??:?? — I wake up early (I knew we would, we slept half an hour early)
6:23 a.m. — Little Bun reads comics on my phone, it’s his favourite thing to do and as long as he’s reading, I am happy. I hope he will turn out to be a reader like me.
6:53 a.m. — After making a tea, I log in to work.
7:59 a.m. — Little Bun tells me: Mommy we should do yoga more often, like Daddy and I in the mornings! I want to do the yoga with them but I am in meetings. He is really cute doing yoga with his father, his moves are a lot better than when he was a toddler, he can actually do some of them properly now.
11:05 a.m. — Finally, a break. Little Bun finishes his workbook under supervision of Babiest Stuffie:
12:28 p.m. — Mommy, when I was a baby, what did I look like inside? So I search for an image of the different weeks of the fetus and he crows with delight at how small he was – I WAS JUST A BABY PANCAKE! He listens as I describe the arms being grown, the legs, eyes, etc., and I tell him at 6 weeks all I heard was a heartbeat.
1:24 p.m. — More meetings.
4:08 p.m. — I log off for the day.
5:15 p.m. — We do dishes, laundry, vacuum.. he is very excited about all of these mundane tasks and I love it because I was never like this as a child. I think I would have enjoyed cleaning if it had been with a sibling or a parent, like a team activity.
5:45 p.m. — He starts (unprompted), creating a layout for the mini iPad, and only until he asks me to spell words like volume or what to call the charging port (he called it “charging gap”), do I realize he recreated the mini iPad with notes. I asked him why, and he told me so he did it so he could remember where everything went!
6:11 p.m. — I lie down to read. I wish I had taken a short nap today, I am exhausted. Maybe a 15 minute nap would do wonders.
7:00 p.m. — Little Bun does schooling earlier with Daddy because by 8 p.m. he says he’s too tired to concentrate, so we shifted it up.
8:32 p.m. — Early bedtime because I am too tired as well. I make up a story about Prince Little Bun going to outer space.
??:?? — He wakes me up by cuddling me (with his head against my side) and squealing like a baby “SQUEE SQUEE”… and then I grab his milk.
6:30 a.m. — He runs out of the bedroom and I look down, seeing that he has lost a sock. Again. He always loses at least one sock every night, it’s adorable and very funny.
7:09 a.m. — I log in and start working. I’m a little annoyed on this project because the person who is supposed to be my colleague.. I basically have to tell her what to do. Even what to write in an email, when to write the email, it’s like babysitting, and I hate working like this. She’s my equal and yet she doesn’t do anything or take any initiative unless I tell her to.
7:32 a.m. — First meeting of the day.
12:08 p.m. — BREAK! I go and lie down for a 20-minute nap after my lunch. I really need it, my brain is going all squiggly. Loving these fashion shots. Inspirational.
A piece of striped wrap fabric made into a top/belt:
Love the flower print of this skirt, I can tell it’s very expensive just from the print alone:
Love the boho feel of this dress, even though it is absolutely not my style normally:
This entire outfit from Max Mara gives me hearts:
1:15 p.m. — Back to work.
12:56 p.m. — He holds his iPad up to the window: Mommy look LOOK! … It’s your favourite. And I realize he is holding a blank white sheet on the iPad up to the window and showing me how it is reflecting a rainbow off the screen. He’s showing me a rainbow he “created” with the iPad against the window.
12:56 p.m. — He goes down for his “nap”, but his father, impatient because his class is about to start, takes the books and moves them to the bookshelf and out of the bedroom which triggers a meltdown because in his world, his books and his things should be exactly as they are. The box in the corner, the books on the side, in a certain order, and he doesn’t like people touching his layout and his things (which I can understand).
I spend 15 minutes talking to him, asking him to validate his feelings – You didn’t like it when Daddy moved your things because you like them right there in that order? I understand.
