??:?? — I wake up shivering. Little Bun has curled himself up like a cat on top of me, but then rolled off and took all the blankets with him, leaving me with one to wrap myself in (insufficient), and is now sleeping on them. I won’t be able to grab my blankets back without waking him. At least he’s cute. I stare at him blearily, absorbing in his little boy features and long lashes as he snuffle snorts.
6:30 a.m. — I tried to go back to sleep after he relinquished some blankets for me to pull over myself and stay warm, but … then he wakes up and runs to the bathroom. When he’s awake, he’s awake. The sun is super bright in the living room with the time changing.
6:47 a.m. — I see online people are still gathering in churches and mass and ignoring the rules to stay at home in the United States. I’m speechless. It’s like they think they’re immune to the virus if they’re in a holy place. I can’t even….
7:08 a.m. — I make a cup of tea and sip it, thinking of how lucky I am to be in a condo that is paid for with no mortgage, at least that stress is off my mind, but also that my apartment is filled with ceiling to floor windows wrapping around it, so it feels like I am sitting outside without being outside, which has really helped my claustrophobia. I think of those who are renting basements or dark dingy places, and how awful they must feel if they’re craving a little sunlight and fresh air but are asked to stay inside 24/7. 🙁
8:18 a.m. —I reheat up my tea. It goes cold when I get distracted, so I tend to reheat it 3 times before I drink it all.
10:01 a.m. — My partner watches the news on COVID-19 and I try to drown it out. I can’t handle it right now.
11:47 a.m. — I look at cute puppies to calm down. And I am allergic to them!!!!! You’re welcome.
1:02 p.m. — Little Bun goes down for his nap.
1:48 p.m. — Little Bun runs out from his “nap” to go to the bathroom. My partner handles it while I eat my lunch – made sushi again out of just rolling some quinoa and beets into some seaweed. The flavour of the ocean comes through in the wrapper and tricks me a little into thinking it IS sushi.
2:16 p.m. — I make a cup of lemongrass and honey tea because my throat is a little scratchy. Somehow Little Bun caught a cold without going out and passed it on to me.
2:22 p.m. — I am so excited, I just discover a brand with the most beautiful prints called Ofuure and THEY ARE CANADIAN!!! Just look at some pieces that can be worn TEN different ways (you twist the straps):
And the Instagrammer @the_real_chi who wore it:
Once I get a job, I am definitely buying one of these dresses. FOR SURE. *eyes as hearts*
You can twist them around to wear the straps in many different ways, and the slit is adjustable with a zipper to be high or lower..
3:56 p.m. — Little Bun is up. He gets milk and then asks for a surprise. SURPRISE? You don’t get one every day!
5:22 p.m. — I take a shower, and slather myself in my favourite, locally made, vegan cream from Audre Leigh that smells divine and is plastic-free (glass bottle, metal top). It makes showering so luxurious.
5:25 p.m. — I make spaghetti with olive oil and salt. Simple.
6:17 p.m. — I do all the dishes, and wipe everything down plus a load of laundry. My partner in the meantime is making paper airplanes for Little Bun and he is having a heck of a good time. This is how you make THE BEST paper airplane that floats well.
7:50 p.m. — I finally finish ALL the pots, pans, and everything… Little Bun refuses to read a book, he’s having way too much fun with this plane.
8:27 p.m. — He gets cued for bedtime, and I brush my teeth and wash my face again (I think I got olive oil on my cheek while eating spaghetti)
??:?? — I wake up .. somewhat refreshed and cuddle with Little Bun.
7:59 a.m. — I make tea.
8:08 a.m. — The applications for unemployment open online in Canada, but I don’t bother – I don’t need the money, and it is just adding more debt to the country. I want the money to go to those who really need it and have lost their jobs. Anyway, what is $8000 going to do for me? Nothing. Even if I qualified (and I don’t, as I don’t take employment income but dividends from my company), I don’t need the money as I have side income also coming in, which disqualifies me.
