??:?? — I wake up super early. I know it’s my anxiety. I can’t go back to sleep.
??:?? — I drift back to sleep and then wake up again because Little Bun snuffle snorts like a baby hippo and wakes up. I snuggle him and kiss, asking if he’s awake. He is very chipper and says: YES! I AM AWAKE!
6:20 a.m. — I log in to work. Then I realize I have meetings until FIVE today (ugh), and so I decide to get my other work done ahead of time otherwise I will be in meetings all day and stuck.
7:35 a.m. — I finally take a break for a cup of tea. It’s my only breakfast, I don’t seem to enjoy eating much in the mornings unless it’s a luxe breakfast (no cold oatmeal and fruit for me, thankyouverymuch).
7:43 a.m. — Little Bun: MOMMY. I didn’t blink for 15 seconds! WANT TO SEE? … and I watch Little Bun not blink for 15 seconds (he did blink once unconsciously at around 11 seconds but I didn’t say anything).
(This is what my morning is like. Him showing me things he can do.)
7:51 a.m. — He makes me watch him again but this time for 20 seconds. He obviously blinked 3 times during it.
8:08 a.m. — The WHOLE morning was this fifth circle of HELL with him…
Little Bun Crying.
Little Bun Crying.
Little Bun Crying.
And why was he crying and whining this whole time? He didn’t want to do his work. And when I told him a few of the questions were wrong, he started giving me attitude because he hates not being perfect. I told him he has to pay more attention to his work because he’s taking shortcuts and he’s not crossing out the 10s to borrow from them properly, so he forgets to do the basic math.
12:15 p.m. — We break for lunch, and while he eats, I take the moment of peace to work and concentrate without a child clinging onto me, sobbing. I feel like he needs a nap, but he won’t take one. He woke up so early, he’s grumpy, and I am grumpy too. This is not a good combination especially since I haven’t had a chance to take a real break with meetings hitting hard back to back all day.
1:08 p.m. — He was unable to finish his pages. He did ONE PAGE. I NEED THIS BREAK. He has given me hell all morning. He will have to nap and then come up after his Quiet Time Nap and finish Page Two. I am mentally drained.
2:57 p.m. — I dial into another meeting after Little Bun wakes up and give him the Evil Mommy Eye to stay quiet so that I can listen to the meeting.
3:06 p.m. — He’s giving me trouble again – he missed 6 questions and started whining that he was getting it ALL WRONG, and I am on a call where I have to talk and I get really annoyed, and I haul him into the bedroom and tell him if he wants to cry, he can cry there.
3:43 p.m. — I can still hear a bit of crying but it isn’t as loud as before. Hopefully he has cried himself down for a badly needed nap because I CAN TELL HE NEEDS IT.
5:17 p.m. — I am finally off calls for the day. Little Bun still isn’t done his work. He’s really dragging this out. I am refusing to play or do anything with him until he is done his questions. I AM HOLDING FIRM. Who knew it would take a steel backbone to deal with children.
5:34 p.m. — I eat the rest of my pizza. He’s still not done. We are not doing anything until he is done.
5:50 p.m. — He FINALLY FINISHES. He runs into the bedroom to play Stuffie Train with me (the Stuffies ride some block trains) and I catch him and ask him (well the Stuffie asks him), why he was so obstinate this morning and why he gave us so much stress. We end up having a pretty good discussion. I explain to him that Mommy is trying really hard at work because it isn’t easy for Mommy to constantly speak and think in French yet, as she is not used to it after years of being an Anglo, and it tires her brain out with the constant talking/translation. I also explain that I understand he wants to play and we are both either in school or working at the same time for hours, but I really need him to focus on math.
He explains back that he thought he couldn’t mess up on anything and he couldn’t make mistakes, so he was very upset when he missed them. I told him I do not appreciate CARELESS mistakes because he wasn’t focusing or he wasn’t being careful which was kind of the case here, but I am fine with mistakes because that is how you learn and that’s how I learned to do subtraction so easily now that I do it in my head. He nods.
I also explain how mistakes are a good way to learn, but I am seeing he is making silly ones because he isn’t crossing out the tens, rewriting the number and properly bringing it over. He tells me he wanted to not have to constantly sharpen the pencil and I told him to stop giving me excuses (I am pretty tough). I told him I am HELPING him by telling him where he is going wrong in his subtraction, because I can see a pattern forming and he would have perfect answers if he tried other ways (longer ways perhaps to do them) and I don’t appreciate being screamed at for it.
I also tell him his Addition is very strong but his Subtraction is quite weak, and that’s the one we need to work on the most, and he nods. “I am at 50%” he tells me. It’s because I think it’s easy for him to add up going left, but to then borrow/subtract from the tens to help the ones, he ends up forgetting that the numbers have to be updated.
