In Budgeting, Canada, Discussions, Money, Week of Money Diary

Week of Money: Where I am propositioned to start an affair

DAY ONE

??:?? — Tired. Back was aching.

6:20 a.m. — He “slept” in, thank goodness. Coulda done with another hour or two. I am even trying to nap while he drinks milk, eyes closed, half dozing.

7:00 a.m. — Immediately log in and am thrown into work issues.

8:45 a.m. — Conference call. Everyone is panicking. I mean… I would panic too but you get what you get, and this is not a massive disaster. It’s fixable. We just need to be careful and we had a lot of issues because people didn’t do things correctly. *shrug* This is what you get when you don’t give enough time, have the right people, or spread them (like me) too thin on 3 projects at once. Things get missed, the ball gets dropped. Whaddya want us to do? Stop b*tching, fix it, learn and move on.

9:30 a.m. — I leave to run errands quickly so I can be back for lunch. I can take a bit longer because I am still working while I am out (no for real, I take conference calls in the car, and log in when I am in the parking lot to check emails).

10:00 a.m. — Am on a call right now. Pulled into it last minute, huge kerfuffle because the replacement I am training who is suppose to take over my job, doesn’t know WTF she is doing and says so on the phone in front of clients. OMFG. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. I take myself off mute and salvage the situation.

10:40 a.m. — Disgusted, I head into the store and I manage to get everything I want for the home (I had a huge list) on sale and I am so ELATED. $744.56

11:37 a.m. — Another call. LEAVE ME ALONE. Urgh. I find it really frustrating with all the levels of management that each time you explain something (you pretty much write the brief for them), it gets sent to THEIR manager, who then reads it, calls me directly to ask questions, and then sends it to THEIR manager to approve who (you guessed it) also needs to call me to understand what is going on. Can’t you all talk to each other and leave me out of this? I spend the next hour on the phone, tearing my hair out.

1:15 p.m. — HOME! As I try to sneak in the door quietly (this is hard with 4 big bags), I hear Little Bun pipe up from the bedroom telling his father: “Daddy, it’s Mommy…!” But he stays in bed, now probably thrilled that I am at home and going to bring his milk to him (which is what he always wanted, and the reason why I rushed home today).

1:38 p.m. — My partner leaves. Have another call at three, I hope my partner is home by then so I can concentrate but even if he isn’t, I’ll make do.


4:21 p.m. — This call is sucking out my will to live. MY WILL TO LIVE IS GONE.

4:42 p.m. — DEAD. I AM DEAD. This meeting was useless. I went along with it because I am on the call and can just do other stuff in the meantime while waiting (like scroll on Instagram while listening) but … damn y’all. You ate HOURS of my life, and you OWE ME. GRR.

5:25 p.m. — I start a load of laundry, and play with Little Bun. He has been hassling me about learning more multiplication and doing fractions. My brain is SHOT after work, so I am not as willing as I should be. I feel like a terrible mother.

5:37 p.m. — My style inspo as of late. I love it all. Big cuffs, big sweater… The cuffs seem a little impractical because they are just a tad too big but I love the rest of it.

6:25 p.m. — I feed Little Bun his dinner, and right afterwards, he runs to his father and BEGS for rice pudding. His father gives in (he’s pretty good at being strict but also lenient..)

8:50 p.m. — Time for bed.

Spent: $744.56

DAY TWO

??:?? — I wake up. It feels early. IT FEELS EARLY.

5:00 a.m. — Yep. 🙁

5:50 a.m. — I get dressed and go to work. I am wearing all black today — black trench dress, black studded belt, black shawl.

7:19 a.m. — At work, jackass colleague makes a comment about how he didn’t know they were shooting Matrix 3. I very loudly tell him to: Shut the f*ck up. He is shocked but grinning after. Jackass. I’ll be sure to really tell him to f*ck off more often. I don’t see the point of being mean to other people and making comments like that, in a mean-spirited manner. It isn’t even a joke. And it sours my entire day, this ass, even though I try not to let it.

7:21 a.m. — I really want to buy a treat. I resist. No chai latte. RESIST. DRINK ALL OF YOUR LOOSE LEAF TEA, GIRL.

