??:?? — I wake up tired. I could have used another hour.
6:26 a.m. — I grab his milk and just lie in bed, eyes closed. Won’t sleep, but I want to.
6:45 a.m. — Little Bun is trying me. He puts his empty water bottle beside me. Then I don’t react. He puts it in front of me. I don’t react. Then he takes my hand, and WRAPS MY FINGERS AROUND THE BOTTLE to bring it to my attention. OMG. This CHILD …. I am almost laughing right now. I finally ask him – What do you ask Mommy when you want something? … He says very sweetly: Water please!
7:03 a.m. — I play with Little Bun on the rug, and he comes up with some creative game where we put blocks in order, which he calls ‘sequencing’ or ‘looping’ (from his coding apps), and then he grabs my finger and uses it to tap each of the blocks in the order he wants, to spell words (in his mind) like “T-H-E“… it is baffling, and adorable at the same time. I am tired enough to just sit there and play with him, letting him grab my hand whenever he wants and use it to trace blocks to make letters in his head.
8:00 a.m. — I log in to work. Today I have calls until late, so I am starting late.
9:12 a.m. — I make a cup of tea.
11:22 a.m. — My other old manager calls (she was ‘demoted’ once another one took over), and says she is really really sad I am going. I told her exactly why, and said I was available later on in the year, and she takes a note on her calendar. She says she is sure they will need me back, and the way they are treating people… it is no surprise people are leaving.
12:58 p.m. — Didn’t even get a lunch break. I quickly scarf down a pizza. I have another call at 2:30. People are starting to realize I AM REALLY GOING, and are loading me with tasks to ‘tie up’ before I go.
1:20 p.m. — This is a very inspirational list of things to think about in life. Some great gems in here.
2:00 p.m. — I join the call for an interview. I already indirectly know this person and she is completely clueless based on the feedback. Still, I am going to be objective and just give my basic, unbiased opinion.
3:20 p.m. — I log off the call. I am sure they are going to hire her. She sure talks a good game. VERY smooth. I’d be taken in too, if I did not know her beforehand.
3:33 p.m. — I head back upstairs to my baby whom I left a note for. I thought about it just before I left because I know he will wake up and run out looking for me right after his nap, so I left him a note saying Mommy would be back. Maybe that will help alleviate the issue if he can keep tabs on me and know where I am.
4:56 p.m. — I have been trying very hard to just stay in and not go out. I need to learn how to hygge by myself inside, and derive pleasure from NOT going out. I think part of the reason why I love just leaving the house, is that I like to wear clothes. And dress up. And make up a bit. And trot around in heels. That’s really all I enjoyed going into the office for, if I am going to be half honest. I loved coming up with outfits and wearing them in public. Like this one:
I sound completely vapid at this point, but I do derive a lot of pleasure in finding the right outfit that just makes you feel incredible. I don’t even ask for, or care about comments on my outfit. I do it for ME. So far, so good. I have stayed in two days now, instead of scratching that itch to go out and browse shops.
5:28 p.m. — Little Bun is doing this f#king annoying thing of screaming: ACHOO (yes like the sneeze), repeatedly to drown us out while we are having a conversation. We will be talking, like normal, civilized adults and he will just start screaming: Achooachooachooachooachooachooachooachooachooachooachooachooachooachooac at the top of his lungs. YES. REALLY. It is VERY distracting, annoying, disrespectful and rude. I finally snap (my partner too), at him, and I take him aside into the bedroom where I lay down the law.
5:38 p.m. — No more of this nonsense (parental code word for BS). I tell him he is a big boy now and if he wants to be treated responsibly and to have respect and attention from us, he has to do it in a respectful manner because he is old enough now to not be treated like a baby. He is fake crying through this whole exchange but I am holding firm and telling him in a very serious voice how incredibly upset his attitude makes me.
6:39 p.m. — Dinner time. I feed him BBQ wings with salad and bread. He eats it all and asks for more basil.
7:29 p.m. — I do the dishes, dry them, and then cut an apple to eat. Yum.
