Week of Money: Where I explain to Little Bun about all the different animals in my head

DAY ONE

7:30 a.m. — I am about to log in and I realize I have the day off!

11:15 a.m. — Lunch time… and then I have a slight migraine, and I go to lie down. I end up falling asleep.

1:07 p.m. — Little Bun runs in to take his nap and sees me sleeping, so he wraps himself in his blanket and jumps on me like a cat, snuggling on top. This wakes me up and I feel so refreshed, I needed that 30 minutes right now.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom.

3:40 p.m. — I am watching The Kardashians. I still enjoy watching these shows, as I know it sounds like schadenfreude but it makes me happy that I am who I am, and living the life I live. I do not want any of that drama in my life. They all don’t seem truly happy, to be honest… well except for maybe one of them – Kourtney. I do admire their hustle, they do work very hard, but it seems like a lot of stress.

5:12 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery. Then he runs off and plays halfway through. Then he folds the laundry with an attitude. Frustrated, I finish wiping the cutlery he did not finish, and then when he goes to play on the computer, I ban him from him for the night because he did not finish his household work.

Cue: Temper tantrum

I give him about 2 minutes (I can’t help myself, I feel angst when he is upset) and I walk in on him pink-faced, rubbing his face, tears in his eyes.

He tells me right away when I hold my arms out – Mommy, I don’t think I feel like a hug or a snuggle right now.

I fold my hands away and tell him it is okay to refuse a hug and a snuggle, it is his choice (I am a firm believer in not forcing children to do anything they do not want to do with their bodies so they learn strong boundaries and a sense of self/autonomy). I tell him I will be here if he wants, or I can leave. He can decide.

He wavers. He doesn’t know what to say because he is really angry at me right now, but he doesn’t want me to go.

I just make the choice to sit there and I simply tell him I am disappointed in him. I explained that we are all tired, and sometimes we don’t want to do our household duties like clean, wash dishes, cook, organize things, vacuum, but we do them ANYWAY because we are part of a family and this is what we do when we are. We have to contribute to the household.

I tell him I am disappointed he chose to run off and play in the middle of doing his tasks, because what if let’s say Daddy decided he was too tired or didn’t want to cook for us, and decided to read his book instead?

I explain his father was exhausted and feeling unwell yesterday (I can tell when he hasn’t slept, the bags are serious under his eyes), and his father spent the morning cooking for the week AND making a special lunch feast for Little Bun (fresh homemade fries) because he knew Little Bun would expect them, and wanted to eat them. So what if he didn’t cook? Because he wanted to do his own stuff instead?

What if I didn’t clean? We would have no clean cutlery, no plates, no pots, and a filthy home.

I told him that being part of this family means being responsible for his duties because we love each other and care, and in doing our duties, we show that, so I felt like he was showing us he did not care about us, by giving major attitude while folding towels, and then shirking his cutlery wiping duties.

I told him it hurt. And he is normally very good about doing all of this but every 2-4 months he gets salty about it.

He comes into my arms and sits on my lap a few minutes later. We hug it out.

7:45 p.m. — He hangs with his father while I take a break and finish my book – The Golden Couple – it was SUCH A GOOD THRILLER. I did not expect this at all.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $0

DAY TWO

7:22 a.m. — I log in and start working.

8:08 a.m. — Meetings all morning.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time, and I hang with Little Bun to snuggle because he seems like he needs Mommy Time.

1:00 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom and does his work with his father for schooling. I am fighting a headache.

3:40 p.m. — More meetings.

5:45 p.m. — I log off for the day.

5:12 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery.

7:18 p.m. — His magazines has cool things like this:

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $0

DAY THREE

??:?? — I wake up to Little Bun wrapped in his blanket like a burrito, coming over, and snuggling in my Mommy Nook. I throw an arm over him and smell his head as we slowly wake up together.

7:30 a.m. — I log in to work and start working. It feels impossible but I am trying my hardest.

8:25 a.m. — I make a tea with the last of the milk – I am cutting it out for 2-4 weeks to see what it does for my skin (cures it maybe), and I tried it with soy milk that I made which was okay, but not what I wanted (I really love the taste of cow’s milk). I just have to see if this helps.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time. My partner makes samosas to eat, with potato filling (all vegan), with a curry dip

1:01 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he walks out of the bedroom, drinks his milk, and then starts schooling with his father.

3:40 p.m. — I snuggle him for a little bit in between meetings then I log in to another one.