8:00 a.m. — Meeting. Yes for real. EIGHT A.M. MEETINGS.

9:25 a.m. — I leave for my next meeting. Back to back.

10:55 a.m. — I eat my lunch. I am too hungry to wait. I also want to buy a treat (chicken wings) but resist.

12:00 p.m. — I go and pick up two jackets for Little Bun (larger sizes) that are deeply discounted from the winter sale. $55.97

4:04 p.m. — In the car, on the way home I get a call from a VP and spend an hour arguing / discussing loudly. I am parked in the parking lot of my building, talking.

4:50 p.m. — Call over. I head home, exhausted.

5:10 p.m. — My partner heads out to run errands. I hope he brings dinner back or else I am going to be eating my lunch for the next day as dinner.

6:57 p.m. — I start drying laundry, and watch the newest episode of This is Us (fantastic drama).

8:28 p.m. — Time for bed.

Spent: $55.97

DAY THREE

6:00 a.m. — I wake up, log in, make a tea and work.

12:08 p.m. — Little Bun refuses to nap. I don’t force him, he was in there for a half hour wiggling around. Good enough.

12:28 p.m. — He comes out and I tell him he has to be quiet so I can think and he nods. I’m trying to concentrate on all of these forms that jump from one place to another and it is frustrating making sure it is covered.

3:54 p.m. — I log off work.

4:55 p.m. — I am beside myself. Where is that receipt I need? I knew I had to return something and this is almost $100. WHERE IS THIS RECEIPT?

5:16 p.m. —I tear apart my desk.

5:40 p.m. —I go through all my bags, my coats.. oh. I find one other useless receipt for a croissant stuffed in a coat. I go through every single pocket twice. OMG. Am I just going to have to eat this $100 bill??

5:54 p.m. — I go downstairs and check the mail. One of the concierges there sees me, and is so happy. He pulls out a box of chocolates and says it is for my son, and that he is pleased to know us. How nice is that?? I thank him, and am very touched.

6:02 p.m. — As a side note I think it says a lot when you treat everyone around you well and think about them because even the little things matter. I was the one who emailed the entire building unknowingly, asking them to give me the names of all the concierges because I had planned on a gift for them. I didn’t know I emailed each homeowner in a central address! I thought it was just administration, but the end goal was the guys got lots of cards and thank yous which is incredibly appreciated since everyone seemed to have forgotten about them.

6:03 p.m. — My mother does something similar with the cleaning and administrative staff where she works — that is where I picked up this idea.

6:10 p.m. — Little Bun squeals when he sees me and then my partner goes out to run errands.

6:35 p.m. — I am getting my desk prepped and Little Bun lays down on the floor dramatically, flat on his back like a starfish and rubs his belly 30 times furiously, saying: I AM SOOOOOOOO HUNGRY MOMMY!!! My belly is CRYING.

6:36 p.m. — OMG. “My belly is crying”….. I’m dead.

6:40 p.m. — I calm down from my fit of giggles and prepare his dinner.

6:59 p.m. — I do a load of laundry and then set out my clothes for tomorrow.

8:22 p.m. —  Time for bed.

Spent: $0

DAY FOUR

??:?? — I am up early. Tired. As usual. Stupid back.

6:00 a.m. — I log in and start working.


4:08 p.m. — I log off for the day. I can’t even detail what I did all day because I was THAT. BUSY.

8:28 p.m. — Time for bed. This whole day was a blur.

Spent: $0

DAY FIVE

??:?? — I wake up tired. This feels early again, and he “slept in” an hour until 6 only because he refused to nap yesterday.

6:06 a.m. — I cuddle and kiss him, and the first words out of his mouth are: CAKE!? His father had been promising him that they’d bake a cake today together so he has been eying the calendar all week, asking when they would make this cake and when they would eat it. Very cute.

6:07 a.m. — I grab his milk, and inspect these massive pimples on my brow bone and on my upper lip. Sigh. I have a feeling it is the products I’m using that are breaking me out, mostly the Azelaic acid from Paula’s choice, so I’ll lay off that (too moisturizing?) and see if my skin improves.

6:17 a.m. — Little Bun comes up and says so sweetly in his little boy voice, all concerned: Mommy? Does your back still hurt? Can I check it? I lift up my top and he leans in, rubs a little baby paw over my back and then kisses it better. Hearts. HEARTS IN MY EYES.

