Week of Money: Where Little Bun demands EQUITY not EQUALITY

DAY ONE

7:41 a.m. — I wake up to Little Bun snuggling on top of me, I hold him close and he tells me: GUESS WHAT MOMMY? TODAY IS VALENTINE’S DAY. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY. He hugs and kisses me.

8:08 a.m. — We head out into the living room and quietly do our own thing (him, blocks.. me, logging into blog and checking bank accounts after).

9:30 a.m. — Meetings booked solid all day. Barely a break in between. I am now basically on two teams and this equals to more than full-time which means overtime.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

1:07 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap, I take a break to have a tea and read my book. I need to do something to not be constantly working.

3:15 p.m. — He comes towards me after his nap to sit on my lap, and I give him a riddle (he loves riddles these days): “What is my FAVOURITE subject?“…. He pauses, and says: “MATH?“.. (That is his favourite subject). I tell him – No silly, my favourite subject is YOU. … He giggles, and tells me I tricked him.

3:30 p.m. — I am in meetings again. These are impromptu ones. I try to keep my afternoon free to work but now I am getting slammed all around. I have to start booking off half hour slots to have some breathing room.

5:12 p.m. — Dinner, and dishes. Little Bun wipes down his cutlery, and asks very seriously if he can take the iPad to make a small change. I let him, and he changes the iPad background from a picture he took of me, to black, and tells me – It is because I really want to preserve the battery power like they told me. He had watched some YouTube videos and they said a black background significantly preserves the battery. He is starting to become a little bit of a green warrior, going around, turning off lights, and being careful. He isn’t perfect (none of us are), but I am bursting with pride, seeing him try his best, even for the little things.

I have to always remind him that he can only control what HE does, because we cannot control other people setting off fireworks and scaring animals (wild and domestic), or other things, but we can control what we say and do. He has slowly taken this to heart.

6:25 p.m. — He watches more riddles and learns more about things on YouTube – we are always beside him so we see what he is watching, and I try my best to also counteract what he sees so give another perspective, so that he realizes what he is watching has to also be watched with a critical eye.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed after reading through a page of the Math Genius book. He really likes this one, having taken a break from philosophy.

Spent: $0

DAY TWO

??:?? — Little Bun leaps on top of me (softly) and snuggles me awake.

6:56 a.m. — I log in and just sit there, blogging while Little Bun writes a card for his aunt.

7:50 a.m. — I log off and start working. We are discussing equity versus equality, and Little Bun bursts out: I WOULD RATHER HAVE EQUITY THAN EQUALITY! … And I quickly explain to him the difference so he understands and isn’t some parrot. I explain that it is like saying that everyone has access to go to school, to make it into a college with their grades (EQUALITY), but some people grow up just trying to figure out how to get food, help their single parent, take care of their brothers and sisters, and need more help in that regard (getting a ride to school as it is too far to walk), which means that if we help them to have the same level playing field, that is EQUITY.

He nods and says: I like equity more than equality because people who don’t need it, don’t get it, and equity gives more to people who need it more than those who don’t.

I remind him that goes with everything – with what we have, our money, how we donate to charities because they have less than what we have, and we don’t need the excess. He remembers, because we purchased food during the holidays for those abroad and bought “food baskets” via our donations for families. He liked that gift the best because he’s a little gourmand.

8:08 a.m. — I log in, and am totally immersed in work.

10:15 a.m. — I wrangle him, and take a break in my day to cut his hair, then after brushing off all the loose hairs, he has a shower. I actually would do it later in the day but with the daylight it is much better / easier for me to cut his hair early rather than late. Work day ends at 18:00 and it is already dark outside.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

1:00 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

3:20 p.m. — He slept in today for his nap.

3:40 p.m. — Little Bun works on his “Snuggle Room”.. really, a house, full of rooms he wants to have, or thinks we could enjoy together. It’s really sweet. He created a living room, a kitchen off to the side, a garage, and a Crafting/Upcycling room.

6:00 p.m. — I log off for the day.

6:12 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery.

6:47 p.m. — Little Bun asks to play in the closet and asks if he can help me. I didn’t plan on being in there so I don’t have enough time for what I want to do which I was saving for the weekend, so I tell him we will do it after, but he can help me organize his little area in my closet (he snagged a section)

7:40 p.m. — I suggest we take a break and do a dance party. He loves these, and we put on a song, then just dance in the bedroom to it.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $0

DAY THREE

??:?? — I wake up. About an hour too early because of Little Bun.

