In Ask Sherry, Life, Parenting

Ask Sherry: Is your baby-making factory closed for good?

You asked, and I am answering every Friday once I have enough questions!

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1DKFg6SD0Kmb_0U5yb4OTNfkvfmsf5dWxJJbZTzUtH7M/edit

You can ask any question using the form here.

Hi Sherry. Do you have a favourite app for managing to do lists/ productivity app? Thanks!

I do! I used to use AwesomeNotes (terrible name, cute app) but it soon ran out of details for me to be able to really nuance my tasks.

I now use the To Do app by Appigo.

My main categories are:

  • Appointments
  • What to Buy
  • What to Return
  • What to Repair
  • What to Read/Watch
  • Money
  • Government
  • Home
  • Car
  • Little Bun
  • Travel
  • Wish List
  • Ideas

I can go into more detail than that, but those are my most-used categories that remind me of what has to get done, when, and what I would like to do, plus keeping schedules for the major parts of my life.

Will you be having more children? Would love a post on this as we [a]re[n’t] but sure if we will be biting the bullet.

You know, I struggled hard with this.

I grew up with siblings, my partner grew up with siblings.. and I always just assumed I’d have more kids because that’s what a family was to me.

When Baby Bun was 18 months old, I broached the subject of a second child with my partner and was quite shocked, hurt even, that he said he was done, and he would be our only.


My world turned upside down. You need two people to make a child and to bring one into the world, and I would have never contemplated for a second, the suggestions of what people were saying, to pretend to miss a pill, etc. That’s just untrustworthy behaviour.

So, I contemplated.

I really struggled. I wrote a lot about it.

http://amzn.to/2BnjK7s

I had no idea who of my friends were Only Children, and barely any were. I think three were, and even they weren’t in consensus that it was a good thing.

I read countless parenting articles online, conflicting views of how Only Children are fine, and others that were ADAMANT that Only Children would grow up resentful of not having had a sibling to turn to  for shared memories and to count on.

I thought about my own siblings, and how I don’t really count on them for anything. Sure, we message each other once in a while, more now that I have Little Bun to share pictures of, but we aren’t close at all.

I guess I can count on them for money and shelter, but I don’t need to. And for emotional support, I have my friends, and my partner is more than willing to step up when things get rough and help shoulder some of the grief (he had actually offered to travel to the U.S. and help with my elderly aunt when it looked like things were dire).

My partner also grew up with siblings whom he is closer to than I am with mine, but he grew up his whole life being hated by his father (long story), and his mother choosing his sister 100% of the time as her favourite. It was pretty painful and traumatic for him even to this day, and I know he carries baggage about that.

Then I had friends who had their siblings as best friends, built-in for life, and others who had siblings whom they are estranged from.

In the end, I decided it was a crapshoot. You can’t know in advance if it would be better or worse with more children, and if my partner was really set on focusing on the One that we had (“We will always have him as our favourite child! No preference!“).

I started to see the benefits of an only child, and even though this sounds selfish to family-rah-rah folks, I love my life just the way it is.

So, I wrote a whole post about it: Making up my mind about a second child in detail about why I will NOT be having another child.

Still have a burning question?

You can ask any question using the form here and all of my previous Ask Sherry posts are here.

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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

Am my own Sugar Daddy. Am a millionaire at 36 after getting out of $60K of student debt in 18 months, a little over a decade earlier, using TheBudgetingTool.com. I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K with an average lifetime savings rate of 50%. I have 11 side incomes that are on track in 2020 to make me $50K - $75K. I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I am all about balance - between time and money, and also enjoying my money. I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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2 Comments

  1. anne

    Unfortunately, it never occurred to me that, before having a serious romantic relationship, one should also discuss the topic of children.

    It turns out that many men have much less energy and patience with children than women generally do.
    After having only one child, plenty of men are already overwhelmed and often want no more.

    I have the same disappointment with my partner. Should I have known this beforehand (that he isn’t really into children), I would have looked for someone else. Now I’m too old to find another partner and have another baby quickly. Besides, my only child’s world would change a lot.

    With age, I personally find that children are what matters the most in life (at least to me; I know they’re not for everyone). I see plenty of grandparents (grandmothers especially) who are crazy for their grandchildren. These people have had careers, did things, but at the sunset of their lives, they know and feel what matter the most: family ties (good, quality family ties – children, grandchildren). And what can be more cheerful than children, with their joy, innocence and energy?

    I’m non-judgemental if a couple prefers to have only one child. However, I find it upsetting and hurtful when one partner wants more children and the other doesn’t. It sucks when you really envisaged a different family life and dynamics.

    Without the will, patience, maternal feelings and endurance of women, the human race would probably have become extinct a long time ago.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      You make some very good points. When we got together my partner and I wanted 3 kids.

      After our first, he said no to any more, I soul searched and realized I too, felt the same in many respects. I felt like our family was complete with just one, not three or two.

      I’m also happier as a person, and a woman, not just a mother.

      I’m also seeing that having less kids also impacts society and the environment so I’m confident in my choice.

      My son may feel differently and then I can enjoy his many kids.. 🙂

      Reply

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