6:40 a.m. — I get ready for work, decide on a silk top and Little Bun chose a big necklace and a watch. I got the second necklace from Massimo Dutti yesterday and in photos it looked sparkly and pretty but in person not so much. It was just a marbled stone. Ugly. Getting my $60 back for that for sure..

6:51 a.m. — Today is one of those uninspired outfits of just a top, big necklaces, jeans and a wrap shawl with some suede loafers. A uniform.

7:09 a.m. —  I head out but forget my phone so I come back up for it.

7:22 a.m. — At work, instant nonsense. I don’t have a lunch today so I will treat myself to a burger and am looking forward to it.

11:25 a.m. — I kind of also want some wings but they are super pricey and I know today my partner is making a killer meal. I may get the wings anyway.

12:30 p.m. — I finally take a break for lunch and I wolf down the burger. $10.80

3:27 p.m. — I head home early. I worked late this week, screaming at that VP at night took something out of me.

4:30 p.m. — I decide to go through all my folders again. Slowly this time. I need to find this receipt or I am out $100.

4:47 p.m. —AH HAH!!!!! I didn’t trust my process again but I saved a receipt in a folder that I use for current papers I have to handle (like an Inbox), because I knew I would need it and didn’t want to accidentally toss it. I should have trusted myself. I am relieved. Not eating a $100 bill.

5:26 p.m. — I play with Little Bun. He bursts out into tears when I don’t understand his mumbling (and I tell him so which sets him off) and through his pink faced crying, tears running down his face he says: “I DON’T LIKE THESE SAD DROPS. I want to kill these sad drops!!” And he starts furiously wiping his eyes.

5:27 p.m. — “Sad drops!!” … I mean. I MEAN. Who has ever called “tears” that!? It is cute but then I’m frantically trying to calm him down. I only appreciate the cuteness afterwards.

6:28 p.m. — Dinner

8:09 p.m. — Time for bed.

Spent: $10.80

DAY SIX

6:00 a.m. — I wake up tired. Still not sleeping well because of my back.

7:59 a.m. — I make tea, and putter around, cleaning up and organizing while Little Bun runs around waiting for breakfast.

8:40 a.m. — Laundry, cleaning… lots of work. I am organizing huge bags of things to return, receipts….

9:17 a.m. — I remember to email that doorman who gave the chocolates, and I pull out the business card he and his wife runs together, and write: Hey just dropping a note!

11:08 a.m. — I get ready to head out. Lots of stuff to do. TONS OF HOUSEHOLD RETURNS.

11:48 a.m. — I return all the cutlery. -$496.41

12:35 p.m. — I return the cups. – $293.56

2:20 p.m. — I fall in LOVE with a necklace that says ‘love’ and I buy it because it is $15 and reminds me so much of Little Bun each time I see it. $17.25

https://bananarepublic.gapcanada.ca/browse/product.do?pcid=5001&vid=1&pid=437041013&searchText=love+pendant

3:23 p.m. — I try on, and without knowing it, fall in love with this amazingly tailored jumpsuit deeply discounted down by 60%. I am so ex-jumpsuit because of finicky bathroom issues with it but my goodness it looks GOOD. It is pleated in the front, and makes me feel so chic in it, like a flight instructor or something. I have never felt a jumpsuit feel so good before, and it is Lyocell not polyester. $81.65

https://www.greatplains.co.uk/product/women/jgkac/everyday-luxe-belted-jumpsuit.htm

3:56 p.m. — I get an email back from the doorman that says: “Let’s be lovers.”

WHAT THE EFF IS GOING ON.

I am completely creeped out and horrified but decide it was an autocorrect mistake. How could it not be? This sounds very strange. I write back saying exactly that.

5:19 p.m. — Dinner time! I start laundry.

8:22 p.m. — Time for bed. I am pre-occupied with this creepy email. Must be fine.