10:12 a.m. — I spend the day backing up files and creating some sort of organization for all of my scanned files. I am keeping personal information OFF the laptop, onto 2 external hard drives – these 5TB Seagate ones – and it spans my life – work, jobs, career notes, personal letters and cards I scanned, work I did for my mother, legal documents, complaints, etc. I need to come at this with a fresh mind because I feel like it isn’t ORGANIZED enough. It doesn’t make sense…
10:12 a.m. — My partner makes pizza as a treat. It throws me off and I think it is later in the week but he made it 2 days early. I’m all disoriented about the calendar now.
5:12 p.m. — I make a bowl of spaghetti but overcook it, and feel a little sick eating it… it is mushy. My stomach immediately hurts afterwards…
9:21 p.m. — I read my book – The Heretic Queen – SUCH A GOOD READ. I am so hooked into the book I keep going until it is a little too far past his “bedtime”… It is written in the style as if you are there in the Egyptian court, and I expected some dry biography talking about facts of what happened, but instead, I got a rich, wonderful, history told from the first-person view of the princess. <3
??:?? — He wakes up and just sits there staring at me in the middle of the night. Annoyed, I tell him to go back down to sleep. He squeals, I firmly tuck him in.
??:?? — Washroom run. I take him, and then he falls back asleep.
6:57 a.m. — THANK GOODNESS HE SLEPT IN. It broke my sleep twice – I find it hard to go back to sleep after being interrupted, but at least he slept in and I don’t feel like an angry zombie.
7:19 a.m. — I make tea and drink it calmly, nice and hot.
8:23 a.m. — Little Bun runs out and asks his father for “something yummy to eat”, and my partner tells him tomorrow we will have pizza. The one good thing about them being home together so much is that he has really improved in speaking, and it is 75% at the level of his English. I just wish my partner would speak MORE.
8:35 a.m. — Little Bun asks to draw, but doesn’t know what he wants.
9:47 a.m. — I feel so blah today. I go to lie down for a nap and get ambushed by him jumping on me.
10:15 a.m. — I voice my displeasure at having to eat the same damn food for the past 4 weeks, and my partner sheepishly agrees to buy something new and to make real meals. YEAH HE HAS ALL THE TIME. I am not staying inside, being quarantined in isolation AND eating like I have no tastebuds.
12:47 p.m. — Little Bun takes time to tell his Stuffies: “Stuffies, time for bed. No wait. A nap! Time for a nap, babies. *kiss*“.. and he tucks them into their bed .. box? .. And then runs out and informs me that I have to come up with fun games for him to play as surprises when he wakes up from his nap. He suggests a few like “How about connect the dots with math problems to solve?”
Forget crazy scheduled schooling, this child is already coming up with lesson plans of his own… THAT I HAVE TO EXECUTE. *sigh*
3:19 p.m. — I nap on the floor in the living room while watching some Modern Family, and then wake up, feeling a bit more refreshed.
3:22 p.m. — I make a connect the dot picture for him.
3:23 p.m. — Little Bun wakes up, runs out to the living room like an angry little hippo and cries: LEAD ME TO MY SURPRISE!!!!! I WANT YOU TO LEAD ME TO MY SURPRISE NOW *sob sob sob*
I am shocked. Completely taken aback. I was just sitting here, and I am being yelled at? By a 6-year old? .. I tell him I don’t want to play with him if he is going to treat me like this.
He bursts into tears and runs into the bedroom.
3:40 p.m. — I find out after sobbing and crying and screaming, that he expected me to lead him to the surprise of connect the dot the minute he finished drinking his milk, but he neglected to communicate this to me before he napped, so I had no idea he expected any of this. I tell him he has to communicate and not scream at Mommy for not reading his mind. MALES. My partner is like this too. I think there’s a block in their brain in saying what they’re thinking.
3:53 p.m. — I finally calm him down, and lead him to the surprise just like I promised, and he colours it in happily, loving his surprise. I whisper to him: See? Just tell Mommy what you’re thinking. I didn’t know!
