Week of Money: Where I pledge to a Kickstarter to buy this amazing Author Clock
??:?? — I wake up snuggling with Little Bun.
5:40 a.m. — I log in and work. It is actually 6 a.m. but it is 5 after daylight savings. It sort of throws me off. It feels so much earlier too however.
7:59 a.m. — I work the whole morning. It’s back to back meetings.
10:15 a.m. — Today he had a meltdown and ran into the bedroom crying. After I got off my call – I was on a call while he lost it, I went in there calmly (I was too fatigued to muster any emotion other than tiredness). I ask him what was wrong and he said: I feel terrible about the way I acted *crying* .. and he tells me: I wish I could take a potion and never exist! … I am pretty angry at this statement. I tell him that this will never ever be something he can ever say to me again.
I told him for better or for worse, as bad as he thinks he is, I would NEVER wish for him to not exist. NEVER. I would take all the angry tears and screaming over not having him, and I wanted him to stop saying or even thinking this. I want him to know he is loved no matter what.
I have a small feeling he said it to kind of hurt me. He knows it makes me angry, and when I feel hurt that he says that about himself, it reinforces that I love him more than anything and it will never change. It is also his way to deflect me from being angry, but I find it manipulative, and I tell him so. I tell him I feel like he says that to hurt me, and to make me feel certain sad feelings and that he says it to make me feel sad that I would not have him in my life because he knows how much I love him.
I ask him if he thinks this is true, and I tell him I do not expect an answer, but I want him to examine why he says this to me often, that he wishes he were not born or did not exist when he acts out. I told him that no matter what happened, or what he did or said, I would never ever want to not have him, and I will love him one thousand percent.
12:08 p.m. — I happen to touch his hands and rub it, and realize his hands are all dried out!! He has been trying to stay so clean (he washes his hands after touching the iPad, or ANYTHING really), he has ruined his soft little baby hands. I gasp in horror. I grab some cream and start applying it to his hands all day to heal them. I tell him that he has to ease off the washing and only do it for after going to the bathroom, before and after eating, and only if his hands get dirty.
12:28 p.m. — Time for lunch.
2:40 p.m. — I pledge to the Kickstarter fund for this Author Clock. I DEFINITELY want this clock that essentially has book paragraphs or sentences for different times of the day.
5:56 p.m. — Little Bun and I are watching Sparking Joy and as I am typing to a friend, Nosy Bun peeks over my shoulder and says: Mommy it is spark-ING joy, not SPARK joy. … he’s an English freak like me. I used to correct things in my head when I saw misprinted, misspelled items, grammar… It’s cute but also annoying.
6:38 p.m. — He plays with these toys. They’re a mish mosh of books, toilet paper rolls (?) that he wanted to do arts and crafts with and other items. He makes up a game with the toilet paper rolls called: DESTROY THE CASTLE (the Stuffies attack the “castle” which are the stacked rolls.
He uses one of his made up Sock Babies (yes, socks, made into balls, and now called Babies) to knock it down:
8:45 p.m. — Time for bed. It is definitely time to sleep. We played a few rounds of Destroy the Castle and now we are good.
??:?? — I wake up before Little Bun, but he feels me move away to go to the bathroom and calls out: Mommy??? … He has a sixth sense for a warm adult sleeping next to him or not I guess. I come back to the bedroom and whisper that I just had to go to the bathroom. Did he want to wake up? (OF COURSE HE DOES.)
6:36 a.m. — I log in and work as I make a tea and watch the sun rise with him. He plays with blocks on the floor, singing to himself, creating games where he transports Stuffies, or knocks things over. He plays quite a lot by himself now, which is nice. I used to do the same thing as a kid as my siblings were so far apart in age. I put beads into little boxes and pretended to cook with them, mixing meals for my dolls and stuffies.
