Week of Money: Where I low-key self-sabotage an interview… LOL
??:?? — Little Bun wakes up and looks up seriously at me in the morning and says “Mommy, I think I wanted to sleep much (sic) later because I wanted you to have more rest.”.. This child. I snuggle hug him because I did sleep longer and I do feel a bit better.
7:25 a.m. — Little Bun and I are in the living room, and to avoid doing activity book, he plays with blocks quietly while I go through my emails.
7:48 a.m. — I make a tea, and then he asks me, holding up a plastic hot dog: “What is this 2 in the middle of these triangle arrows?“.. He is talking about the different plastics, and wanted to know what it meant, so I google the plastics (they range from 1-7) and tell him that 2, 4, and 5 are the most recyclable of all the plastics, and to avoid 3, 6, and 7 as they are the worst (e.g. styrofoam containers/packets for meat).
8:02 a.m. — I am also horrified that Plastic 7 which has BPA and is the worst, is found in sunglasses, iPod cases, computer cases, nylon, 3 to 5 gallon water bottles and bullet-proof materials. This means these plastics, if ingested in the water bottles for instance, can cause a lot of health issues.
8:10 a.m. — He hears his father, and wiggles off my lap, to go and have his breakfast.
9:17 a.m. — I get on a call with a friend.
9:40 a.m. — I quickly switch my call off my friend to the doctor, and she tells me she’s very concerned with the blackout I had in my left eye the few times before when I got sick. Little Bun is screaming outside the door because I locked it but I try to ignore him because I am ON A CALL WITH A DOCTOR talking about my health issues. He doesn’t want anyone but me, and is screaming, banging, crying on the door, and I ignore him. Time to learn a lesson. The doctor tells me that she wants me to see a neurologist because she is worried the eye blackout is something bigger than what I think, and she wants to rule it out.
10:01 a.m. — After the call, Little Bun is sobbing inconsolably in the bedroom, and I come in and explain (after 20 minutes of incoherent sobbing and he has calmed down), that I didn’t lock him out. I LOCKED EVERYONE OUT to have a quiet call and to not be disturbed and he SHOULD have gone to Daddy for help if he wanted an eraser for his Activity Book and to go to Daddy when Mommy is in “Do Not Disturb” mode.
10:47 a.m. — He finally calms down and starts on his Activity Book. I am beside him, trying to explain things as he asks if languages are named after countries (NOT ALWAYS!)… and so on.
11:15 a.m. — I remember the email from Saturday (SHOOT), and I immediately transfer $1200 to my aunt who is helping my other aunt, who is dying and needs hospice care which is very expensive. I don’t really track these amounts as they come out of savings, and I don’t plan on giving money unless it’s an emergency and I need to. This year so far, I’ve sent about $20K. +$1200
12:19 p.m. — I am so hungry. I finally take a break and tell him to work on his SECOND page (he only has to do 3 pages), while I make food to eat. He takes forever with these pages … even though he could technically do them in a shorter period of time, he likes to drag it out.
12:40 p.m. — Little Bun tries to blame me again, saying: “It is already getting to late towards my nap!” I respond back that he mismanaged his time this morning and spent HOURS on 3 pages, so it’s his problem. He sputters back “But if you had gotten my eraser for me…“.. and I snap.
I snap and scold him in a very stern voice, telling him he cannot blame me for these things because there were other options – his father was RIGHT THERE to help.
I only needed TWENTY MINUTES for a telephone call with a doctor. He gets a SERIOUS lecture and sobs again. I tell him that I just lost it on him only just now when I was so calm, patient and understanding this morning because he wanted to blame me for what he did AGAIN, and it means he took ZERO responsibility for his actions this morning and did not learn a DAMN THING.
1:23 p.m. — I sip my tea, trying to calm down.
2:20 p.m. — I am watching Psych, taking a break from reading.
3:06 p.m. — Little Bun wakes up and then asks me quietly: “Are all devices also not allowed?“… and I tell him “Yes“, because I thought he was referring to what I was searching for.
Then I look alarmed at his face, as it starts to ball up in a silent cry, and I quickly tell him: “No no! No, you can play with the iPad, we didn’t ban that, I thought you were talking about my search page.”
… and he stops crying, wipes his silent tears, and whispers: “I thought you took away the devices too because I was really naughty today“.. I snuggle kiss him and tell him that I am happy he took responsibility for being naughty today and no, he can have the iPad if he’d like, but wouldn’t he rather do this fun activity with me first?. He nods eagerly.
