Week of Money: Where we slowly move Little Bun to his own futon
??:?? — I wake up to the sound of Little Bun crying softly. I panic, and crawl over to him – What’s wrong?
Little Bun: I MISS BEING BESIDE YOU *sobbing*
(We switched to have him on his own futon on the side, and my partner and I sharing the big one, rather than Little Bun and I sharing, and my partner on the single one).
Me: Ohhh baby *snuggling*
Little Bun: I woke up and I miss having you right there. I miss you. *sobbing* I don’t like being on the side, I like being in the middle. I miss you so much. *sobs*
*feeling conflicted.. and guilty*
We switched because he kept sleeping ON me which was not good for his body, and he kept trying to snuggle on top of me, which he loves doing but we have to try and break the habit and have him sleep on his own. I also think he managed to sleep better with more of the blankets around him as a result of sleeping on his own futon.
I hold and hug him and tell him: But Mommy NEVER left you! I woke up when I heard you cry, didn’t I? Then I ran right over because you’re my baby!!!!
Him: *soft voice* I guess.
Me: I never left you. I am still here. I am still here…. *rocking him back and forth*
6:05 a.m. — I log in and work. Red-eyed, after drinking milk, he comes and snuggles me as I type.
8:57 a.m. — We are growing garlic cloves now, to harvest their chives to eat. Little Bun is watching them like a hawk, happy with how tall they’re getting.
9:15 a.m. — Back on calls. I accidentally sent money to THE WRONG CREDIT CARD *face palm*, without thinking, so I quickly open up a chat and ask them to please cancel it, and I will pay the correct one. I run on a zero-based budget meaning I either have enough money for all my bills, pending payments and so on in my bank account with a $500 buffer or so, and the rest is plowed into the market. I do not keep an emergency fund any longer – I can always sell investments if need be, and if things are dire. I would rather see my dollars invested.
10:25 a.m. — I pick up this clothes steamer. I have been looking for one for years now that doesn’t drip or spit at me, and this one looks fantastic with a double-walled water container, and it is also a handheld iron. This would be great for travel, but mostly that it stores nicely out of the way, and is easy to use and fold up. It is 1 pound however, but I mean if you travel a lot and need to steam your clothes, this would be a great option.
12:08 p.m. — Lunch. He has a special pasta and cheese with mushroom dish his father made the other day. It’s one of his favourites.
12:28 p.m. — He tells me before he naps, how sad he was this morning again, and how he missed me. I hug him and I just feel my heart tear in half.
1:22 p.m. — I head out to drop off things at the post office (gifts I am shipping to hope they get there in time for Christmas). $56.78
2:04 p.m. — At home, I log in right into a call, almost missing it.
4:20 p.m. — Little Bun is up and feeling a bit needy. I think he really is taking this transition to just a different futon, pretty hard. I want to log off early and snuggle him, play with him…
4:55 p.m. — I log off for the day.
6:14 p.m. — In the bedroom, I say something and Little Bun turns back fiercely and says: YOU ARE NOT BEING VERY COMPLIMENTARY TO ME! … and I am taken aback. I stop, I tell him – You are right, Mommy was quite rude there, I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I did not want to or mean to say that. ….. and he nods and concentrates on finishing a level. I think I was ribbing him that he sucked at an app or something. I love how fierce he is. This fire is what you need in life.
7:30 p.m. — Little Bun tries to make origami elephants, but is frustrated in folding it. He says their instructions are not clear. HE IS RIGHT. I end up taking over and I am as well, FRUSTRATED. My elephant looks NOTHING Like the book elephant.
He ends up taking the paper and making a “sandwich” instead:
8:20 p.m. — After dinner, dishes, we watch a movie.
9:03 p.m. — Time for bed. Little Bun is unhappy I am so far away. I feel so bad / torn. I reach out my hand to hold his little paw as we sleep.
7:00 a.m. — I log in to work.
