In Career, Discussions, Money, Women, Women

Ambitious women get divorced more than their male counterparts

If you’re an ambitious woman, you know you have a target on your back. If you don’t have kids, they ask why you don’t have any (are you not a nurturing, normal woman who always wanted children?), and if you stay late at the office, they ask what your husband thinks about it all. NOBODY ASKS MEN THESE QUESTIONS.

So it comes as no surprise that ambitious women are likely to get divorced twice as likely as their male counterparts.

1. They don’t have a wife at home

“A wife at home”, plays the role of household and home manager. This role, includes things like caring for children, playing with them, feeding them, soothing them, managing the household, buying groceries, cooking, running errands, keeping on top of the family schedule (yours, his AND THE CHILDREN’s — omg is their science fair project due today?!?), baking cupcakes for the school fair, and the list goes on…

I completely understand why women CEOs get divorced more often — their husbands are expecting their cake and to be able to eat it too. They want their wives to be incredible ballbusters leading the world, AND TO ALSO be at home and keep it together. Women CEOs, need a wife too, apparently, to get ahead because they’re going to be blamed directly or indirectly for EVERYTHING that goes wrong.

  • Children acting up? WTF is going on at home? Is their mother not nuturing them enough?
  • House a mess? OMG, she can’t even keep a tidy home.
  • Marriage not going well? Why can’t she keep her man happy?

(You can just feel me gagging as I am typing this can’t you…)

Women turn INWARD to ask themselves why they are failing to be perfect mothers, wives and career women, when they should be turning outward and asking – why am I expecting to do it all?

Where the F#$@(! is my help and my partner in all of this?

…is what they should be asking.

So. Where are the guys in all of this? Oh right, ONLY working as a CEO and doing their job OUTSIDE of the home, not inside. Women also get penalized for wanting babysitters, nannies, cleaners… and basically help to run their lives while they work full-time (or long hours at the office).

Men? Generally don’t see the point, they say things like: “My wife should be the only one caring for our children, and with them 24/7 rather than in the arms of strangers, or in daycare.” To that I say: BLECCCCCCCCH. Why don’t YOU stay at home if you care about caring for your child personally so much? Why are you giving forcing your wife into a corner to make her take on such a precious responsibility and a burden at the same time?

Listen — I am equally as nurturing as any man — if you aren’t used to taking care of kids, nor a “kid person”, guess what? Some women aren’t either. Like me. I had to learn how to be a “kid person” when I had Little Bun. Even to this day, I am not really into children the way some women and men are. I enjoy babies and children, but they bore me after a while. Iz the truth.

You can only play “Train Hide and Seek”, a mindless game Little Bun has concocted, for only so long before you are screaming inside your skull to do something more mentally stimulating. I HAVE THE EXACT SAME FEELINGS AS MANY FATHERS DO when he plays with his child. NO DIFFERENCE. And I am the mother.

2. Women are drawn to ambitious men, but not vice versa

Ambitious women like having ambitious husbands, but the opposite isn’t true – men aren’t generally looking for an ambitious wife – they are looking for someone ambitious enough to not get in the way of their ambitions, and to not outshine them.

Of course.

When your wife is doing better than you, you feel emasculated.

But when your husband is doing better than you.. well.. that’s to be expected, he’s a man. Duh. (/sarcasm for those of you missing it..)

Everyone talks a good talk until they have to walk the walk. They all want equal partners, women who can throw down big stacks, but also do everything at home, and run things smoothly so that they aren’t affected by any changes. LOL

They don’t want their routines and their life disrupted and they certainly don’t want to goddamn cook dinner and pick up the children from daycare or organize that crap because their wife is at the office. THEY ARE NOT ON BOARD. They just want everything to stay the same…. but with more money.

3. Men aren’t expected or pushed to step up at home

Related to point #1 — if you don’t have a wife at home, men get disgruntled if they have to step up to do anything house/child/home related. They now have to pick up or drop off kids, make dinner, hustle them to after school activities, etc.