5:48 a.m. — I log in and blog, but before I do, I see the shirts have been restocked in my mother’s size, and as a surprise I buy her quite a number of them. She loves fashion, and bright prints, so I know she will enjoy them. She also spends nothing on herself, and hasn’t bought clothes in a very long time (even before the pandemic), so this would be something very fun for her. $1011.74

7:50 a.m. — I log off and start working. I guess I am a bit frustrated with the fact that people can’t seem to get their act together, in the sense that if you already told them about something, you are expecting not to repeat yourself more than twice. Thrice even. This has been the FIFTH TIME that I am repeating myself and I am losing it.

8:44 a.m. — We have a quick meeting and my managers tell me even though I am switching to another team, I am still able to come to them for anything if I feel like I am not happy any more. They’re really scared I’ll quit and leave, so they’re trying their best to keep me as long as possible. I should be okay, though. There’s not much these days that could cause me to quit aside from toxic managers or co-workers.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

1:01 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he runs out of the bedroom, sees I am not in a call (what, omg?!) and he proceeds to give me a Rebus puzzle (his new obsession). He asks me to solve JOBINJOB … I am unable to (my brain power is used up by work, lack of sleep, and just general life), and he tells me that it is “IN BETWEEN JOBS”, which is quite clever. He tries to come up with one on his own, and his was – LOL – means “O IN BETWEEN Ls”

I explain that Rebus puzzles are clever because they use English phrases or sayings, while visually representing them in words. You cannot say for instance “O IN BETWEEN Ls” because it makes no sense or has no meaning in the English language in terms of a saying that can be used or is well known.

3:15 p.m. — He is doing exercises with his father – math drills – and then he bursts into tears in the middle of my call.

4:00 p.m. — I finish my call and head over to talk to him. He had another meltdown and he doesn’t want to do any new adventures with his father, and I cotton on that he was having some residual stress from what happened before. I sit down with him and say softly – I think I know what is going on. You are still hurting from what happened before, right? You were very angry. I do not know why, but you were angry, crying and frustrated, and you are still keeping that in your heart, so it is making you angry and frustrated for very little things right now. Do you know why that happens? Because you haven’t let go of that anger yet. To do that, we have to talk it out and release it from its cage because it grew from a tiny angry seed to a big tree right now, inside your heart.

He nods, completely relieved (I can tell on his face) that I nailed it, and I get why he is getting upset over everything.

We talk it out, and it basically turns out that he was getting frustrated he couldn’t get the 7 times table perfectly right (the math drills are to memorize them). I explain to him that it has only been 2 weeks or so that we have started it. I asked him if it would be fair that my project would ask Mommy to know everything in 2 weeks, rather than 3 months.

He shakes his head vehemently, and tells me – IT IS SO STUPID THEY WOULD EXPECT YOU TO KNOW EVERYTHING AT ONCE.

Me: So why are you expecting this for yourself? You are frustrated because you cannot get it. I understand that. Be frustrated. Be angry. Take a little break, walk around, then a deep breath, and come back to your 7 X tables again. This takes time, you cannot expect this to happen overnight, right? Take your frustration and turn it into motivation.

Little Bun: *starting to cry again* But I don’t know HOW to turn it into motivation!

Me: You are doing it right now. You are trying your hardest to get the 7 times table. I get that. You want to be fast and perfect. I get that. But let yourself have the time to do it, to learn it, and when you cannot get it in this session, pause, and tell yourself – It is okay. I will take a break. Later on today, or tomorrow I will try again until I get it.

I do not care that you know your 7 times tables in 2 days or 2 months. I only care that you know your tables at the end and it all works out. I only care about RESULTS. The time it takes to get there, is not impressive to me. It is more that you are trying your best, over and over and over again until you get it.

Did you think as a baby you knew all your letters and the next day you could read? No. So don’t expect this for yourself, okay?

He nods. I think he got it. He has been trying to hard to be this super fast, clever smart child that we all know he is, but I told him basically that he has to give himself grace to get there and I didn’t care about anything except him reaching his goal and trying new, creative ways to learn them or to get there, whatever he comes up with that helps him learn.

I then explain how I am a visual learner, and I need to see it or have pictures to guide me. He has to figure out his own learning style that helps him.

5:12 p.m. — After doing a new adventure with his father, he remembers we had a session online, and I tell him a white lie that it was the wrong day, because I knew it would cause another meltdown that he missed it because he was busy getting upset at himself, and he would just berate himself all night for missing it. It’s too much for me to take in one day, and I tell him the sessions are 2 days later, actually and I made a mistake in the scheduling on my calendar (I didn’t).

5:12 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery.

6:25 p.m. — We have another dance party.