4:51 p.m. — I tell my partner I don’t actually need to work any more if we keep living like this in quarantine, as I can last for the next 80 years, but THIS IS NOT THE WAY I WANT TO LIVE. I mean, I am happy I can drop my expenses down to bare bones quickly (our fixed expenses are low), and I have a decent side income finally trickling in without a ton of work, but it is why I haven’t “retired”… aside from also loving my job of course.
He’s surprised. I don’t think he imagined I was at “early lean retirement” (he is 15 years older)… but he told me — but you don’t have any budget for vacations or shopping then? .. I told him “No” which is why I am not keen on retiring early, as-is.
5:49 p.m. — I make myself a small pasta dinner, I am getting sick of this food so I am eating less and less… I guess this is good and bad.
6:11 p.m. — I start on my book, and in between, I am practicing Handstands, and I MANAGE TO HOLD IT FOR TWO SOLID SECONDS. This is how The Crow and The Headstand started – a few seconds and now I am much stronger / able to balance and hold them, 3-4 months later.
8:56 p.m. — I cue Little Bun for bedtime with letting him read books on my phone – through this app you can get free sample books, but you can’t seem to pay or sign up for them.. no idea why. He loves having the book read to him so he gets the stories, and it helps highlight the words so he learns them too.
9:13 p.m. — I reluctantly put down my book and go to sleep.
??:?? — I wake up with Little Bun breathing into my ear. He’s so snuggly and sweet when he sleeps, I want to cuddle him but I am afraid if I touch him he will wake up.
6:00 a.m. — I make matcha tea and Little Bun plays on Scholastic Learn At Home… having books read to him.
6:42 a.m. — I look in the sink after checking all my bank statements, accounts, etc… and wonder how the heck I cleaned everything at 7 p.m. last night and now it is FULL AGAIN? … WTF. It is like this sink can’t ever be kept empty. Constant dishes.
8:03 a.m. — I go to lie down and read my book, I am absorbed into the biographical first-person perspective writing of this wonderful writer Michelle Moran – she is now my favourite biographer. Her books are SO GOOD and ACCURATE because I have read other historical bios before and all the points ring 99% true.
10:44 a.m. — Little Bun discovers Snapchat and plays games on there for the morning.
11:03 a.m. — Lunch time. Pizza. What a treat, we got it twice this week!
12:08 p.m. — I watch the finale of Modern Family… I have watched them for years and it is time to move on for sure, but they were hilarious.
12:30 p.m. — TRUTH
1:11 p.m. — Little Bun goes down for his nap but not before informing me of his rules — apparently I have to draw another connect-the-dot picture for him but this time I have to go into the bedroom and lead him to his surprise unlike the last time, where he burst into tears when I didn’t read his mind to do exactly that.
He informs me in a matter-of-a-fact way that he expects to be LED by the HAND to the SURPRISE, emphasizing the words and making eye contact with me to make sure I understand.
(We had a chat about this the last time he lost his crap on me when I couldn’t read his mind, I told him he needed to communicate more and this is him listening to me.)
3:15 p.m. — He wakes up and I lead him out to the front (I promised!) where I drew a connect-a-dot pizza picture. He colours it in with black dots because it is an olive pizza (or so he told his father).
4:26 p.m. — I start on all the dishes and he gets engrossed in a new FREE app I got for him to learn French. He’s obsessed with getting the gold trophy in the app, and is working through all the challenges to spell and select the right word based on sound to get 3 stars and then the final prize. He’s quite persistent in finishing challenges which is something he likely picked up from us.
5:40 p.m. — Dishes done, and drying, I make a quick little pasta meal. I am not as angry at it today, I think it depends on how much I overcook the pasta because I prefer it perfectly done and al dente – the last batch I made, I did 10 minutes exactly but it was underdone by about one minute, but then I overcooked it and felt sick eating mush.
6:12 p.m. — I play with Little Bun a bit, and then he eagerly goes back to his app (he really really wants that golden trophy)… and I give up and read my book, which sucks me right into past 9 p.m. O_o He does a book reading with his father, brushed his teeth and I couldn’t even put the book down while brushing my teeth. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.