3:15 p.m. — After I finish what I am doing, I tell him – let’s make a fun ornament! … and he is SO excited. I get him to fold the paper, we find things to cut circles out of it, and we make a pretty darn cool snowman if I say so myself.
You can just call me PINTEREST MOMMY NOW, thank you very much.
5:02 p.m. — Activity over (yes, it took this long!), I grab a bowl of vegetable stew and give him his dinner while I make my own.
5:36 p.m. — After his dinner, I go and do all the dishes.
8:09 p.m. — He does Escape Room levels, and tells me: “You’re breathing and annoying me!” … I am incredulous and tell him that I am trying to help him with the YouTube walkthroughs for tough spots, and HE is the one INFRINGING ON MY SPACE, and giving me attitude. His father warns him in a stern voice to behave. He’s just being… a little monster today. I’m frustrated. 24/7 with him, I need a break, he needs a break, and he has to learn that I am a human too who needs her own Mommy Time.
This really spoke to me:
8:10 p.m. — He does schooling with Daddy, and I tell him to pause on the Escape Room. He asks: But can I play it again later? .. and I tell him he can do one more level and then no more iPad. I am making a concerted effort to not give him the iPad in the morning and after his nap, and it’s working out well so far because we are doing activities like decorations, and so on, which eats up time.
8:36 p.m. — We work on Snowy. His father makes a hat but it’s too strange, and not Christmassy enough:
So we work on decorating it, and the Stuffie loves it!!
9:12 p.m. — Time for bed.
Spent: $1200 (?) Transferred, more like.
??:?? — I wake up, and Little Bun checks the clock and comes back, whispering: “Mommy, it’s 6:20 .. “.. and I hug and kiss and tell him: “It’s okay baby, if you’re awake, I’ll get up.”
6:34 a.m. — I ask him if he wants to snuggle in the hallway, he blinks in the light, and then tells me: “Maybe for a little bit…” He cuddles me, I kiss him and he pretends he’s a baby (man he’s heavy to hold and cradle like a baby now, his head is SO HEAVY).
7:48 a.m. — I make tea, and then I put away all the dishes.
8:25 a.m. — He LOVES Snowy. He keeps bouncing the snowman around the table, and making it ‘speak’ and do silly things.
8:40 a.m. — He completes his activity pages in RECORD TIME, as I am recounting the episode of the nonsense he pulled yesterday, he bursts in with his side of the story to explain to his Aunty that Mommy has it backwards. I eye him and tell him I have it perfectly in order, and then proceed to praise him on the phone for how well he was acting today, versus yesterday, which shuts him up. He loves listening in to my conversations.
9:35 a.m. — Off the phone with my friend, we make pizza together. (He made me set a timer for 5 minutes and then she had to hang up because he wanted to know how long the call would be and it was taking too long).
9:50 a.m. — He watches Sesame Street and I try to go through my list of things to do and buy tomorrow when I am out to see the doctor.
11:38 a.m. — Lunchtime. It’s mushroom pizza, and I put healthy pinches of cayenne pepper on my pizza. Little Bun licks a little by accident (?) and tells me that his tongue is burning. He’s fine. Little children all over the world eat hot curries before they’re even one, but this is his first time with cayenne pepper.
1:00 p.m. — I do all the dishes as he plays Escape Room, and then it’s time for his nap. He wants to play in the Closet after his nap.
1:34 p.m. — A broker calls back about a contract, there’s an interview they want to set up but I am not sure I want to do the project, it sounds like a clusterf*ck. I’m pondering telling him “No” or telling them I am no longer available.
2:24 p.m. — Broker calls for the fifth time. I think he’s desperate to make this work.
3:03 p.m. — I email him back to confirm an interview time. I guess it won’t hurt to practice and see what it’s about. I can still back out. I drink some tea and read a book:
3:23 p.m. — Little Bun is still conked out.
4:04 p.m. — Still sleeping. I have to prep for my visit to the doctor tomorrow to make sure I don’t forget my health card, etc.
4:28 p.m. — He’s up. I think he REALLY needed to sleep, and I am glad he got it.
5:12 p.m. — We are making more ornaments and things for Snowy, and colouring. The Stuffies are VERY pleased.
5:35 p.m. — We eat dinner, and then I take a break and try to read more of my book.
9:04 p.m. — Bedtime. I hustle him into bed because it’s time to sleep and I have to get up early for tomorrow’s appointment.
6:30 a.m. — I wake up and coax him into doing his Activity pages. He does all of them in record time, with very little input but we need to learn capacities because he doesn’t seem to understand what it means to measure from one vessel to another. I’ll use a spoon, water, and a cup tomorrow to show him what I mean.