They say Only children are unhappy and lonely, but this is not what I am seeing. I can also see that he is able to entertain himself. He doesn’t need (necessarily) an iPad, or anything. He has books, he doesn’t even really reach for the iPad these days, and with no siblings around, he doesn’t rely on others. The only pressure comes on us as parents, to entertain or play with him, which sometimes can be quite trying as you have other things to get done (work, household, personal), and then you’d like some alone time to yourself but you can’t get it because you’re sacrificing it to give him attention.
7:59 a.m. — Little Bun’s pencil box is actually an old eyeglass box we had.
I turn it over curiously one day as we are cleaning it out of all the little bits, and realize it is Burberry, and I burst out laughing because it is like Mommy like Baby, although this is my partner’s eyeglasses, not mine. I find it hilarious in the moment that we recycled the nice boxes we had, and this one happens to be Burberry, one of my favourite brands for coats..
10:25 a.m. — These meetings should have been thoughts in their heads, not manifested into meetings.
12:08 p.m. — I like everything about this look and yet I wouldn’t wear most of it, except maybe the gold necklaces (not the diamond ? choker as it looks too much like a collar).
4:10 p.m. — After his quiet time, he spends the afternoon making up cute crossword puzzles for me to fill in, with little icons. It’s really sweet.
5:47 p.m. — Basil checking, watering, we then have dinner, dishes, laundry, and then he plays by himself while I lie down and read my book.
6:22 p.m. — Bored, he asks if we can do something fun together. I nod and we head into the closet where I organize and come up with outfit ideas and he play games with our upcycling items. He likes pretending the stones are little cars, or treasures for the Stuffies to find. I lay out an outfit for tomorrow, I have an appointment.
7:50 p.m. — We check real estate listings, and it looks like our apartment based on what is being sold, is worth more than it was even 6 months ago. It is like all this pent up energy is happening.
8:43 p.m. — Time for bed.
??:?? — I wake up with Little Bun throwing himself on me to do a Morning Snuggle.
6:18 a.m. — We head out to the living room, blink at the bright light, and I log in to work. I like the quiet time in the morning to think and do documents.
6:33 a.m. — I get on a call and try to be quiet.
8:08 a.m. — I finally get to make and drink my tea.
12:08 p.m. — I head out for my appointment after lunch. THIS TIME I have the day right. I won’t be wrong again.
3:11 p.m. — Home from my appointment, I play with Little Bun, then log in and work.
4:28 p.m. — We make our own finger puppets:
And add them to the box of the other finger puppets:
7:56 p.m. — Little Bun loves tongue twisters and when I saw this one on Instagram, he insisted I type it out for him so he could recognize it. In French it is “a ripe blackberry murmurs to the wall” becomes.. “une mûre mûre murmure au mur”. It has now become his favourite line to squeak out. He will even prompt me and say: MOMMY How do you say in French, the ripe blackebrry murmurs to the wall!?!? then howl in laughter when I do it. Or maybe he’s just laughing at my accent. LOL
8:40 p.m. — We get ready for bed and read the last pages of our Quantum physics book. I learned a lot more than before but as it’s such a new subject, I am still unsure that I “got” it all. It’s a good start anyway, if he decides to show an interest in any subject, I usually encourage him into it. He is currently working on a big art piece and he is very proud of it. If he does finish and colour it all in, I would be happy to display it!
??:?? — I wake up with him snuggling into me. I groan. I need another hour. PLEASE….
5:30 a.m. — On a call, not even 2 minutes to explain something, Little Bun is having a Temper Tantrum. He irritates me so, by leaning on me, and growling like some feral baby animal. When I am off the phone, I snap at him out of frustration. He asks me: WELL WHY DIDN’T HE JUST MESSAGE YOU INSTEAD.
I tell him that HE DID, and it was because of these 3 messages that a call and a screen share was required!!! His response is: “Oh“. But he is not wrong, most people could do with messaging versus calling me, but I think the real barrier is because they do not type fast enough, whereas I trained when I was younger, typing lots of messages and emailing a ton, so I see it as easier.
7:19 a.m. — I make a tea and then the fire alarm goes off and gives me a headache. Great.
