Get the fk off my blog then.
In response to the last two negative troll comments (you know who you are) on my post about Self Care Lists being full of horse #$(#%(, kindly stop reading my blog then.
“She’s been so negative lately“
I don’t need to give excuses, but you anonymous trolls have to give me a break here.
Ironically, I don’t need YOU nor YOUR negativity. This month has been a terrible one for me.
Partly, yes because my Instagram got deleted because I worked so goddamn hard on that account to build it from scratch to 18.5K followers (if anyone has ever tried to do this, you will know exactly what I am talking about at how hard it is to get followers, even getting 100 people is difficult).
But mostly because I am also dealing with personal stuff I am not airing on the blog
So get off my back. Half of it is COVID-19 related, and the stress of having to try and get medical exemptions for my loved ones, the other half is dealing with family abroad when I am unable to go back
So kindly, give me some grace to be negative and to rant, because this is MY blog after all, or fk off and stop reading.
Also, I have not been 100% negative lately
So I don’t even know where you get off from that unless you’re from my Instagram page and seeing I am not posting on there as often in my new, second-interim account.
My latest posts on here?
About whether or not people know how to manage money in your family, how to wear a tailored white shirt, outfit posts, and which is basic stuff I always write about.
Furthermore, this post was ONE GODDAMN RANT I WROTE 4 MONTHS AGO that I scheduled for today, and you come and breathe down my throat about being negative? I have posts scheduled until the end of the year. Do you realize how much work that is?
You need to realize I am a person, ONE PERSON running all of this, and I have feelings, and a life to boot.
I am not thinking: Oh is this negative? Should I not post it? Am I going to offend some anonymous trolls?
… because the stuff that is really too negative, you don’t see, gets trashed. I don’t post it. But this stuff, I think is important and should get posted especially for women. I’m actually surprised anyone pushed back on it.
You can also NICELY tell me in ANY email or message on Instagram that you are concerned that things are going sideways for me because you’ve noticed a negative tone in my posts, or perceived one, instead of FKING ATTACKING ME.
If you want a blog that’s superficial fluff, this is not it
I am not going to just not talk about this stuff that makes me angry as a woman because I feel like it is something we SHOULD have a discussion about.
So why am I so angry about these self-care lists?
Because they don’t deal with the heart of what should really matter to women.
Let’s pawn them off on some self-care lists about pedicures (which I love), donating items (which I do), and taking care of themselves with superficial things.
First off:
1) Why don’t men have to do this?
Reader Anne, in the comments has brought up a great point I did not consider – that emotional support and help has been a great thing to consider in terms of mental health. I like her approach to that, AND I like her encouragement that BOTH MEN and women should do it.
My problem is more of: Why aren’t men being asked to look at their own emotional health and self-care?
Why are women the only ones being asked to do this?
To look inside ourselves to see if we can “take care of ourselves” when in fact, it’s doing things that are scratching the surface of superficiality in terms of actually getting your life together, versus just patching it over with a nice hot bath and a good book and so on.
Show me a men’s magazine that says: “SELF CARE FOR MEN” that includes emotional well-being and changes as Reader Anne has suggested, and I will change my tune.
2) Women have the deck stacked against them in life
We live longer.
We have to take on the burden of childcare by default.
We take on eldercare also by default.
We earn less.
We are marginalized in society as women.
We are discriminated against, especially as women of colour.
… AND NOWHERE ON THESE SELF-CARE LISTS have I ever seen things like:
- Learn about how to take care of your investments at a basic level
- Learn about money management
- Learn about financial independence
- Learn about career negotiation and here is a salary database to help you ask for more money
….and I am the one getting s#%* for bringing this up?
These self-care lists are fine. They’re just always the same lists, over and over again, tweaked with small changes about skin, body, health, emotional and whatever care.
ALL OF THAT IS FINE.
It’s just that I NEVER see a self-care list that actually HELPS your self, like managing your money, or with REAL tasks like organizing your life or meal planning that can help remove the stress from your daily life.
I only see stuff that gets rehashed and repeated in women’s lists, and it bothered me enough to say something about it.
This is what I do. It’s my blog.
(Don’t need to announce your departure either, this isn’t an airport).
18 Comments
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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
100% agree with you. And I respond, because I care. To not respond means I don’t care, and sometimes I don’t bother, but other times, people say things that I feel strongly about and feel the need to clarify.
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C
I saw an article recently (so it must be true!) that self-help/wellness for men tends to orient toward “biohacking.” I can well believe this… “optimized” funky diets and fitness regimes. Not sure I’ve seen it in listicle form though. These types of things don’t help get your life together, but exercise can help with anxiety and depression. Obviously good nutrition is also helpful, though I’m not sure all of the fad diets (keto! gluten free!) are necessarily good nutrition.
I’m sorry you’re going through frustrating times right now. Hang in there as best you can! And maybe do a little extra yoga practice if you can fit it in because physical activity really is productive. If I recall correctly the effect size is equivalent to psychotropic meds, but with much better side effects.
