In Ask Sherry

Ask Sherry: Shoe Care and what I pay my cobbler for

You asked, and I am answering every Friday once I have enough questions!

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1DKFg6SD0Kmb_0U5yb4OTNfkvfmsf5dWxJJbZTzUtH7M/edit

You can ask any question using the form here.

How much do you weigh?

I finally got myself weighed today by a professional.

I’m 123.5 lbs. I knew I was around the ballpark of 120 – 130lbs…

Please remember to do a post on your scarf organizing system. You said in a recent post that you would write about that. Thank you!

YES! Making a note. Will not forget. 🙂

( First though, I need to fix this stupid blog techie problem I am having…. (sorry). )

Got a lot of things on the go, but will add this along with other requests:

  • Closet post
  • Baby Bun’s toys & things
  • How we store linens & toiletries

Would you be able to share your thought process on deciding whether to have a second child? We have one, and I am inclined to stop at one, and yet almost everyone tells me I will regret it. Thoughts?

This one is really tough. I have to tell you I am still not 100% certain, but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and choose your choice.

So my partner, was adamant at Baby Bun’s 18th month that we do not have another child when I broached the subject of how to plan for my second maternity leave.


I guess all the sleepless nights, the cost of raising a child (Baby Tracker here, and the costs of raising Baby Bun until the age of 3 here), and the general stress that one child brings upon a family (we fought a lot, and still sometimes do although he has leaned up on this), made him certain he did not want to do this again.

I myself, was sure I would have at least 2 children, if not 4. I had dreamed my whole life of a large family where the siblings loved each other and were close, unlike my siblings and I.

I guess that’s what made my realize the folly in my assumptions — that my children would grow up together, love each other deeply and be the kind of Brady Bunch family I had envisioned – realizing that I don’t even have THAT with my siblings, and there is more than one of us.

Then I polled a bunch of readers asking: Are Only Children Lonely? because I really wanted to be sure I wasn’t going to ruin Baby Bun’s life.

I want him to feel like he got everything and more out of us as parents, and to not feel like he was deprived in any way, and this choice that we are making for our lives, affects him as well, especially as he ages and we age along with him.

I also thought a lot about what I wanted. Yes, I wanted more than one child, but did I really? I felt as though maybe just Baby Bun would be enough. He is already a lot of work for me (and he is a LOW MAINTENANCE TODDLER), and him as a newborn and baby was very hard on my mental state, and it is still hard now, all those sleep deprived nights wreaking havoc on my health and sanity, not to mention the physical side, and lastly, economic side of it all.

I just can’t predict or know the future, and know whether or not my second child would be more or less work than Baby Bun now (all signs point to the second one being worse based on how “lucky” we have gotten with him in many ways), and whether or not I would be happier or not.

The only thing that would have really changed the dynamic in all of this is if I lived closer to family. That family network of having grandparents, aunts and uncles to call on for support is immeasurable, not to mention free as we wouldn’t have to pay for daycare either which would help the costs.

As we live a good 8 hours away by car from  any of our family members, it isolates us, and makes it doubly hard. I have no one I can trust in my heart to call on to take care of Baby Bun when I need them do and yes I can pay for daycare, etc, but it is not the same when you need them to watch a child for a few hours before you rush out.

I love my life now, and I have heard from MANY PARENTS that adding a second child is harder than just having one child.. but after that, three or more children is easy breezy, relatively speaking.

I am not sure I can go through the stress of breastfeeding, latching, diapers, constant whining, crying, potty training, all while trying to work full-time to pay my half and take care of a toddler and manage those fights.

Is it worth it for me to try and add another life into the dynamic? The balance I have achieved now with my partner and Baby Bun is for me, quite perfect. Things are good now, and it took three long slogged years to get here because we were first-time parents trying to re-define our relationship after having a child with the division of labour and so on which I wrote about here when a reader asked how I split my time with taking care of Baby Bun.

Ultimately, there is no guarantee that whatever we choose will be the right choice. Only child – could be a bum deal or a great thing, and many children – could be a bum deal or a fantastic thing.

Also, we both have to be on board. He is not, and I respect that as well.

Can you do a post on shoe care – how you clean, protect and store your shoes? Also, can you talk about what kind of care you perform at home vs. services you ask for at the cobbler? Thanks!

Sure. I will add it to the list. 🙂

  • Closet & shoes
  • Baby Bun’s toys & things
  • How we store linens & toiletries
  • Scarf organization

Who are you and what is your career?

*ahem*…


Why do you have that “Stay/Leave” java script turned on your site? Seems to be a recent change? Sorry, but it’s very annoying and I had to block it. Is it supposed to help your web traffic or stats? What’s the point of it?

