I am incensed right now.
I woke up this morning, dropped Baby Bun off at his playgroup and settled down to peruse through bookmarked articles & catch up on my favourite blogs, and then try to finish reviewing and formatting this ebook (I am aiming for end of November).
So here I am, set on a sunny day to start it off great, and I read Adina’s post over at Blue Collar Red Lipstick “Radio Silence“, and became all at once angry and sad:
“And then, a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon a corner of the internet where (some) people who regularly read this blog gather to anonymously air their views on my (and the blog’s) various faults.
Those include my being, among other things, a terribly dressed compulsive shopaholic with an undiscriminating penchant for outdated designer crap.
I simply cannot believe that people think that just because you’re behind a screen on the internet, you can throw out all of the tenets of basic human kindness, dignity and self-regulation, and decide to be a two-faced troll.
You are never ever truly Anonymous
I don’t know where people think they get off by using a different name, but I can tell you that IP addresses track everything, and the internet NEVER forgets.
Even if we didn’t use technical information to figure out who people are, just the way you write, your words, your style of speaking, scream out who you are.
For instance, I used to own two blogs which I sold a few years ago to get out of the blog game, and people who have managed to find me on this new blog, have emailed me (or commented) said:
I read a post, and immediately knew it was you. I’m so happy you’re blogging again.
It is easy to figure out who is who on the Internet with a little digging.
I know who you are.
I know for certain there are trolls who regularly read this blog and trash me behind my back, using anonymous Twitter accounts, while pretending to be friends with me.
They trash everything I do from how I spend my money, how I save (or don’t), what I buy, how strongly feminist I am, and whatever else they think is funny in to them.
This is a warning: You are fooling no one, least of all me.
You don’t have to like everything people post on the internet
Style bloggers in particular, have it the worst. They post out there what they think are interesting looks, to try and give inspiration (or get it!) from others, and to share in an open, positive, communal manner.
Then they run up against trolls, bashing their body, their outfits, their hair, makeup, style, and goodness knows what else.
Adina is not the first, and sadly, will not be the last.
I am sure every single person out there who has a style blog or posts their outfits anywhere online, has been trolled, guaranteed.
The thing is.. you don’t have to like everything anyone posts.
You have the option to OPT OUT of any and all of this.
You have the power to decide to STOP reading a blog if you don’t like that person.
Exercise that right, and put your energies towards some place more constructive and positive rather than sitting around, bashing people you don’t really know.
Would you ever say such things to someone to their face if you met them? If you saw how nice and friendly they are? Would you feel badly then, if you knew they were a real person with feelings?
Trolls are insecure & need to grow up
I believe this more than ever now, that trolls are insecure.
They’re insecure that no one likes them, so they spend time bashing people to put them down and feel a sense of community with other similarly insecure trolls.
What’s the point?
Grow up. Only children do this.
It is one thing to be critical of someone and to say so, and it is also perfectly natural (as I have experienced it before), to be angry, hurt and insulted by said criticism (no matter how nicely put, the truth does sometimes sting, although much needed).
But it is a whole other thing to criticize and meanly bash someone with as Adina has so eloquently put it, with no chance of a dialogue or discussion about why it has rubbed them the wrong way.
Ignorance is bliss
I actively ignore sewer pits, you know, forums like GOMI where people “anonymously” talk about other people (what is this, high school?).
I don’t want to know, and don’t need to know if people are bashing me in emails, private conversations, and laughing about it.
Ignorance in my case, is bliss because it is my life, and not theirs because they don’t have one.
I’m too busy with my own endeavours, and there’s no need to wallow in negativity even if it is to make yourself feel better for a short period of time.
I’m sorry that it happened, but I am even sorrier that Adina, one of the nicest, most helpful women I have had the pleasure of connecting with online, and certainly a rock during some of my lowest times right after I had Baby Bun, had to experience that.
It hurts, you know.
I do hope you’ll take some time, if you are a reader of Adina’s to pop over on her blog Blue Collar Red Lipstick, or connect with her and tell her how much you enjoy her posts.
It might sound stupid, like: “hey why should she care about some rando reader like me telling her I enjoy her blog?”… but it does matter, more than you think.