7:59 a.m. — Little Bun is working on his pages, I do all the dishes, cutlery, he wipes it, I do laundry, and I vacuum the entire apartment while on calls. I never talk on the calls (with over 30 people per call, I have rarely found a need to), and it is kind of a listening call, if you will.
11:34 a.m. — Little Bun has lunch, I have mine.
12:08 p.m. — I head out for the afternoon to run errands, and locate some nougat for my mother. My partner tells me later, that the best nougat is Montélimar nougat but then I run into issues just trying to get these French companies to respond to emails or messages to ask if they ship to Canada. I give up and find a Yukon seller MuditaSweets who uses their recipe, and I order one of each for my mother. $136.80
3:11 p.m. — Little Bun art. It is really cute in its own way. He takes images he creates, or pictures he takes, and he draws over them:
The following are Stuffie landscapes he made up in his mind:
Alien Stuffie landscape:
Washed tomatoes signage
The black stone is “mousie” (a mouse…), and it goes on adventures in the closet:
Mousie is riding the train of my wet wipes (these are 3 years old, I got them when he was a toddler to go to the park but we never even used a pack…)
(This is “Mousie” the black dinosaur stone “eating” a piece of “cheese” he made out of clay)
4:20 p.m. — Dinner time after I log off. I am tired.
7:25 p.m. — I do more laundry, vacuum and clean, and get to work updating blog posts.
9:15 p.m. — Time for bed. We do a yoga session to be LESS CRUNCHY.. and then we read a Christmas Story. We pick out this one for the Stuffies – Finding Christmas – by one of my favourite Canadian authors, Robert Munsch.
??:?? — I wake up to Little Bun telling me: Mommy, I wake up and I want to still sleep but I am awake!… He seems to have adjusted to his new bed. I think my partner told him something like: OMG! LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR COOL NEW BED! You can decorate the bed HOW YOU WANT, and it is YOUR own little spot in the bedroom you do not have to share with ANYONE any more, and it has a little nook for the Stuffies, etc. … because suddenly he is happy he has his own / new bed, even if Daddy is blocking access to cuddling me in the morning.
??:?? — I hold out my arms and he snuggles into them.
6:00 a.m. — I log in to work. Early calls. I remind my managers of some decisions we made, to refresh their memory.
7:59 a.m. — More meetings all day. I am now deep scrubbing the shower walls and doors to remove the mineral deposit with this heavy but kind of amazing steam cleaner from Bissell. You know you have become a full fledged adult when you are happy to clean your shower stall.
10:22 a.m. — This is so true.
12:08 p.m. — LUNCH!
12:28 p.m. — I head out for a walk.
1:15 p.m. — At home, I am on calls.
3:06 p.m. — Little Bun is up. I am working on an issue.
5:27 p.m. — I log off for the day but I am still thinking about what happened and all of our options.
6:30 p.m. — Time for dinner! We play a round of UNO or two, and then we watch Home Alone together, the Christmas movie. He loves it obviously, as it’s a kid staying at home, fighting off burglars.
8:47 p.m. — YOGA TIME! Then time for bed.
??:?? — We wake up and do our morning snuggle together. He runs over to me, my arms are wide open and we hug each other on the bed. I pour all of my love into him and kiss him in the morning. Then we are up and in the living room together.
6:20 a.m. — I log in and start working.
8:08 a.m. — He sets up his own computer to log in and find social studies / English videos to watch to mark off on his WorkBook. He has a lot of math pages left versus the others, and we are scrambling to fill the void. Luckily, this is Grade 3 stuff not Grade 2. I will come up with a quiz at the end after I go through the pages to test him on various parts of what he should have learned.
12:08 p.m. — Lunch time.
12:34 p.m. — Please note Little Bun’s cute disclaimer about copyright at the bottom. YES, he added this! ON HIS OWN!
12:56 p.m. — I head out for a short errand, then come back.
1:22 p.m. — Logged on a call.