9:11 p.m. — Time for bed. Lots of nonsense before bedtime. Lots of little boy games with blocks, reading.. I can’t even remember.
??:?? — Little Bun is SCREAMING. Nose bleed I gather. I try to block him out to salvage what is left of my REM cycle.
??:?? — AGAIN. Screaming. And now he is wiggling back and forth, in a circle around on the bed. His head on my stomach, crawling on top of me, in between my legs, feet on my neck …. OMG. He does this at least 5 times, and I am slowly losing my sleep cycle (I can feel myself waking up), and I am fully awake, and I snap at him: STOP IT. I am fully awake now. … and my partner mumbles to leave him alone… .BUT IT WORKS. He stops wiggling around in a large caterpillar circle, and I can finally drift back to sleep.
??:?? — “I AM SO HUNGRY“, he screams. He wakes me up because he is HUNGRY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I tell him to go back to sleep and I will feed him tomorrow. He may be hungry, but I have learned that a little hunger is not a bad thing. He isn’t starving or malnourished he is FINE, just peckish. I force him back to sleep with firm pats on his bum.
6:20 a.m. — Very. Very. Tired. I am glad we are not traveling today. We were going to go today but left it for tomorrow.
7:59 a.m. — No tea because there is no milk in the house. I will be treating myself to a Starbucks later, count on it.
8:08 a.m. — I feed him the leftover pizza from tomorrow. Glad I saved it from lunch, it was really too much for me to eat. I think my stomach has shrunk in the past year or so.
9:28 a.m. — I eat the last of my KitKat stash. All gone now. Sure it isn’t great breakfast food but I am an adult now and can eat candy for breakfast.
12:08 p.m. — Off to see if I can find that 9-free non-toxic nail polish. I’ll buy one to see how it goes and just bring it in each time I want a pedicure. 9-free means Acquarella Polish does NOT contain:
- Formaldehyde or Formaldehyde like derivatives
- Toluene, Ketones or any petrochemical solvents
- Dibutyl Phthalate (DBP) or other phthalates
- Triphenyl Phosphate (TPHP)
- Polyurethanes or Polyurethane film-formers
- Parabens or Camphor
- Mercury, Lead, FD&C or Coal Tar (Lake) products in our colorants
- Gluten or wheat by-products
- Any aromatic hydrocarbons
I am thinking of this colour:
12:56 p.m. — I get there, and go through all the nailpolishes but decide not to. In the end, the Essie nailpolishes are already 3-free of the major chemicals that cause problems, and since I don’t do my own manicures, I am not keen on ‘investing’ on any nailpolishes and keeping them when I only really get my nails done once a month and I wouldn’t want just one colour.
3:11 p.m. — I reach home, and Little Bun runs into my arms. I had written a note saying I was out, the other day, thinking it would help him as he could read and he would know Mommy was gone, but apparently once he got the note, he started crying. 🙁 He started crying and realized that I wasn’t around, and it became much MUCH worse than if I had just left for my call and didn’t leave a single note. NO MORE NOTES FOR HIM. He asks me to find this wretched note, and I tell him I recycled it (true story).
4:36 p.m. — I take a long hot shower, I am tired.
5:09 p.m. — I start 3 loads of laundry, my partner is also doing laundry, and hand washing a couple of towels, so we are all using the machines late into the night. Why the eff, I want to know, did he wait until the last minute? He had ALL DAY TO DO LAUNDRY and his stuff is not dependent on tasks like the kitchen laundry for the towels – I wanted to wash them once we were done dinner, so I am waiting. UGH.
7:44 p.m. — So now he has a load washing with ONE HOUR LEFT and we are supposed to sleep at 8? When I am going to get these damn kitchen towels done? F@*%@/ And we haven’t even eaten dinner.
10:30 p.m. — We finally are all in bed. JUST AS I THOUGHT.
7:24 a.m. — We let him sleep as long as possible.
