Ask Sherry: Why I won’t reveal who I am

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You can ask any question using the form here.

Hi Sherry! I’ve loved reading your blog, and find much of it very helpful. I completely understand the desire to remain anonymous (and wish I’d done that as well!) but was wondering what your personal motivation behind it was. I know people do it to maintain privacy of their children, to avoid prying eyes, etc. Would you shed some light on your feelings about it, and if possible, what you do to maintain that on your end?

I did it before Little Bun, so honestly, it was because I wanted to stay Anonymous.

Why?

Plenty of reasons why:

• I don’t want people to be able to google my name and find everything about me down to the kind of underwear I like to wear (these are it by the way)
• I can be way more open & honest on the blog if I don’t have my full name put to it – see latest posts on people NOT giving me relationship advice
• I don’t want work to conflict with my blogging that brings in almost nothing; with my income they could find out how much I make and that never ends well for any of us – jealousy, resentment, anger – and I want to keep working, so I just have to keep it on the down low
• I don’t want to post any photos of myself or my family because I have no consent of Little Bun to do so. He doesn’t know what it means, and I don’t mind posting it for family and friends, but not for strangers until / if we ever decide to do so, it will be everyone agreeing to it

How I do it:

• I try not to post identifying pictures; this is particularly hard with outfits on Instagram @saverspender because some pieces I own are very unique so I’m well aware of this and careful in some sense..
• I try not to post identifying details – I keep things vague for a reason and like to touch on the feeling of what I am trying to say, without telling you specifically what I am talking about
• I make sure I put domain privacy and protection on everything I can put my hands on. Costs about $15 a year, well worth it.
• I am careful who I meet offline for any kind of transaction and who I transact with. I can count on one hand, the number of people who know who I am in connection to this blog

Have you ever felt that you would like to live in a small town or the countryside (if you could), or are you too much of a “city mouse” to do that?

I go through fantasies of being in the countryside, surrounded by no one but some trees and the woods, living in total peace and quiet… and then I try it when I visit family and realize IT IS NOT FOR ME.

I like the idea of it, but in practice, not having all the amenities nearby (proper roads, running water), is a real downer.

I used to not have too many problems in the city, but since I have a small child and she must sleep often, it is terrible with dogs barking in neighboring apartments, children running in the apartment above, dogs barking in several neighbors’ backyards, airplanes flying closely or medical helicopters, etc. Sometimes it’s crazy. And this is supposed to be a good area. I live in a crowded city. I was wondering if you are happy with city life or you would have preferred a different environment.

I hear you. This is why I don’t live in Manhattan anymore. THAT, was crazy. I heard cabs squeaking their brakes all hours of the day, I couldn’t sleep. I was really starting to get irritated, stressed, and angry at all this NOISE. Even now, in our apartment, it is VERY soundproof (as much as it can be), and yet, people walk like elephants (why do people feel the need to stomp on floors?), and have loud parties, and I hear lots of noise in general.

That said, I cannot give up pure city life. I wouldn’t mind living farther away in the suburbs for some peace and quiet (but where really can you get that, except if you live on a farm in the woods in the middle of nowhere),  but I actually prefer to be close to the city so I can hop on a bus or metro at any given time and be somewhere within the hour.

And what about your partner?

He hates the city noise, but is the same as me — he would like the idea of a quiet, empty countryside to live in, but we both would get rather lonely.

What I like, is the feeling of energy and the vibrancy of a city being nearby. I like being part of a community rather than being completely alone like a hermit as tempting as that sounds. I like the energy of others, without having to participate in that energy.. if that makes sense.. I don’t love a crowded mall during the holidays, but I like going out alone, headphones on, and seeing PEOPLE, hearing things, and being part of it.

I like different restaurants, shops and things nearby, I like convenience of a community, but in the country you really need to plan in advance where to go and what to do.

It is tempting but .. not permanently.

And another question: when you are old, would you still like to live in a big city?

Yes. I need to be close to transportation that is easy and accessible so that in case I can’t drive, I don’t rely on anyone. Being stuck in the middle of nowhere is nice in theory, but bad when you need a doctor or a hospital.

Practicality aside, it is also having to shovel snow, climb stairs, take out the garbage, etc.. and all of that can be taken care of as part of a condo fee, but not if you’re living in a house in the countryside unless you have people living with you to help.

My parents are having trouble getting to bed now. I suspect they may end up sleeping in the living room as it is getting tougher to go up the stairs these days… I don’t have that issue in a condo — elevators are my friend.

You also have less space to clean in a condo, and I don’t see condos in the countryside 😛

Still have a burning question?

You can ask any question using the form here and all of my previous Ask Sherry posts are here.