Week of Money: Where Little Bun has a hard week with a lot of meltdowns.

DAY ONE

??:?? — I wake up to hearing Little Bun awake and I whisper: “Baby?”… He sits up, smiles in the dark and runs over his father’s body to snuggle on top of me. I hug him close, rub his back and kiss him, whispering “Good morning! I love you!”

6:40 a.m. — I log in to blog while Little Bun works on his pages for school. He is determined to finish them all before lunch.

7:50 a.m. — I log off and start working. Calls all morning.

9:45 a.m. — I am stuck. Some IT system went down and I can’t access the file sharing database.

10:15 a.m. — Back up, I continue doing what I was doing.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

1:07 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom. I am still on calls so I tap on my headphones to show him I am listening and cannot hear him. He writes a note on his paper that says – “CAN I HELP?”.. And I nod, and write back “Later, not right now. Is your work done?”.. He runs off to the bedroom to finish his pages.

3:40 p.m. — Off my call, he comes back out and I put him to work helping me sort papers in order by number.

5:15 p.m. — Work done!

5:30 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery. We had sushi tonight – I made it out of the rice we had leftover. It tastes nothing like real sushi to me, but he and I both miss sushi a lot, and the seaweed helps bring some of that flavour back

7:46 p.m. — Little Bun is just having a moment. I mean… between my partner and I, he is refusing to do his schooling with his father properly, he is refusing to sit nicely, he just isn’t his usual self, likely from being tired. Knowing that helps, but it also frustrates the heck out of me because I am also losing my patience and I am not inhuman.

Finally, it ends up with a screaming, crying Little Bun who cannot handle being told yet again to stop something. I quickly whisk him to the bedroom where we sit and he paces around the room, crying, and speaking. I just sit there and listen, and he basically tells me – I wanted today to be THE BEST day.

I tell him – not every day can be THE BEST day. If we had BEST days all the time, we would need even more BEST days which would make no sense. I would rather we aim for a Good or Normal Average Day, and when BEST days come along, we are excited about them. When TERRIBLE days come along, we let them go, maybe like today?

Little Bun is still sobbing.

I hold his little hands and just say – Listen, I wouldn’t want to have BEST days all the time, and I wouldn’t want a perfect little boy all the time either. I think you are being too hard on yourself. Everyone has TERRIBLE days. Look at Daddy, he’s irritable because he is likely tired and a little achey from the shot, and and he probably lost his patience early with you because of it and doesn’t have the energy. Is it your fault? No. But you are reacting to how he feels and you feel like he wasn’t paying attention to you, which is why you didn’t want to do schooling. I get that.

If we were all perfect with no angry emotions and upset feelings, we would be robots. Would you want a robot perfect Mommy?

He shakes his head “No”… and I tell him – well I don’t want a perfect robot Little Bun either. I like you the way you are, just the way you are, even the way you feel and your anger and everything. It is okay to be angry, frustrated and have a bad day. It is perfectly fine. We just try to not let it stay in our hearts and tomorrow is a new day. You will see, tomorrow will be a Better Day Than Today.

He looks skeptical.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. We do our usual “Great Thing, Not so Great Thing”, and I repeat that tomorrow will be a better day than today, most likely, so go to sleep and it will be better.

Spent: $

DAY TWO

??:?? — I wake up ahead of Little Bun and sit out here alone.

6:11 a.m. — I log in and start working.

6:15 a.m. — He wakes up, blinking in the light and I hug him in the hallway like when he was a toddler and we get used to the light together. There hasn’t been any goat milk (in glass bottles) delivery as of late, so he doesn’t get any milk, instead I spoon out some yoghurt for his morning snack.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

1:00 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine starts, and we are reading the philosophy book together before sleeping. But then as I am turning off the lights, Little Bun comes up and says to me: I don’t know why I am so angry all the time.

I stop what I am doing, I sit down and invite him to sit on my lap to talk it out. I say – well I don’t think you’re an angry little boy all the time, in fact, I see you as the opposite. Do you see yourself as angry all the time?

He clarifies: NOT ALL the time, but I don’t know why I get so angry and I cannot stop it. Is it from the vaccine? I know that alcohol can make people very angry sometimes…. and the vaccine is 90% alcohol.

I shake my head – Baby, it can’t be from the vaccine because the alcohol they’re talking about that makes people angry, is like the alcohol in the wine Daddy drinks. It makes some people angry, but some people get very sleepy like us with it. It affects people differently.

I pause. I tell him – Well maybe it’s a bunch of things. Maybe it is you, but it is also that you are a bunch of things – maybe you’re hungry, thirsty, tired, irritated… sometimes Mommy wakes up as a Grumpy Grumpkins and everything makes me angry that day. Personally, I think that you were thinking about last week when you were angry the whole morning and finally, Mommy lost her patience. I didn’t even remember that, but it looks like you did. I feel like you were just tired that day and it was just adding up from the whole week.