Return: $789.97

Spent: $98.90

DAY SEVEN

6:30 a.m. — OMFG. Apparently that was not an autocorrect email. He goes through an entire spiel about how from the day he saw me say hello to him 2-3 years ago, he has been obsessed with me, even remembering down to the detail what I wore “stretch jeans and heels“..and I was “his favourite from that day onwards“. OMFG. OMFG. OMFG OMFG. He tells me to meet him downstairs early in the morning during his shift for more info. NO EFFING GODDAMN WAY.

6:47 a.m. — I write back immediately saying very clearly “No” and that it is inappropriate for him to be saying that. I feel creeped out all over. And slimy.

8:38 a.m. — I messaged my friend earlier that day (she helped me with that whole stalking thing that happened that also threw me). Why the eff does this stuff keep happening to me? What is going on???? My friend reassures me that it is not me, it is them. She tells me I don’t have to change who I am (e.g. be less friendly, be more of a b*tch, stop talking… etc). It would be hard to change who I am anyway…

9:08 a.m. — He writes back saying he will never contact me again. Of course you won’t. Now I have to figure out how to deal with this.

9:34 a.m. — She calms me down in the car as I am freaking out slightly. She tells me I have to report it, and even report it to the police. I am not certain about the police part but she says it means he won’t have a record if he keeps doing this. WHAT THE EFF. If I had never emailed him, never went down on that day before early in the morning to pick up packages. #%(#@@! Now I have a stress on my mind, I am freaking out slightly, I am worried, paranoid… I really don’t need this.

11:15 a.m. — I get my errands done. I am just feeling knots now. I keep thinking back to what my friend said about it being about other people, not about me. It isn’t me. I know I did not give off any vibes of interest, I treat everyone the same (men, women, children, pets) all alike, and it is not me. It is them. These guys taking it the wrong way. The same way I can be nice to a woman let’s say, and for her to be suspicious of me anyway because I’m young (like a certain VP I work with).

12:28 p.m. — I head home, and have a lunch. My partner already ate. He heads out to do errands. I’m just stressed now. I write that email to the administrative board and condo manager, and tell them the situation.

1:00 p.m. — Little Bun REFUSES TO NAP. I really do not need this right now. He finally goes down when I threaten telling his father that he did not listen to me, and he will now not get the treats his father made for him all week. He pouts. But goes down.

1:01 p.m. —I soften my stance, and tell him that it is hard on Mommy today, I am having a rough day, and if he could just try for 15 minutes to sleep, I would be happy. He nods and goes down. I kiss him.

1:05 p.m. — Crap. Left the soap in the bathroom. I have to go back in, and he bursts out into tears, sobbing softly with a pink face (he had been crying apparently while I was in the living room) that he doesn’t ever want to nap. I grab the soap, ignore him (easy, got headphones in), and throw the soap into the machine, then put the soap away, and firmly kiss him and tell him to nap.

1:20 p.m. — I check on him. Out like a light. KNEW IT. He was too grumpy and irritable today, to not need a nap.

2:41 p.m. — He wakes up from his nap while I was working and trying to get my taxes done.

2:55 p.m. — I hug and kiss him, and tell him that he needed that nap, SEE!?

3:11 p.m. — Throughout the entire day, I am still thinking about what I did, my actions, what I said, what we talked about. Nothing to me seemed out of the ordinary, I have acted exactly the same way with everyone I have come across. I always try to engage people around me in conversation, to get to know them as people, and it has worked well my entire life 90% of the time. I can’t help but keep running it over in my head.

4:29 p.m. — My partner gets home. We do laundry, I play with Little Bun with connect-the-dot papers I printed, and I try to organize my receipts. This is getting crazy, I need a filing system, something bigger than just one folder.

6:25 p.m. — Dinner. Little Bun refuses his vegetable stew but then eats it when his father waves rice pudding in his face.

8:43 p.m. — Time for bed. I am already in bed, half dozing off.

Spent: $0

———-

Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.

Share Tweet Pin It +1

Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

Millionaire at 36 after getting out of $60K of student debt in 18 months, a little over a decade earlier, using TheBudgetingTool.com. Since then, I have paid my $600K home in cash (my half was $300K), my $180K casr in cash, worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K with an average lifetime savings rate of 50%. I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I am all about balance - between time and money, and also enjoying my money. I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

You may also like

Previous PostHow to be more productive at work when you feel like you're drowning in it
Next PostAsk Sherry: What is the best investment you've ever made?

