I hate the “Helpless Victim/Maiden” routine
Now I am going to be pretty blunt in this post so… be forewarned.
OK… so this is unrelated to personal finance, but then it came out of the blue when I am watching season two of 90 Day Fiancé (do not judge me, this is actually very interesting to watch emotions play out between couples, bringing up great topics like interracial marriages, and this particular topic), where we come to this couple: Danielle Mullins and Mohamed Jbali.
Never mind that he is seriously good looking, seems like a decent guy, fit, and young, but the future wife (Danielle), is just so… freaking… weepy. Like… no backbone, constantly clinging to him, weepy, whiny.
She cries pretty much every episode. I know people cry. I cry. I cry ALL THE TIME.
I know people get emotional, but she has this Helpless Victim air about her that just grates on my nerves.
There’s a lot of whining. I guess as a mother, I really have a low tolerance for whining these days because I’ll say things like:
If you don’t finish your vegetables and whine about it, we are definitely NOT going to the park, MISTER!
…and my threshold to hear this kind of whining coming from an ADULT of all people, jars my nerves.
I want to basically go there, grab a hold of her and say:
GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF! If he didn’t show up at the airport, you made a mistake, it’s over. MOVE ON.
(He did show up by the way.)
GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF! If you lost your job and basically went into your credit cards to pay for a wedding you could not afford when you should have just had a civil ceremony, just sit down, finish all your crying, take a deep breath and make a plan to get out of it!
(I don’t think this part worked out because people have to want to get out of debt and be serious about it, to do it.)
(She also had her cellphones cut off because she just didn’t know how to make her bills – electricity got shut off… she just had no FREAKING CLUE HOW TO MANAGE MONEY.)
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE.
… would be my message to her.
It is not even her, specifically, to be honest. I just really don’t enjoy this Helpless Victim routine.
FORGET KEEPING THE MAN. Who cares about him right now? You need YOUR LIFE together.
If you don’t have your life together, you won’t be able to handle being in a relationship because it just f&cks everything up.
The kind where you say on repeat like a broken doll:
Oh but what am I going to do? What if this doesn’t work out? Boo hoo hoo hooo hooo…..
Well nothing is going to work with you constantly crying about it!!!!!!
Cry, get it out, get angry, smash something (they totally have businesses that let you go into safe rooms and break #%#$ with hammers now), and SCREAM. SCREAM INTO THE VOID FOR TWENTY MINUTES.
Get it out of your system.
Now that you’ve let it all go, take a deep breath.
More weeping and crying ain’t gonna pay your bills, get you a job, and get your cellphones turned back on, now is it?
Get it together. Take charge of your life.
Don’t know how to do something? Go to the library, grab a general book on the topic and start reading.
Don’t just sit around complaining and whining. Drives me insane. FIX IT.
You aren’t helpless unless you think you are. You’re just waiting for someone to come along and fix it for you, but 9 times out of 10, this isn’t going to happen.