7:48 p.m. — We have been doing Wordle together as a family. For the past few days, my partner and Little Bun have been the ones getting the word, but this time around, I got it in 30 seconds!!!! I laugh and tell my partner I have redeemed myself as the senior Anglo speaker in the household.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. We are trying to read a book but honestly, the text is so small and light on a BLACK background. Who designs these things?

Spent: $1011.74

DAY FOUR

??:?? — I wake up to a “baby” snuggling on top of me. He’s really getting heavy. I can’t believe he was just a tiny little baby so many years ago, it feels like yesterday.

6:22 a.m. — I log in and and take a deep breath. There are “reports” or opinions floating around that this might be the last ‘wave’ of the pandemic but I am not holding my breath with hope. With everything being so incredibly global, I am giving it another 2 more years, realistically speaking.

Pandemics have lasted 2-3 years in the past but it was nothing like that we have today in terms of interconnectedness and being able to travel and fly on a whim, rather than treating it like a luxury. This all of course, contributed to the Earth’s decline.. so…

7:50 a.m. — I log off and start working. I can’t concentrate on what I am supposed to be watching so I am taking it 15 minutes at a time – I keep getting interrupted by people, by things, and I need to slowly sit there and learn it.

8:08 a.m. — Case in point: Interruption Cuteness — Little Bun is creating art, and asks for my phone to take pictures and edit them in Markup

11:30 a.m. — Another interruption – we log in to a session online and Little Bun is watching what is going on, and replying in the chats. I try to book this time off so I don’t have calls at the same time as it is hard with 3 people speaking (my partner is in school as well) at the same time in one small room.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

12:57 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom, and we prep for another session. I am super excited for this one!

5:00 p.m. — I log off.

5:25 p.m. — He wanders around, doing things and hanging out and asks what we can do. My brain is so trashed from today, that I really don’t want to do anything but mindlessly watch shows. I need brain down time as well, but it is like I can’t seem to refill my ‘well’ fast enough, even with downtime.

6:47 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry to put away. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery, and we are trying out the new pastes we got – we are IN LOVE with the Thai Basil Garlic paste from Mekhala. I want to spoon this onto everything and anything, even pizza.

7:10 p.m. — Whoa. It rained pretty hard yesterday, then almost overnight, it all turned into snow. This is not good. It means the rain underneath that melted things, washed the salt away that would typically help melt the snow, and now the rain has frozen into ice underneath the soft fluffy snow that is falling. Driving tomorrow will be extremely dangerous.

7:23 p.m. — Little Bun is a bit grumpy right now. He seems to whine a little, not want to do anything. I stop reading my book and pull him into my arms. I ask him if he’s grumpy because he needs Mommy Time. He hasn’t had any all day, it seems, and I am wondering if it is because I have been working, then doing housework, and I haven’t spent ANY TIME with Little Bun?

He nods a little. I can tell he just wants attention from me, and misses me because he wants me to be with him and play, and interact. I put my book away and we make up funny scenarios of ‘what if’, and I tell him all about my day yesterday at the doctor’s, which he really enjoys, because I am telling it like it’s a real story with excitement, etc, about how I couldn’t find a parking spot. LOL

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. Little Bun snuggles into me, as we read pages of magazines together (random articles). My friend sent over a huge stack of old magazines for him, from when she was a little girl, and I marvel at how that was 25 years ago!!!!!!! I don’t feel that old, but time really does fly.

Spent: $0

DAY FIVE

??:?? — I wake up to Little Bun kissing me.

7:15 a.m. — I log off and start working early. First call of the day.

8:08 a.m. —  I really want to do an art wall of some sort. I am starting to get ideas of what it could be:

There is a real art to arranging art on the walls, and making it look haphazard yet, perfectly done.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

12:55 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

3:01 p.m. — His nap over, he helps me take some clearer photos, and at the end (there were a lot), I apologize for taking up so much of his time to take the shots, and he tells me very earnestly: Mommy I do not care about my time at all, I only care that YOU love the photos at the end, and you are happy.

Awww…. this child. I burst with love for him.

6:47 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery. My partner has decided to make his own green curry paste for us, as an experiment. I am personally more interested in the basil one.

9:22 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. I conk out almost immediately after our little bedtime chat, and I hear Little Bun say softly: “Mommy?”.. as I drift off to sleep. More than likely he knows I am sleeping and won’t ask me again.

Spent: $0

DAY SIX

6:07 a.m. — I am up early, watching videos in the background and blogging alone.

