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Ask Sherry: All about lonely parenting and Little Bun starting school

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What has your experience been parenting without a support network of family and friends who live close by? We have two kids and no support network and it can sometimes be so overwhelming! Do you ever manage to have alone time with your partner?

It has been so incredibly difficult. I mean.#$#%(…

I can see why having family nearby is such a crucial thing when people said they wanted to live close to their parents etc.

Even now, I am thinking wherever Little Bun goes and starts his family, I’d prefer him to be closer to me than farther away, so I can help him and his family if need be.

I mean that sounds like a lot of whining and I feel guilty for complaining because we are in a very good place and position to be able to pay for outside help if we wanted to, but I grew up with that, and I don’t really want outsiders in my home.

I also don’t mind paying for daycare but it gets really pricey as well, and it is only for during the day while I am at work so I don’t get a break. What I need is a daycare after work, few hours here and there while I do emails, set up things, have some time to myself…

It just isn’t the same as your own family, you know?


If I had aunts nearby, uncles, cousins, ANYONE REMOTELY RELATED TO US, I’d be over the moon. We could hang out, do things together, even just have them over while Little Bun is around and I’d feel so much better because I wouldn’t feel so alone.

I would instantly trust them to care for him instinctively.

Then, the second problem is time alone with my partner.

Nope. No time alone unless he is in daycare and we are both at home (which has not happened as he is now home full-time.

So unless he is napping or he is sleeping, I don’t get to chat any more.Although to be fair, Little Bun getting older means he leaves us alone sometimes to talk and be adults.

That is nice, but it can get tiring to always have two brains — one for Little Bun and the other for my partner.

At what age will your child start school?

5.

Will he start this year in September?

Yes, Little Bun starts this year in September.

Aren’t you nostalgic about it? Do you think school will be good for him?

I am nostalgic in that I can still clearly remember being pregnant and him as a sweet little baby. It is a bit of a blur because I didn’t sleep much, I was working and it was very stressful, but I remember the GOOD. How cute he was when he asked for food, how adventurous he was and still is in eating…

I think I will miss having him around and him growing up means he is going to now be a little boy and then a preteen, and the challenges will become harder — drugs, girls, emotions, puberty…

I feel like I won’t be a parent bawling at the gates to be honest with you. I’ve always been very clear (once my head cleared and I had adequate sleep) that I am separate woman, partner and person from being a mother. And I like that.

(Sorry this picture has nothing to do with school or Little Bun, but I find it very pretty and nostalgically spring-y)

School will be very good for him. He loves routine and ruts, and school will teach him unpredictability which is what he needs.

I also think he will learn French finally and not feel as lost around here, and he will learn new things and be a KID. I sometimes feel like he is so old, an old soul the way I was when I was a kid and it was hard for me then… I felt alone.

I want him to socialize, get into arguments, learn how to resolve things… he is an only child so he doesn’t have siblings to practice on.

I love him the way he is with his perfect innocence so I’m trying to keep him as pure as possible until school and older ages. I’m getting in all the kisses and hugs and trying to remind myself: REMEMBER THIS. Remember THIS.

Time really does skip away quickly and sometimes I want to freeze things for a while, but then I’m eager for him to be more independent as well. It is bittersweet.

Still have a burning question?

You can ask any question using the form here and all of my previous Ask Sherry posts are here.

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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

I got out of $60,000 of debt in 18 months using TheBudgetingTool.com. Since then, I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K (savings rate = 85%). I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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2 Comments

  1. yettie

    That’s the immigrant experience right there. One of the things that hurts me most for my kids is them missing out on that big, loud, extended family dynamic that I grew up with as the norm. It sucks but I just have to look on the bright side

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      I never grew up with a large family but I wish I did sometimes. I’d have a great support system…

      Reply

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