In Career, Discussions, Discussions, Life, Parenting, Salary, Women

If men were the ones to get pregnant and give birth, like seahorses, the world would be so different

Seriously.

If men were the ones to get pregnant and give birth, they would not be saying the shizz they’re saying in the comments on this post about how a Toronto coder heard executives lament over hiring young women because they’ll just get pregnant over and over again.

She said the men were in the 50-plus age range and very well-dressed.

She said that their loud remarks, with little heed of who was nearby, made her question if they had been drinking but she saw no evidence of alcohol.

Ms Kirkham told MailOnline on Wednesday that her anger grew as she listened to the men explain that they would hire ‘mature’ women who were not likely to have more children.

She said: ‘They said that women needed to take more breaks and longer holidays due to ”work-family stress”.’

The execs also named specific women in their department who they were ‘anticipating to take time off to have children’ in the next few years, Ms Kirkham said.

The two men were then joined by a woman, believed to be a colleague, who nodded along in agreement at their misogynistic diatribe.

seahorse-animal-swim

The saddest thing about all of this is that other people are AGREEING that they wouldn’t hire young women because they get pregnant and go on maternity leave.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2703035/Coder-livetweets-sexist-remarks-allegedly-IBM-executives.html

Look at how many likes he got for that comment!!

“Best person for the job”, my ass.

.. then they wonder why women hide their pregnancy until the last minute and are in fear of telling their bosses they will be going on maternity leave.

THE SOLUTION?

If companies made it inclusive and encouraged people to have children and take time off to be with them (fathers included), MAYBE, just MAYBE you wouldn’t have women lying about being pregnant.

You could work with women who are thinking of becoming pregnant, or who are pregnant and with 8 months to go, and get them to transition their duties off to others around them for the time being, or work out a part-time work-from-home situation after a month or three with a newborn.

Women who want to work shouldn’t be penalized in their careers for wanting children, and we ARE half of the human race (not to mention the gender that gave birth to you), so why not find a solution instead of trying to penalize us for having the biological parts to create life?

We didn’t choose our gender, and we didn’t choose to be born as girls, but even if we did, we shouldn’t have to apologize for it.

That’s the main crux of it all for me.

WHAT IF MEN HAD TO GET PREGNANT AND GIVE BIRTH?

If men had to get pregnant and give birth, the world would be so different. I’ll bet you all of these things would exist because men would be outraged that they don’t!

To name a few:

  • Company daycares so that mothers can come back to work earlier
  • Expectant mother parking spots at work
  • An empty room with a few chairs so that nursing mothers can pump at work to keep their milk supply up
  • Ramps, elevators and escalators EVERYWHERE for parents with strollers (this one is starting to frustrate me)
  • Generous maternity leave benefits (not so much in Canada, but in the U.S.)
  • No more backtalk about how she “let herself go” or “should be back to work within a month” after giving birth (you try it!)
  • Paternity leave would be accepted/mandatory so that the ‘parenthood’ penalty applies to BOTH genders career-wise

Instead, you get comments about how it’s an inconvenience for a woman to get pregnant and disrupt the flow of business.

This one REALLY gets my goat because where do they think they came from? A cabbage patch? A stork?

Do we say such things when healthy people get cancer and have to leave? Have to take a break because their body or their minds are giving out? Are dying?

Is it EVER acceptable to say these things when people are physically or mentally sick?

NO.

So why is it okay to say such things when women get pregnant to start a family?

To put it another way, do these executives at IBM have families? Would they want their wives to go through the same crap and not get hired for her abilities because she can just get pregnant and have kids?

Would they give up their children to have careers?

What if they were the ones who had to spend 9 months waddling around, getting stretch marks, sleeping constantly, vomiting and feeling like something is fighting to get out of you? I’ll bet you they’d bitch a lot more and be a lot more outraged that people aren’t accommodating them.