7:19 a.m. — I slather on sunscreen and head out. Luckily I left early enough because of traffic, road work (inevitable), and rain. So I ran to the clinic and ended up 20 minutes early ANYWAY being the first patient there with no one else (thank goodness), and I get everything I need after going through the physical.
8:45 a.m. — I am waiting for my prescriptions, and I get all of them – a retinoid for my acne and eczema cream. This stuff is expensive, even subsidized by the government. $101.19
9:24 a.m. — I finally get everything I need, and I head over to basically stock up on chocolate. I feel like it was my lucky day because there is a MASSIVE sale on my favourite one (chocolate + coconut flakes), for $2 a bar instead of $3.49, and I purchase the entire stock. I go to the other store, and clean them out too. I also buy ibuprofen as recommended by the doctor as an anti-inflammatory for the sinus issues I have been having, and more quick dry drops for my nailpolish. $83.03
10:05 a.m. — At home, Little Bun exclaims in surprise: Mommy you’re home early! .. He’s used to me coming back later because I used to also go out and run minor errands and so on, but I have decided to cut down on that because of the rise in COVID. Best not to tempt anything. Besides, all I really wanted was the chocolate. The rest I can get online, or at a later date, not really necessary items to survival.
11:10 a.m. — I log in and help my mother with more work. I also get an interview request for tomorrow. I wonder if they’ll expect a webcam.. because I won’t have one. And I don’t want to put on makeup for this, or anything, frankly.
1:19 p.m. — Time for his nap. I break from helping my mother, and make a tea.
2:20 p.m. — My broker confirms the interview for tomorrow.
3:47 p.m. — Little Bun plays Escape Room and is just .. so terrible. He is disrespectful, whiny, and we revoke the iPad for the night (after one outburst, we warned him, he did it again, so we took it away), and we took it away for the next day as well which turns into a massive cry fest.
3:50 p.m. — He keeps crying and crying. I hold him, and he sobs against my shoulder. I told him: “I warned you already. We tried to be nice and you are being very rude to Mommy.” He isn’t happy at all, and refuses to eat his dinner because he isn’t happy. I end up eating my own dinner.
5:15 p.m. — He finally agrees to eat his dinner, while we watch some videos of how children trek such terrible journeys just to go to school and to learn. I tell him he has to not be such an ingrate, and this is what life is like for other children in other parts of the world who would LOVE to have books all the time, and such a wonderful, cushy life.
6:22 p.m. — I do all the dishes afterwards, and then I get peckish again, so I eat another dinner.
7:49 p.m. — After playing with his father, he attends school with him. I am just trying to get through my list of things to get done, and I make an appointment for Monday to pick up medication. They want to put me on anti-depressants because it’s what they prescribe for these kinds of migraines … on the lowest dosage. I wonder what the prescription is, as I am VERY hesitant to take any pills at all.
8:18 p.m. — I organize my notes, make a list, and schedule a few blog posts.
8:18 p.m. —
8:30 a.m. — Little Bun wakes up LATE! WOW. I am sleeping, just watching him snuffle snort like a baby hippo, and sleep like an angel with his long lashes fanned out over his cheeks.
8:34 a.m. — My partner starts classes, and I make too much noise (oops) as I am trying to put dishes away AND talking to my friend, and he tells me: I cannot hear anything!... and I quietly try to make tea while talking to my friend and running back and forth out of the room to respond.
9:01 a.m. — Little Bun eats his breakfast leisurely, and then comes into the bedroom to do his Activity Book pages (WITHOUT COMPLAINT).
9:22 a.m. — I try to tell my friend on the phone what happened last night with Little Bun and he started to cry (a serious, screwed up cry face, not one of those fake crocodile ones where he checks to see how I react), and said: “I don’t want to hear this right now!!!”.. which I think is a good sign (?) because he feels bad about what he did and doesn’t want to be reminded about being naughty / disrespectful especially when he knows it is his Aunty on the phone hearing about his attitude and misbehaviour. He loves her so much. I finally shush him and promise not to rat him out to his Aunty.
9:40 a.m. — I am off the phone, and I watch him as he finishes his pages, and then I set him up with Sesame Street.
10:24 a.m. — I have lunch. Interesting, this coat I got pre-loved, just went up about $500 USD in price. You would think they would modify the listing or at least remove it from the site….
