Are single women too successful and intelligent to find love?
I’ve always been curious about why there are so many great, single women out there looking for love, but not being able to find it (or only finding duds!)
When I mention this, people tell me that it’s because they’re high-maintenance or too choosy, which is the reason why they basically choose to be single.
Others, cite that it’s because the women are too successful (career-wise and financially), too intelligent and therefore too intimidating to men in general.
What does high maintenance mean?
People to me, who are high maintenance, are some or all of the following:
- always thinking of themselves (selfish)
- always assuming they will get their way 100% of the time
- not financially independent & secure to pay their way
- expecting others to do everything for them & pay for everything to boot
- always taking, never giving
- spending money they don’t have or haven’t earned themselves
- spending far, FAR beyond their or other people’s means
You will notice that I haven’t written: likes to shop and wear nice clothes.
If that were the case, I’m high maintenance!
Not all women who like to shop and wear nice things, are necessarily high maintenance.
If they have maxed out their retirement funds, saved a substantial amount of money, and continue to reach goals like saving a good portion of their income, then they should be able to reasonably enjoy their success, even if it seems frivolous to others.
These women have priorities, and they make choices about how they spend their cash.
What do men want?
…nearly half of all working wives bring home more bacon than their husbands, and that single women under 33 are out-earning their male counterparts.
These factors and others are affecting the courtship and marriage dance in complicated ways. The end result though is that more women are staying single and those who do marry are doing it later and later.
With both sexes earning plenty of money and remaining unattached – while crafting their own fun instant gratification lifestyles – well into their 20s and 30s, there is less pressure to wed all around.
I was struck by these two responses (presumably from men), which basically says that women do not receive a bonus or a premium on the dating market for being intelligent and successful.
They receive bonuses if they are young, fertile, beautiful and feminine:
Are women too intelligent and successful for men?
There is a grain of truth in what those guys are saying above: a smart, successful, attractive man is a great catch for a woman, but the reverse is not necessarily true if the woman outpaces the man in terms of earning power.
Men who are successful also want women who are successful because they don’t want to be worried about their wives not being able to hold their own in their social and professional circles.
Just because SOME men focus on ‘paying for youth and attractiveness’, it doesn’t mean that other men don’t value personality, intelligence and success.
One such couple, is the guy who’s a doctor and the girl who’s a dentist. In the past 5 years, she’s pulled in more money than he has, by a milestone (he’s still in residency).
Another couple, is a trader who married a woman who analyzes statistics. She makes more money than he does, and is in far more demand career-wise.
Besides, beauty fades, but personality and brains last forever.
I can’t imagine settling down for the rest of my life with someone who I liked to stare at and ogle, but was unable to hold a decent conversation with.
Why are women still single then?
Honestly, because some of them choose to be.
It may really be that those guys up there are making valid points for SOME women, but not for all.
If smart girls have dated guys and still haven’t really clicked or found anyone, then they’re choosing to stay single rather than be with someone they’re not 100% happy with, especially once you start working.
The pool definitely gets a lot smaller after college, and that is no joke.
Everyone has already been paired off like animals on Noah’s Ark by the time the last year rolls around, and within the next 5 years you hear a flurry of engagements, weddings, and even babies popping out in record time.
People you meet at work, are not necessarily people you can or would want to date. I was very lucky, but generally speaking, the prospects are not that hot.
I wouldn’t stop looking if I was single, and if it takes me until the age of 45 to find someone I could really share my life with, I’d rather wait until then and NOT settle.
What do you think?
79 Comments
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Joseph
Successful women are very independent, and most of them as it is are really very greedy, selfish, spoiled, and very money hungry as well since they do care only about money. That is why a lot of single guys have trouble meeting a woman that will be able to accept him for who he really is, which they can’t since it is all about them to begin with. Back in the past love came very easy because women were very completely different than today, and that was a real plus for the guys in those days when they met their loved ones at that time. Now we have so many women feminists nowadays, and they’re very stuck up most of the time with a real attitude problem as well. So it is very difficult for most of us single guys to even approach a woman that we would really like to meet, and these women unfortunately are just so nasty to us most of the time as well. Feminism has really ruined these women altogether now, and the media added to it as well. With these very stupid reality shows that they have on TV now, and that made it even worse since these very pathetic women really think they’re too good for us. These are the reasons why so many guys like us can’t find love, now that the women of today unfortunately have really changed for the worst of all.
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Ben
Very obvious why our family members never had any trouble at all finding love in the old days with one another. Sure they had it much easier back then, women were the very complete opposite of today at that time. And it is the women back then that really made this world grow in population since the very beginning of time as well, and both most women and men were very faithful back in those days too. Women are just very greedy, selfish, and very spoiled now more than ever before, and many years ago they didn’t have much at all. It is their own fault.