I kiss him then tap his belly as a pretend “Baby Check” (like a robot with a button), and he responds with an unhappy “Squee”. I kiss and stroke his hair a bit more, and rub his arms, and then do another “Baby Check”, and his squee gets progressively happier as I keep kissing him and comforting him, wiping his eyes.
Finally, I get a happy smile and a SQUEE from him when I do another “Baby Check” by tapping his belly and I tuck him in.
1:45 p.m. — Next meeting.
3:00 p.m. — Up from his “nap”, he works on creating Morse code notes to me (he loves the idea of ciphers apparently).
4:22 p.m. — WHAT!? Someone books a meeting at 4:30. I am grumpy. I hate unnecessary meetings. This is to me, unnecessary. Just ask me what you want, I’ll email you the responses and you can have something to refer back to. All of these endless meetings with brain dumps that never get written down, are driving me slightly up the wall.
5:48 p.m. — Logged off.
6:12 p.m. — Time for some dinner. I feed him, myself and then take a break to re-watch some Queer Eye for the Straight Guy episodes – I like the mix of fashion + home decor in there. I also start watching Workin’ Moms Season 5 and I am in love with Sloane, a new secondary character on the show. She is exactly who every woman should channel. Her style, her attitude, she’s *hearts*. I am a fangirl of this show because it’s produced by Catherine Weitzman (who plays Kate, a main character on the show), and it’s just so well done.
7:23 p.m. — We vacuum (this dark brown wood floor is the bane of my existence), do laundry, dishes and then he watches Paw Patrol.
9:02 p.m. — Time for bed.
??:?? — I wake up well rested. Finally. I took a sinus/cold pill last night as my nose is dripping (I think we are all sick again with another cold virus we keep passing in the home back and forth to each other), and it knocked me out for a good sleep.
7:00 a.m. — I make a tea and start working.
7:25 a.m. — Little Bun insists on his Morning Exercise routine that my mother sent over for kids, and he loves doing the challenge. Good for him.
9:45 a.m. — More meetings. I am in one after another after another. About 10 minute break in between if I am lucky.
11:15 a.m. — Lunch break. I check my calendar for tomorrow and I am annoyed because I have meetings until SIX. This is truly horrible. And for what? Status updates? We have so many every single day it is crazy.
11:25 a.m. — I love this look. Leather, prints, colours…
2:47 p.m. — After his “nap”, he asks if I am free and I tell him I am not because I have to finish these meetings. He feels sad but I have no choice.
5:26 p.m. — We have a little falling out and he’s sobbing (real tears), and tells me: You were mean to me! …. and I tell him that I was. I wasn’t being nice at all and I am sorry.
I still get really angry (better than when I used to get angry before, I sometimes can catch and control myself), but what is also important is I tell him that I was wrong, his feelings are valid, and he has the power / freedom to tell me I am wrong and not suffer repercussions which is something I never really learned as a child. I want him to be able to tell me the truth honestly and not fear anything, and anyway… he was right.
I feel like this will help when he gets older because he will trust he can tell me things (politely of course) and I will actually listen, and not be THAT parent who can’t really hear them.
7:01 p.m. — Time for schooling with Daddy, and then he brushes his teeth.
7:46 p.m. — We do a little yoga in the bedroom and he shows me his moves – he made one up called the Sun Baby, where it starts as the Sun Salutation but then he falls down on his bum and rocks back and forth like a baby.
8:15 p.m. — We read more of the math book and talk about words he doesn’t understand, or to explain things like how to do a word problem to figure out how many beads are in a box, to estimate the ratio.
9:01 p.m. — Bedtime
??:?? — I wake up somewhat rested. I could have used another hour.
6:00 a.m. — Ooo.. it’s early. I log in to work to try and get things done because today is jam packed with meetings until 6. SIX. WHO DOES THIS I ASK YOU. I am going to give them a piece of my mind (politely) because we already do early hours because of the time difference and now we have to do this late meeting crap too? No. I am likely taking Friday off as a result.
6:30 a.m. — First meeting of the day.