11:58 a.m. — I promise him after his nap we will do Build-a-Bear. Not the real, expensive Build-a-Bear, but a paper one, where I draw a bear, and the bear gets outfits that I will cut out and he can use to ‘dress’ the bear on the table. He is VERY excited – we could have Doctor Bear, Scientist Bear, Ballerina Bear…. all different outfits!
12:07 p.m. — I start prepping for my call. I need to review my old projects, and remember what I did on them to talk about them.
1:30 p.m. — My call goes well. No weird questions, seems to be a real consultant interviewing me, and I am honest on the phone about what I can and cannot do because I am not a liar but I am also not very interested in this particular contract. It sounds difficult, annoying, and MAY be stressful because they seem to have a lot of work to get done. I did not however, expect it to ALL BE IN FRENCH. I haven’t spoken it since last year LOL!!!!!! I had to apologize on the phone. I also probably self-sabotaged myself….
2:47 p.m. — I debrief to my partner about what happened and he snorts. He knows I don’t need to work and I am not keen on this project, so he suspects I also self-sabotaged. LOL…. He tells me I look really young because of the lack of work stress, not having worked for half of my career. I can’t disagree with that.
2:52 p.m. — This made me laugh:
3:01 p.m. — Little Bun is up from his Quiet Time (read: OUR quiet time), and squeals “YEAHHHHH!!!!!”
3:45 p.m. — We go through a bunch of packages we got, and he is VERY excited to get books to read. I save aside another book for a surprise tomorrow for him. I like to lay out all the surprises in a row and to spread out the fun stuff. I myself, got a lot of mail. Some of it disappointed me.
4:17 p.m. — We go through all of the items, books, he plays with all the items and I will have to make a note of everything.
5:12 p.m. — We do Build a bear! I drew a bear and then made clothing and accessories for him:
6:28 p.m. — I make a light dinner, and then my partner attends school and I get Little Bun in the closet and show him a spinning top that flips from the mushroom head up onto the trunk, and he SQUEALS happily.
8:06 p.m. — Little Bun attends school with Daddy.
8:38 p.m. — Time for reading!!! HIS NEW BOOKS!!!! And I am also excited because I get to use my new retinoid that will help my acne and clear my skin up.
??:?? — I wake up tired, Little Bun had a nosebleed last night, and it just sort of interrupted our sleep two or three times – I find it hard to fall back asleep after I wake up.
7:35 a.m. — FML. When it rains it pours. So that interview escalated fast. They want me to start ASAP, but another contract that sounds more enjoyable has come up as well. Enjoyable as in easier. Everyone who has gone to the first contract, has quit, or has not taken it and pretended they had something else after listening to how complicated and terrible it was.
7:41 a.m. — In the living room, to avoid doing activity book, he plays with blocks quietly while I go through my emails.
8:02 a.m. — I am texting with my friends to see what I should do. I send an email to the second project and tell them to move it.
9:34 a.m. — I am off the phone with my friend, and I’ve come not any closer to deciding anything. Little Bun read his book alone, played by himself and gets grumpy because now he wants Mommy, and while on the call, I steamed my clothes for the outfits I plan on taking pictures of today.
10:50 a.m. — Another call, I have to go to the radiology department next week to check what happened to my left eye when it blacked out a few times.
11:20 a.m. — I make a lunch for myself, and eat before I respond back to the broker to tell them my information so they can get the contract written up. He is seriously on my case, calling me HOURLY with HOURLY emails. Maybe he’ll hit his last record of calling me 8 times in a day.
2:15 p.m. — He finally gets all of his info after he realizes I already emailed it to him, and he just didn’t see the email. He knows if I don’t sign, I am not locked in and can go elsewhere.
3:30 p.m. — I play with Little Bun after he wakes up, and we make a more Build a Bear outfits and accessories out of paper.
5:24 p.m. — After dinner, I clean up, organize my workspace, and reluctantly agree to the contract. I have to provide a few details so it’s past 5 and I leave it for Monday.
6:11 p.m. — We watch more of those Dangerous Ways to School videos because they’re heartbreaking and well worth it to teach Little Bun a good lesson. The one where they had to cross the river without a bridge in Nepal, touched so many people that they donated enough money to have those villagers have a real bridge built to help them safely cross. <3 Humans CAN be good and kind.
8:09 p.m. — I organize my day for tomorrow while Little Bun attends school.
9:15 p.m. — Time for bed. I’m tired. We read more of this wonderful History Book my friend sent (IT IS SO GOOD). Little Bun loves the full-colour pages, the information.. even I am learning a lot. Did you know in the past they had two sleeps? They’d sleep super early, then wake up at midnight to eat and chat, then go back to sleep again.
