In Discussions, Life, Parenting

What makes someone unattractive

I’ve been taking breaks from my regular parent-toddler outings and avoiding common areas at busy times because I’m starting to get sick of one particular parent.

What is she doing?

Constant. Outright. Bragging.

It’s getting to be too much.

Sometimes it’s outright bragging, other times it is a humblebrag (which is a complaint that is really just hiding the massive brag).

I can humblebrag with the best of them, but I do hope that I also know when to back off and to stop it.

I am sure I am not the only parent who is getting tired of it, because I caught quite a few of them eye-rolling and sort of doing the tune-out and responding with “mm hmm…” while flipping through magazines.

I’d rather be alone with Baby Bun right now than to suffer through that, so I’ve just stopped going.

When another parent asked if we had similar sized places…

Her: OH NO! *bit of a horrified / shocked look*.. We have THREE bedrooms not two….AND our ceilings are MUCH higher, and we’re on a MUCH higher floor because we couldn’t buy the two penthouses we wanted to make it into a single one.

And I obviously in comparison, live in a dump.

It’s not about me (I know).. but it IS about me… you know? What’s the point of putting someone else’s place or achievement down just to feel better about yourself? Zip it.


When the talk about vacations comes up…

Her: Oh we just tried to book an all-expenses-paid trip to _______ but it was sold out so we had no choice but to pay more and go ______ instead.

Her: You know I’m a bit worn out from all that traveling! It’s like we go on a different vacation every month, but that’s just so much work, you know, the planning, the traveling, and the coming home…

(They go monthly and every other week they’re planning for another vacation when we talk.)

About how hot she was, how men still find her attractive…

Her: When I worked at ____, all the younger girls kept saying to me that they all wished they could be as hot as I am when they get older.

Her: Every time I go to _______, the owner always flirts with me and gives us extra ______.

Her: When I was dating, I kept juggling all these dates with all these guys, there were SO MANY to date, and it wasn’t until he asked if we were exclusive that I realized I probably should be too.

We get it. You’re “hot”.

Or about how fit she is..

Her: People come up to my husband all the time and say that I work HARD in the gym! Maybe I should be a personal trainer, I am so good!

Yet she can’t plank for a minute or lift & carry her child with one arm (my toddler is heavier than hers and I do it routinely which she expressed marvel at).

About how they’re thinking of upgrading their home…

Her: Oh what he really wants to buy now is a 6-car garage mansion. We’re thinking of buying the land, tearing down the place, and building it from scratch to our specifications. Maybe this time we won’t put in the $1000 coffee machine in the wall, we’ll buy a nicer one.

Of course they won’t.

And of course…the sun shines out of her husband’s ass..

No fights? AT ALL?

We parents complain about our spouses in an objective manner as in — “He didn’t need to scream at me and scold me for not picking up after the kids because it is REALLY TOUGH to keep a place clean and showroom ready 100% of the time with a toddler and a newborn! He has no idea how much I clean this place and it still looks like a hurricane hit it…” — (One parent who stays at home full-time and her husband works.)

Or the other day, my partner yelled at me because I was bending down for something and he was convinced that I was doing it too often and perhaps that was what was causing all the dizzy spells and making me sick.

I was just so tired from not sleeping (Baby Bun sleeps through the night but wakes up periodically at 1 a.m. or 3 a.m. to scream “SOCKS!” or “RED BLANKET!”… from whatever he is dreaming) that we had a huge fight. At the core of it, he’s scared something is really wrong and so am I, but yelling at me is not the way to express that concern (….is OBVIOUSLY what I yelled back at him… 🙂 )

See what I mean? That kind of fight, you can talk about. Not a very revealing one that should be kept private or just bitched to your best friends.

Her fights?

Her: Oh we fight about where we are going on vacation. I wanted a spa resort and he wanted a trip to Europe…


Rest of us: ….. Yeahhhhhhh.

Translation? They’re both perfect and perfect for each other… which she ALSO talks about ALL THE FREAKING TIME.

I don’t think my partner and I are 100% perfect, but we are a very good match and with him wearing down his perfectionist tendencies and accepting my sort of laissez-faire approach to many things, we are starting to be a better match.

I once read somewhere that a great relationship is really based on compromise and making sure that you see what is important to fight about and what can be let go.

Anyway. I sort of need a break from that. Wouldn’t you?

By the way, she’s this friend.

I’m just starting to distance myself. I don’t think I can fake it any longer. I need to zen-ify myself, particularly since I am also (truth be told) trying to squash this green-eyed monster that I am really not in any position to just truly not work any more and sit back and do nothing.

I would need at least $2 million banked (on top of my house being paid) before I would feel comfortable retiring because it would mean I would be able to withdraw $60K a year (more than what I would need).

You never know when you might need a new car, or to pay for incidentals that come up like dental surgery that isn’t covered in Canadian healthcare.

She doesn’t have to worry about the money.. she married it.

I sometimes wonder through the ‘what if’ scenarios, like “what if I met someone rich instead and didn’t have to work“, and as much as I really love and know intellectually that I want to be the one making and providing 50/50 in a relationship, it still doesn’t mean I am not curious about that kind of lifestyle where I pretty much can do and buy whatever I want.

Who isn’t curious about being uber rich?

So yeah. Break.


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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

I got out of $60,000 of debt in 18 months using TheBudgetingTool.com. Since then, I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K (savings rate = 85%). I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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Posted on September 7, 2016

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10 Comments

  1. I
    Iza

    You have just described a modern version of Augusta Elton (Mr Elton’s wife) from “Emma” by Jane Austen.
    And… do these people (and others) are really so rich? Maybe some of them live on credit… My former boss was so rich… She owns the big lawyer’s office, she has also another company (building and selling real estates). She has two luxury apartments in the city, going regularly on expensive holiday (I would never forget how she boast about the price of the sport equipment she just bought – it was like a salary for the staff for a month). After a while I was told, that these apartments aren’t her, she has a lot of debts because of the second business.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      That’s what I think, but the way that they spend money, I don’t really think they’re on credit. He paid cash for their $1M home.

      Reply
  2. r
    raluca

    This is sounds like an episode of Big Little Lies :).

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Apparently I need to watch this show now 🙂

      Reply
  3. E
    Elisa

    Wow, definitely not someone you want to hang out with if they are draining you. Maybe there is another playgroup you can go to or just set up playdates with parents you feel comfortable with so you don’t need to be with just toddler by yourself all the time? Know how frustrating it may get given the current circumstances and having other parents you get along to for noncompetitive conversation may make you feel better…

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      I’ve decided to only go on the days when I know she won’t be there.. I really do miss the conversation of the other parents who are not are pretentious and it is nice to have a parent-whine-fest about kids and how our spouses don’t get it sometimes unless they’re in the thick of it.

      Reply
  4. A
    ArianaAuburn

    She needs to lay off the Mommy Juice (boxed wine).

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Well.. she does have a glass nightly but I doubt she overindulges. I know it stems from insecurity but it isn’t helping me right now.

      Reply
  5. A
    Alice

    Yikes. She sounds stubborn, blind, and deaf. No wonder everyone is trying to avoid her.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      They’re all much more polite than I am because she doesn’t say those things to them as they have less in common but the other day she came back from a playgroup date and later told me: I felt so out of place! No one wanted to sit with me, they all had their own cliques, they all dressed like slobs.. (well we sort of have this in common I don’t wear sweatpants in public).

      Reply

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