10 Comments

  1. Revanche @ A Gai Shan Life

    I can’t stand men like that – this is their place of business and your home, both places they should be respectful and where there are boundaries!! His pulling this crap is so inappropriate and gross. And not at all on you. We should not have to edit ourselves for men to not be unprofessional or gross! They should behave correctly in the first place and be held accountable for that 😠

    The sad thing is he was probably so brazen because he thinks nothing is wrong with it and he’s gotten away with harassing women before.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Thank you. I struggled with this a lot, and it is not something that is easily erased from one’s mind.

      Reply
  2. Anne

    I am sorry for your unpleasant experience.

    I have ended up in similar situations because of my friendly nature and being interested in people. I think those men were not socially talented or used to women being interested in them which is why they misinterpreted my friendliness and showed/worded their interest in me in a very clumsy manner.

    But everyone of those men also took no for an answer and never bothered me again, although we still lived/worked in the same place. I mostly felt sorry for them whenever I met them, they were so clearly reminded of their failure whenever seeing me. Some even started avoiding me. It sounds like the doorman in your building understood his mistake as well, so don’t think you have to worry about him bothering you again.

    Please don’t stop being friendly and connect with people, there’s nothing wrong with it. You might get some unpleasant experiences in the future as well, but think of all the good encounters that you’ve had thanks to your nature – there must be a lot more of those than the bad ones!

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      It was just so uncomfortable. I really wish social cues worked and I wasn’t so naive as well…

      Reply
  3. Sense

    Ugh. Seriously. He is SO inappropriate to cross the boundary like that. Not to mention he likely knows you have a partner (was it the same guy who gave Little Bun the chocolates?). Guys, this isn’t flattering, it is extremely creepy. He knows where you live! It is such an invasion of privacy and security of your home, which should be a safe space.

    His advances also put you in a very awkward position where you have to make an uncomfortable decision: a. you don’t report but potentially have to see him all the time or b. you report it and try to get him fired, which is an awful situation. He obviously didn’t think that you’d say no, or just didn’t think that far ahead. (Props for reporting, I think that was the wisest move–you can potentially save other women in your building from him!)

    You examining your words and actions is definitely an example of internalized misogyny. Women do this a lot–we turn these situations around and wonder if we should blame ourselves or our actions or words because we think we must have done or said something to bring the harassment on. We do this simply because society does the same thing. You did nothing to bring this on. It’s all in his head and his problem.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      So yes it was the same guy. It was a terrible sort of situation to be honest. I mean, I was in shock.

      Reply
  4. Jules

    Oh man, I can totally relate to your bad experience. Acts of kindness from a woman to a man can be (and are often) misinterpreted on the man’s end- a lot of them think that it is some sort of sexual advance, even if they know you have a partner, they think “wow, this woman went out of her way to be nice to me, she must be interested”. I think it has to do with the fact that women are generally the ones who will think of giving something to individuals to thank them, to recognize the work they do- men do not usually think to do such things (again I hate generalizing but this is what I have observed). All this being said, it is not your fault that this happened, do not change who you are, it is he who acted inadequately. Report it, be firm and do not put in doubt your actions, you did this out of the kindness of your heart, if you decide to toughen up to avoid these situations, it would be sad because there isn’t enough kindness in the world. There are a lot of bizarre people out there who do not understand social cues and norms, I think this is a case of that and also, he is probably a sleezeball, lol.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Thank you. I just .. I was just trying to be nice, and instead it is misinterpreted. It is hard to fight years of this being ingrained into me.

      Reply
  5. Gail

    I identify with your rehashing, analyzing, churning in your mind about conversations and events. You have experienced a miserable interchange, sure, that would make even one w/o a busy inner landscape think, but I suspect you generally play back conversations and incidents in your mind.)
    YOU HAVE TO REPORT behaviors such as THIS! I am so glad you did. To even consider that your friendliness would need to change is wrong: you have not crossed any lines–the jerk did. Keep on being you; we need you just the way you are.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Thank you. I really considered being less friendly, but it is difficult. I find it hard to pull back and suppress my instinct to connect with people.

      I have played back this in my head over and over again.

      Reply

Leave a Reply