Week of Money: Where I realize I have a lot of “Flow” in my life
??:?? — Little Bun flings his body on me (as heavy as a sack of potatoes at this point) and squeals: MOMMY MAAAH MAAAAH! …. (my response is: Baby Baaah Baaah), and he snuggles up on me making baby noises (noises he thinks babies make like — awww.. squee.. weee.. meee…). I know he wants to wake up BUT I AM SO TIRED. He gets to nap during the day (and slept an hour yesterday), but I do not as I have to work/have meetings, and our schedule is running me down. I vow to sleep earlier tonight.
??:?? — He lies on his side after I whisper: 10 more minutes please …. and he wiggles and breathes so loudly that I can’t actually sleep. I just get up.
6:00 a.m. — He has milk, I make my tea, and instead of logging in to work, I consciously do my own personal tasks for the day like check my bank accounts, transfer money, reply to emails, etc.
6:55 a.m. — Oops. Forgot to schedule a blog post for tomorrow, glad I checked my calendar. I also reply to all comments, anonymous questions on Ask Sherry and emails. I have a coaching client – I have to reply to her today.
8:08 a.m. — I finish my replies, my emails and I log into work after yoga. This ball illusion looks crazy… They are all the same colour 9 beige), but your eyes are all tricked to see them as different colours. Little Bun was NOT FOOLED AT ALL and looked at me, declaring: ALL the balls look beige, if it weren’t for all the crazy lines!!!!!
8:45 a.m. — Going through my papers, I clean up my desk as much as I can. I have a lot to scan and get done today. Maybe I’ll make it a weekend task so Little Bun can help.
9:25 a.m. — I start cleaning up my desk. Little Bun is a desk HOG. He has a WHOLE TABLE to himself and yet he feels the need to come and encroach on our spaces.
10:19 a.m. — He then runs off in the middle of schooling and plays with his Stuffies:
11:30 a.m. — Lunch time. I like eating a bit earlier… then taking a break to watch videos or read.
1:00 p.m. — Down for his nap.
2:16 p.m. — Uh oh. His father caught him playing in my closet instead, now he has an extra hour in “time out” in the bedroom. *sigh* I spend my afternoon going in there, consoling him.
2:50 p.m. — After I explain he cannot go into my closet, unless we are in there together, he calms down (after getting angry quite a few times), and then I tell him: Why don’t you read? I hand him a few books and he reads happily until his time out is over.
4:00 p.m. — Finally out of his “prison” time and he feels better having an hour alone, reading and giggling. Reading is fine during quiet time, but he can’t be in my closet — too many things in there that could fall on him.
5:12 p.m. — I log off.
6:24 p.m. — Time for laundry, I shower, and I do dishes after dinner.
6:50 p.m. — It’s like he’s regressing. I don’t even get why he’s so great all these other times, wiping cutlery and doing laundry without being asked, and this one task for him, it’s like he’s unable to do it when he sees a big pile of cutlery. I eye him hard and finally get angry at him (all without saying a word) and start wiping all the cutlery down. He can CLEARLY do it in less time, he CHOOSES not to and CHOOSES to whine about it instead, saying it’s too much. I scold him about being lazy and full of excuses. He starts sobbing but I am not budging. This is an attitude I cannot tolerate – lack of work ethic and hard work. This is not something he cannot do, he has done this tons of times, he’s just refusing to do it because….. BECAUSE.
7:20 p.m. — I start going through my papers again, making sure I am not going to scan things I don’t need (like info pamphlets).
8:30 p.m. — I brush my teeth, wash my face, he does his schooling and routine with Daddy, then time for bed.
??:?? — It’s raining. Of course it is. At least I don’t have a headache. Cutting out chocolate, sleeping more, exercising has all helped.
6:30 a.m. — OMG. WHAT JUST HAPPENED… I was walking just fine, and then my back seizes up and I have pinched a nerve there. I cry out in pain, and I am hobbling around now.
