In Discussions, Discussions, Life, Money

These self-care lists for women are complete horse$&@!

I have yet to see a self-care list directed towards women that includes anything properly adult and difficult.

Take for instance this one:

Try gratitude journaling

Volunteer for a cause you care about

Make plans with someone you haven’t seen in a while

Have a self-care night, no phones allowed

Write a letter to your future self

Schedule a friends giving

Donate clothes you haven’t worn in ages

Say “I love you” when you feel it

Are you kidding me right now?

None of these items are terrible. They are all good, but this is pure fluff. Pure, female-targeted fluff by society because they don’t want to really get into the stuff that you should do

A man’s self-care list if one even existed would not say any of these items on there.

Not. A. Single. One.

Can you imagine a men’s list talking about writing a letter to your future self? Or scheduling a friendsgiving? It is more likely to say things like – get your project files in order for your upcoming employee review, or make sure your investment portfolio is solid.


Women’s self care lists NEVER talk about career or money.

I have yet to see a list say:

List out your accomplishments for the year from work so that you can crush your employee review

OR

Review your budget before the holidays so you stay on track and don’t overspend

OR

You have 60 days left – make those days count to finish the year off with a stronger net worth by investing your cash and reviewing your portfolios to rebalance them

OR

Get your tax slips and receipts in order so that tax season isn’t a frazzled rush

I’ll be waiting for that day but I won’t hold my breath.

Society only lets women’s magazines focus on the fluff because it is easy.

It is easy to tell them to write a gratitude journal to be thankful for what they already have.

Much easier than telling them to get their financial $&@! in order so that they can have real stuff like a killer net worth and solid savings to be thankful about.

I want self-care items that don’t tell me to be happy and grateful for what I have and distracting me from actually taking care of myself, my career, my money and my life.

Self-Care is just a business

Everything stems from money and how happy we are with our situation.

If we are poor, all we can think about is how to get out of it.

Writing a gratitude journal might help but know what helps more? MONEY.

If we are making money but feel like we are being left behind, it can cause anxiety and stress, and if self-care is REALLY all about removing that part of in your life, so why aren’t w talking about our money money?

I want self-care items on this list that’ll push me to have MORE things organized and to be grateful for, like having my taxes organized for the next year so I’m not frazzled.

Stop giving me things and reasons to be complacent, and give me things that will be useful and practical.

My self care list for November?

https://www.instagram.com/p/B4V5ob6HqMn/?igshid=a8qpa9wgvu3n

I’d also add on there –

Review your holiday budget to make sure you won’t overspend and regret it in the new year.

Don’t forget that you only have 60 days to save and max out your retirement accounts as much as possible to get tax benefits, so go easy on the gifts and treat your future self to a big fat retirement account instead.

There.

Follow my list. You’ll end up sexier, happier and less stressed. Guaranteed.

I am ALL ABOUT SELF CARE. I cannot scream this loud enough that I take plenty of time away from my son and just go to a cafe to veg and scroll on Instagram or read a book.

This is not my issue — my issue is never seeing on these lists, a true self-care tip like taking care of your money so that it takes care of you.

At least on one list, I’d like to see: Review your budget and expenses.

What are some of your self-care tips?

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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

Am my own Sugar Daddy. Am a millionaire at 36 after getting out of $60K of student debt in 18 months, a little over a decade earlier, using TheBudgetingTool.com. I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K with an average lifetime savings rate of 50%. I have 11 side incomes that are on track in 2020 to make me $50K - $75K. I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I am all about balance - between time and money, and also enjoying my money. I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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22 Comments

  1. Vivian

    100% agree!!! You’re not negative and don’t listen to these trolls. All that stuff is fluff and is what keeps women behind. Financial independence is a critical path to increasing your self worth. Everything else – connecting with nature, oils, whatever other crap they feed women is just surface BS. And it’s eats all your income. Every single woman I know that practices this BS type of self care is constantly unhappy and it’s a crappy vicious cycle.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      It’s all well and good to do these things – I indulge now in at home pedicures, I read, I do yoga… but none of that solves the actual problems that lurk underneath that cause you enough stress that you need self care lists.

      Reply
  2. Minh Thuy

    Hmm….self care self care. Lots of opinions regarding this. Self care looks different for everyone but I do lean towards the one that would actually make a difference in my life and the once you featured from the Instagram post is just like….not me.

    I do practice gratitude but I don’t write it down.
    I dont’ volunteer but I donate money to something I care about – but I wouldn’t call it self care but reminding myself to maintain an abundance mindset and help others.
    I wouldn’t probably never really write a letter to my future self unless it’s a goals list to achieve for my future self lol.

    And the rest of it is just meh…like donating clothes to charity? How is that self care, maybe a to do list item for the day
    As some others have mentioned, self care is getting enough sleep…

    For me personally it would also include
    – spending money on health (because your health is priceless), not just physical but mental so the massage can be included if needed
    – continuous education and learning, professionally especially when it can potentially lead to a pay rise
    – spendinng money/learning about investments because you want to make money work for you too
    – paying off any consumer debts, so you don’t owe anyone anything
    – setting time aside to to exercise regularly and eat healthily (meal preparation)
    – saying ‘no’ to things/activities/over commitment
    – spending money on things for yourself when you’ve hit all your monthly etc goals financially goals. I think I’ve recently bought a nice pair of wireless ear phones so that I can enjoy on my long walks listening to audiobooks/music/podcasts or buying a training program from an online PT/coach so I can do properly planned workouts at home to improve my health. Things that will help improve my quality of life or myself as a person.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Health is a great one – I think we really don’t consider our teeth for instance as a self-care situation. I know a lot of people who discount the dentist, etc.