I cannot tell you the countless b*tch fests I heard from my male colleagues who had wives who were working full-time or doing long hours, saying things like:

“Can you believe this? I have to go home early, put the pasta in the boiling water, follow the instructions my wife left me to make dinner or to get it started before she gets home, feed the children and then drive them to hip hop class.”

Or

“I cannot wait until my wife can get back to doing all the housework, I am doing all the cooking, cleaning, and homework with the kids every night!”

Umm.

WTF DO YOU THINK YOUR WIFE WAS DOING ALL THE GODDAMN TIME?

It is called BEING AN EQUAL. FINALLY.

The fact that you even have INSTRUCTIONS on how to boil the pasta, and set up dinner to get it going before she comes home, means that SHE PLANNED ALL THAT – she wrote out these lists, she set out the ingredients, she told you how long to boil things for, time thing, etc. That you don’t even have to think about that part, is half the work, my friend.

I have yet to hear a female colleague complain in the same, self-aggrandizing way about having to do all this CRAP for their children at home.

Can you imagine?

“These little ingrates. Expecting to be fed and taken care of. Who do they think they are”

LOL…..

woman

 

So what to do?

Live your life. What do you want to do?

Stay at home all day with the kids? Go for it.

Work and be ambitious? Go for it.

Mix of both and hire a household manager or nanny? Go for it.

You get to design your life, believe it or not, and if not everyone is on board, you either compromise or you get them on board.

Share Tweet Pin It +1

Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

Am my own Sugar Daddy. Am a millionaire at 36 after getting out of $60K of student debt in 18 months, a little over a decade earlier, using TheBudgetingTool.com. I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K with an average lifetime savings rate of 50%. I have 11 side incomes that are on track in 2020 to make me $50K - $75K. I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I am all about balance - between time and money, and also enjoying my money. I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

You may also like

The Guilt of Stealth Wealth

Posted on May 21, 2019

Previous PostSunday Shopping: Remove fuzz and lint from your clothing safely and easily
Next PostWhat I read: The Start of Spring 2020 Edition

4 Comments

  1. June

    This is at all pay levels of society and so ingrained in our culture I’m not sure it will ever end. I’m retired and I took a part time job at a local eatery. Just the other morning ( 5:30 ), our manager was being harassed by phone calls from her completely overwhelmed husband that was being faced with making his own breakfast and packing his own lunch. He was even angry to have to brew his own coffee. And they have 3 children so it’s necessary for both of them to work.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      He was angry he had to brew his own COFFEE? I am not even able to comprehend this. Are people no longer adults?

      Reply
  2. Catherine

    YOU HAVE GOT TO READ FAIR PLAY!!!

    One of the underlying messages that I realized I was telling myself was that my time is not as valuable as my husband’s. It was hard to admit, but it was in fact, one of the structural elements of my thoughts. We had to discuss and talk through it.

    One of the messages I got back was that my husband is “not able to multitask during work hours”. We are working through that right now, as we speak – because I challenged that notion. There are so many services that are only open during the “working hours” so how else would things get done?

    One of the solutions is to get our husbands to step it up. None of these things required to run a household are rocket science, but they do take thought, planning, execution, and most importantly – accountability. We, as a society, have not held our men accountable for all that we hold women accountable for. I, as a woman, need to hold my man more accountable and to value my time more – if we are going to be equal partners.

    Reply
    1. Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

      I FINALLY GOT THE BOOK AND WILL READ IT AFTER MICHELLE OBAMA’S!!!! <3

      I completely hear you - women think that their time is not as valuable as SOMEONE ELSE'S WHOM THEY LOVE, not necessarily their husband's. I even think my mother's time is more valuable than mine sometimes.

      Getting organized is the battle to get things done "during working hours", and it sort of baffles me that it isn't taught.

      Reply

Leave a Reply