In Discussions, Style

The Two-Faced Trolls Amongst Us.

I am incensed right now.

I woke up this morning, dropped Baby Bun off at his playgroup and settled down to peruse through bookmarked articles & catch up on my favourite blogs, and then try to finish reviewing and formatting this ebook (I am aiming for end of November).

So here I am, set on a sunny day to start it off great, and I read Adina’s post over at Blue Collar Red Lipstick “Radio Silence“, and became all at once angry and sad:

“And then, a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon a corner of the internet where (some) people who regularly read this blog gather to anonymously air their views on my (and the blog’s) various faults.

Those include my being, among other things, a terribly dressed compulsive shopaholic with an undiscriminating penchant for outdated designer crap.

I’m paraphrasing.”

I simply cannot believe that people think that just because you’re behind a screen on the internet, you can throw out all of the tenets of basic human kindness, dignity and self-regulation, and decide to be a two-faced troll.

troll-miser-bridge

You are never ever truly Anonymous

I don’t know where people think they get off by using a different name, but I can tell you that IP addresses track everything, and the internet NEVER forgets.

Even if we didn’t use technical information to figure out who people are, just the way you write, your words, your style of speaking, scream out who you are.


For instance, I used to own two blogs which I sold a few years ago to get out of the blog game, and people who have managed to find me on this new blog, have emailed me (or commented) said:

I read a post, and immediately knew it was you. I’m so happy you’re blogging again.

It is easy to figure out who is who on the Internet with a little digging.

I know who you are.

I know for certain there are trolls who regularly read this blog and trash me behind my back, using anonymous Twitter accounts, while pretending to be friends with me.

They trash everything I do from how I spend my money, how I save (or don’t), what I buy, how strongly feminist I am, and whatever else they think is funny in to them.

This is a warning: You are fooling no one, least of all me.

You don’t have to like everything people post on the internet

Style bloggers in particular, have it the worst. They post out there what they think are interesting looks, to try and give inspiration (or get it!) from others, and to share in an open, positive, communal manner.

Then they run up against trolls, bashing their body, their outfits, their hair, makeup, style, and goodness knows what else.

Adina is not the first, and sadly, will not be the last.

I am sure every single person out there who has a style blog or posts their outfits anywhere online, has been trolled, guaranteed.

The thing is.. you don’t have to like everything anyone posts.

You have the option to OPT OUT of any and all of this.

You have the power to decide to STOP reading a blog if you don’t like that person.

Exercise that right, and put your energies towards some place more constructive and positive rather than sitting around, bashing people you don’t really know.

Would you ever say such things to someone to their face if you met them? If you saw how nice and friendly they are? Would you feel badly then, if you knew they were a real person with feelings?

Trolls are insecure & need to grow up

I believe this more than ever now, that trolls are insecure.

They’re insecure that no one likes them, so they spend time bashing people to put them down and feel a sense of community with other similarly insecure trolls.

What’s the point?

Grow up. Only children do this.

It is one thing to be critical of someone and to say so, and it is also perfectly natural (as I have experienced it before), to be angry, hurt and insulted by said criticism (no matter how nicely put, the truth does sometimes sting, although much needed).

But it is a whole other thing to criticize and meanly bash someone with as Adina has so eloquently put it, with no chance of a dialogue or discussion about why it has rubbed them the wrong way.

Ignorance is bliss

I actively ignore sewer pits, you know, forums like GOMI where people “anonymously” talk about other people (what is this, high school?).

I don’t want to know, and don’t need to know if people are bashing me in emails, private conversations, and laughing about it.

Ignorance in my case, is bliss because it is my life, and not theirs because they don’t have one.

I’m too busy with my own endeavours, and there’s no need to wallow in negativity even if it is to make yourself feel better for a short period of time.

I’m sorry that it happened, but I am even sorrier that Adina, one of the nicest, most helpful women I have had the pleasure of connecting with online, and certainly a rock during some of my lowest times right after I had Baby Bun, had to experience that.

It hurts, you know.

I do hope you’ll take some time, if you are a reader of Adina’s to pop over on her blog Blue Collar Red Lipstick, or connect with her and tell her how much you enjoy her posts.

It might sound stupid, like: “hey why should she care about some rando reader like me telling her I enjoy her blog?”… but it does matter, more than you think.

/rant

 

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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

Millionaire at 36 after getting out of $60K of student debt in 18 months, a little over a decade earlier, using TheBudgetingTool.com. Since then, I have paid my $600K home in cash (my half was $300K), my $180K casr in cash, worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K with an average lifetime savings rate of 50%. I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I am all about balance - between time and money, and also enjoying my money. I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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32 Comments

  1. Funny about Money

    Isn’t that bizarre. Don’t you wonder what makes people behave like that? Whatever it is, apparently it’s exacerbated by the Internet.