8:00 a.m. — We are on our way. Light meal of bread, and 2 gulps of water only for Little Bun. I don’t eat anything, neither does my partner.
8:25 a.m. — Little Bun, 20 minutes in, says he hates Road Trips. FML.
9:46 a.m. — I am frantically talking, making up stories, and Little Bun is coming up with this gruesome hawk and mice story where the hawk eats the entire Mouse Family. O_o Boys are DARK. I don’t ever remember thinking up of such things as a little girl.
10:12 a.m. — He is complaining now and crying, screaming we are going too fast. OMG.
11:45 a.m. — Little Bun is now just HURLING all over the backseat of my very very nice car. I guess he was trying to tell us when he was screaming about it being too fast. We just didn’t know and he didn’t have the words. He is just vomiting everywhere, screaming, and I am panicking trying to get him to calm down. We quickly pull off to the side town and exit. I get to the station and just start wiping him and everything down. F#%*#% …. vomit everywhere. He is fine now, not crying, just scared of what was happening — he very rarely vomits and panics each time.
12:15 p.m. — I take in a vomit covered child, covering myself in vomit in the process, and undress him, re-dress him, wash him off, his vomit even got into his shoes… FML FML FML. He must not be as sensitive as I am to motion sickness, but he must be sensitive to some extent. Looks like we will have to take extra precautions. I give him my special motion sickness glasses I bought to try out in Europe (review on it later if it works!) and try not feel defeated.
12:18 p.m. — At least the vomit doesn’t smell. It was just bread and water. The last time, it was apparently half-digested milk when they took me to drop me off at the airport.
12:28 p.m. — We take a break for an hour to calm down, have everything calm down, and as I take him out from his car seat, he spews all over me again. Great. That is… fantastic.
1:15 p.m. — Back on the road again, he seems better. He wears my motion sickness glasses and conks out sleeping the whole way. Time to buy some Gravol for the trip back I think. It is better if he sleeps the whole time and is sleepy rather than what we just experienced.
3:18 p.m. — HERE. I feel like I am home. I also realized I really hate my partner driving, and will take the wheel next time if I can. I get so frustrated because he stops 3 car lengths behind another car, drives like a snail…. UGH.
4:00 p.m. — My family helps us unload everything. I have so much. I hand out presents and things from NYC and then we just chat, and eat a bit, and chat.
10:31 p.m. — Time for bed. It’s really late now.
6:00 a.m. — Little Bun flips over and whispers in my face: I want to wake up now. , I take him downstairs, and try to keep him quiet as he does math drills with some exercise books I brought. At least I thought of some quiet activities, and my mother gave him pencil crayons last night to use to colour as well.
6:39 a.m. — My partner is up. None of us really slept well last night. Some moron (this is a big city after all) was revving their cars or bikes all night. WTF? WHO @$* does that at NIGHT?
8:08 a.m. — We head out to run errands and pick up food to cook and eat. This dress is EVERYTHING! I love it. So glad I bought this drape-back dress for $115 from Cuyana in NYC! It really makes me feel regal. This dress is D-R-A-M-A.
11:36 a.m. — Little Bun turns into one of those mall monsters. Kicking, screaming, I leave him on the ground and walk away, I am so furious right now, I am seething. What set him off is partly the lack of sleep (poor judgement on my part letting him out), and then he wanted to press all the buttons and do everything, and when I pressed ONE button on the checkout screen, he lost his #%*#.
12:14 p.m. — Home. Lunch, and he goes right down for a nap after I show him a few piano keys.
12:56 p.m. — Little Bun wakes up, and I am napping on the couch. I hear him come down with his father and basically search the kitchen, the bathroom, the spare bedroom looking for me. When he opens the last door (he didn’t see me on the couch napping), he lets out a big wail and starts crying. I immediate get up and go to him saying — Baby? Mommy’s here! … … and I gather him into my arms.
3:31 p.m. — We head out to a new shopping mall and my partner picks up cheese to make pizza for later, and we wander around a bit. Little Bun behaves himself. Somewhat. $19.46
5:50 p.m. — My partner is back, and now making noodles for dinner with eggs and vegetables. I have my eyebrow appointment tomorrow.