10:00 a.m. — I take a break and we do a science experiment together with salt water, sugar water, baking soda water and fresh water, and drop in a piece of plastic to see what sinks and floats. He sees how in one it floats, in the other it sinks, and then he ranks which one sinks or floats faster.
He does a great job spelling and labeling:
Then making notes “SINKS” or “FLOATS”, and then which one sank or floated more than the other (#1 and #2)
10:30 a.m. — Back to meetings.
12:18 p.m. — Finally meetings are done for now. I take Little Bun into the bedroom and we upcycle instead until his nap time.
12:54 p.m. — He taps me on my shoulder and tells me it is getting too close to his nap time and we should clean up and get ready. I agree, and we start putting things away.
1:05 p.m. — I end up in a massive shouting match with my partner because he says Little Bun is getting too much iPad time but I am fking exhausted so I use it as a substitute to be able to nap or do other things, and so on. Then I also bring up that in the past two WEEKS he hasn’t spent any time playing with him so all of the pressure is on me to play with him and to be with him all the time, which is exhausting.
He tries to turn it back onto me like why I expect to entertain him and I blow up. He isn’t allowed to go outside, go to school, go to playgroups, and do ANYTHING, so we are literally his WHOLE WORLD in this ONE SPACE which makes it completely unfair that we are expecting him to play by himself for hours while we are in school or busy with work. It is simply impossible to just expect this poor child to be alone for hours and be “fine”.
Huge shouting match.
To his point, the iPad time will be limited now, but it is ridiculous that he thinks he has nothing to do with this issue as it turned into the babysitter exactly for this reason because he hasn’t stepped up even though we have had repeated fights about this for him to play more with him as a result. He does it for 2-3 weeks and then it tapers off to zero again unless I actively ask Little Bun to go play with him. It’s like he thinks it’s fine to just leave him alone and not actively play with him (“So why does he always go to you instead of me? You’re the Entertainer” – Umm YEAH. HE HAS NOTHING ELSE TO DO.) …or want to be with him which I get very angry about.
I told him to give him the choice of playing with him or the iPad and he will immediately see that he would much rather play with us than with the iPad. Period.
He says he sees my point but I don’t see his. I SEE HIS POINT but he has NOT stepped up to play with him instead of having the iPad be the entertainer (or me), so he talks a good game about doing all of this and none of it actually sticks, so we go back to iPad time the more the lack of time playing with him tapers off. It’s correlated but in his head it isn’t linked at all.
If we had the option after work or on weekends to go out and do things normally like before, we wouldn’t even have this issue. He could even go to school during the day and not have the iPad, this is all a pandemic-related issue, but also that he doesn’t see it as his responsibility to play with him either.
1:14 p.m. — I am fuming trying to calm down.
2:40 p.m. — I finally calm down. No chocolate needed. Meetings continuing.
3:15 p.m. — He’s up from his nap and he gets Daddy to freeze some water so we can do a science experiment later. He’s really into these now, and I am encouraging this as long as it is minimal fuss and stress for everyone.
3:40 p.m. — We got the shouting out of our system, now we BOTH know what we have to do to be better parents. Limited iPad time (fine), but when that happens, I *AHEM* and he should step up and play with Little Bun when I need a break from the pressure of being his whole world.
4:53 p.m. — Literally counting down the minutes to my next meeting.
6:04 p.m. — Meeting done. I’m grumpy.
6:16 p.m. — I am on the phone talking about my aunt’s situation and Little Bun pesters me the ENTIRE TIME. Basically for 45 minutes I am not left alone at all.
I say to my partner: See this? This is what I am talking about. You want an example? Here it is. I can’t even talk a bloody 45 minutes without an interruption and you go on for HOURS with your friends and family and no issue because I take him from you and let you talk.
Him: But he’s the one who should learn NOT to interrupt you.
Me: BUT TAKE HIM and DISTRACT HIM and PLAY WITH HIM. He wants attention!
Him: But he doesn’t want to play with me!
