In Career, Discussions, Discussions, Life, Women

How to be less intimidating to men

Note: As far as I have observed this seems to only be a heterosexual, female problem. I’ve yet to hear a woman for instance, complain that her man is too good-looking, successful, rich and intelligent.


If you want to learn how to be less intimidating to men…

I suggest you don’t wear any makeup, hunch so you’re smaller, stop talking, have no opinions, act like a moron who doesn’t know anything and work at a minimum wage job part-time.


What’s that? It sounds TERRIBLE?!?

It is because it IS terrible when someone feels the need to “tone themselves down” and be “less intimidating to men” to get to date one.

Dating a guy, any guy, is not a privilege, so stop acting like it is.

The real privilege is when two smart, capable, independent people get together and love that they have met their mental, financial, physical, or whatever metric-equal person who best fits them in life.

Just as how I have to sometimes remind myself that not all little boys need to be aggressive, pushy, daredevils (mine is very active but is more sensitive and more cautious about climbing and jumping on strange things), it doesn’t mean that every woman needs to be the same person — small, dumb and docile — for any man to love her.

Your equal in life is not just any guy who eyes you, your equal in life is someone who respects you, your opinion, your earning potential and smoking hot looks all in one whilst giving you the same, and EQUAL treatment by being a catch, himself.

You don’t need to be pigeonholed into being a dumb dependent any more than you should be the intelligent sugar momma (a role I have once played and will never again, thankfully).

Wait for the guy that challenges you and is suitably impressed rather than intimidated by your looks/money/personality/whatever because that is the guy you deserve and whom deserves you in return.

I’m lucky that I have found someone like that (I hope like all couples out there) but I know a few in my family who don’t have this equal partnership. It is their choice ultimately but you never need to settle unless you choose to.

Don’t settle. And don’t be less intimidating, if anything, become more.

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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

Am my own Sugar Daddy. Am a millionaire at 36 after getting out of $60K of student debt in 18 months, a little over a decade earlier, using I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K with an average lifetime savings rate of 50%. I have 11 side incomes that are on track in 2020 to make me $50K - $75K. I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I am all about balance - between time and money, and also enjoying my money. I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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Posted on September 25, 2013

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  1. SarahN

    Lately, dating, I have felt a little self conscious that I own property (that I can see myself paying off in a few years), and own a European car. But then I don’t apologise to the men. It is who I am, from my hard work and savings. I don’t think it’d be better if I’d spent it all on champagne, or handbags or make up – mainly cause I don’t value those things to me (and they don’t all hold that much inherent value!). I also like that I don’t ‘need’ a man for anything financial. I need emotional support, and that costs, truly, nothing.

  2. Susan Tan

    I have such realistic & yet high standards even Before and during a first date that It is very Hard for a potential man to live up to those standards. I am a cynical woman, so being single is fine with me than being with the Wrong Man.

    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      As you get older, it gets harder and you become pickier. I am just lucky I found a good man.. he could have been the opposite, then what would I do?

  3. Sense

    I agree! Why on earth would you act dumb on purpose?!

    On a night out recently, the conversation turned to why I cannot seem to get any dates. Several friends said it was probably because guys don’t feel like they are good enough for me (which totally sounds like a cop-out to me). All of the guy friends I was with said that they were completely in awe that they had ‘landed’ their significant other, and said that they are glad their wives/girlfriends found them worthy. It was very sweet.

    Meanwhile, I’m over here, willing to give a chance to any guy that is interested (but without compromising who I am), and still come up empty!

    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Better to come up empty than to be saddled with a liability.

      1. Clara

        So true! My mother has a similar motto: “No-one is better than the wrong one.”


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