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Single Women
Single women usually are Gold Diggers to begin with, especially since they sleep around with much older men just for money.
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Guest
Most women nowadays just want the very best of all, and will never settle for less. That is why the great majority of women today are very greedy, selfish, spoiled, picky, narcissists, and very money hungry as well. And so much more can be added to that list as well. At least many years ago most women weren’t like that at all which made love very easy to find just like our family members had it back then. Today most women just want money, and they will usually go for the very rich men which makes them real gold diggers to begin with. And then there are so many narcissists women everywhere these days that really think they’re all that since they have absolutely no manners and personality at all when many of us single men will try to start a conversation with the one that we think would be very nice to meet, and there will be times when these very pathetic women will Curse many of us men out for no reason at all. That just shows me how most women today have very severe mental problems to act that way with us men looking for love now, and i know friends that had women even Curse at them for no reason as well. Many of us men can’t even say good morning or hello to a woman anymore since we have to be very careful of sexual harassment since they will look to nail us for that too. Very dangerous time for many of us single men trying to find love today unfortunately.
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Anonymous
So many very overweight horrible looking women nowadays with tattoos all over their bodies which looks very tacky as it is. And most of them have very severe mental issues as well. MGTOW saves lives.
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Paul
Most women are definitely the major cause of most divorces unfortunately. And the biggest of all cheaters as well.
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Ben
Give me a real good old fashioned woman anytime over these high maintenance ones today.
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Paul
Just too many women nowadays that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and very money hungry, which is the real problem for many of us Good Single Men looking for Love since so many women these days will Never Ever go with a man that makes much Less Money than they do since their Careers are much more important than us. And God forbid if they ever went with a man that makes less money, Heaven forbid. Now in the old days i would say Most women were Never like that at all since Both men and women in those day really had to Struggle to make ends meat and Accepted one another for who they were. Many of us men were just born at a very bad time today which had we been born at a much Earlier time since we would’ve been all settled down by now with our Good wife and family today instead of still being Single And Alone now which many of us are certainly Not Single by choice.
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Absolutely
Well the ones that are very selfish and spoiled will have trouble, especially the ones that are very money hungry.
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Chelsea
I’m young (23) but have already experienced a great deal of success, make good money for my age, and have an independent and full life. I’m attractive but not drop dead gorgeous or stick thin, but hey I have a waist, boobs and a butt and look great in a dress! I find that Men only want to sleep with me when I do go on dates. Sometimes, realizing this is the only thing they want, I’ll cut it short or go for it, depending on how long it has been. I thought that by now I would have experienced love, but the only thing I have ever felt after a period of time pursuing or dating a man is used. I’m probably choosing the wrong men, need to alter my appearance or act in a manner that is more demure but I still wonder is love just not for women like me? Are we to smart and realistic to fall for the fairytale? Does women’s equality really mean forced independence from mutually dependant relationships? In looking for an equal have I missed the loving supporter to my career, dreams and goals which include LOVE. I’m afraid I will never know what it feels like to be truly valued, desired and cared for.
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Trish
I have luckily found an amazing guy who knows how to treat a woman (most of the time), but he still says ignorant stupid sexist shit like you see all over the Internet (especially around other men). The rating of human beings on scales of 1-10 by a man who gives himself high marks, as if any woman peering into that brain would see anything more than a 1… and talking about us as if we’re just a walking pair of tits… It gets old. When you say things like ‘oh the women of 50 years ago are so much better’, the way I see it boys, is that you are small and insecure and insignificant, therefore you need to feel like the superior person in your romantic relationship, quite pathetic in itself. You can’t feel superior to a woman who is somewhat on the same level as you, you wish you could go back to a better time, when wives were slaves and you wouldn’t make it past the age of 30 so you’d have a chance to feel superior. Your problem guys, is when you think things like this about women, to us, that makes you a two at best, and you are not willing to date and marry the ugly beached whales which are the only women you are ‘entitled’ to.
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Steve
The good old fashioned women of years ago were certainly the best of all compared to today, that is for sure.
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Tania
Holy crap, that first anonymous letter sounds like a complete douche. I don’t know if he intended it to sound that way but women don’t present themselves as intelligent career women because they think men will like it. We don’t decide to be ditzes or intelligent based on what we think men will like. We don’t pursue careers because we are trying to catch a man. We don’t structure our lives around what will catch a man.
That said, a man needs to feel like a capable man. Having a good career and being smart doesn’t preclude a woman from making her man feel like the man in a relationship. It’s not just about money, it’s also about letting him shine in the areas he kicks butt, man style.
We are trying to meet a man that is a good fit for us, period. Fullstop.
I know many intelligent career women who have great hubbys and happy marriages.