4:50 p.m. — Logged off for the day, I take a break with Little Bun in the closet, playing around, and finishing some pieces, and then we have dinner time.
5:27 p.m. — I do dishes, laundry, vacuum, and basically deep clean the two bathrooms. I have been trying to make it a point to clean something at least once a day so I am not stuck cleaning it every week for a few hours at a time. I’d rather do short bursts of cleaning than a big long clean.
6:40 p.m. — He watches a video with his father in the living room while I am in the bedroom reading about attachment parenting. A lot of what they say in the book makes sense, and I am thinking back to my own childhood about how I was raised. I always tell my parents it was a miracle we did not turn out badly because they were VERY HANDS OFF. By a miracle, we all stayed on the path and did very well.
8:40 p.m. — Time for bed. We do a yoga session beforehand, and he helps me locate some missing cuffs I had been looking for, for my jacket for WEEKS. I am relieved to find them.
??:?? — He wakes up to go to the bathroom which wakes me up. He tries to force himself to go back to sleep but I know he’s awake, I can tell. It is too close to morning anyway. I make a little “Meh?” sound at him, and I can feel him in the dark, lighting up “Mommy is awake!“, and I sit up in bed, hold my arms out wide, smiling, and he runs into them. We snuggle for a good 20 seconds. This is probably the best part of my day.
I got a question recently about my reluctance to let him go into the living room and be alone. I think it is more on me, than it is on him. He can stay by himself very well in rooms, quietly playing and not causing trouble or harm to himself, for long periods of time. It is more on me, and the way that I like to be awake when he is awake so that we have this quiet Mommy + Baby time together, and he tells me stuff he dreamed about, what he wants to do today, and he is far more talkative and revealing. Plus I get snuggles (though he indulges me every time I ask for a snuggle). I like being around him in the early morning, quietly being beside each other.
6:00 a.m. — Up in the living room, he talks my ear off about what he saw and read the other day about whales. I finally usher him into the bedroom and he has his milk. He goes and grabs his Stuffies and comes back out, making cute baby noises for them.
7:59 a.m. — A short break before the rounds of project status calls begin.
8:15 a.m. — I end up printing some beading fringe paper as Little Bun REALLY wants to get into beading, so I ordered a bunch of supplies for beads, and am now trying to learn how to make them so we can bead together and he can create his own designs. $321.48
12:08 p.m. — I ask for, and get discounts from a bunch of sellers post-purchase. I simply said – I am buying a lot, is there a discount – and with some there was, so they refunded me the money happily. I also check within the 14-day window of purchases, to see if the price changed. If it did, I send an email and ask for a price adjustment. Otherwise, I could easily return the item and re-buy it at the lower price, which is just a terrible carbon footprint and a waste of everyone’s time and money. In total, I get back a little over $100. I don’t try to quibble for small amounts, but every little amount counts, and $100 isn’t chump change.. it can go towards the beading supplies I just forked out for. -$104.29
2:20 p.m. — HAHA!
Although Indigenous communities here do not have clean water, so I think this would be a real gift.
4:55 p.m. — Off for the day. Little Bun usually knows near the end of the day, as I am on calls, to hole up in the bedroom until I am able to come and unwind with him. Then we can do something together, have dinner, and then hang again together.
4:55 p.m. —
6:00 a.m. —
7:59 a.m. — Every time I watch any video – it doesn’t even matter which one, they are all out there – shaming people for buying luxury goods, it is always about a purse, and how it costs $3000 and why it is such a DUMB IDEA that they are tricking you to buy something with logos or whatever.
9:12 a.m. — We are out and walking about. Little Bun doesn’t really like walk, but there is no snow to play in, and next time, we will go to the park, so that everyone gets to do what they want. We have also been buying a helmet and other gear for when we will take him tobogganing and we all know that is a lot of parents waiting around, or climbing up hills to slide down. He will have an excellent winter this year.