6:33 a.m. — I find the back brace from years ago, and quickly strap it on to help give my back some relief and force it to stay up straight so I don’t injure it further. My brain needs to realize my back is not hurt / broken and to release the pinched nerves gradually, I have gone through this twice before, and now I can only stand, lie down, or sit very gingerly, lowering myself up and down with the arms of the chair in a 90 degree fashion.
7:01 a.m. — My partner is sympathetic. He has had back problems his whole life. I think I twisted something when I slept last night but I don’t know how or what. Whatever it is, I am stuck in this brace for all of today and the weekend I think. I hope this resolves soon, at least it isn’t as bad as my last back pinching about 8 years ago. I couldn’t even get up off the floor, let alone walk to the bathroom, I think I crawled there.
7:30 a.m. — He heads out to do errands/groceries and Little Bun does his pages.
8:11 a.m. — Little Bun creates a “hole” in the Stuffie house, and says: “BUT It’s a MYSTERY! How did that hole get there? How do we fix it!?”
We discover it was the Blue Block that did it! And it’s fixed using a mushroom spinning toy (a tool, he calls it) to fix it:
8:45 a.m. — Calls all morning. I normally do yoga but none of this is happening until I feel better. Great.
11:50 a.m. — My partner is home and unloading goods. I think my new e-book reader arrived (it quarantines in the hallway so I don’t get it right away), along with the new seat pillows for the balcony.
1:04 p.m. — Little Bun goes into the bedroom … to read. He won’t nap today, I can tell.
2:26 p.m. — I have another meeting late today, I think people who book meetings near to 6 p.m. are heinous, but when I check the list of who is in there, it makes sense if it’s VPs .. they aren’t available until later in the day because they have so much going on during a normal work day. I basically log off for the day until the late meeting.
6:04 p.m. — Meeting time.
7:15 p.m. — Finally ends. I dislike these late meetings but I am glad I am not a VP as they would happen often.. or any kind of manager with any kind of responsibility.
8:31 p.m. — Time for bed. I am truly tired. My back is aching.
Note: The next two days pass by in a blur because my back hurt, I could only lie down or sit, and basically rest. I am skipping ahead to Day Five.
??:?? — I wake up tired. He really doesn’t sleep well ….
6:32 a.m. — I start doing the work I planned on for myself this week such as banking and so on. Little Bun to my side, plays his Animal Restaurant game on the side:
7:00 a.m. — I log in and start working.
7:48 a.m. — First meeting of the day.
8:20 a.m. — I make a tea and tackle a document that requires 100% attention. I cannot handle it with disturbances.
1:15 p.m. — I feel drained. I lie down to rest my back. I am trying to go through the meetings and get things done, but it is a slog uphill because I am trying to figure out IT issues and get all these documents done.
3:40 p.m. — I log off early.
3:44 p.m. — Little Bun TRIES my patience. He gives me such bloody attitude while wiping the cutlery and I finally scold him, shoo him away, do the cutlery and tell him I am not playing with him all day, or doing anything fun with him until he learns responsibility.
4:11 p.m. — I reload my iPad and clean it up. I can’t get it to sync to my Macbook and it’s driving me mad.
5:19 p.m. — I feel nauseous, I go and lie down.
5:30 p.m. — Lying in bed, Little Bun goes and pesters his father instead, playing endless rounds of Uno with him (it has become their game, which I am happy about).
5:37 p.m. — His father gets dinner out for him and Little Bun pouts a little (I can hear him!!), because he likes dinner time with Mommy, but he doesn’t squeal too much.
6:11 p.m. — I take a pill and then play Uno with him after he has dinner. And this is so true.
6:55 p.m. — I ask him to let me lie down and read, and he watches videos (Arthur this week) instead.
