This.. this.. article just.. stirred up all sorts of feelings and reactions in me that I cannot even begin to untangle.
It basically talks about how an unmarried woman (before the age of 30) in China can find a husband.
Coles Notes version of the article:
- The ratio is 114 boys to 100 girls — and guys are picky because….!?!?!?!
- Anyone past the age of 30 is too old (omfg)
- Women can’t be smart if they are beautiful
- You can be smart, but only if you are not attractive
- You can’t be smart and beautiful – you’d be a mistress
- You have to pretend to be a Madonna for dates – buttoned up sweaters, demure laughs & smiles
- No opinions allowed
- You can be accomplished as long as you don’t outrank your future husband’s accomplishments
- You have to be willing to ignore extramarital affairs after you’re married
- You have to learn how to act like a petulant child to get what you want so that when you whine and wheedle your man into doing what you want, he feels more like a man when he gives in
The worst quote of the entire article? I read this and visibly flinched:
“We like our wives to be yogurts,” says a 35-year old Chinese investment banker. “Plain yogurts, so that we can flavour them as we’d like.”
WOMEN ARE BEING COMPARED TO YOGHURTS?
I can’t even begin to….
So what these guys seem to want, are pretty, “low-maintenance”, women who will turn a blind eye to infidelities, and will just pop out babies, be a good stay-at-home wife, and let the man take care of everything, along with saying “yes” to anything he says without ever challenging him.
This article just makes me even fiercer in my resolve to make sure that women understand that if they keep playing this game – pretending to be stupid on dates, making sure not to laugh or be too assertive, and to be some mouldable Barbie doll – they have to understand what they are giving up in exchange.
Liberty, independence, and freedom to be as you wish to be.
Not only that, the other point that struck me is how the women are expected to throw temper tantrums to get what they want.
I always wondered why I was witnessing some of these scenes of a woman stomping her foot like a child, giving a whiny sort of face and pretending to be a spoiled, petulant infant in front of their boyfriends.
I always thought to myself – goodness that doesn’t look attractive at all. If I were a guy, and I had my girlfriend throw this temper tantrum and pout and whine at me so that I give in, we would not be together for long.
…. but that is apparently an ACCEPTED, and DESIRED behaviour between the sexes so that men give in, and feel like a big generous man, and the woman is “taken care of”.
The f*ckery of this attitude being attractive is beyond my comprehension.
And they wonder why these woman are not going for such men…
I have plenty of friends who are marrying ANYONE but men in their culture, and I can see why.
I can also see the lashback they get from their parents and grandparents (and even random strangers giving them LOOKS on the street), when they walk around with someone not-of-their-colour-or-culture.
Why would you choose someone who wants to treat you like some yoghurt he can flavour?
(I still can’t get over that analogy.)
I also think it is sick for parents to expect and put so much pressure on their daughters to marry well. They already are well-established in their own right.
Why the heck would they need to marry well or be under such pressure if they can make their own money, provide for themselves and take care of their parents?
Sure, grandchildren are a blessing but you can have kids without a partner, no matter how weird or unconventional it seems.
Even men do this, no matter how rare just look at Cristiano Ronaldo who paid a surrogate to carry his son for him so that he could be a father. I think it is a wonderful thing to be a parent (single is damn hard though unless you’re filthy rich and can hire a fleet of hired help).
I just find it all so sad on all sides.
Guys expecting a “virginal, demure woman” (who are you kidding?), when they themselves do not need to or plan to play themselves out as being equally demure or modest.
Women being forced to downplay how incredible they are because they will not be able to catch a marriageable man as a result.
Parents who place all of their hopes on one child.
… these are all things that even I as a parent worry about, and it bothers me greatly when I see how differently women are being treated versus men as they age.
My son will likely face none of these issues, if any at all, but as a woman, and a young girl who was extremely fierce and independent from a young age (as my mother can attest to), I feel strongly about these kinds of matters.