11:08 a.m. — “Mommy, how about some Quiet Time when we get back?“.. I look at him – I WOULD LOVE Quiet Time, I tell him. Instead, I get home, and end up eating lunch, and then doing all the dishes. In the 30 minutes it takes for me to do them, I am NOW ready for Quiet Time, but Little Bun is on a different timeline, and considered that 30-minute of washing what I wanted as “Quiet Time”, so he comes and snuggles in beside me, playing quietly on his iPad while I read. At least we are together but I get to read my book.
He does this on and off, taking the initiative to go to his father, and play on his own or have “Quiet Time”, so that Mommy can read her book or do something alone. He knows (and I have said), that I enjoy being alone sometimes, and it brings me joy. He has been conscious of this and trying to give me some alone time, as he knows we are always together and playing.
12:08 p.m. — Nap time, and we are mapping out how we want to do our earrings. His first design is all white with a red heart in the middle, predictably, Little Bun. 🙂 He then makes rainbow ones – again, very Little Bun. As for me, I am not pleased with the grid papers I printed, it is all off center and not what I wanted at all. We painstakingly coloured in the squares but I hate the way it looks. I tell him we need to restart and do it correctly, he nods.
1:15 p.m. — I am reading my book – this one I have gotten into, it is called: Hold On to your Kids – Why parents need to matter more than peers. It is so counter-intuitive to what I have been feeling lately. I have been feeling WAVES of guilt that Little Bun is not in school, he hasn’t been very social, he only names ONE little girl in his whole life who was his friend for a brief period of time. Goodness it breaks my heart. I feel like an awful parent (even though I know I am not), because I feel despair like he is missing out on a wonderful childhood piece – friendships. Then I read this book and some of the guilt releases. The pressure of worrying about his social life and socialization, disappears because in the end – the book is right; not all peers are worth the trouble.
Long story short – you as a parent, should matter the most to your child in terms of being a compass of how to live your life, what to do, where to go. In general, I am not talking micromanaging, but if they have a deep issue, they should feel open and comfortable enough to come and tell you that they’re worried, scared, upset, or whatever it is.
They should be able to unload their day onto you – all the good, the bad, the fears… and if they do not, they hold it in, and need to unleash it somewhere, which ends up then being peers filling the void. But children leading children is a terrible way to expect children to grow up healthy and without issues. I am reading this book and seeing a lot of major gaps in my childhood where I was in desperate need of solid parenting but did not receive it. It was by a miracle I think, that we turned out so well.
I credit this to having older siblings to help buffer this need, but I can still remember the loneliness – not that I did not have friends per se, or I was not doing well in school – but just the feeling of being alone by myself in the home even though everyone was at home. I did not feel like I could talk to my parents about ANYTHING so I ended up being hyper independent. Dependency is not a bad thing, and being open with your parents is not a bad thing if they are able to guide you through life the best that they can.
4:50 p.m. — We have dinner, and then I suggest a movie. We end up watching some new episodes of If you give a mouse a cookie on Amazon.
6:28 p.m. — Laundry, dishes, and I enlist his help to organize my sweaters. I have them all thrown out on the bed and he helps me categorize and count them, and see if any can “go”. None leave of course, they all spark joy.
7:40 p.m. — Dinner time, and he comes up with an idea to do a Stuffie Video Game. Really, it’s not coding, but that we take the Babiest Stuffie and our bedroom wall becomes the ‘app’ where Babiest Stuffie has to fight off sweaters, smelly socks, and other things that are introduced in the pathway of the game. It ends up being one of the most creative, adorable things I have seen in a long time. He creates different levels – writes them all down on paper – and plays out each ‘level’. At the end he shouts: LEVEL COMPLETE! …
8:58 p.m. — Bedtime. He runs out to get his father to start the routine because he wants to do Stuffie Yoga and Stuffie Reading time. He, like I did as a child, loves it when I make Stuffies talk and create conversations with him, with funny sayings, tidbits and stories. I remember my brother doing this for me at his age, and it remains one of my most cherished memories, as that Stuffie I had as a child, could get me to do ANYTHING like understand why my parents couldn’t afford a certain toy, or to wake me up to get me to get ready for school.