The final conversation ended with me asking if he had any other questions or things he wanted to discuss with Mommy because he can tell/ask me anything, and he tells me that he’s fine now. We hug it out, and I tell him that today, can never happen again. It caused us so much stress.
7:15 p.m. — I am so close to buying this entire outfit to work at home in as it looks so luxe and comfy.
8:23 p.m. — Little Bun watches Masha and the Bear, and I finish my pizza and watch this new show from Amazon that is quite amazing – Upload. Talking about the afterlife and ideas about it. It’s quite thought provoking and funny as well.
9:00 p.m. — We settle into bed after his schooling to read more about what the point of math is. This time, we are learning about more ways to count and collect taxes, and then how the numbers evolved from marks, turning into our European-style Arabic numerals that we use today (1,2,3). This book is truly interesting/fascinating, and I am taking the time to explain big words like “Civilizations” to Little Bun as well, asking him to please explain them to me.
9:45 p.m. — Bedtime. We do another Adventurous Sock story, this time going to the jellybean factory.
??:?? — Little Bun wakes up for the bathroom. He is clearly awake but asks me very kindly: Mommy well do YOU need more sleep? I tell him I do (I’d love 2 hours).. and he says: Okay then, so do I.
??:?? — ALL LIES. He’s up picking lint out, he’s running to the bathroom, his father gets up this time.. and then he’s finally awake, by telling me: Mommy. I am awake.
6:06 a.m. — I get up, get milk, get my tea, and then log in to work. We had a presentation yesterday that the hours were 8:30 – 17:00 but I am definitely not listening to that. I won’t turn down meetings until 17:00 but I am definitely not working conventional hours so that I can take breaks in between the day and end my day early on Friday as well.
6:46 a.m. — I warm up my tea and enjoy it.
8:08 a.m. — Oh and these were the Valentine’s day things Little Bun did:
And what he liked because he’s into space:
8:29 a.m. — First meetings of the day because my whole morning is meetings.
10:07 a.m. — I am fighting with Little Bun to finish his pages. It’s three digit subtraction and he is just dragging his heels.
12:22 p.m. — Lunch.
12:59 p.m. — HE FINALLY finishes his pages just in time for his nap and he pressures me to check his answers so he can go down for his nap with a 20/20 score. I inform him he did it all perfectly because he’s practicing, getting better, and not taking shortcuts in his work. He’s so pleased.
4:27 p.m. — More meetings. I was going to leave early but no luck.
5:27 p.m. — Finally done. Little Bun eats his stew as I go and watch the rest of The Big Day to unwind. It has colour, style, decor (it’s all about Indian weddings), culture, all things I love. I wish they focused on the food as well because I wanted to learn more about that… but you can’t have it all. I LOVE how feminist they were in these couples as well, and the cultural glimpse is very interesting as well.
6:12 p.m. — I am not feeling great, I pop more pain pills to stop my headache from progressing. I think I have a cold because Little Bun is snuffling and his nose is dripping like a faucet.
7:30 p.m. — I do all the dishes, let them dry and then make myself something to eat.
9:11 p.m. — I can’t even stay awake. I am exhausted. I tell him sort of abruptly that I need to sleep. I am starting to feel dizzy and very sleepy.
9:21 p.m. — In bed, he “tucks” me in like a baby, goes to the bathroom (with Daddy), turns off the light, and then asks for a story about the Adventurous Sock. This time, I make a short one of him visiting the ocean, and then I am about to fall asleep when my foot seizes up with what I call “Vulcan Toe” which is a toe cramp, and my big toe tries to separate itself from my foot in the most agonizing, pain ever. I reach down to grip my foot to try and alleviate the pain before I start crying. I haven’t worn shoes daily for such a long time, let alone heels (except in photos) and I think it could be dehydration or.. I don’t know. Sometimes my toes just cramp up terribly, though I haven’t had this in a long time.
??:?? — I don’t even know what time it is, but it feels like a bloody eternity. Each time the pain subsides (from me gripping my foot), I go to release it and my foot seizes up again. ARRRGGGG….
??:?? — Finally. The pain stopped. I massage my foot then try to sleep but I am wide awake from the pain.
??:?? — It’s so early. He asks for the bathroom then tells me he is awake.
5:20 a.m. — HE BETTER NAP TODAY. I KNOW he needs it, but he’s so chipper this morning it’s like he never needs to sleep. He hasn’t even napped in the previous days either!
5:54 a.m. — Little Bun and I play a little bit on the floor, showing Waddles (his origami penguin) the Stuffie Mansion and Grounds. Waddles apparently only says “Waddle waddle” that only Babiest Stuffie can translate.
6:13 a.m. —After we finish playing a bit, I go back to work.