7:29 p.m. — I order a set of 4 stuffed cookies for my friend. She’s been having a rough go of things. She doesn’t have a sweet tooth but I want her to try them anyway, and she can share as they’re massive. $46.89
8:22 p.m. — Time for bedtime routine then bed.
??:?? — Little Bun squeals, he has a nosebleed. I punt him off on Daddy because he can sleep in after Little Bun wakes up but I cannot. I try to catch more shut-eye instead.
??:?? — I wake up sort of tired. It’s raining, it always makes me feel a bit down. I might have to sit under my light therapy lamp today.
6:05 a.m. — I get up wearily. He won’t go back to sleep. I think I need to nap today.
7:14 a.m. — I spend the morning reading more of Date-o-nomics while having a tea. It’s a fascinating book for singles to read. The basic theme of the book is: It’s not you, it’s the city. It’s a numbers game and if there are too many available men or women in the city, your chances are going to drop or go up, AND the other gender will act accordingly – either not willing to settle down as easily, or make less of an effort because they simply don’t need to.
This explains SO MUCH about what my single girl friends are going through – all attractive, smart, successful, kind… and why they cannot find someone. It’s just the wrong city. I guess in Canada they’d have to move to Winnipeg maybe, or Manitoba, rather than staying in Toronto.
7:16 a.m. — I log in to work.
7:40 a.m. — Going through a bunch of meetings today. They’re all a blur. And people are all assuming I know what I am doing as though I have been here for years, even though I literally joined a few months ago.
7:57 a.m. — This is one of the best notebooks I have ever used. For work, this is the only paper notebook I will use. I am looking for a paperless or electronic option, that looks like paper but I haven’t found anything yet.
- Perforated pages
- Perfect lines
- Right thickness of paper – not too thick nor thin so the pen doesn’t bleed through
- Date at the top that’s useful for meetings
- Lays flat because even though it’s bound, it doesn’t stay bound which makes it annoying for note taking
8:12 a.m. — I kind of get yelled at on the phone by my manager for not managing someone but honestly, I am not their bloody manager. It isn’t my job to project manage this, but yet it seems like they expect me to know it all, be the de facto project manager, work on 5 things at once, AND be in all of these endless meetings. I can’t even say anything really because yes it was partly me for not reminding the team member of his tasks, but we just had a bloody team meeting yesterday and if he didn’t listen to what he had to do instead of saying “I don’t know” and asking me to answer like I am his manager WHEN I AM NOT, that’s not really on me. It’s on him.
I just don’t say anything, I take it because it’s not worth fighting over. If it happens again, then I will say something but I’ve noticed that on projects, it’s best to just not say anything if it isn’t a big thing, but if it’s a serious accusation/call out, that’s when I will say something. Otherwise, best not to rock the boat over something so trivial.
9:45 a.m. — I do more calls. Wow. I think we are finally getting somewhere. Pictures really are worth 1000 words. Or diagrams in this case.
12:06 p.m. — Lunchtime. my partner made a bunch of roasted broccoli and I could eat these like vegetable candy…
2:15 p.m. — More meetings. My manager needs a video call so I quickly slap on a face but in the end it’s cancelled. Ugh. What a waste of makeup.
5:20 p.m. — I am still still working on a presentation that I have a meeting on Monday about. If anyone sees it and thinks it took me a few hours, they’d be dead wrong. Try 25 hours. But at least it’s clear, visually appealing and useful for all of us to make our lives easier.
6:24 p.m. — Little Bun runs up and says: Mommy?… Is your back okay now? Are you able to feed me while I watch Arthur? … He loves being hand-fed while watching his shows when it’s a meal he isn’t 100% about (it’s vegetable stew, and the way that we stuff vegetables into him daily, including broccoli or cauliflower snacking here and there, dipped in balsamic vinegar). I smile and kiss him. I don’t mind feeding him for these young years because I know he’ll get bigger and not ever want this bonding time again.
