Save. Spend. Splurge.

It’s just money. It isn’t worth it.

So there is no Week of Money for today. This week, we got some terrible news. A family member whom was going through therapy, committed suicide.

She was feuding with another family member for the past few years (over 8) over what she considered to be a rightful inheritance from her adopted mother, and didn’t accept that what she was given, was her share. Her mother was very close to us while we were growing up, and had given my family (including myself), small tokens upon her passing (like sentimental jewellery, a single necklace in my case), which she thought should have been hers as the daughter. She basically wanted it all.

She also wanted the house her mother lived in with her husband (my uncle), and was taking him to court to take his house, car and all of his assets even though they kept separate accounts and her mother explicitly noted in the will that she would only gift away things of her own to give, not her husband’s. All of this, is quite sad. It’s a lot of money, but it wasn’t millions, about $100,000 when all is said and done.

We didn’t even want any of the money, and neither did my uncle, but her aunts and their children, did, as they also grew up with her adopted mother as their aunt, so were equally as close.

It made me think – it’s just money. It isn’t worth it. It really isn’t. But I understand (I never met her, to be honest), she was going through mental health issues, but I think it just became too much for her during a pandemic, during the death of her adopted mother, and the fight she was having with her aunts who received equal, fair shares from their sisters’ estate.

So she swallowed some pills, and left a note, and in it, she apologized to everyone, particularly my uncle for what she put him through for the past years. Now he is living with that heavy guilt, that burden that he could have done something more, or seen it coming, and it’s weighing on his elderly mind. He isn’t as strong as he was before, and we are all now worried about what he could do and what could happen.

What I took away from all of this is:

  • Have a proper and clear will (her adopted mother did, which is why 8 years of lawyers was really a lot)
  • It’s just money, and people would have gladly helped if she had just asked, rather than her trying to sue them all to get 100% of it
  • Have your financial affairs in order so that you don’t need to worry about money – my gift to our son is he will never have to pay or worry about me for the rest of his life, financially-speaking
  • Your mental health is very important – if you are ever experiencing any of these thoughts, please seek help and talk to someone
  • Please remember: The pain ripples and will last for years through those you have chosen to leave behind. It doesn’t ever “end” for anyone.

Please take care of yourselves. I didn’t know her, nor have I ever met her in my life, but now I am helping absorb the residual pain, shock, guilt and emotions in the family.

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