Stay true to yourself — relentless positivity is boring and a lie…. yet another form of emotional labor.-
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
Thank you. I have actually not been doing as much yoga as before just because of the stress – I kind of went into a shell, and haven’t been able to come out of it until about now. I am trying to redirect / focus on other things, do some yoga to feel strong again (that has helped my confidence in the past, knowing I can do certain poses or certain flows), and so on.
I think until you’ve written and REALLY put yourself out there, not just always posting positivity, no one knows what it feels like to be judged by anonymous strangers, even if they are below your consideration and trolls. It’s useless negativity.
And I agree – constant positivity is a lie. Everyone gets down sometimes, and seeing people constantly win (like now, for me, I am going through this), is making me really down because I don’t feel like I am there, so I judge myself pretty harshly as it is.
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Gail
Your blog is the most intelligent one I’ve read. We have very different ages, lives, etc., but I find your writing stimulating. Kep on going for smart readers!
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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
I’m passionate, I think is the best way I can describe it. I care a lot. I care about women being independent, smart, and KNOWLEDGEABLE so they aren’t blindsided. I maybe care too much, but .. I can’t help it. No point in writing if there’s no fire.
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maureen
Rooting for you to get your IG back. I miss it.
& Sorry that that happened to you after so much work you’ve put in. It sucks big time.
You are such an inspiration. If people have nothing else to do than post crazy comments then there is definitely something wrong in their lives, why else would you waste your time.All of this shall pass 🙂
And yesss, focus on little bun and amazing outfits 🙂 🙂 🙂 !
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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
Thank you. I am still posting on the blog like I always do. I am scheduled to the end of the year, but have started posting outfits daily too to make up for IG 🙂
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Elisa
I don’t think you are negative Sherry. In fact, you are an amazing and insightful young lady with many talents. and accomplishments. While I normally don’t comment—I’m senior and a 24/7 caretaker with a bit too much in my life, now complicated by the pandemic—I am always surprised at your creativity in the topics you cover.
People who criticize only without giving a positive alternative solution are not worthy of being listened to—they got a problem, and must not feel too good about themselves. Keep doing what you are doing. These are difficult times, and you provide insightful discussions that are current, and can make all of us smarter, despite our age!-
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
It’s human nature to hear one negative comment, and then discount the thousands of other positive comments. I have to work on holding onto the positives.
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Anna
You give too much time and energy to people that you perceive to “attack” you. Feedback on what you share publicly online does not equal a “troll” or “hater”. You have to have a thick skin to put your work out there (I too have a popular blog) and it seems the feeback you get from people causes you a lot of distress. Learn to let things go and you will be happier for it. If you are not “Sherry Sunshine”, you can’t expect all of the feedback you get to be 100% positive either. If you call others out online, you have to expect it back. Of course no one on Instagram will say this, since they see you putting people who do other than praise you on blast. I’m not a troll or a “hater” – just a reader.
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Anne
I don’t agree with you, Anna. Just because some people behave badly on the Internet doesn’t mean that we should expect or accept it. Feedback can be given in a respectful way. Personally, I try not to write what I wouldn’t be able to say in person to a colleague or a neighbour, for example.
I do not always agree with Sherry, but I really appreciate that she is not afraid of showing the actual person with feelings and strong opinions behind these posts. Sherry seems to believe that most people are good and able to change since she bothers reacting on bad behaviour and writes about the things she thinks could be better in the world. It may require more energy than being cynical and just brushing off the negative comments or only writing about harmless topics, but that’s the reason I follow this blog. Plus the fab styling she does 🙂
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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
Thank you Anne. I do actually seriously feel like people are all good, deep down inside. It’s just the internet and anonymity that makes us do or feel stupid things in a petty way, just to hurt someone whom we don’t know. If it was someone we did know, we’d likely think twice.
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StackingCash
The side effect of getting famous on social media will be the onslaught of trolls…
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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
I hardly think of myself as ‘famous’ which is what makes all of this kind of ridiculous to me 🙂
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eemusings
Ugh ugh ugh. F- that noise.
Sorry you’re dealing with so much offline. 2020 is … just let it end already. And I’m gutted that your IG is no more 🙁
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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
My IG is just on hiatus I hope. Could take a month to come back, coming up on week 2….
And as for offline stress, I am going to try and focus on what I can control – getting an English certificate for Little Bun so I can homeschool in English.
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Jennifer Lawrence
I’m sorry for the trolls. They suck. I’ve been there. People seem to think they can see a snippet of your life via your blog and that’s the whole picture. I’m actually working on the “self-care” section of my book and am glad to say it’s not fluffy: shedding toxic people, establishing firm boundaries, getting smart about money, learning to ask for help. I’d say that telling the troll to take a leap would qualify too! Keep on keeping on: I adore your blog. Xx