??:?? — I wake up pensive. I decide in particular, I need to send special thanks to my sibling who helped me when I was younger, and basically became my pseudo-parent. We have been the closest as long as we can be, and I should send him a gift. I enlist Little Bun to help me figure out a gift. We make out a list. I don’t want anything from anyone, because when I gift, I don’t expect anything in return. In fact, I would prefer it if they did not give me anything in return, as then it would feel like we just exchanged money which for me, is pointless. A gift is a gift, with no strings and just to brighten their day.
6:50 a.m. — Little Bun is snuggled on my lap. We have so many chairs and he wants to still sit on my chair, which is big enough for a person and a half, so spacious for his little bum to squeeze in the corner, with one leg draped over me.
7:19 a.m. — I make a tea, and start messaging my family and friends.
8:08 a.m. — My partner is up, after feeding Little Bun and doing yoga, he sets in to start cooking for the day and week. I am in the bedroom with Little Bun. He doesn’t want to watch videos until night time, and I make a mental note to sit there with him, even just to be in the same room as him because he greatly enjoys having my physical presence there, even if I am not watching with him.
Instead, we play in the closet. He creates his own games with the stones I purchased for upcycling, and I am thinking of outfit ideas, styles, and so on. I like doing this once a week because it gives me time to indulge in my hobby of using clothing like a form of art expression (and I am the canvas). I like seeing how I can make previously unflattering or disliked pieces into something different and new, and it spurs my creative side.
12:08 p.m. — Lunchtime! And Little Bun continues his Stuffie Video Game Levels. I secretly video one of them, it’s beyond adorable.
1:28 p.m. — Nap time. I am logged in and working on the blog. I tend to leave it to the last minute but I really should try and get ahead of the curve. I know during my break, I will have more time to do this, so I am not too worried about it all. I have a lot of unfinished posts in draft, and I will climb the walls if I am not working or doing something, so all of my energy gets poured into the blog as a result.
2:56 p.m. — Up from his nap, I am taking a break in the bedroom, reading. I always feel like I have so much going on in my head, but in reality, it is all these little things I want to look up, start doing, research into.. and they aren’t THAT important, like taxes, let’s say.
5:44 p.m. — Apparently everyone is squealing about some sort of crash happening, but the index funds are doing fine (yay), and individual stocks (some) are taking major hits. *shrug* I am confused as to what the “drop” was as I did not see it this month, and I suppose it is because I am in index funds and diversified rather than gambling on stock picks. For any picks on stocks that I do make, it is usually stuff that will come up over time, like a bank stock that was at $80 for the longest time, and recently shot up to $95. Honestly, I just kept to my strategy and kept buying it “on sale”. Glad I did.
6:22 p.m. — Dinner time, we have pasta and pick some of the basil leaves. Little Bun hovers over me, worried: “Mommy don’t over harvest them! Remember, during winter they do not grow as fast, and I don’t want to go crazy“. I hug him and smile. He really did listen! I tell him that I am watering them LESS and we are NOT over harvesting but we should pick a few of the big ones so that the smaller leaves have the sunlight in the winter to absorb.
7:30 p.m. — We sit in the bedroom. I am reading, and he is watching his shows. I then ask if we should watch a movie together – I can watch a movie and do something else at the same time, which is what I do. I get very antsy just sitting there watching a movie with nothing to do. This is why I enjoy washing dishes and watching documentaries. I am paying attention and yet I am completing a useful, mindless task.
9:13 p.m. — Time for bed. He eagerly recounts all the funny scenes, and I smile and ask him questions, quiz him on other things, throw in some science / math questions to keep him sharp (in relation to the movie), and he asks for more questions. Finally, we exhaust ourselves from talking and sleep.
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.