    I personally blog without giving one thin d!mn what anybody says. IMHO people who make rude, nasty seventh-grader comments — whether online or in the real world — show themselves to be unworthy of notice. I surely don’t try to track down their petty, time-wasting meanness, because I don’t care what worthless people think. And people who buy what they say are just as worthless. If they try to post their garbage at my site, they either get skewered or marked as spam on Akismet.

    And I sincerely hope you and Adina will keep on writing, keep on posting, and keep on saying whatever suits you. Don’t be daunted by vermin who are beneath notice.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Thank you kindly.

      Reply
  2. chezloup

    That’s why I’m staying away from all online activities, except Instagram where I am a nobody so not prone to abuse. People can be so unkind and trolls so skilled at hurting.

    Did you ever meet any of your blog readers in real life? I noticed some bloggers hold these get-togethers with their fans and was wondering if you ever did that.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Yes. I have met many readers in the past and can call many my friends 🙂

      Reply
  3. Sarah

    But Adina used to be pretty active on GOMI, and there’s nothing negative about her on there. Some of the comments she made were pretty mean, though…

    I did a quick google search and it looks like a Reddit thread mentioned they didn’t like one of her coats and that she was thrifting a lot lately. Which, as much as I love her blog, she does tend to justify buying a lot since it’s thrifted and cheap. I didn’t find it to be particularly nasty, more like constructive criticism.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      I’m staying away from all threads and forums but I would say she probably felt very hurt that it wasn’t a comment on the blog and something done behind her back so to speak.

      Reply
  4. Dominique

    The internet is truly a wonderful and a horrible place. You have to tread carefully so as not to step on a troll once in a while.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Tell me about it.

      Reply
  5. Erika

    Not going to lie, I do keep up with a few threads on GOMI and comment every once in a great while (my comments are typically positive in support of bloggers that I like). I actually stumbled across that forum when I began to notice that the lifestyles that some bloggers were portraying didn’t seem to add up. While I think that many of the people on GOMI are mean hateful women, I am also thankful for much of the insight into the world of blogging that I gained. Before GOMI, I had no clue what affiliate links were or how they work. I don’t particularly care who gets the commission from my online shopping, though I will admit that I’m more likely to make a purchase through a link from a blogger I particularly like. A lot of blogging practices are downright dishonest and unethical and for this reason, I’m thankful for the things I learned from GOMI.

    Reply
    1. Jaime

      I learned of these things without being on GOMI. This isn’t just exclusive knowledge to GOMI. I think GOMI is just a spiteful forum. Just basically a bunch of jealous women that are jealous of successful bloggers. They just would rather whine about other women instead of work hard at being successful themselves. It’s easier to complain than work.

      Reply
      1. Erika

        Eh, I’m not a blogger so my incentive to learn about affiliate links and how taxes work for bloggers and all the comped things they receive isn’t high enough to actually go and research the fundamentals of it all in much depth.
        There’s a lot of constructive criticism on GOMI, but unfortunately you have to wade through a lot of mean crap to find it, which is a shame.
        One thing that I really appreciate about Sherry and most of the other bloggers that I follow is how responsive they are to those who comment on their social media networks, even if we don’t always share the same point of view.

        Reply
        1. save. spend. splurge.

          We don’t have to agree on everything 🙂 we have to be open to everyone’s viewpoint because there is always another side of the story. Took me 10 years (and still working on it) to be that open

          Reply
    2. save. spend. splurge.

      That’s an interesting point about not knowing how all of that works. I cover that in my book Start a blog like a boss: How to make money that I am about to launch.

      I had no idea about any of that either until I researched it, but I didn’t necessarily use GOMI to learn about it.

      It is nice to hear it is positive at least, in your experience. I have not even bothered to go there because I do not want to get sucked into a spiral of self-loathing and doubt from a single negative comment (which stupidly negates ALL positive ones, right?)

      Reply
      1. Erika

        I definitely agree with that and my view on the subject might be completely different if I was a blogger myself.

        Reply
        1. Jaime

          Hey Erika at least you didn’t attack me. Thanks for stating your views diplomatically. I appreciate it. =)

          Reply
        2. save. spend. splurge.

          I think it is hard to be in another persons shoes no matter what. I do think over the years my skin has gotten slightly thicker but I’m still vulnerable like anyone else.