9:33 p.m. — I put my book down reluctantly and hustle him into bed. We make up a Lucy Lobster story (she made a robot this time…) and then he tells me he loved everything about today.
??:?? — Squealing from the cold, I wrap him in my blanket.
??:?? — He wakes up furious that he isn’t wrapped in his OWN blanket. Are you kidding me right now!? I re-wrap him.
6:00 a.m. — Exhausted. This was a terrible night. Plus it just started raining yesterday and the barometric pressure drop made me feel so fatigued and nauseous…
6:29 a.m. — He goes immediately to his app to study and get that golden trophy.
7:48 a.m. — Little Bun: *makes baby noises and sticks his foot out at me* — my foot is cute and you have to kiss it! ….. I kiss it. Because he’s my baby.
7:59 a.m. — I make a tea. How did the time pass by so quickly?
8:08 a.m. — Little Bun asks me for a new paid app (he got the golden trophy). I tell him I cannot buy any apps for him until I have money because I lost my job, but I will show him my budget at the end of the month and if there is money, then we will evaluate my budget together. He asked me why and I tell him because I don’t have money coming in – my job gave me money. (If I let him loose, he would buy $50 in apps each month…)
10:12 a.m. — “Mommy, my hands are little babies! This one is Lucy and the other is Jane.” .. I ask him later — “Why did you choose the names Lucy and Jane?“… and he tells me: “Well Lucy is a girl, and Jane is the boy. It can’t be two girls and two boys, it doesn’t seem equal. And they’re the same age. They’re twins.” ….
Well. 🙂 at least something I am saying to him is getting through about equality. I guess a boy could be named Jane, or “Jain”.. they are just names after all, and girls are named boy’s names too, and vice versa.
11:44 a.m. — We have lunch and my partner eyes me.. he knows I am getting sick of eating the same thing over and over again. He better bring some fresh new food next week.
3:00 p.m. — Little Bun is up and I snuggle him.
4:07 p.m. — I make a cup of lemongrass tea with some honey, and watch some Sherlock. Such a great series.
4:25 p.m. — This print-mixing is so inspirational. I am going to try and do the same in my own closet, I post a lot of my inspiration shots in Pinterest @saverspender:
5:09 p.m. — I take a shower and then work on a post on a capsule wardrobe… I have to basically dress in every outfit, and if I am planning on doing 50 that is a LOT of outfit changes. I only make it through 9 which is pretty good, and frankly, I wish I had a little clicker or something that would make this easier so I didn’t have to rush back and forth in heels. Much respect to fashion bloggers….
6:25 p.m. — Little Bun reads with his father and then listens to read-a-long books online. He loves hearing new stories and with new books, as much as he loves cuddling with me and reading although lately he told me it was boring to read books. *sniff*
6:36 p.m. — I make pasta for myself and wash the dishes. I have taken to adding cayenne pepper to everything because I miss spicy foods and my partner can’t handle them due to his stomach issues.
7:15 p.m. — My partner sends me the budget for the month so far, and I ask him in shock what we spent $1700 on in groceries this month considering I haven’t seen anything fancy in the fridge!!!….
He looks at me and says: What? $1700? No, that’s a mistake. .. and he checks the numbers and realizes he put an extra 1 by accident in the number and instead of $174.17 he wrote $1714.14 …. I sigh in relief. He would have caught his mistake, but I was just shocked at the amount as I couldn’t actually see what he bought.
7:55 p.m. — Little Bun goes and brushes his teeth.
8:41 p.m. — I don’t start on my book before bedtime because I will certainly want to keep reading beyond the time so we cuddle on the bed as he watches videos.
9:23 p.m. — He runs out to the living room to play with blocks and his father gently pushes him towards the bedroom – time for bed!!
??:?? — He wakes me up just as I fell asleep, I am VERY ANNOYED. Why is he awake and running around the room after having lain down and snored?
??:?? — He wakes up screaming.
??:?? — More screaming.
