In response to the last two negative troll comments (you know who you are) on my post about Self Care Lists being full of horse #$(#%(, kindly stop reading my blog then.
“She’s been so negative lately“
I don’t need to give excuses, but you anonymous trolls have to give me a break here.
Ironically, I don’t need YOU nor YOUR negativity. This month has been a terrible one for me.
Partly, yes because my Instagram got deleted because I worked so goddamn hard on that account to build it from scratch to 18.5K followers (if anyone has ever tried to do this, you will know exactly what I am talking about at how hard it is to get followers, even getting 100 people is difficult).
But mostly because I am also dealing with personal stuff I am not airing on the blog
So get off my back. Half of it is COVID-19 related, and the stress of having to try and get medical exemptions for my loved ones, the other half is dealing with family abroad when I am unable to go back
So kindly, give me some grace to be negative and to rant, because this is MY blog after all, or fk off and stop reading.
Also, I have not been 100% negative lately
So I don’t even know where you get off from that unless you’re from my Instagram page and seeing I am not posting on there as often in my new, second-interim account.
My latest posts on here?
About whether or not people know how to manage money in your family, how to wear a tailored white shirt, outfit posts, and which is basic stuff I always write about.
Furthermore, this post was ONE GODDAMN RANT I WROTE 4 MONTHS AGO that I scheduled for today, and you come and breathe down my throat about being negative? I have posts scheduled until the end of the year. Do you realize how much work that is?
You need to realize I am a person, ONE PERSON running all of this, and I have feelings, and a life to boot.
I am not thinking: Oh is this negative? Should I not post it? Am I going to offend some anonymous trolls?
… because the stuff that is really too negative, you don’t see, gets trashed. I don’t post it. But this stuff, I think is important and should get posted especially for women. I’m actually surprised anyone pushed back on it.
You can also NICELY tell me in ANY email or message on Instagram that you are concerned that things are going sideways for me because you’ve noticed a negative tone in my posts, or perceived one, instead of FKING ATTACKING ME.
If you want a blog that’s superficial fluff, this is not it
I am not going to just not talk about this stuff that makes me angry as a woman because I feel like it is something we SHOULD have a discussion about.
So why am I so angry about these self-care lists?
Because they don’t deal with the heart of what should really matter to women.
Let’s pawn them off on some self-care lists about pedicures (which I love), donating items (which I do), and taking care of themselves with superficial things.
1) Why don’t men have to do this?
Reader Anne, in the comments has brought up a great point I did not consider – that emotional support and help has been a great thing to consider in terms of mental health. I like her approach to that, AND I like her encouragement that BOTH MEN and women should do it.
My problem is more of: Why aren’t men being asked to look at their own emotional health and self-care?
Why are women the only ones being asked to do this?
To look inside ourselves to see if we can “take care of ourselves” when in fact, it’s doing things that are scratching the surface of superficiality in terms of actually getting your life together, versus just patching it over with a nice hot bath and a good book and so on.
Show me a men’s magazine that says: “SELF CARE FOR MEN” that includes emotional well-being and changes as Reader Anne has suggested, and I will change my tune.
2) Women have the deck stacked against them in life
We live longer.
We have to take on the burden of childcare by default.
We take on eldercare also by default.
We earn less.
We are marginalized in society as women.
We are discriminated against, especially as women of colour.
… AND NOWHERE ON THESE SELF-CARE LISTS have I ever seen things like:
- Learn about how to take care of your investments at a basic level
- Learn about money management
- Learn about financial independence
- Learn about career negotiation and here is a salary database to help you ask for more money
….and I am the one getting s#%* for bringing this up?
These self-care lists are fine. They’re just always the same lists, over and over again, tweaked with small changes about skin, body, health, emotional and whatever care.
ALL OF THAT IS FINE.
It’s just that I NEVER see a self-care list that actually HELPS your self, like managing your money, or with REAL tasks like organizing your life or meal planning that can help remove the stress from your daily life.
I only see stuff that gets rehashed and repeated in women’s lists, and it bothered me enough to say something about it.
This is what I do. It’s my blog.
(Don’t need to announce your departure either, this isn’t an airport).