8:08 a.m. — He creates a cute little swirl design (?) of some sort, and cuts it out. I am not sure what is represents. Atoms? The galaxy?
11:25 a.m. — Lunch. My partner makes a really amazing festive meal as a treat, and we gobble it down. My stomach is so full and happy right now.
12:28 p.m. — Before his nap time, he makes massive hearts for me, and then names it – Mama with his Scrabble blocks and his name for the little heart:
1:01 p.m. — Down for his nap he is sure to be conked out. He woke me up at 5!!!! I AM THE ONE WHO NEEDS A NAP. But then I cannot sleep at night so… I grit my teeth and stay awake.
3:15 p.m. — Up from his nap, he knocks politely instead of banging hard and screaming because I mentioned to him that I get a frightful shock in my chest from the loud noise and it stresses me out. He is a pretty considerate child, all things taken into account. I think he’s learning to think about others and consider them, and their needs.
This is something I think boys are not usually taught, and it is girls who are taught to think of others, hence why we grow up shouldering all the emotional burden of caring for others. Boys can care too, they need to be told it is GOOD and to be encouraged to do so. Not that it is ‘feminine’ to think of others and to be masculine it means to be toxic, rude, and uncaring.
4:25 p.m. — Little Bun is crawling onto my lap (goodness he is heavy), and I ask him how old he will be before he is too old to sit on my lap. 50 years old!?!? He laughs. He’s so cute.
5:44 p.m. — He watches some more Colossal Cranium videos, and exclaims: MOMMY! Did you know that parents made kids do adult chores!? AND THEY THOUGHT NEWBORNS WERE MONSTERS?!?! I do not know how they could have made kids work like that! And thought newborns were monsters!
Me: I have.. a few ideas about that newborn monster bit actually. LOL
Little Bun: *thoughtful*
7:20 p.m. — Dinner time, laundry, dishes. I am too full to move from lunch. I am also thinking that on Top Chef, these people have lots of stomach space to be able to eat all of this food. I can see why during a season of filming you’d gain a lot of weight. I AM HERE FOR IT THOUGH. I also like they are doing more vegan / vegetarian challenges, I have been watching Top Chef Family, and I am LOVING that they’re asking the chefs to do these great recipes.
9:33 p.m. — Time for bed.
??:?? — I snuggle Little Bun in bed as he curls into my side and sighs happily.
6:17 a.m. — So bright. I squint as I switch on both computers.
6:36 a.m. — I make a tea and hang with Little Bun, chatting. He wants to watch more Colossal Cranium, so I let him.
8:08 a.m. — I log into calls.
12:08 p.m. — Lunch! I eat pasta and then I head out for a bit to send a gift.
1:26 p.m. — I buy all sorts of things to pack into this box. It will be a surprise. I go to three stores and just cram it full, even opening packages to that I can use up every square inch.
2:15 p.m. — I mail it off. $62.53
6:12 p.m. — They all line up ready to go for the Puppet Tournament:
They are paired off, and the winners are determined (Heart Won):
They celebrate on top of the mountain:
7:12 p.m. — Puppet race over! The tournament was a lot of fun and he liked recording / matching who won against who.
7:56 p.m. — He starts working on math pages, and curious I ask him why. He tells me he has a BIG DAY tomorrow and he wants to do the pages ahead of time so he can have extra time to work on his art project. I tell him this is very good foresight to plan ahead of time to do his work in advance so that he has more time for other things.
8:20 p.m. — He does both math pages and then leaves two questions open until the end to “finish” them tomorrow.
??:?? — I wake up with Little Bun snuggling into me. I still feel tired, and I know he says he is fine on his own in the living room, but the mother inside of me feels strange leaving him out there alone while I am “sleeping”. I will get no sleep because I will be worried he will need help or something. I would rather be awake and tired.
6:30 a.m. — I make a tea and Little Bun watches Colossal Cranium. It is less educational, more like mysteries and interesting stories which can also be a lot of fun.