You wake up at 4 a.m., 5 a.m…. you did not sleep well. I think after the vaccine, you had a headache maybe, your body ached a little, you are allowed to be angry and upset. It is perfectly normal. I think you were just tired from the week and didn’t get enough rest, and that is why you were so irritable and angry. Mommy was probably also tired too, so she got angry at you because she was ALSO irritable, so it was two Grumpy Grumpkins together in one room.

He nods. He still doesn’t look convinced, so I tell him – Remember how yesterday you started crying because you wanted it to be The Best Day, but it ended up being not so great? Then I told you that Tomorrow (which is Today) would be a better day, and it was? I think today was pretty darn good.

He nods again, and perks up. I tell him that every day is a new day, and not every day can be a BEST day. We just aim for Good or Normal days.

Spent: $0

DAY THREE

??:?? — I wake up and my left arm is all numb from being slept on. Little Bun crawls over to me, and I whisper: “My left arm is sleeping!“… He immediately grabs my hand and says “Where, Mommy? Let me massage it..”… and he rubs my arm, my side of my arm, my hands, my fingers, just the way I do it to him when his arm sleeps or his leg sleeps. You really do model what your kids become.

6:22 a.m. — I log in and start working working. Have a full morning of calls, then I block off my afternoon to actually do some work.

12:02 p.m. — Lunch time.

1:57 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he runs out of the bedroom and squeals: I AM READY!!!!!… I ask him ready for what? He tells me to have fun and a great afternoon, then he swipes the iPad to go play the new AvoKiddo Pirates game, and runs away.

4:40 p.m. — I log off for the day.

5:40 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery. He tells me all about the game he is playing and what he did. I listen, and wipe dishes down and let them airdry.

6:25 p.m. — We are reading a book and he is just rushing through words. I AM CERTAIN he doesn’t fully grasp what “collision” means, so I stop him and try to explain the corrosion (the word he read), meant a slow decay or breaking down of something, but collision was a smash, like two trains hitting each other. He gets really angry at me for interrupting him for having read the wrong word, and starts speed reading out the words.

I immediately stop him and lecture him. I tell him that reading is not just READING. Reading is reading plus understanding WHAT you read. I do not see the point of reading just to say the words. I tell him I can read in Italian and pronounce the words, but I would have ZERO IDEA what most of it means.

He is silent. Then I give him a little hug, and he starts reading again. I find that I have to stop and give him mini lectures during the day otherwise he gets angry but doesn’t realize why I am doing what I am doing.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed..

Spent: $0

DAY FOUR

6:30 a.m. — I log in and start working. Calls all day.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

12:57 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom.

6:20 p.m. — Finally finished his work, I am checking it, and making comments / analysis and trying to figure out what he was saying / improving how he could have seen the answer differently. This is real progress from when he first started answering these questions. His writing skills need a lot of work as well, I may have to sit with him to show him how neat and tiny he has to make these words.

7:01 p.m. — Little Bun has a fight with his father and bursts out: BUT DADDY MADE ME SO ANGRY.… and his father, upset with the whole situation, confiscates the iPad for a week, which then results in another meltdown. Long story short, I repeat to Little Bun from our earlier situation not even a month ago, about priorities – Food, Shelter, Love, Books, Warm home, Treats… and that iPads are at the very bottom because they are games that are fun, yes, but also not real. They’re virtual. It isn’t real life. What matters is REAL LIFE. He remembers, so I don’t launch into the 45 minute spiel. Instead, we sit there, and talk about other things, like how to calm down.

He tells me: I don’t even know when I am calm! And then sometimes I am calm but then I burst out again.

Me: I understand. I hear you. I am the same way. Sometimes I get sad, but then after I am fine, I get sad again and need a hug from you.

Little Bun: YES.

And with that, I validate his feelings, and we talk about all the other things we will do. I also make him a promise we will do more reading together and look up things on my phone, and I will try not to answer emails or do things while we are together. He looks happy. (I have an issue with multi-tasking.)

The whole thing has to do with how boring online schooling is with his father. The videos / teachers are boring, not as interesting as my English videos, and as a result, he can’t stay still for 27-ish minutes to watch it, but HE HAS TO, as we have no other alternative to structured schooling at home.

I explain to him how important it is for me to pay attention and learn the words, as he cannot only speak with Daddy, and he has to learn how other people pronounce or talk to him so that he becomes fully fluent. You cannot learn a language fully with just one person. I had been hoping to travel and have him in school so he could learn even more, but this pandemic has halted all of that.