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Anonymous
Tania, Then again, very dumb women like you really are everywhere now. Feminism is cancer by the way. Grow very old all alone with a bunch of cats.
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Savvy Buck
This is just a matter of statistics. Let’s assume men and women make the same amount for argument’s sake.
LEt’s say there are 6 guys and 6 women in the world.
1 of the guys/gals make over $100K
4 of the guys/gals make $40-80K.
1 of the guys/gals make over $30K
The guy making $100K has no problem dating the gal making middle income or even under $30K as long as she is decent looking and decent personality. So he pairs up with her.
The 4 guys making middle income have no problem dating the middle income gals either. What happens to single gal making over $100K?Well she refuses to dating guys below her. The only single guys in our example is the guy making under $30K a year. Thus, she has trouble finding guys.
Expectations – Reality
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The Real Answer
That is why most women are very stupid today. The women years ago were certainly a lot better than the ones that are out there today.
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Telling The Truth
Well there are many of us good men that are hoping to meet a good woman to have a relationship with, and with so many women today that are looking for a Rich Man which makes them so very sad and pathetic since they just can’t accept us men for who we really are. It is bad enough that many women today are the Real Cause why the Divorce Rate is so very high nowadays since many of them do certainly Cheat much more than men do. So meeting a Real Decent Woman is very hard now for us men since many women really want to live the Rich Life Nowadays Anyway. I wish that we had a Real Time Machine to send these type of women back in time to see what it was really like when many men and women had to struggle to survive.
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Absolutely
there are just too many women nowadays that think that they are all that, especially the ones with the high paying jobs. and today most of them want a man with a very large bank account, very sad.
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Heather Buen
I found you from Single Mom, Rich Mom and I have to say that my experience on dating many of the losers you talked about in your post, along with a failed marriage; I’m just jaded by it all. Rather than waiting for a man to come around, I went and had children after my daughter on my own. This definitely limits my dating pool but I don’t care – the relationship I have with my kids, my frienships, my family and business partners have sustained me emotionally and I’m so much more secure in myself. If a man does come around then good for him, but I dont’ consider a marriage partner ideally fits my situation as it is. My earning power and the ability to make my own financial decisions has greatly increased my wealth and income. When I was partnered up, that typically declined.
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Mochi & Macarons
Oh that’s a good point. Actually, it’s an interesting point that you made/kept MORE money than if you had a partner. I hear a lot of guys say or worry about the opposite — as in their partner having to be reined in for spending.
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Mack
I agree with this. Women think by getting these super high careers, being so successful and then dating, that’s a big turnoff to men. I think what turns men off is that women’s competitiveness. Women’s competitiveness to men is like nails scratching down the chalkboard. Women being so successful totally hurts their chances in the dating world even with the super tall men so many women drool over. Just the other day I saw and overheard this lady talking to this super tall guy about what she does for a living as a doctor. Once she said she was a doctor the guy totally shut down and before you knew it she was shut down by him.
Another thing I think single women these days need to pay particular attention to is the announcing that she can take care of herself (another big turnoff) for men. That (I can take care of myself) from women translates to men that she want’s to be a “man”. When men hear that it pretty much kills your chances and men are like.
Comment from Bridget: ”
I don’t feel the pressure to “find someone” — by 45 or any age.” Well you better feel some pressure cause as much as women these days want to be these bachelorettes and think it’s “cool” to stay single until like 45 is another turnoff for men. It’s just is what is is… Fact is fact Men can be bachelors a lot longer, most men get more attractive as they get older and the opposite for ladies. Men generally don’t want older women unless the guy is dead set on not wanting kids, other then that men will always marry younger, especially women that are younger than 35 so men can have TIME dating her, not hear that biological clock ticking and then when men marry ladies younger than 35 we have OPTIONS. If your a 45 year old lady you have no options for kids. For ladies at 45 your done, can’t obviously have kids, and your men selection is very very limited at that age!! Even if you did adopt kids at 45, you would be basically 63 by the time he or she just graduates high school, then another 4 to 6 years for college so that’s putting you at 67 or 68, then wait for him or her to get married and have grandchildren, you may be pushing 75 if you live that long lol!! Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â-
Mochi & Macarons
All valid points — does that mean that women should then NOT become doctors and avoid success just to get a man?
