back, flat…. He stops crying once he hears me say — Baby???

6:20 a.m. — I get up blearily and grab the milk, then get my face washed and ready.

7:09 a.m. — I make some tea as my partner bakes fresh homemade bread.

8:08 a.m. — Little Bun is playing on an app, and spies the number 144 and runs to me saying: MOMMY! I found the square of 12!! Who. KNEW. he would be so into math and numbers. My partner was just like this at his age apparently but… wow. He amazes me.

8:25 a.m. — I take a quick shower and make a list of what I have to get done today. SERIOUSLY? This JUST happened this morning; I had a clean sink 2 hours ago.

8:40 a.m. — I start laundry and do all the dishes.

10:10 a.m. — My partner comes home and I work on teaching Little Bun how to convert fractions. I have no idea how much of it will sink in or how much he is ‘getting’ but he is super eager and keeps wanting to do more of them.

11:28 a.m. — Lunch time. We eat bread and cheese and then I start to get ready to head out.

12:11 p.m. — I try to buy the kitchen cloths on my partner’s list but they don’t have them.

12:56 p.m. — I drop by Anthropologie to try and use my store credit (about $45) and ALMOST buy that orangey-red dress but realize that it is really NOT MY COLOUR, and I put it back on the rack.

1:20 p.m. — I ALMOST buy a knee-length grey dress but it is $45 that is organic hemp and cotton but I’ll wait and see if it gets discounted again down to $20-ish bucks… then it would be worth it as a house lounge-y dress.

2:14 p.m. — Watching ‘This is Us’. MAN THIS SHOW IS GOOD. I am eating crispy M&Ms and drinking a soy milk.

4:28 p.m. — I drop by a thrift store and end up leaving with a few finds. $46

4:28 p.m. — At home. Traffic was BRUTAL. They closed 3 major lanes down to ONE. WTF. Sometimes I feel like it is to make us angry because you do not even see construction workers.

5:40 p.m. — Time for dinner. All vegan — salad, avocado and freshly made bread. Little Bun and I finish with a tangerine each.

6:44 p.m. — I do all the dishes, Little Bun helps wipe them down and then we go and do equivalent fractions. He is getting better at this. It is amazing how fast kids learn.

8:20 p.m. — Little Bun tells me it is time for bed. Cutie pie. He runs to the kitchen to fetch Daddy and ends up kneading dough for tomorrow’s bread.

8:40 p.m. — Bedtime.

Spent: $46

DAY SEVEN

6:00 a.m. — I wake up. Super tired today. More than usual. I am FEELING the lack of sleep. I could sleep another hour or two.

7:59 a.m. — Little Bun is making bread with his father and suddenly, somehow, rips some of his cuticles. He starts BAWLING like he cut his finger off, and I have to lift up this screaming child, who is losing it saying — IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS — like a broken record. I carry him, exhausted already to the hallway, and his father firmly reaches out and takes over (to my surprise), carrying him to the bathroom to take care of it — wash the cut, disinfect, wrap in a bandaid.

8:01 a.m. — This staying at home business with him has really REALLY strengthened their relationship and he is learning how to play with him more than ever, especially when he was a baby, I always felt like he was so awkward with Baby Bun…

8:02 a.m. — Little Bun runs out happily waving his finger saying — Mommy! It got cleaned, disinfected and now my wound is fine. (I die — “WOUND”. Get this child, he knows the word ‘wound’…)

8:15 a.m. — He is LOVING that band-aid on his finger. Like a badge of honour. And he is also loving morning crêpes..

9:34 a.m. — I head out quickly to buy some cream for my body. I wanted to buy more but she didn’t make any more, and there is none. $28.74

10:50 a.m. — I wash all of my thrift store finds in special wool and cashmere shampoo with cedar to super clean it.

12:08 p.m. — Time for lunch. Little Bun is watching Super Rescue Team and then he is going to go down for a nap, he has been suuuuuuper grumpy.

1:00 p.m. — Nap time for him. I organize the tupperware drawers which when full, look like this:

2:30 p.m. — He wakes up from his nap.

2:47 p.m. — My feeling right now:

3:15 p.m. — And I check the mail, and see my purchase from Banana Republic – Parker Tunic Shirt in White came in…

4:56 p.m. — My partner gets home and Little Bun squeals in happiness.

5:45 p.m. — Light dinner. Salad and bread. I can’t even finish it.

6:26 p.m. — I play with Little Bun, racing boxes and pretending they are race cars. We race, and he lets me win a few times, and cheers me on. I am working on him being a good sport at losing but also drilling home that finishing the race counts, even if you lose, and the more you practice, the better you will get.

7:34 p.m. — We read a few books. He is obsessed with We are Going on a Bear Hunt lately. No idea why.

8:12 p.m. — I am in bed, already almost passed out. Little Bun insists on smelling my teeth. I let him smell them, he makes a disgusted noise, and I smell his teeth, and also make a disgusted noise. We both get up and go to brush our teeth. 🙂

8:33 p.m. — He makes me smell his teeth after he brushes and vice versa. We make happy noises at how good they smell.

8:43 p.m. — I am really passed out in bed, almost sleeping. Fatigued, very tired…

Spent: $28.74

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Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.