*gasp* I have no idea what the heck that is.

I am mortified and very VERY sorry. I don’t know how to get rid of it.. thus far, have been racking my brain since I got this to try and remove it (and broke the blog in the process on Wednesday).

I am working on fixing it, I promise.

I did not do this on purpose.

It doesn’t do anything but annoy me (and you).

UPDATE: It was my Google Forms widget in the sidebar.

I have de-activated the form temporarily until I can find a solution because my blog is also not working with some other technical issues.

Should be okay now. THANK YOU!

Still have a burning question?

You can ask any question using the form here or entering a comment in a form on my blog sidebar, and all of my previous Ask Sherry posts are here.


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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

I got out of $60,000 of debt in 18 months using TheBudgetingTool.com. Since then, I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K (savings rate = 85%). I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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13 Comments

  1. a
    ally

    I was wondering: how many children would you like to have ideally yet realistically (and supposing your partner agreed to it)?

    I saw that, in the blog post, you mentioned 2-4 children, but I am also curious about an exact ideal number. Also, what combinations of gender would you prefer (if that’s the case).

    Thank you.

    Reply
    1. a
      ally

      Correction: I meant “ideally and/or realistically (and supposing your partner agreed to it).”
      I know “ideal” doesn’t always (often) coincide with reality, so there might be two possible answers.

      Reply
  2. L
    LX

    As an only child, I think it’s harder to be the only one as an adult vs a child. I wasn’t terribly lonely as a child, but as an adult, if I don’t call my mother because I’m busy, no one calls my mother. If I spend the holidays with my in-laws, my parents are alone. They spared no lack of attention for me, but as an adult with my own family career and small children I can’t reciprocate.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      That is partly what I have worried about as well. If my partner was an only child, we would not be going back every holiday to be with his mother in Europe… and I don’t even do that now with my parents, our siblings take over in that regard.

      Reply
  3. E
    Elisa

    Not too sure about family helping even if you live close to them. My parents and sisters live close to use – 20 minutes drive – and they never offer to come and help. I visit them weekly but the constant advice from my childless sister (since they have friends with awesome kids) and parents and the lack of empathy and offer for help (I have postpartum depression that they dismiss and unreliable brother in law who I can’t trust with a baby are being offered as the only help) are enough to wish we live far far away from them so I don’t have to explain to friends who don’t understand why family never come to visit and babysit for baby.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Wow. I am so sorry to hear that. I guess I was thinking of at least my parents and my siblings (childless ones, the other one with two kids would not) who would come by and help out at least a weekend or a bit.

      Hmm. Family nearby is not really a guaranteed then….. And childless people KNOW IT ALL until they have kids of their own and it ALL GOES OUT THE WINDOW. I learned that the hard way.

      Reply
  4. L
    Laurie

    I’m an only, as is my mother, as is my son. I was 36 when I had my son (he’s now 9). I felt like I waited so long to have a child I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted one. My husband and I decided that yes, we did want a child. We also agreed that at we’d wait until our son’s first birthday to make up our minds about a second. I think he would have been happy to have a second but was also happy to stop at one. I think you and your partner being on the same page is the most important thing.

    I can see the benefits of having more that one more clearly now. But I can still very clearly see that there are no guarantees. Parenting is never easy. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      I would agree with this. My partner is not on board so.. There you go 🙂

      Reply
  5. V
    Virginia

    Good question about the second child. My husband and I agonized over this decision for a long time and ultimately decided to have second. It IS hard, but now that the baby is here, I love her so much. I think we are fighting less this time around because we seem to have gotten more on the same page about parenting.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      I agree with the fact that once you have more kids, you cannot imagine life without them… I do see my friends with more kids really struggling but loving them more than ever too.

      Reply
  6. r
    raluca

    Don’t think your kid will be lonely without a sibling. I have a younger sister, but she’s 4 years younger. I was a lot closer to my friends who were the same age when I was younger than I was to my sister. Not that I didn’t love her or care for her, but there’s a big difference between a kid of 5 and a kid of 9 or a teenager of 14 and one of 18. I certainly like my sister and now that we’re older, the differences are not so big and we choose to spend our vacations together or talk about our jobs and so on. It’s just when you’re younger, I believe there’s not enough common ground between kids to have them be “friends”. Having an older brother helps the second kid, but not the older one. For example, I talked to my sister about menstruation when the time came, I talked to her about sex and relationships and I like to believe I helped her. But I didn’t particularly enjoy having her crimp my style when I was 16, because well – teenagers :).

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      Hmm. That is a good point to consider. I guess I see that too in my older siblings, they are very parental to me.

      Reply

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