I wouldn’t agree with that.-
Mack
No not necessarly, I think being successful and intelligent is sexy in women but I think more than anything what rubs men the wrong way and is a BIG TURNOFF for men with too intelligent women is their attitude. A lot of the too successful and intelligent women carry and have this I’m better than anyone else, the nose stuck up in the air, the I always got A’s in high school and still has that high school I’m “Ms. Perfect”. The nose stuck upÂ
in the air, the I always got A’s in high school and still has that high school I’m “Ms. Perfect” attitude is an instant turnoff, instant deal breaker for men and a total killer for women’s chances with men.  ÂBut what is totally sexy for men is women with successful and intelligent careers and women are like egh I have this career but they aren’t all stuck up about their careers, they are more laid back about their jobs, like yeah I have this job, they are like whatever, like the job is obviously cool but they don’t make any big deal about their job and don’t shove it in men’s faces.   Â
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ptcyankee
@Mochi & Macarons:
I think the problem is that a lot of men are insecure and easily intimidated by successful women. Is she supposed to act like it’s no big deal and play down her career because of his insecurities? You don’t hear guys playing down their successes. There’s always been a double-standard and times have changed. I”ve found that men younger than myself are more accepting and less old-fashioned.-
Luke
Ok. So, you’re not insecure about putting your family first? You actually want to prioritize your career, where you’re serving a bunch of strangers to a man you’re supposed to be more intimate with than anyone?? You don’t want to EARN his love and devotion? That’s another great, wonderful message to bring to a relationship. He doesn’t deserve to be a priority, because he’s… a man?? There’s nothing sexist about that mentality. LMFAO
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Antoinette Hughes
No, it’s because men have high egos and are jealous. SHUT UP!W omen wouldn’t have to work if men would just marry us. So men have only themselves to blame for women taking over their jobs. 😛
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Mochi & Macarons
No one wants to be used for their money, no matter how much they have of it. That was crass of her!!!
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Ted
Divorced
at 45 and I will NEVER do the marriage thing again. It took me a couple of
years to become OK with living alone, but now I wouldn’t trade my freedom for
anyone. Dating means that you have to deal with the baggage of others and, on that score, I’ve become intolerant. I’m a healthy, well educated, 47 year old, single
male with a 200K yearly salary, my own home, lots of assets and I plan to stay
single for life.When you’re completely independent, outside
of work, you can do what you want, when you want, and no one has any say in the
matter. It’s complete freedom. It’s like being twelve again, only with a lot of money.-
Mochi & Macarons
Those are good points. For me, I think I’d like to have a partner to go through life with 🙂
I can see your perspective for sure. I definitely envy that some days.
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Mochi & Macarons
Unfortunately this is the SAME refrain I hear from my awesome single girlfriends.
We have concluded that the pool gets smaller before, during and after college. People get with their sweethearts, marry, start careers and are off the market.
That said, there are departments RIFE with single guys. You just need to find them at your company or your friends’ companies….
Thanks for coming from Uproar!!! -
Mochi & Macarons
I am posting less and being low key :p
Or at least trying to. 6X a week was too much.
I am also trying to just do twice a month as a maximum and take back my life.
The other blogs were taking up a LOT of time and was at the point that they needed to be managed full time but it was never meant to be a career, just a hobby. 🙂-
Leigh
Posting less? You have posted quite a bit lately 😉
That’s why I’m sticking with wordpress and a not so interesting name so that it really does stay just a hobby.
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Mochi & Macarons
Well I’ve been on a roll. You can take blogs away from a girl but not the girl from the blogging world :p
I just want the option I not be pressured to post so often, that’s all. I felt really under the gun at the other two sites.
It was all mental, I’m sure.
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Anonymous
@Mochi & Macarons: It is always wonderful to share a life with the person that you would be very compatible with, and being alone all the time and having no one can be very depressing. the great majority of us good men that are looking for a good woman, would seriously want that i am sure.
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Mochi & Macarons
You need to be able to talk to them too, not just stare at them 🙂 beauty fades!!!
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Leigh
I love being single and I have a feeling I will spend a good portion of my 20s single since I didn’t meet someone I wanted to marry in college. Guys…mature at a different rate and I’m finding that if I want to date someone seriously, I really need to look for guys who are a lot older. But, like Bridget, I’m patient. I can support myself quite nicely and I’m happy by myself. I have a great social life. I really don’t need a man around, though sometimes I wish there was someone to wake up next to 🙂
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Mochi & Macarons
I am EXACTLY the same way. I’ve never liked guys my age just because I don’t really connect with them unless they’re about 5-8 years older.
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Bridget
I don’t feel the pressure to “find someone” — by 45 or any age. I like being single, and frankly, I’m cool if my whole life is like this. I like being in a relationship, but I like being alone equally well. People need to get over their obsession with relationships. Most relationships don’t end in marriage, and even  then most marriages end in divorce, so you just end up single anyway! I know when someone’s in love they think they’re the exception to the rule, but realistically that relationship is probably going to end (and there’s nothing wrong with that).Â
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Mochi & Macarons
They say the rate is now 50% for divorces with money troubles being the #1 reason.
Being single is liberating for sure!!
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John Doe
Grow very old all alone with your cats ladies, you certainly deserve it.