4:12 p.m. — The weather has been doing a number on me. I do not know what is going on but I am starting to get those migraines again, so I think I should cut out caffeine for the next while until my body stabilizes to the new air pressure that is shifting from winter to spring. I pop an aspirin.

5:12 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery, folding towels, and I am getting a bit dizzy from scrubbing stains off a pot. I drop everything and go to lie down for 15 minutes.

5:45 p.m. — I get back up and finish the pot with a scouring pad, then clean the rest of the kitchen.

8:30 p.m. — Another aspirin, and reading in bed.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $0

DAY FOUR

??:?? — Little Bun shuffles over and snuggles into my Mommy Nook. I love this so much.

7:30 a.m. — I log in and start working.

8:08 a.m. — Little Bun is waffling around the room, and I tell him a story about The Procrastination Bug. I tell him how the bug gets bigger and bigger the less we use our disciplinary muscles on it, to say: PROCRASTINATION BUG.. STOP IT! And to hug it tight with discipline to make it smaller, which, only works when you do your chores or tasks, or in this case – your Workbook pages.

I tell him the Procrastination Bug can get so big that you become too weak to fight against it, and it gets out of control, so you need to hug it tight every day, and work out those discipline muscles to keep that bug in check.

A small bug, or a medium-sized bug, is okay. But when it starts to get really REALLY big and unmanageable? Then it can feel overwhelming. He loves the analogy and tells me after he is working on his pages, that he can feel the Procrastination Bug getting smaller.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time. He tells me he hugged his Procrastination Bug today and he could feel it getting smaller. I tell him – that’s great!!!

12:57 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom.

3:40 p.m. — He works on schooling with Daddy.

5:12 p.m. — Dinner, dishes, and Little Bun is wiping down cutlery, not making a PEEP from our little lecture last week about being part of a family.

6:25 p.m. — Reading a magazine, I ask him what dessert he would be. He tells me – I would be a RAINBOW cake that would have a BIT of sourness, but be soft, and as sweet as my favourite almond butter banana cake.

I tell him that his Little Bun Cake sounds DELICIOUS.

7:55 p.m. — I am watching these design shows of ‘dream’ homes, and they all look the same. HOWEVER, I really liked the sunken basement + terraced garden leading up of this one:

Look at that basement down there, it has stairs leading down. It looks so open and cosy.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $0

DAY FIVE

7:30 a.m. — I log in and start working.

8:08 a.m. — Meetings all morning, non-stop. I am drained by the time it is lunch.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time. A meeting went into overtime.

12:55 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom. He runs and jumps so hard, he slices his knee on the rough carpet in the living room. His father is immediately upset because “how many times have I told you…”, and I just see Little Bun’s face well up with blubbery tears. I grab him, lead him, hopping into the bathroom where I clean the small cut, and put on a band-aid to stop the bleeding.

He comes out, and his father is upset again seeing the band-aid fill with blood and I just cut him off saying: It is okay Little Bun. You had to learn. It was an accident, you won’t do it again, right?

His father stops the lecture he was about to start, and calms down. No sense in berating him. Cuts and bruises are avoidable but inevitable in children.

3:40 p.m. — We see that there is a Pink Moon coming up (we missed it, by the way), but when Little Bun looks at the pictures he says: WOW EVERYONE MUST HAVE BEEN STUNNED AT A PINK MOON!

6:12 p.m. — I break a bowl as I am washing, it slipped out of my hands. I sigh. I slowly scoop the bowl and its bits into a plastic bag and tie it for the trash so it doesn’t break any more and get into anyone’s hands to cut them. Little Bun watches me and says – It is okay Mommy! It is just a bowl! … He can see I am upset and is trying to comfort me.

7:25 p.m. — We are going through one of his magazines that asks him a question – how do describe your favourite book in 10 words or less. We finally come up with: Learning about math for example algebra, in a fun way.

Turns out his favourite book is this one – How to be a Math Genius

Spent: $0

DAY SIX

5:48 a.m. — I log in and just sit there, watching videos and blog. IT IS THE WEEKEND

6:12 a.m. — Little Bun is whispering excitedly next to me about things, and then suddenly, he starts to cry. Turns out a player in a game was stealing everything and he never gets a chance to get anything.

I tell him to take a break, and that a game is NOT REAL. Reality is Mommy, Daddy, Little Bun, life. Not games on an iPad. He nods. I tell him that life is sometimes like this. You end up with people who are selfish, or they are greedy or they don’t even know they’re doing it because they’re just focused on themselves and WINNING.

I tell him that maybe if you could talk to them, they’d change and give you a chance to get the items. Or not. Life isn’t fair.