6:20 a.m. — He wakes up and starts the morning grumpy, annoying the F out of me and I am trying to hold in my patience because I am getting very annoyed with him. He was standing on his chair with his socks on, and he would have fallen down if he wasn’t careful. I told him once, then twice, and he starts crying and whining about how he didn’t hear me, etc. I DO NOT THINK SO. He is annoying me.
6:47 a.m. — We continue the discussion, and he keeps trying to tell me he didn’t hear me, he didn’t do anything… this is all nonsense. I am going to lose my patience if he doesn’t behave and we will not be doing the NICE WAY for anything this morning until his nap. I will f$%king lose my mind.
9:15 a.m. — I find a few free apps for him and leave him in the bedroom. Everyone needs a break.
11:28 a.m. — We eat crêpes for lunch.
1:03 p.m. — He goes down for the nap after informing his father it was time for him to also nap with him.
1:03 p.m. — I take the time to work on taking more pictures of outfits made from my minimalist business casual woman’s capsule wardrobe, featuring different outfits, with some examples:
This post shows: MM Lafleur Lenox Skirt = 16 outfits
This post shows: Theory Treeca Wool Pants = 19 outfits
4:16 p.m. — I do all the dishes and then make a pasta meal.
7:28 p.m. — Little Bun convinces me to buy an app for him for his second language. I pay for it.. $4.59
7:28 p.m. — I finish feeding Little Bun and putting away the kitchen towels my partner put in the wash and dried.
7:34 p.m. — Time for reading. He doesn’t want to read and throws a fit, which causes his father to get upset and iPad and laptop privileges are revoked for tomorrow which turns into a screaming/crying match.
8:04 p.m. — He sobs on my chest: You aren’t being nice to me!…. and I tell him my job is not to be nice, it is to love and care for him, and part of that is education to make sure he learns how to read, write and speak properly in both languages. He stops his sobbing and contemplates that. Then intermittently bursts into tears again.
8:22 p.m. — Bursts into sobs again, realizing he won’t get the iPad or laptop for videos tomorrow. I console him with an extra Lucy Lobster story and in my second story, I slyly mention how naughty Lucy Lobster learns how her Mommy Lobster had to tell her (surprisingly) THE EXACT SAME SPEECH and lecture on how she is there to love Lucy, not be her friend.
??:?? — He screamed 7 times last night, each JUST AS I WAS FALLING ASLEEP. I am so… freaking annoyed.
??:?? — I am very very VERY tired.
6:20 a.m. — He bursts into tears when I tell him that BOTH the iPad and laptop are revoked. Somehow he thought only the iPad was gone, and said: Well but Daddy doesn’t mind if I read books on the laptop right? (Via an online read-a-long site).
I had to gently remind him in between his tears and crying that it is BOTH gone today, but if he wants, I will sneak him a little laptop time until Daddy wakes up to read along with a book. He shakes his head firmly and pushes the laptop screen closed because…. he self-polices.
Little Bun since he was around 4, has always self-policed by not eating dessert until he has had his proper dinner with vegetables, and TELLING ME he can’t eat any dessert until the veggies are eaten.
He also is very careful not to do anything against our rules, just because… he just.. doesn’t. I don’t know how to explain it except he has a strong sense of respecting authority just as I did when I was a little girl, so maybe that comes from me.
6:20 a.m. — Lots of crying on my chest: SO EVERYTHING IS GONE if I don’t listen? .. he sobs. I snuggle him and tell him that he chose the Hard Way by not listening, so yes, everything is gone until tomorrow. This is a hard lesson for him to learn, and it is sinking in that when we say it, we mean it.
7:59 a.m. — Little Bun practices in his activity book in the bedroom with me, and his writing has changed again from being little robot letters into something more fanciful:
Under SQU you can see he wrote: Square and then was in the middle of writing Squa(sh)… and below that, Stripe
His little “q” is like a G with a circle at the top, or a coiled cobra … as I see it. Very hieroglyphic! And his little “t” has become very fancy.
8:26 a.m. — Sneakily, he asks me if I revoke the iPad and “throw it in the garbage” (as we have done with his toys when he was younger to teach him a lesson of who is the boss around here, and that he cannot take his toys and mistreat them or use them to bash the home)..
