Allowing myself to embrace the mental void
I need to stop.
To be more accurate, I need to learn how to stop.
I am so used to my brain going off in a zillion directions whether it is at home or at work, that I think I have forgotten how to let my brain wander.
This morning I did a whole kitchen full of dirty dishes, and I wore my iPod while doing it.
My brain wandered, and it was incredible. I really felt the most at peace than I had ever been for the last little while, and it really helped that Baby Bun was already bundled up and shuffled off to daycare before I got started on the kitchen.
(Otherwise, he runs up, pushes or slaps my legs to get my attention as he is still very small and tiny and then when I bend down, he yanks the earbuds out of my ears. *sigh* )
It felt.. really.. good.
..but then my mind started wandering and I started thinking: But why do I need to always fill the mental void?
Why do I feel the need to read, to play with Baby Bun, to do SOMETHING rather than be able to just sit there in silence with my thoughts.
Is it a bad thing?
A good thing?
Right now, I can’t quite figure it out but it is almost like my brain NEEDS to be working on something, ANYTHING. I can’t just sit, and be.
Is it because I’m too wound up?
I’m probably thinking too much about this being a problem with me when maybe it isn’t one at all.
This is why I failed at any kind of meditation in yoga. I just wanted to start getting to the poses and working out.
I hate breathing exercises.
I hate meditating.
I hate ‘wasting time’ (in my head), but now I am wondering..