7:10 p.m. — Dinner ready. We scarf it down and make enough for the entire family for 2 days.
10:03 p.m. — Time for bed.
??:?? — I wake up tired. Little Bun is still up early.
6:00 a.m. — Especially since he is in a strange place… he is very unsettled. At least he is playing more with his father…
6:05 a.m. — I have an appointment at noon, so I eat a large breakfast (noodles from yesterday!), and take a shower later. I have a limited wardrobe here (my partner explicitly warned me to NOT bring my wardrobe and to travel L-I-G-H-T. I kept it down pretty well, and planned on using accessories to jazz everything up:
8:08 a.m. — Little Bun is being a little… and he scratches at me now which is annoying. He also hassles me for milk (we are buying some today, the delivery trucks don’t come until late in the week), and we only buy the glass bottles of milk, so we had to hold him off for a few days milk-free. My partner makes him juice instead.
8:40 a.m. — We draw pictures for him to colour. My partner comes up with a game of a basket on the floor acting as a car. I’m trying to teach my father how to use an app (kill me now) called PayTM where you can pay government, tax and other bills with a credit card to get those sweeeeeeet points.
9:34 a.m. — I get ready and head out to run errands (need tons of UNSCENTED wet wipes for myself and the car apparently, as Little Bun is a hurler on long trips)… and I have my eyebrow appointment to microblade.
10:37 a.m. — Almost done errands, I also google where to eat around my eyebrow salon. I already ate but I want to buy a few buns or something for my parents.. this place is kind of in the middle of nowhere for me. I am glad we brought my car for this trip and not my partner’s because now I am FREE and I can take the car when I want to do and see what I want, whereas before it was his car and I never felt comfortable driving such a tank. Especially his tank. I wouldn’t be able to park it.
10:47 a.m. —WHAT IS THIS?!? Cheese product? What is it, cellulose (paper fibres) with a hint of Parmesan flavouring!?
11:43 a.m. — I am on a limited wardrobe here – only one duffel with mostly dresses and lots of belts but because of global warming it has been so cold and rainy, I’ve been living in the two jeans and tops I brought and my leather jacket, and one sweater. O_o…. Maybe summer will come later and I can bust out dresses…
2:56 p.m. — OMFG. Microblading your brows hurts like #%(*#%… They don’t do the numbing lotion the first time around so that it adheres better, and the feeling of the microblading is like dragging a tiny sharp razor brush through your brows, making a skritching kind of velcro sound. The pain is really unbelievable and it is only for really 20 minutes or so as they are working, but #%#% it hurt. The second time around, no problem, once they put the numbing gel on. Didn’t feel a thing. Just pressure. $425
3:10 a.m. — I pick up a few buns for the family. $11.75
3:25 p.m. — I drop off the car for my partner to use it. We are no longer taking Little Bun out together, he simply cannot handle outings with the 3 of us. I am not going through that %(#* again any more. He is too young to understand and it is f*cking annoying to have to deal with this child in public when you are tired and just want a good family outing. It is actually easier for each of us to switch on and off with him at home alone. I feel more relaxed when I am alone with him than with my partner only because he starts to demand a lot more when it is both of us, and we both get so frustrated. He seems to be calmer and fine if there is just one parent to focus on.
4:38 p.m. — I schedule a few more posts in Instagram.
6:05 p.m. — So gross. I am cleaning dried vomit off my car. It got into the leather, the suede interior …. I am scraping and wiping it down. I need to have a warmer, sunnier day so I can do it outside with a proper rag and cleaning solution, just to get the bulk of it out. I mentioned to my partner I wanted to pay to have it professionally done but he scoffed at it and said he would do it when we get back.. in like TWO MONTHS. I can’t wait that long, I need to do some dried-vomit control.
7:25 p.m. — Little Bun plays with his father upstairs with some loud jumping game, I take a break, do all the dishes and chat with my parents about stuff.