Me: OMG. Have you ever tried: “Hey Little Bun, let’s play together and leave Mommy to her call okay?” You need to INITIATE and take him from me when you see me basically having an issue and drowning from this. You can’t put this on both of us and expect him, a little boy to have the maturity of an adult. He wants to play with us, he wants us, MAKE THE EFFORT.
He fell silent. I think he finally got it.
6:16 p.m. — I order those cookies for myself. I say terrible because they’re so incredibly bad for me (they’re stuffed cookies) but so delicious. The SKOR ones are my favourite. 100% I love them to bits. $39.37
7:01 p.m. — Little Bun fed, he watches Paw Patrol, and then does school with Daddy.
8:08 p.m. — We read through our favourite book on math these days, and then we go to sleep.
??:?? — I wake up early – Little Bun again.
6:00 a.m. — I log in and start working with people, replying to messages.
6:27 a.m. — Little Bun “bathes” his Stuffies with a cake of soap (represented by the yellow block). Please note that the Peter Rabbit Library book box (surprisingly sexist & xenophobic if you read into it carefully), is being used as the bathtube, as evidenced by the blue blocks in there to represent water. So this is their bathtub, and they are sitting in there bathing, as Little Bun cleans them carefully with a cake of soap getting their ears, back, paws, bottom of their feet, etc. He does exactly what his father does for him when they shower together.
8:08 a.m. — First call of the day. I cancel the others because from last night’s calls, there’s no point in talking until we have a decision. We’re on hold until we can decide on what to do.
8:14 a.m. — My partner and I set a rule that he has to do books or drawing or school stuff from 9 a.m. – 11 a.m. at least. I tell him – OK that’s great, but I cannot be there 9 – 11 all the time. You need to offer solutions of what he IS to do because otherwise it falls back onto me to manage him and I cannot do this all the time like this.
He looks at me confused like “why would you manage this”, and then he starts to realize the INVISIBLE, UNSEEN emotional labour of handling Little Bun while in between calls that I do and he has completely been oblivious to even though he bloody sits there every day and SEES IT HAPPEN.
8:40 a.m. — Wow. So many issues today. I am slowly trying to stamp them all out and I accidentally lock myself out of the computer, but then can’t get back in.. WHAT IS GOING ON!? Frustrated, I text my project manager to tell him I am trying to get in but I am on hold with IT.
9:24 a.m. — Well I feel dumb. I had switched my keyboard to French and then forgot I had it on French, and was typing my password in like I was on an English keyboard.
11:24 a.m. — Meetings. Meetings. Work. Work. I feel like I am finally getting somewhere.
12:15 p.m. — Lunch. I scarf down a bowl of food.
1:24 p.m. — I try NOT to work because I’ve done too many hours but I can’t help myself.
3:08 p.m. — I finally log off just as Little Bun gets released from the bedroom from his Quiet Time.
3:10 p.m. — My partner, taking the MAJOR HINTS from yesterday and this morning, steps up, and grabs a book from the bookshelf and hands Little Bun an activity to do instead of giving him the iPad. FINALLY. HE GETS IT. He sees it. He’s managing the activity now, answering questions, giving direction, and I get that mental pressure/load off me to make sure Little Bun is ‘handled’, so to speak.
4:00 p.m. — I feed Little Bun after going through my notes, and I also secretly eye a new very expensive purchase but am kind of confident about.
5:30 p.m. — I do all the dishes, start laundry, watch videos and clean up everything.
6:13 p.m. — We do the Ice Skating Ring experiment (he did a great job) and Little Bun is SO EXCITED to do this, he can’t even speak. He loved mapping out the results, etc.
So we froze a shallow tub of water:
We picked out items to roll across for testing friction (can you see “Mousie” made an appearance as “Black Stone”?)