          Reply
  6. Jaime

    That’s why Twitter is dying! Twitter trolls are the worst and Twitter is their troll kingdom. However people that have a differing opinion but don’t throw insults are also called trolls. On the CNN Facebook page I wrote why I voted for Donald Trump and immediately got attacked. I never attacked anyone, just was stating why I voted for him when so many people were wondering why he won.

    I ended up deleting that comment because I didn’t want to keep getting attacked. I didn’t cry on my iPhone about it but you know just found it annoying you can’t express a simple differing opinion without people hating on you. Not sure what is happening to this world where people gotta be so hateful.

    P.S. I’m one of your older readers from your previous blogs but you wrote a good-bye post and posted a link to this blog. It wasn’t hard to find you! 😉

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      True, haters gonna hate. I don’t like Trump but I do respect that people have their own voting rights, as pointed out by Kathy (a frequent commenter) on this page. She made good points about how Clinton wasn’t so hot either. I just personally don’t like Trump with what he has said, marketing or not.

      HAHA! Not many people read the post I think or saw the link because they just skimmed the title, more than likely. 🙂

      Reply
      1. Jaime

        It was a vote out of fear more than anything else. BTW, as a fan and when appropriate to my own lifestyle I will use *some* affiliate links, and buy some of their products for things I’d generally buy anyway or want to try.

        It’s my way of supporting people that I enjoy reading. The more successful someone is the more it annoys the trolls. The old adage is true, success is the best revenge, and nothing annoys trolls more than to see people they loathe still succeed.

        Reply
        1. save. spend. splurge.

          That’s true. The best revenge is success.

          Reply
  7. Stephanie

    I started to follow Adina as a result of your referral.
    I also find it difficult to understand people who can only get pleasure from actually abusing other people. I am fairly sure they have not produced a site themselves offering up their own views and experiences. We seem to have entered a world where the only views some people want to hear are echoes of their own point of view.
    I would really miss both of you if you gave up your blogs and clearly lots of other readers feel the same way.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      I am glad to hear that. I have ZERO PLANS on scrapping this blog. It’s just too much fun and I’m an addict 😉

      Thank you for your support.

      Reply
  8. ArianaAuburn

    The art of “agreeing to disagree” is rapidly disappearing, and in it’s place is the illusion of anonymity through the internet. That shows that 1) trolls are technologically inept and 2) not raised right. I have resisted the temptation to spew venom through the internet and switched to straight-up spewing venom in person. Being direct shocks people, but at least people know that I am being honest. Blogs are opinions and everyone has one.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Agreed, it’s becoming sort of a problem. I try to avoid those forums where it feels toxic.

      Reply
  9. Kathy

    I’ve been to that web site and have to say that most of the commenters there seem to be toxic harpies. Sorry to trash a fellow (probably) woman but it is true. They seem to live to read their own awful comments. It apparently makes them feel superior or something but in actuality I suspect they live in a world filled with envy and insecurity. If I disagree with something a blogger has written, I say so in the comments section of that blog (I’ve actually done that once or twice on this very blog.) And if I find that I frequently get upset about something someone has written, I stop reading that blog. I simply don’t understand why people go to sites they dislike and then gripe about it.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Yes, and it is why you’re a valued commenter & reader (I have told you that right?) 🙂

      It is hard to eat criticism but to your credit, you’ve never been a troll. There’s a fine way to do it and you have!

      Reply
  10. raluca

    I wish people would learn from early childhood how to be able to express disagreement without being trolls. You can disagree with someone and still be able to converse with the other person, you don’t have to be an a-hole about it. Poor Adina!

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      She’s so sweet that it makes me very annoyed to have others bash her. Try starting a blog, I say… it isn’t easy.

      Reply
  11. Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life

    I remember seeing Adina’s tweet about that. Ugh. I simply don’t understand how and why people put the energy into being nice to your face so they can trash you behind your back. Are their lives really that small and limited? May they have all the toxic joy THAT gives. *eyeroll* I’d like to think my blog friends are mature adults who stick around because they care and not because they’re noxious wastedumps.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Hey, speaking of which, ever since I stopped being a bigger blogger from my FB days, a lot of my “friends” have disappeared. Not you though 🙂 You’re loyal <3

      Reply
      1. Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life

        Huh, is that so? Being big or little in some random social circle shouldn’t figure into it. I mean, for me, a friend is a friend is a friend. Or not. It’s pretty simple.

        Reply
        1. save. spend. splurge.

          I know, but it has not been my experience which makes sense. People are fake. They just pretend not to be, to better their position.

          Reply

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