7:09 a.m. — I log in for a call.
8:08 a.m. — Little Bun fritters away his time making these for me (which is sweet, but his pages are not finished):
10:25 a.m. — He has finished all of the pages, except for Math in Grade 3, so I end up googling worksheets for Grade 3 Science, Social Studies and so on. For Social Studies, I changed it to Geography and made him learn the Canadian map, all the provinces and territories and their capitals. In about 4 days, he memorized it all and can recreate it from scratch. I will spot quiz him every month or so to drill it in. His memory is pretty amazing.
12:10 p.m. — Lunch! Everyone respects the lunch hour. No meetings are booked unless they are explicitly apologized for and begged forgiveness for. It’s really respectful.
3:56 p.m. — He starts footprinting himself. He already did his finger prints by getting the graphite from the pencil, rubbing it on his fingertips and doing his left and right hand. Now he does his feet and tells me proudly: MOMMY now you have the entire Little Bun collection!
4:30 p.m. — Now I have his full hand and foot print set. He hops to the bathroom walking on his heels to not get graphite dust on the floor.
4:47 p.m. — Bored, I set him on using the Dyson to clean corners. He loves “feeding” the vacuum with dust, so I let him dust everything if it is so satisfying.
4:47 p.m. — Lululemon got me good today. I went in for a mask ( a spare one to hold the N95 to my face in case the straps accidentally break, so I have a way to wear the N95 until I get a new one, as I reuse them), but ended up with extra things like a bag. *face palm* $125.32
8:51 p.m. — Time for bed.
??:?? — I wake up before Little Bun and he then also wakes up. We are a like two peas in a pod. Sometimes.
6:00 a.m. — He begs me to watch more Colossal Cranium. This time, he wants the mystery videos with kids like this one.
7:59 a.m. — We mend socks on Sundays. I am teaching him how to thread a needle, secure it, start an anchor knot (where and why), and then sew the rip / hole closed with neat, steady stitches. He makes a few loop holes by not pulling the thread tightly enough but this is a start! He will get better with more practice.
Please be advised that this was planned ahead of time, as per the note:
9:20 a.m. — In the bedroom, I am in the closet going through things, and organizing. We pull out all of the upcycling items and we organize through them into categories. I want to get back into doing more of these but I haven’t felt the urge to lately. I need another push or motivation to do so, and I will get it during winter when we hang out and sing Christmas carols together while we play.
11:50 a.m. — Time for lunch! We have pasta and Little Bun sidles up next to me, gives me a sweet look and says: “HELLO MOMMY”. It’s the Little Bun tax on the lunches we make. I make a small plate for him.
12:28 p.m. — I lie down to read my book. He plays beside me, then time for a nap.
2:49 p.m. — Up from quiet time.
3:28 p.m. — We clean the house, do dishes, laundry, and then I wipe down the desk and try to get rid of papers. We spend the next hour and a half scanning and shredding.
5:50 p.m. — Dinner. We water the basil, and then pluck some leaves for dinner. Little Bun splits the haul in half.
6:03 p.m. — Apparently the rubber animals are for sale now? The Stuffies are having a yard sale.
I asked him why the duck was more expensive and he told me it was because they could go on water and land. I point out the frog is the same. Then he basically just admits that he thinks the duck is cuter, and will be more coveted.
7:05 p.m. — Dinner, dishes, and we head out for a walk. It’s nice to relax together, while he runs up and down the trail. We got the larger size of his sweatpants to wear outside, and he is way more comfortable than in jeans. The last time we put him in jeans (hand me downs from cousins), he walked so funny, I couldn’t stop laughing. He kept walking like the pants were up his bum, doing strange crab walks and so on because he is NOT USED to clothing fitting him like that, and runs around like a hobo in sweats all day.
7:05 p.m. — Time for bed. We read a few pages of math, then a story, and we snuggle into bed while we chat. He tells me: You can be the “Baby” tonight, and tucks me in, gives me a kiss, and turns out the light.
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.