The point is more how YOU handle what happens. You can decide to walk away, take a break, ask them to be kinder, or simply refuse to engage in the game any longer because it isn’t important. For something that is important, then you need to think through solutions on how to solve it. This is life. He nods, feeling better and puts the game away.

11:08 a.m. — I take my own advice and log off. I end up taking a nap while I am attempting to read a book.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time. I wake up refreshed but also tired.

12:55 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom and I tell him I feel like I should go and clean up a second bedroom but I have no motivation or energy to do it. The weather is switching from Winter to Spring, and the barometric pressure, along with the constant rainstorms as of late, have been really making me nauseous and sensitive. I cut back drastically on caffeine and sugar, and am popping Tylenol every 4 hours to keep my migraines at bay. It just doesn’t feel like a good time.

3:40 p.m. — I try to do a few Sun Salutations to get my energy up. I do as many as I can (4) before I am dizzy.

7:12 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery, and the entire counter is COVERED in dishes. We have practically every bowl and plate out and washing because my partner cooked a LOT today. I take in a deep breath and dream of a massive farmhouse sink where I can wash a cutting board easily.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. Our routine never wavers – brush teeth and floss, brush our hair, then Wordle with Mommy and Daddy, sometimes Word Grid, or another Word game, then we read a story book (or before Wordle we do this), Little Bun gets tucked in, then we chitchat into the night before drifting off to sleep.

Spent: $0

DAY SEVEN

5:48 a.m. — I log in and start blogging. Tomorrow it’s back to work. I need to get this under control. I just sit and blog while watching The Home Edit.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time. We make burritos and eat them, feeling full.

1:05 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

4:51 p.m. — Up from quiet time, he comes out and starts working on helping his father roll out tortillas. I don’t know what goes on, but it is like he is rushing to finish rolling them and/or my partner is getting frustrated at his attempts to learn, and I am right now, just annoyed at both of them because something so simple as rolling tortillas turned into a clash of wills or I don’t know what.

Tired, I take my basket of laundry to the bedroom, I grab Little Bun’s little paw and we go and sit down. I hold out my arms in case he wants to snuggle. He shakes his head, screaming, angry, pink-faced and upset.

I tell him that all fights start with miscommunication. Either Daddy is impatient and did not explain carefully and repeatedly how to do something, and/or Little Bun did not listen carefully and ask for instructions when he was unsure. Either way, it is BOTH YOUR FAULTS.

I bring up the example of when I lost it on him a few weeks ago, and totally frothed at the mouth. I told him that Mommy was in the wrong because she lost control and she should have just taken a break, and Little Bun was in the wrong because this was the fifth time he had “forgotten” to write a note to me or type it out to ask me a question instead of coming, giving me an Angry Face, which raises my blood pressure and annoys me to the point where I boil over.

I tell him that it was BOTH OF OUR FAULTS that time, and it was MISCOMMUNICATION like always.

I also tell him that we all have little animals in our head of things we need to think about or manage. At least, I do. I have Little Bun animal, Daddy animal, Grandma animal, Work animal, Mommy animal, Household animal, Finances animal, etc.

I tell him that sometimes the animals get out of control, like Work animal this week for Mommy, has been extremely difficult, and because I have spent so much time on trying to handle Work animal, I have neglected Mommy animal (myself), because I always put Little Bun and Daddy animals first.

He totally gets the analogy. I even tell him that Work animal was bouncing off the walls, causing trouble, shaking its bum, and it is all very distracting, while Mommy animal has been in the corner waiting patiently, getting sad. I also have been neglecting Grandma animal because I think I missed an email where she asked for something and I have to follow up on it, which is why I carry my cellphone everywhere so I can make continuous notes.

I told him I also dropped the ball on Friend animal where I completely spaced on mailing out a birthday present to a friend to get there in time for her birthday. Work animal has just taken over the whole show and it has to stop.

He later tells me that he thinks his own Workbook animal needs to be managed. He lost control of it this week, and he will work on it more in the future. I nod and tell him we all have animals we manage, and we just need to give each of them enough love and attention to make sure they don’t go wild.

5:12 p.m. — Dinnertime, and Little Bun eats, then gasps. And he has a very distraught look on his face. Turns out he was eating, and he swallowed his tooth as it came out and got caught in a chunk of food. He is pretty sad he swallowed his tooth. He wanted to keep it – I told him that I have swallowed my own baby teeth by accident too, and we have a whole bunch of others from him, so it is okay!

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $0

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Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.