Ask Sherry: How did my partner manage to retire early? And how do we keep the romance alive?

You asked, and I am answering every Friday once I have enough questions!

You can ask any question using the form here.

What e-reader do you use? On what device do you read your books?

I use the Kobo, and bought a Kobo Glo sometime last year when my old Kobo from years ago, finally kicked the bucket.

I like LIGHT e-readers because I have to hold them, and I like big screens, so this is a challenge. I’m always eying the newest e-readers but won’t bring myself to splurge until this one truly dies.

What did your partner do for a living that allowed him to retire early?

He worked in the same field as I did. It’s how we met.

Remember though – he has enough to live on if we live on a SMALL modest budget of $20K a year. He isn’t spending like crazy, he is spending very little to keep his lifestyle, knowing 2 things:

1. He can always go back to work and make bank. Basically, the day he stops bringing his half of the bills, is the day I find him a job.
2. He will eventually go back to work but this time as a professor -This will bring in some ‘fun’ money he can live off on and we can use to travel, etc

I myself, could retire today as well, but I don’t want to live on his budget.

I like to eat out, spend money, buy nice things, and I am willing to put in more years of working because I don’t hate my job (he LOATHED HIS JOB), and I’m young, so I know I have plenty of time to half-work/half-chill and still save a lot to be financially secure.

I also like to travel, and go to NYC once a year with one of my favourite people in the world (my close girl friend), and I usually spend a good $5000 in total on just 4 days there, eating it up, shopping… having a blast.

It is all this stuff that he CANNOT do on what he has retired on, a bare bones budget. He just simply hated his job so much, he waited until the last minute, said “eff it”, quit, and became a student to give this a shot.

If he cannot make it work, he will go back to work, end of discussion. He knows it.

I’m not as dramatic as he is. I love my job, so … I don’t see the point, but it is my passion whereas this teaching thing, is his.

I already told him that I’d like to go on a massive trip in 10 years to Japan, and just live there for a month, seeing the whole country. He is on board, but he has to have the money saved, and he knows he doesn’t based on his current savings. He will need to do it as a celebration for becoming a professor (before starting), or go back to work for a bit to cover the costs.

This is why I am not a fan of this ‘early retirement’ schtick. No one really retires early and sits around counting pennies, watching their garden grow. People want to do start, start other careers, and it is why I don’t really feel caught up in “early retirement” because it for me, is just another way of saying you’re ending your FIRST career.

You’ll always work – at your hobby, at your family, on yourself.. and working for money, even on a side hustle / hobby like this blog, is still WORK to me. I wouldn’t be retired if all I did was blog all day, I’d just be a full-time penniless blogger.

Also, I think I’ve read on your blog that he was preparing to become a professor – a professor of what? Thanks.

Physics. He has always loved math, and he’s going back to school for it.

I know right. PHYSICS. WTF.

Do you and your partner schedule intimate time or date night for just the two of you? How do you manage/maintain that aspect of your relationship with everything else that’s going on?

Schedule? No schedule. I once asked if we should have a schedule, and he said “WHAT? ..” he found it so silly because it was like trying to schedule in a romantic part of your life.

These days, no schedule but whenever the mood strikes us and Little Bun is conked out fast asleep, we have a second bedroom with a bed…..

We maintain the romantic part by realizing that it isn’t all flowers, date nights and showering each other with gifts.

What we find romantic, is in the gestures for each other – that he cooks and bakes for EVERY event in our house and for Mother’s Day or my birthday, does all the dishes for it so I don’t have to.

I also appreciate the romance in that he is truly my equal for many things.

It isn’t just once a year that he cleans or does things, he deep cleans the fridge, stove, radiators, pipes, shower stall, etc twice a year without my even asking because he just knows it has to get done.

He also does a lot of household chores and even stuff that is on MY list (laundry sometimes, vacuuming, etc), he will pick up the slack when he sees that I am unable to do so. In return, I do things like take on more Little Bun care, calm him down, handle his drop off and pickups at daycare, etc.

It is a give and take. Most of my tasks are very Little Bun centered right now, but he takes on more of the other stuff in return.

I don’t need romance to be overt or over the top, I just need it to be there in other ways that I KNOW I am cared for, loved deeply and trusted.

Some women need flowers, candy and gifts. I don’t need any of that. I can buy all of it for myself.

He cares in other ways that matter deeply to me, and while we still have fights mostly because I feel exhausted from Little Bun constantly clinging to me, he LISTENS. He has definitely been taking a more active role and distracting Little Bun, and that for me, is true romance.

I also think our romance is a long, slow burning candle, not a hot passionate flame. That stuff dies out fast, but the true love (I think I have found in my case), lasts forever.

We’d be that couple still holding hands at 90 with a solid relationship.

Still have a burning question?

You can ask any question using the form here and all of my previous Ask Sherry posts are here.