7:47 a.m. — I finish replying to the backlog of emails in my inbox for work and make lots of mistakes in French (I am tired).
7:58 a.m. — I make a tea and slowly sip it as a break while replying to more messages on social media.
8:05 a.m. — Back to work. I will definitely not be working most of Friday with these hours going in.
11:25 a.m. — He finally finishes all of his pages.
12:08 p.m. — Lunch.
12:40 p.m. — I go and lie down for just a few moments because I am VERY tired. But I don’t fall asleep. I just need a short boost of resting.
1:00 p.m. — I get back up and go into my next meetings.
4:13 p.m. — OMG back to back meetings and work. I am mentally drained this week, it was particularly hard for me.
4:56 p.m. — I finally log off for the day. Tired.
6:17 p.m. — I have Little Bun feeding himself and I take a break.
6:31 p.m. — Of course, soup ends up on the floor, books… he isn’t paying attention as he eats because he’s watching a show. I may make him eat his food first before watching his shows then. I cannot have this be part of my nighttime life any more.
6:50 p.m. — I finally just feed him the last 10 bites (they go down in 2 minutes, not even), and then I go to do all the dishes.
7:22 p.m. — Dishes done, I read a little.
9:23 p.m. — After our math book reading, we go to sleep. I tell him I am very tired and still feeling sick – I SUSPECT I have a cold and it’s messing with my migraines/head/sleep.
??:?? — He “slept” in…because I don’t feel super exhausted this time.
6:40 a.m. — At least I woke up before my super early meeting, which is in an hour.
7:29 a.m. — First meeting of the day – super early to get prepped for the day. My last meeting is at 3:30 but I need to “take back” my hours, so I will stop working after my 11 a.m. meeting until then.
8:08 a.m. — I got my new TheraSpecs glasses (they cost a LOT and these ones are not just blue light, they’re supposed to help with migraines) and I started to feel dizzy after wearing them the first day, but the note says to wear them as often as you can and give it 2 weeks for adjustment. I will wear them as much as I can but I’ll need to use a hairdryer on them and bend them out so they aren’t so tight on my face – they’re gripping my temples quite strongly, as I think my head is rather large (my partner and I wear the same sized hats!!)…
8:26 a.m. — Little Bun squeals: I LOVE THEM! They look like the glasses in the Creamy Bear (a filter on SnapChat that we take pictures together with that adds bear ears and glasses).
10:25 a.m. — Constant calls, clarifications, etc. Little Bun is doing his math to the side of me, and it’s multiplication. He does them fairly well, but is still stuck on some that are the 6X 7X or 8X, and I think we need to do a review of the tables. Still, he finds this easier than three-digit subtraction, and I suspect division will be an issue for him too. Taking away always seems trickier.
11:21 a.m. — I buy the Subscription for a year for Thinkrolls Play & Code because it lets Little Bun create his own puzzles, his own world and so on. $76.42
I hate subscriptions because you keep paying for it, and $80 a YEAR is very expensive to me, but he really enjoys it, so here we go. It’s a pandemic purchase.
12:01 p.m. — “Done” for the day until my next meeting.
1:11 p.m. — Little Bun goes down for his “nap”. He tells me: I think I feel like reading, and I let him just read whatever books he wants for the next two hours.
3:28 p.m. — Last meeting of the day. I think my glasses are much better now, I have less of a headache wearing them, but let’s see if my migraines improve.
6:17 p.m. — We have dinner, and then I take a break and pop another headache pill, then I do all the dishes.
6:34 p.m. — My head down on the table, I just feel like I have forgotten so many things even though I write them all down. Then it hits me – I have to shower. I have no energy. I really feel lethargic and drained.
7:25 p.m. — We play a few games of Two Dots together (this dot matching game), to try and beat the levels.
8:02 p.m. — We pause and he brushes his teeth and tells me: You keep reading up!
8:26 p.m. — Afterwards, we go to read our What’s the point of math book (he really loves it), and we discuss “pi”, and play around with the word “pi” to mean “Pie” and so on. By the way, Pi Day is March 14th. He’s looking forward to it.
9:21 p.m. — Time for bed.
??:?? — I wake up somewhat rested. I woke up in the middle of the night with so many things going through my head with my family, work, Little Bun…. and I couldn’t get a solid sleep.
??:?? — He ‘squees’ like what he thinks a baby sounds like and rolls on top of me to hug and kiss me. “Mommy mah mah! I am awake!” I hope deep down he never loses this sweet innocence. I know that I grew up like a child, doing childish things until about the age of 9 or so, and it was wonderful to be allowed to be a child, to want your parents, play with stuffed animals and toys. But I know children these days can be so precociously adult-like it is kind of freaky.