      Continuous learning is another great one – I love your ideas.

      Reply
  3. Megan (@agitlsgottacode)

    Oh Sherry, I love you 😍 just a random fandom comment lol

    Reply
  4. Corianne

    My issue mostly with these kinds of lists is that it implies a “right” way to do self-care, and perhaps some people end up doing these things feeling they should feel better but they don’t.

    I get much happier and relaxed when I take care of small nagging tasks, sort my papers, make sure my house is inviting to me, journal my thoughts out on paper to clear my mind… but also: decide when NOT to do something. that last one is powerful.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      I say “Yes” to too much, for sure. I do agree with you – not everyone finds a pedicure relaxing for instance. I happen to like it, but dislike manicures… as an example.

      Reply
  5. Alice

    Yess, I feel this message so much. I was never a fan of all those posts encouraging women to indulge and self-pamper without a solid explanation on how self-care works. Even the most basic act, such as organizing my art pieces, can be self-care. Showcasing my hard work does so much for my mental state because of what it means to me. My favorite activities involve taking care of my present/future self and reminding myself of my past accomplishments. ie. picking up peaches to help myself eat healthy, looking over my balance and reminding myself i’m doing well, contacting a friend and keeping the connection fresh. It’s a great idea to come up with your own list.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      The idea of eating healthy is a good one – that one really does help you mental state if you aren’t cramming junk down your throat, but also, doing yoga.

      Reply
  6. YouRAnon SoAmI

    This post is the most negative one yet. Firstly you are wrong – but I’m sure you don’t like to hear that. Why are women told they are wrong, why not men? Men are told all the time, they simply don’t give a damn.
    Your research is faulty, every men’s magazine has self-care articles.
    Secondly, self-care matters a lot – research shows women need it more than men because which guy will work and take care of the home? Women will generally try to be superhero’s and their sanity goes to hell.
    Which man has said – hey, I’m going to do everything ?
    Third- self care is an avenue to sell products. Men respond to it as much as women and the abundant articles targeting guys shows it.
    Fourth – self care is important – gratitude has the power to change negativity. Applies to men , women and anyone in between.

    Lastly – why so negative? Your stuff was good before, but every article is you bashing something or someone. The stuff people do under the cloak of anonymity is bad.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Eye roll. GTFO my blog then.

      Reply
    2. just a thought

      I have to agree with you, Youranon – I feel like she in in some negative spiral or something, perhaps because her Instagram got deleted and whatever drama is happening around that. These posts come across so negative and mean spirited. Perhaps that’s why her Instagram was deleted, some of what she posts reads as bullying 🙁 I’m all for people disagreeing and having discourse around that but a lot of these posts are just a downer and I feel like they’re just to attacking others rather than prove her points. I’m not really learning from them anymore.

      Reply
        1. just a thought

          Ok, I will. I found your blog through the Farnoosh Tobari podcast and thought you had interesting money strategies and you seemed so soft spoken…You’re really different and rude on your social media.

          Reply
  7. Anne

    Btw, my self care tips are: sleep enough, keep contact with your friends and family (unless they are bad for you, of course) and, especially when stressed, go for walks in the nature/a park. Then you’ll have the energy and clear mind to plan your future and act on those plans.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Those I’d agree with – but they’re not really self care to me, as they are common sense.

      Reply
  8. Maria

    Yes, emotional support rather than practical advice seems to be applied to women more than to men. Piff and paff!

    I think lots of people (in general) are not used to planning and adapting and should get more help in that:) but I love your specific plans and actions, I tend to do this at the beginning of the year, I had to change it mid way because of COVID but I definitely had an avantage already.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Emotional support is not to be discounted, but why is it only directed at women?

      Reply
  9. Anne

    There’s nothing wrong with taking care of one’s financial situation, but I disagree with you for saying this kind of self care lists are female fluff. If anything, they should be directed to men as well! (although I have no idea what a friends giving is…)

    This summer I did the Yale University’s course The Science of Well-Being https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being/ According to the course, studies show that “fluff” such as gratitude, social connections and random acts of kindness actually increase happiness, and that many things people often think will make them happier, like good grades, status and money (after a certain, surprisingly low limit), do not have that effect. I warmly recommend that course to anyone, male or female or other.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Hmm. I think what I take the most offence to is that it’s all directed at women, and at the superficial. It doesn’t talk about anything that would change the actual root cause of such stresses. It wasn’t an example, but the way I see it is that instead of let’s say, taking care of your finances and learning how to invest, they suggest you go get a pedicure to ‘calm down’ your stress….. that is likely caused from you not investing let’s say. Or anything PRACTICAL that can help organize your life so that you aren’t so stressed out about bills, appointments and feeling like you’re juggling it all.

      ALL the self-care lists I have read thus far, have ZERO notes on practical things to change your life for the better. It’s about the superficial. I have never yet come across a self-care list that says: “Do your pedicure while listening to a money podcast”.

      Reply
    2. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      And to your point — you’re right. Emotional support is important, but why is it only directed at women? Where are the self-care lists for men?

      Reply

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