8:00 p.m. — Time for bed. I hustle him down. Hopefully he sleeps longer today and is less grumpy.
8:32 p.m. — It is SUPER COLD, so I hunt through the linen closet for more covers / blankets and get so frustrated with the mess that I toss it all on the hallway floor so I can clean it up tomorrow and re-organize everything. I don’t know why we just jam pillow cases in with random curtains (!?) with random pieces of cloth and stuff we don’t need or use and have zero organization here. I am cold and TIRED.
7:22 a.m. — Seems to have worked! He “slept in” and hopefully feels better today.
8:05 a.m. — I make a cup of tea. We don’t have proper bowls here for matcha whisking. I am grumpy AF now.
8:20 a.m. — My partner goes out to run errands.
9:12 a.m. — Spoke too soon. Little just gives me #%(* all day. It isn’t even stuff he is mad about, he is playing around, telling me he wants to help me organize the linens and fold, and then he wanders away, then he comes back and starts screaming that I did all the linens and folded everything without him and he wants to MESS IT ALL UP so he can RESET AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN. OMG. I tried to be patient all morning, I had given him stuff to fold, I let him play, and then I just lose my #%@…
9:17 a.m. — I am so angry. All I hear is this grating whine on my nerves all morning and I snap. He starts clinging to me like a koala and wailing. See some of my hard work from this morning? These are fitted linen sheets, people. Not any old regular sheet. FITTED. LINEN. SHEETS. Little Bun jumped on this to “mess it up”
9:20 a.m. — My father hears the commotion and comes up from the basement to help. He stands in the doorway, sees Little Bun losing his #%( and catches him, and talks to him authoritatively. He LISTENS. OMG. HE LISTENS TO HIM. He stops crying, his face is pink, he is just nodding, and my father explains how he cannot treat his Mommy like that, and he has to be a grown up little boy who respects his parents and listens. Lecture over, he grabs him up into his arms, hugging him tight, rubs his back, asks him again softly if he will be a good boy, Little Bun is half sniffle-sobbing on his shoulder and nodding.
9:30 a.m. — My father lets him go, and says he will give him back to Mommy now, and he has to treat Mommy better, with more respect and no more of this whining and crying for no reason. Not sure how much of it sinks in, but Little Bun is quiet, and is talking softly now, and maybe it is something with an outsider (grandparent) and an older male that has an effect on him, but he is better now.
9:37 a.m. — I hug him and explain how it makes Mommy upset with all of this whining and screaming he is doing lately. He has been whining constantly, trust me. It has been 24/7 pretty much, any time he is awake he is whining at me as of late. I have been very very patient for the past 4 days or so, but this is my limit. Every parent has theirs.
10:22 a.m. — I take him downstairs for a mango. Then he eats an apple. Then I realize my partner left actual pasta in the pot and I scoop out a big bowl for him. He eats two bowls but leaves all the carrots. Mmmm hmm.. I give him an eye, and I scoop out the carrots all onto one spoon, and he eats them all.
11:26 a.m. — I clean up the dishes, my partner is home. I play with Little Bun on the rug, and then I go down for a short snooze. My partner also brought a huge crate of mangoes for us because IT IS MANGO SEASON and Little Bun and I both love them (my partner finds them too floral):
12:59 p.m. — Up from my snooze, I tried not to really sleep and nap. I get up when my brain is a bit awake, and head downstairs for some peace and quiet. Little Bun is of course, sleeping like a little baby angel beside me. He looks so cute.
1:21 p.m. — I have a slight headache, probably from the snooze I took but I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I needed that disco nap (LOL I read that in a book somewhere), because I will be picking my mother up today late (9:30 p.m. is late for me), so that she doesn’t have to come home alone by bus and subway in the cold and in the rain, as my father will be away for the week.
2:05 p.m. — I am feeling peckish. I eat some pomegranate seeds I de-husked yesterday.
4:09 p.m. — My partner arrives home and makes rice pudding as a treat for everyone.