Then if they had to spend the next 3 months (at a minimum) taking care of a newborn instead of just leaving their stay at home wives to do it, and whistle while hopping off on a plane to travel for the entire week and get a good night’s sleep, I’ll bet you they’d STFU.

This kind of insensitivity really bothers me because I am a working mother now, and I had wanted to start work as early as 3 months after having Baby Bun (locally of course). I am not popping out children just to avoid working, but if I were an employee, am I supposed to put my personal life on hold for a company?

SHAME on you IBM. What you need are more women executives (who are mothers) at the top to combat against this crap.

..and shame on that older lady for nodding along. I’ll bet you she was childless and/or trying to stay on their good side by agreeing with them publicly.

 

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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

Am my own Sugar Daddy. Am a millionaire at 36 after getting out of $60K of student debt in 18 months, a little over a decade earlier, using TheBudgetingTool.com. I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K with an average lifetime savings rate of 50%. I have 11 side incomes that are on track in 2020 to make me $50K - $75K. I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I am all about balance - between time and money, and also enjoying my money. I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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13 Comments

  1. deneb

    if men are the ones getting pregnant and giving birth and can only do it one time since giving birth would completely decimate their dicks, or do csection then the human race would be extinct..

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      MM hmm.. was talking more philosophically about the 9 month pregnancy, then the childcare aspect of being expected to be the one to take care of the offspring.

      Reply
  2. neurosciency

    yup, i totally agree with this post. (and if only! haha!)

    Reply
  3. SarahN

    It’s for this reason, I look to move boss’ in the new future. The one I’m formally under now does NOT have an empathetic bone in his body! Alas, with the restructure, it looks both possible and ideal for me – as I can then move offices, do the same role, and walk, run or scooter to work (~10mins), rather than walk-train-walk (~40-50mins). Alas, until the roles are advertised, we’re in an interim structure, and they want to move my office FURTHER away from work. I don’t want to be a whiny so and so, but adding up to half an hour each way to my commute, for no more pay, for an indeterminate period (til the advertised roles), whilst more or less keeping my current portfolio of work and adding more… yikes. Sorry to vent.

    I think they are thankful I’m not yet married, so presumably babies aren’t imminent. The BF agrees. Me, I’d have a baby tomorrow if I feel pregnant 😀

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Oh dear.. you would definitely need to switch jobs. IT would be too much for you to handle, considering what you’re dealing with right now.

      Reply
  4. NZ Muse

    I’ve never asked my mother what it was like to give birth. I think I’m afraid of what the answer might be.

    One of my good friends in high school had an absolutely tiny mother and when she had her second kid (my friend’s half sister) my friend said it literally widened her hips by a few inches afterwards. Not sure how that works or if it’s true…

    T’s family breed like rabbits and all the women seem to have easy births. Not sure how much sympathy I’ll get from them (male or female).

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Yes it could be true that you get wider hips or a torso from childbirth. I think that even if the pregnancy was easy the recovery is still something new plus being a new parent is hard.

      Reply
  5. ArianaAuburn

    I don’t expect anything less from the company that worked with German and US concentration camps during WWII. The sad part is that the company wants machines, not human beings to work for it. It’s getting time to clean that old house and put in some new blood (or just close its doors).

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      I get that they have to be efficient but it is really galling to hear how unsympathetic they are and sexist/ageist towards young women. I’m a young woman in my childbearing years and I chose to have kids but many don’t…. Yet does it matter? Should it?! I’m good at my job regardless of my biological capabilities.

      Reply
  6. Melanie @ My Alternate Life

    Wow, that conversation is horrible! I can tell you that if men had children, we’d live in a very, very different world. And they’d act like they were heroes and maybe our society would actually appreciate the work that mothers currently do. Those comments are the worst!

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      If they’d just go through half the stresses women do, they’d be sympathetic

      Reply
    2. save. spend. splurge.

      For pregnancy I mean…

      Reply

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