7:40 p.m. — I am doing dishes, cutlery, laundry. After my little angry freak-out session on Little Bun being lazy and not helping the family by doing HIS part of the work at home (Daddy cooks, Mommy eats… I mean cleans…), he has felt my disappointed, disapproving wrath and seems to have shaped up to do the cutlery and towels not as “oh it’s a fun GAME”, but as part of his responsibilities, which I hope is a significant mindset shift for him.
8:22 p.m. — Time for bed.
??:?? — I wake up to Little Bun snuggling on top of me. “MOMMY MAH MAH!!!”
6:00 a.m. — I log in to work.
7:30 a.m. — Little Bun wanders into the bedroom and does his: “Allo Papa” routine… every day now, at 7:30, he checks the time and goes in to wake up his father for some morning chats. It’s so incredibly satisfying to hear him speak so naturally in his secondary language. English is for sure, his #1, strongest, most verbalized language, but his second one is starting to come easier.
7:59 a.m. — I log in to work after my tea. The milk started to go off a tiny bit (I could taste that slight sourness that is a bit savoury), and I drink it anyway. It won’t kill me.
9:30 a.m. — I text my family and tell them I’ll buy anything they want at Starbucks. I reload my card with money and they send in their order, and I virtually send it out and have them pick up the items at their location when they tell me: “I am on the way”. It’s something nice to do for them. $25
10:15 a.m. — More meetings.
10:31 a.m. — Little Bun works on making a calendar, as per what he saw on Arthur, and marks off the month:
11:30 a.m. — Meetings finally end on a HIGH note this week for work and I am pleased.
12:08 p.m. — I chat with my friend as a lunch break, and eat my sad bowl of broccoli mixed with some oil and salt because I am too lazy to cook pasta or eat anything else. I scarf it down.
She even made an effort to put on makeup and a nice top for our call (she looked beautiful!) and here I am, an exhausted slob from working. I make a mental note to try next time… we had SUCH a great talk however, and I finally got to meet her little baby boy as he woke up from his nap <3 I tell her about work and she tells me about the concept of Flow she read. I make a note to read about it later.
1:25 p.m. — Back to work. She has to feed the baby, and short calls are easy to do because they don’t take up a lot of time commitment for either of us.
2:28 p.m. — I do my toenails in a coral. I find it helps me feel less sad in general, which sounds silly but it does. I like having properly painted toenails at least. Fingernails, no, they’d chip in a day, I type and work way too much with my fingers. Also, all that nonsense about toenails needing to breathe without a coat of polish is nonsense. Once they come out, they’re dead, just like our hair. What’s important is keeping your skin and hair moisturized and not letting it dry out, and not using harsh chemicals on your body.
3:11 p.m. — Little Bun is up. And sort of haranguing me about when I will be done because he just learned how to make houses out of cards, and he wants to do a BIG ONE now. This stuff frustrates the hell out of me (I’ve never done it before), but he wants it, so I try my best. He makes us all take photos of the castles as they’re built.
5:18 p.m. — I log off finally. I have been so engrossed in this presentation I have, that time just flew. I took the time to read that article she sent me and apparently this is called finding my Flow which is the secret to happiness. This clicks with me because it’s why I love my job so much. I am in the FLOW a lot when I work because it’s challenging but not frustrating (well.. not always), it’s fun, it exercises my creative side as well as Powerpoints require colours and getting concepts to make sense visually, and it just makes me incredibly happy at times. I deeply enjoy my job and creating/using my brain at work.
Other stuff that puts me in the Flow? BLOGGING OF COURSE. And Instagram, sometimes. Plus upcycling, reading REALLY good books… this is all making so much sense to me now.
6:24 p.m. — Laundry, dishes, Little Bun does all of his cutlery quietly and without any nonsense now which I am super happy about.
7:28 p.m. — He asks if he can read Berenstain Bears before bedtime, and I hand him my e-reader and tell him “Of course you can!”
8:50 p.m. — Bedtime. We sleep early.
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.