I taught him how to think about planning out the results, and how to organize his space to create a grid, and he fills in the names of each item he will test:
And then he maps out what happens to each item as it slides across the ice with a star ranking (my idea)
And I let him decide how to draw the stars and he came up with the half star option for the less-slow items, and more stars for super fast items, after ranking them from fastest to slowest as well. He didn’t come up with the planning or grid on his own, but I wanted to show him how he could organize his results or thoughts, and different ways to rank or show visually how fast or slow items were:
7:00 p.m. — He does schooling with Daddy.
7:40 p.m. — I take him for a math book chat after we get ready for bed – wash our faces, brush our teeth…
9:00 p.m. — Time for bed and we make up a “Prince Little Bun” story.
??:?? — I wake up early after Little Bun has been squealing throughout the night having his creative dreams.
5:45 a.m. — I make myself some tea after we are situated, and I log in to eye my expensive bag. I am about to pull the plug today and buy it.
6:16 p.m. — I take Little Bun into the bedroom and we upcycle instead until his nap time and we create an obstacle course for Mousie, this little black rock I got for free in my purchases that I don’t really want to upcycle because I don’t like the look of it. Maybe I’ll change my mind later but Little Bun has claimed this black obsidian snowflake rock and named it lovingly as “Mousie”, and Mousie has a lot of adventures now.
You can see Mousie in the bottom left corner on the white cardboard top:
And Mousie made it to the middle!
12:56 p.m. — After lunch, Little Bun goes off to his nap time (quiet time really)
2:10 p.m. — I hem and haw, and then finally pull the plug and buy the vintage bag I have been eying. I really would have had a serious fear of missing out on this vintage, very special, iconic piece. $5470.71
3:22 p.m. — Elated, I make notes about it, and am down a rabbit hole of how to take care of such an old piece (it is almost 70 years old).
4:41 p.m. — Time for some cleaning. We vacuum, clean the bathrooms and then Little Bun gets to eat while watching Paw Patrol (his new favourite).
7:19 p.m. — I take a break from washing all the dishes (I leave them to dry overnight because I am skipping the value-less step for me, of having to painstakingly wipe each one down).
9:01 p.m. — I am starting to feel very tired, I feel like I am catching whatever sniffle Little Bun has somehow picked up – HOW!?!?!?!?… Despite not being in school or daycare he is still getting sick. It is like we are catching the same cold over and over again.
??:?? — I wake up early. And tired. He is not sleeping well because he is sick, and this is not helping me because I am tired from not getting enough sleep.
6:00 a.m. — Okay it says 6, it’s really 5 a.m. because of daylight savings.
7:59 a.m. — An interesting discussion came up recently over what is considered ‘racist’ or not, and these thoughts are so powerful I felt the need to share them from someone who messaged me with their thoughts and my viewpoint shifted:
8:08 a.m. — First meeting of the day.
8:37 a.m. — Break, then my next meeting.
9:22 a.m. — Break then my next meeting.
10:16 a.m. — Break, then my next meeting – are you sensing a pattern?
11:45 a.m. — Meetings end, and I get to eat lunch.
2:15 p.m. — They want a 5 à 7 (cinq à sept – meaning a drink-like after work thing) “meeting”!!? No way. I am out. I am tired enough starting at 6 or 7 in the morning to stay for this, and seeing as I do not even know them, plus have a family. Work does not take over like this for me.
3:08 p.m. — I stay a bit later than I normally would because I am trying to figure out an issue and finally just leave it for the next day.
3:33 p.m. — We go into the closet and Little Bun makes his own ring, it’s super cute, check it out – we are going to bake it and he will be able to wear it! He is very excited that he made a piece both Mommy and Little Bun can wear.
He insisted on modelling it for everyone:
And it looks pretty!
5:01 p.m. — OK time for dinner and things. He watches Paw Patrol after dinner, and I go to do all the dishes.
7:05 p.m. — Schooling with Daddy. (He hasn’t had the iPad ALL DAY by the way)
7:43 p.m. — After schooling with Daddy, some iPad time while I lie in bed, feeling nauseous and sick / dizzy.
8:50 p.m. — Time for bed. I don’t feel well, so I take a Tylenol.
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.