7:05 a.m. — Little Bun stumbles out of the bedroom, rubs his eyes and says: Mommy, I think you forgot today is the WEEKEND. You woke up early! Then you logged in! … I clarify that I logged into my laptop, not to my work computer.

10:25 a.m. — I am lying down in bed, reading on my side, and I eventually doze off. In the haze of my napping, I hear Little Bun come over, say “MOMMY“… then I feel this shadow of him looking at my face, and he whispers: “OH you’re napping.“… he puts his things down and quietly closes the bedroom door to let me sleep.

12:02 p.m. — I wake up pretty late, to Little Bun sitting beside me recording a little video on his iPad. He is making his Stuffies dance, and then he records some sort of riddle. When he hears me stir, he says: Oh Mommy you’re awake! You were sleeping so long I didn’t know what to do, I was looking for quiet things to do and I decided to record a video.

12:55 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he comes out of the bedroom and wants to spend time together. He has been asking for a while and I have to think of what we can do. He wants to help me with things. I wonder if I can find that sweater brush and he can help me brush all my sweaters because for some reason, when I washed them, a tissue paper got in somehow and turned into tissue confetti all over my sweaters.

4:05 p.m. — He writes a letter to his aunt, and as he finishes off the bottom, struggling to fit everything in, I say to him – you know, you can take more space if you want on the page!.… He looks at me stricken – But you told me you wanted the second page to yourself! I already wrote “LOVE, LITTLE BUN” at the end!!!….  I hastily backtrack and tell him it is okay. I just saw him trying to squish words in at the bottom.

5:12 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery.

6:25 p.m. — We play our Wordle together and it is Little Bun who gives us the biggest clue, getting 4 out of the 5 words, but then we had to guess: SNAKE? SLAKE? STAKE? SHAKE? .. It ended up being Shake as the 6th word, luckily.

9:22 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. I have taken to tucking him and all of his babies (his stuffies) into bed with him, and then kissing them and him, very last.

Spent: $0

DAY SEVEN

6:22 a.m. — I log in and start blogging. Tomorrow it’s back to work. I have to finish some other things personally, checking on my accounts and making sure it all is cleared. I am eying a coat on eBay but maybe it isn’t a big deal. I don’t need it, I should probably save my money.

8:50 a.m. — I finally make up my mind and put in a bid to do proxy bidding for me, then we head out for the morning.

8:59 a.m. — We spend the morning hanging out in the snow – we got about 2 feet of it, so Little Bun is gleefully running through it, making paths. We see a little girl on snow shoes, and she is staring at Little Bun and his sled. I suspect they both would like to trade toys for a bit.

9:46 a.m. — We come back and check that I lost the bid. Oh well. Better than to be emotional about it.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

1:05 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom. I am working on helping my partner in some English writing.

5:30 p.m. — Dinner, dishes and laundry. Little Bun is wiping down cutlery. I feel drained. We did a lot of dishes and pots today, from yesterday and today’s cooking for the week, and I just feel tired.

5:30 p.m. — Little Bun eats his vegetables and tells me to take proof to send to another kid (my friend’s child who is younger). He is proud he is a role model, and wants to show that other child how yummy vegetables are (his mother has been saying how he doesn’t like to eat them). So he takes pictures of himself eating vegetable stew, brussel sprouts, butternut squash, and insisted I took photos to send to him so he would be encouraged.

Little Boy to his Mother: Mommy, can we have vegetable stew, just like Little Bun?

AH HAH! PEER PRESSURE WORKS. LOL

6:25 p.m. — We are watching a French show and Little Bun suddenly bursts into tears when his father beckons him to go brush his teeth and floss. He wails: THIS SHOW IS SO BORING (it was about cassoulet, a dish in France made with beans and it is beyond delicious), and he starts having a mini meltdown.

I immediately sit on the floor and hold out my arms to him if he wants to sit on my lap to talk.

Me: I see that you are upset.

Little Bun: IT IS SO BORING.

Me: I understand you think the show is boring. Is it because we are watching it but you do not find it interesting but you want to do something else with us?

Little Bun: YEAH.

Me: Well, how about you and I go brush our teeth, and we will come back and do Wordle together? That way all of us, get to sit and figure out the Wordle together, you, Daddy and I?

Little Bun: Okay. *sniffling* I’d like that.

He has been totally patient all night trying to give us time to talk, watch our adult shows on boring things like cassoulet (LOL), and he reached his limit. Also, I am sure he is tired, as I am.

9:23 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. I conk out almost immediately. We both are tired. I am waking up early and sleeping too late I think. We need to get to bed before 9:30. I say this every time but it never happens.

Spent: $0

———-

Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.