??:?? — I wake up and have tea, while I sit on the floor and cuddle Little Bun in my arms as he squees like a baby.
7:08 a.m. — Little Bun looks up seriously at me in the morning and says “Mommy, I think I wanted to sleep much (sic) later because I wanted you to have more rest.“.. This child. I snuggle hug him because I did sleep longer and I do feel a bit better.
7:27 a.m. — I help him solve some things in Escape Room – some of these levels are VERY TRICKY, and I have to put it aside to take a break for a few of them.
8:22 a.m. — I do all the dishes, put them away.
9:07 a.m. — Little Bun squeals, HE SOLVED THE PUZZLE! .. This one gave me such a headache, I tried for at least an hour, 3 separate times, and HE SOLVED IT. I snuggle him. I wonder how he did it.
10:44 a.m. — “Mommy can I help you do something? Anything you’d like!“… what a great offer. I try to think of things, and I come up blank, so we vacuum. Pro Parenting Tip – Name the vacuum attachment an elephant trunk called “roo roo”, and they’re ALL OVER IT to vacuum as much as possible.
12:01 p.m. — I eat lunch, and then he starts to get ready for his nap as he plays with blocks on the carpet.
12:20 p.m. — OK this is ridiculous LOL… It’s a tee.
12:57 p.m. — He goes down for his nap by tapping his father and saying: “WEE!! WEEEEEE!“.. like a baby alarm clock..?? of some sort.. ??… I snuggle him for his nap.
2:23 p.m. — I am working on documents for my mother.
3:02 p.m. — Up from his nap, he taps on the door and squeals: “YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”
4:45 p.m. — I play with him in the closet (he asks nicely), and he shows me his treasures, naming what they do, and asks me what he can do to help me in the closet. He REALLY wants to help me.
4:51 p.m. — He asks for my Stackers box so he can play with the rings.
7:23 p.m. — He and his father play with spinning tops and have so much fun.
7:47 p.m. — I work on all the dishes in the meantime.
8:59 p.m. — We go and get ready for bed after reading more pages of his books.
??:?? — I wake up a little tired. Little Bun couldn’t sleep.
6:03 a.m. — I work on my banking, my notes, my budget, and sort of plan on starting a new contract soon. I am fairly sure I will be confirmed for it.
8:14 a.m. — Yes. So they definitely want me. Lots of documentation to sign and go through, and I am delaying it because I really wanted another contract, not this one. I haven’t signed anything yet so…
9:40 a.m. — We go through things in our closet, and I organize the items in there, and think about taking things out to resell, there are some things I don’t wear as often. Or less.
10:07 a.m. — I come up with more outfit ideas to wear and try out – I need to shore up on extra outfits and more videos to keep the content going so I can work as well. Like prepping for what’s to come so I don’t lose momentum.
10:07 a.m. — My partner makes banana bread and Little Bun is excited while he waits for it to cool:
My partner: I made banana cake!
Me: Real cake? Or real bread…..
My partner: Well it’s bread, but it’s cake-y
Me: Have we met? I have a massive sweet tooth, this is fooling no one but our son.
Little Bun: YAY!!! DADDY MADE CAKE!!!!!
11:24 a.m. — We have a lunch break, and he SO SWEETLY cleans everything up without being asked, and we decide on reading books afterwards.
12:13 p.m. — “Cake” time.. LOL
1:08 p.m. — He goes down for his nap.
3:01 p.m. — Up from his ‘nap’ with his usual “YAYYYY!!!!” squeal (it’s SO CUTE), we both laugh because it’s adorable.
5:20 p.m. — I wash all the dishes but then am hit with a wave of dizziness. I go and lie down, I want to stop before I vomit.
6:08 p.m. — I wake up from a super short nap, and the dark room seemed to help a little.
6:47 p.m. — Little Bun sees me lying down and purposefully goes and asks his father to play.
7:29 p.m. — He comes back, dejected. Daddy is working on something and couldn’t play again, so I snuggle him on top of me, his face brightens as I suggest reading books together, so we snuggle up and read books.
8:04 p.m. — I prep for my doctor’s visit tomorrow. They have to do an MRI on my brain because of my eye, and I hope nothing turns up.
8:36 p.m. — We go to sleep early, it’s time for it because it’s at 7 a.m. so I have to wake up early. I gently prep him that I MAY NOT be around when he wakes up, and to please not cry (he has cried 100% of the time this has happened even when I was in the living room doing stuff), and promises me he won’t.
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.