Are men really more afraid of commitment?
I can’t figure it out.
This is a real-life situation and I know both of them individually. They’re now broken up, but I have heard both sides and I am sort of flabbergasted.
The guy is 43, the girl is 39. They were together for a year, and he broke it off because he cited different clashes in culture and so on.
WHAT THE GUY SAYS
Same stuff. You know. How she is so drop dead gorgeous, a curvy stacked woman EVERYONE lusts after (he strikes me as a chest guy because he seems to keep talking about how stacked women are), and he can’t get over how beautiful and great she is.
And yet.. they broke up.
In the ONE MONTH they have been apart since they have been apart after dating for OVER a year (it was getting serious), he has fooled around with 8 women, slept with 2, and is still hitting on me (indirectly).
I suspect a few things…
1. He wants to make the perfect choice.. sort of
He can’t just settle down and be done with a great woman who is amazing.
He needs to date, and see all the choices out there before committing to one person forever.
He even hits on other people while he is dating someone he is serious about. I mean.. it is a compulsion. I suspect he loves the chase more than anything and he loves turning a “No” into a “Yes”…
2. He is very focused on appearances
Okay, the woman is stacked, she’s got a banging’ bod, she’s a fitness model… WHO CARES?
Does she make you happy? Do you like talking to her?
Assume she’s no longer “hot”, will you still be with her and want to wake up talking to her every day?
His response to that is he doesn’t think anyone can be with ANYONE for over 30 years…. “no offense”, he said, as he side-eyed me. So he is assuming whoever he ends up with will not be the same person he is with after 30 years.
I cited his parents who have been together for well over 30, and my partner and I who are still going strong after 10.
3. He seems to just want to party
Wants kids, loves his family, but … just can’t commit to someone. He thinks children are just there, fun to play with and so on, but he doesn’t seem to see the DEEP commitment there is to children.
They are for life even if you don’t stay together. He doesn’t get that I think….
WHAT THE GIRL SAYS
She is heartbroken, he broke it off, she can SEE he just wants to party and NOT settle down and have a child with her, but she is getting older, and it is going to get harder as she ticks closer to 45 and may have to give up on having a child of her own (adoption is always an option).
She knows all of this, and YET THEY ARE STILL TEXTING EACH OTHER.
She texts him about how she is going about her day, how she’s at the pool in her bikini….
I mean, it’s just torturing yourself. It really is.
She needs to move on, and find someone who will appreciate her, and be a stable person to start a family with. She’s making life lists, re-evaluating her choices in life, and he is sleeping around with as many people as possible, focused on getting this other girl he is “really into and won’t let him kiss her”…
I just don’t get it. I really don’t.
The heart want what the heart wants, but at some point you have to say:
Look, I’m 39 and I want a child.
This could be a real possibility that it won’t happen for me if I keep wasting my time with this guy.
She refuses to look at, date or even consider any other guy at this point, and is still hung up on him.
Personally, I’d probably be on a dating site right now, looking for a guy to take my mind off this other one who is clearly NOT right for me.
Not serious, wants to keep partying, thinks kids are a casual thing…
I would just cut off all communication and stop texting him.
Delete his number, ignore him, and move on. Just rip it off like a bandaid.