He sees how important it is to me, and finally calm, he goes out and does his schooling even though we all agree it is boring, and sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

8:25 p.m. — Now, finally calm (once he starts laughing and smiling it usually means he is fine), he does schooling.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $0

DAY FIVE

??:?? — I wake up tired. Maybe I should just put: “EVERY DAY I WAKE UP TIRED.” .. and if I do not wake up tired, I will let you know.

6:00 a.m. — I log in for the day and start working. I make a cup of tea, Little Bun continues petting his little flower bud treasure from the day before.

7:00 a.m. — First meeting of the day. My day starts pretty early which is why I am comfortable quitting early these days.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

12:55 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom.

7:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. He tells me in bed that he feels like the days are SO LONG now and getting LONGER. I tell him it is because he is not really doing his Workbook quickly. He looks at me, and I say: “I think I may have a good reason why you feel like the days are longer and you are taking so much time…...” …. and I trail off.

He looks at me sheepishly and says: Yeah.. I get distracted a lot. Today I got distracted a lot.

Me: Well that’s why it took you until 19:00 to finish your pages. And why the day feels so long. Mommy gets this with work sometimes too.

I tell him that I am not going to be policing him to finish his pages. He has to be the one to set his own schedule and if he is late, he is late, and has to do more pages tomorrow to make up for what he did not finish. He is in charge of his own schooling and education, and schedule planning.

He nods in the dark. Then we just drift off to sleep

Spent: $0

DAY SIX

??:?? — I am still not feeling that great but I wake up at 6 a.m. on time.

6:48 a.m. — I log in and just sit there, watching videos and blog.

7:00 a.m. — Little Bun is up and asking for me in the hallway. I run to him and snuggle him while he gets used to the light. I like it when he sleeps in because it makes him less grumpy for sure.

10:12 a.m. — We make conditioner from this amazing concentrate. I suspect I need a grater of some sort to really get the bar fine and made into small shavings, which would make the melting process easier. I make a mental note to buy one just for this purpose so I don’t contaminate too many items. If not, I spend at least 10 minutes stirring it, trying to get it to melt:

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time. We have his favourite – fries, and I cover them in siracha.

1:00 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap. I am beading and watching videos.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom.

3:44 p.m. — I lie in bed reading. Little Bun is watching funny Mr. Bean videos with his father. They both LOVE Mr. Bean and the laughter gets so loud, I have to go into the bedroom, close the door and try to gain some peace.

5:12 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery and pots, and I am doing laundry for kitchen towels.

6:25 p.m. — I go through my emails and To Do, and throw some money into the stock market.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. Philosophy book again, and he wants to know if we think we are brains in a jar, and we go through the fantastical idea, and think about it Matrix style – what if this is all an illusion?

Spent: $0

DAY SEVEN

6:00 a.m. — After he has his breakfast, he runs and checks on the herbs. He remembered me saying we have to check on them every day to water them or not, and move them into the sunlight. I feel like if we were allowed to have pets, he would be a wonderful candidate to love a dog or a cat and care for them diligently.

7:14 a.m. —  He has breakfast.

8:08 a.m. — We head into the bedroom to upcycle in the closet and work on the pieces we made before and started painting.

8:55 a.m. — He wants me to play Tint instead, and likes figuring out the puzzles of how to get colours to get from one place to another.

9:23 a.m. — I make a quick early lunch.

10:15 a.m. — In the closet, we are painting clay. He tells me everything looks “SO GOLD”, I tell him it’s because I love gold.

10:46 a.m. — We check on the plants and move them into the sunlight during the morning.

11:10 a.m. — I end up conking out beside him on the bed and napping. I am just so incredibly tired.

12:57 p.m. — He keeps trying to wake me up because he knows if I sleep too long I will not sleep at night. I am trying to go back to sleep but then he says: Okay Mommy… but Mommy, if you sleep too long, you won’t be able to sleep at night, remember?  He’s right.  I thank him for looking out for me and I wake myself up.

1:36 p.m. — He’s “napping” but it sounds like he is playing and arguing with his father in the bedroom. His father likely also wants to nap in peace as well, so….

1:40 p.m. — I debate making a cup of tea because it might wake me up some more. I decide to have one. I also am going to start letting teas go to friends, like in a tea swap. Life is too short to drink tea I do not enjoy and to force myself to do it because I spent so much money. I have realized I only like premium Marco Polo or Earl Grey. The rest don’t do it for me.

3:05 p.m. — Up from his nap.

6:22 p.m. — Dinner done, laundry done, I go through my checklist of other things to finish.

7:19 p.m. — Little Bun does his schooling and then starts a new book that is called: Daddy’s Advice.

9:03 p.m. — Time for bed.

Spent: $

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Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.