(That is cinnamon on top)
5:38 p.m. — Little Bun has been obsessed with the My Milk Toof books, she stopped writing in about 2015, but I bought her books and love them so. They are wonderful for kids as it is mostly photos, simple, funny stories, and very little text.
6:40 p.m. — I cut my hair. 5 minutes, not even. I just make two ponytails and cut across the back. My hair looks great. Refreshed and the dried crunchy ends are gone. You can read about it here – The cheapest thing I’ve ever done.
8:45 p.m. — I get ready and my partner also gets ready to take Little Bun out to pick up my mom after her piano lesson. I don’t know why, but he is insistent that Little Bun won’t sleep without me, so they might as well all come. I suspect he is scared I am driving at night in a city where they drive like maniacs (sorry, I love you Toronto but you guys are batsh*t crazy on the roads, and very dangerous. It is scary how many of you don’t obey basic signs and signals and take risks unnecessarily and speed in a rush although I will acknowledge the street lights here for turning and so on are unusually short).
9:35 p.m. — We pick up my mom and head home.
10:08 p.m. — My mom eats the dinner my partner made for her, plus a rice pudding treat, and we all go to sleep.
??:?? — I’m awake lying in bed. I go and quickly ask my mother if she wants us to drive her anywhere, and she insists NO. I tell her I will do it I don’t care, it is no big deal, and she says she wants to take the public transportation and it is a nice day outside for walking. Fine. She tasks me with finding a good boy’s name for my cousin’s wife, who is pregnant right now.
7:21 a.m. — Little Bun wakes up, and is so cute when he does. It is the most adorable thing when he is sleeping, snort snuffles, flips over, and then wakes up and checks to see where we are.
7:30 a.m. — He gets his milk, then runs to me in the bathroom as I am carefully trying not to get my eyebrows wet, and asks: “Is Wal-mart open today, Mommy?” … I reply “Yes“, and he says: “OH GOODY We can go to buy some MEGABLOKS!“…. I guess my partner realized that he needs something to play with. In hindsight we should have brought our own Megabloks in a box but we did not think we would need it, as my mother has so many things leftover from the other cousins but I guess she donated all of that away.
8:08 a.m. — I make a tea, and enjoy peace, as they head out together to Wal-mart. I opt OUT of going because I tell my partner firmly it is a good bonding moment for him to take Little Bun out ALONE without me to come and help or be the buffer. They have to trust themselves enough to be alone together. I am sure Little Bun will be MUCH better behaved too, as it is going to get blocks for him, and it is only one parent, not two.
8:46 a.m. — I renew all my domain and privacy name for webhosting for one year. I had no idea it was this expensive now. Damn. $30.88
9:28 a.m. — My mother calls to tell me to look out for a vitamin B12 pill she may have left lying around just in case Little Bun finds it and eats it.
10:47 a.m. — My partner arrives home with Little Bun, having hit 3 grocery stores and picked up Megabloks. He looks proud, and I AM PROUD he took him out (first time in a long time) and left me at home. He said Little Bun had to go to the bathroom, and they locked the door, and it was eternity before he could get in there (he was wiggling like crazy OF COURSE), and he was SURE he was going to have a wet little boy on his hands. LOL. Parenting. At least we got the blocks:
11:59 a.m. — Lunch time. Bread and cheese. I finish with some pomegranate seeds.
2:15 p.m. — Little Bun insists on learning the piano. I try a few things with him, and then end up just writing out my own music for baby songs for him to read and play. He can read the treble clef but finds it tricky. So I write letters instead, and then I draw out the treble clef with the letters below. After he is familiar with the song, I will teach him tempo…
5:46 p.m. — We play Megabloks and make up a game where they have to go around. Then he builds letters out of the blocks, making me call out letters so he can show them to me in blocks.
6:15 p.m. — My mom arrives home, and my partner has dinner ready for her. Plus we did all the dishes. Talking, random nonsense…
10:28 p.m. — Time for bed.
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.