I am not knocking it if it works for them but I feel like you miss out on the magic of childhood if you grow up too quickly. It’s NICE how he wants to be a baby, or rolls into a ball to “cutie-fy” (then I have to hug and kiss him to un-cutie-fy him)… Maybe I live in a bubble. He may be in for a rough / rude surprise or awakening once he goes to school for real.
7:07 a.m. — Tea drunk, messages replied to, I make a note to shower this morning. And maybe hack his hair as he keeps twisting it over his ears (it’s getting really long). I also want to spend time upcycling with him in the closet as he misses that a lot and I do too.
7:59 a.m. — He watches the snow truck out of the window: “Sometimes snow trucks have a lot of work.” I agree with him.
10:25 a.m. — I work on a sponsored post with a small company in Toronto I am actually excited about.
12:08 p.m. — Dishes done, lunch eaten, Little Bun plays with creating his new coding levels in ThinkRolls. I am AMAZED at how good he is because he is truly incredible in coming up with interesting bits of logic to trick you, etc. I got taken in by one of his levels until he showed me what he calls “the walkthrough” – he loves wanting to show me right away how to do it but I like to try and figure it out for myself as well, so he gets a little upset as he’s very proud of his work.
1:00 p.m. — He goes down for his nap.
4:11 p.m. — Oh it was a REAL nap. I am reading the most fascinating book called Trust Me, I’m Lying, about social media and PR manipulation. This just solidifies how much I do not want to be known, famous, or anywhere near anyone’s radar. This book is very well written and revealing as it is shocking.
4:45 p.m. — Time to do dishes – I do most of them but leave a pot or two for tomorrow as they have to soak.
7:20 p.m. — We hang out in the bedroom together as he watches shows and I read my book – I finish another one and decide not to start another one until tomorrow.
8:34 p.m. — I lied. I am engrossed in my third book. I cannot finish it tonight but I WANT TO IT IS SO GOOD.
9:26 p.m. — Time for bed.
??:?? — I wake up and beg Little Bun for 10 more minutes. He does it … but makes noise, so it doesn’t really let me sleep as he’s jumping around, sneezing like an elephant and making baby noises.
6:30 a.m. — I start working on my sixth book on negotiation (the words are just flowing after a block for a long time), and Little Bun plays beside me. Then I make a cup of tea.
8:36 a.m. — Little Bun plays in the bedroom.
8:36 a.m. — My partner and I discuss freelancing and how the model of working is moving towards this, and how people can do such things.
9:40 a.m. — In the bedroom, we snuggle together, upcycle a little, paint, and have fun.
12:05 p.m. — We have lunch – French fries and he is SO HAPPY. I am happy too, there’s an omelette.
12:56 p.m. — Time for his nap.
3:30 p.m. — I finish that book yesterday and start on another.
7:56 p.m. — We are interspersing playing together on the bed, doing puzzles together, while I reading my book on my side, relaxing.
8:13 p.m. — He does his nighttime routine while I take a hot shower.
9:10 p.m. — Time for bed.
??:?? — I wake up somewhat refreshed. I mean I could have used another hour…
7:00 a.m. — He snuggles beside me at our desks and he plays with SnapChat while I log in and work.
8:23 a.m. — The meetings start early.
10:02 a.m. — We break, and talk to the homeschooling aide, and he is surprisingly excited: “Mommy this is the first time you and I have ever been on a Zoom call together!” He reads to her, we discuss how things are going and I realize I have some portfolio work to do / make up for the end of the year to show his progress.
11:23 a.m. — Back to work. I finish a few things and then take a break.
12:58 p.m. — Lunch…
1:23 p.m. — Back to work again, he’s down for his nap.
3:50 p.m. — I log off for the day, but not before I shoot off an email giving someone back some of the work he dumped on me.
4:25 p.m. — I do all the dishes, start laundry, read my book and snuggle Little Bun in bed as he plays with his coding game.
5:18 p.m. — My partner starts making a cake and Little Bun giggles with glee. He’s making a coconut butter + banana one for tomorrow, I hope it turns out well.
6:40 p.m. — I continue working on my book. I plan on doing a few pages a day.
7:32 p.m. — Little Bun finishes the first few episodes of Paw Patrol (he loves them from all the giggling I can hear) and I allow myself mental time off to just chill and watch Seinfeld.
8:09 p.m. — I do all the dishes again, and then we snuggle in the bedroom as he tells me all about how Stuffies have a special way to be Electronic devices (he made me tap on the Stuffie Heart to make the iPad rotate), and then we made up more levels and games to play through on the app.
8:45 p.m. — Time for bed – my partner and I are discussing what has sold/hasn’t sold lately and he says the real estate market is really booming. Lots of places that come on the market, sell quite quickly.
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.