….he asks me if I would have to replace the old iPad with a newer, faster one (to be fair, the old iPad is at least 7 years old…). I side-eye him and tell him a new iPad is almost $1000 and I do not have the money for that.
8:44 a.m. — He eats pasta with cheese.
9:50 a.m. — His father shoos him back into the bedroom because he is cooking and doesn’t want the virus on anything in case it is on the food or packaging. He runs back crying. Again.
9:54 a.m. — Calm and distracted with some Snapchat funny videos of ourselves with bunny ears and so on, he forgets about being hungry.
10:39 a.m. — He sobs in the bedroom that he wants to eat (omg.. so much drama today).. and I tell him to wait patiently, and in the meantime, we can vacuum up all the dust bunnies. Would he like that? He nods eagerly and tells me that we’re getting THE WHOLE FAMILY of dust bunnies! The mommies, daddies, cousins, uncles, aunts… THEY ARE ALL GETTING VACUUMED UP, he tells me gleefully.
12:09 p.m. — Lunchtime. I’m beat.
12:37 p.m. — My brain winds down, and I watch BBC Servants – The True Life Story of Below the Stairs – this is a FANTASTIC documentary, please take the time to watch it. You’d be horrified.
1:53 p.m. — Do I have energy to take more photos for my outfits? No. I think I will relax on the floor.
2:01 p.m. — I forgot my pillow and blanket so I stay in my chair and finish this eye-opening piece on being a servant in the past. I will NEVER BE AN INGRATE for living in this day and age as a modern woman who wasn’t born into an ultra-rich family, let alone a rich one. This book in particular – Unmentionable: Being a woman in the Victorian age really opened my eyes MORE to what it was like back then. I knew it was bad, but the details are horrifying.
4:25 p.m. — I make a light meal of pasta and then do all the dishes and feed Little Bun.
5:13 p.m. — Little Bun goes and entertains himself somewhat in the bedroom reading books alone. I’m glad he can read because it means he can do things on his own.
6:27 p.m. — We do an Activity Book together on the floor. He is able to do a few pages before losing interest, and I never push him.
7:22 p.m. — Little Bun runs out to talk to me and starts grunting like an angry baby hippo because I am talking to his father and we are having a conversation.
I hold his hoof in my hand and he grunts, shakes his body and convulses like he is in pain because I am not paying attention to him.
7:23 p.m. — I stop and scold him: You need to wait your turn and stop interrupting me. Mommy and Daddy are talking. You WAIT. ….. and then his father warns him: Behave or the iPad & computer are gone again tomorrow.
He convulses some more, grunting, and I pull him onto my lap, and then he … gives up (?) I guess and just lays across my chest.
7:24 p.m. — When we are done talking he tells me: THAT WAS SO LONG!! IT WAS FOREVER YOU WERE TALKING…. and I lecture him again on interrupting me and taking turns to which he starts to squeal and convulse again (he does this when he doesn’t want to hear anything ‘bad’).
7:25 p.m. — I scold him again for having a temper tantrum and tell him: ENOUGH. I have had enough of you not waiting your turn and interrupting. YOU ran into the living room to tell me something but we were talking, so you need to WAIT.
7:27 p.m. — He runs back to the bedroom and I follow him after I shut down the laptop. He was reading a book on How Things Work and I guess he wanted to show me something but then forgot what it was because he is so used to just blurting out things and getting our attention right away.
8:11 p.m. — In the bedroom, after a little while of playing, he tells me: Mommy you weren’t being nice to me back there, but that’s because it isn’t your job to be nice to me …. (he’s a little confused as he is saying this).
I repeat firmly: It isn’t my job to be nice to you or to be your friend. I am your Mommy, it is my job to love and care for you, and to make sure you grow up with manners and proper knowledge and education. That’s my job.
You can always come to me for anything and I will not tell you lies to be nice to you or to be your friend. I will tell you the truth because I love you.
8:45 p.m. — Time for bed. I tell him a Lucy story and we drift off to sleep.
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.