Save. Spend. Splurge.


  • MadameX

    I could’ve written this woman’s story. The only problem is that I was the one lying to my husband. He trusted me. He had no idea about the pending foreclosures (plural) and bankruptcies (plural) and car repossessions (plural) until they were right on the verge of happening. He was employed at a demanding job and gone a lot of the time. We had young school aged children and I couldn’t stop spending every damn cent that came into the bank accounts, nor could I stop running up debt. It wasn’t until I began the process of realizing the dreadful secret from which I had been running from my whole life that I was able to stop. My turning point came in 2007 right after I had thrown my parents out of my house and into a hotel, telling them to catch an early flight home to Europe because I just couldn’t handle the dysfunction any more. Everything just came to a head and my reaction to having my parents in my house was so visceral and rejecting that my best friend piped up and said, “You can’t stand to have your father around you…..what the hell happened in your life?” We are now in 2020, and it has taken 13 years to be able to face the facts and the driving forces behind my financial destruction and the fact that I almost destroyed my family. My father sexually molested me when I was a small child, up to the age of 5 or 6 then stopped. However, the damage will be lifelong. We always want to think that the offending party is selfish and greedy beyond all reason, but the reckless behavior usually has its roots in something much deeper and darker, more cancerous. The people that we offend are truly victims as well but that’s because they don’t know who they are married to. We present one face to 99.99% of the world but keep that tiny demon kernel that enables us to lay waste to finances a foul and destructive secret until it can’t be hidden any longer and by then, the wolf is literally at the door and the entire family is on the street.

    Never trust one person in a partnership to run the household finances. RUN CREDIT REPORTS FOR ALL FINANCIALLY INVOLVED PARTIES EVERY MONTH. That will give a full financial picture. ALWAYS know where the money is being spent and have regular discussions about future items needing to be purchased (car/fridge/furniture). Every week, log in to the checking account and make sure the money that is supposed to be in there, IS in there. Likewise, investment accounts. Keep track of the mortgage payments and car payment, all credit card bills that come into the house should have already been itemized in a spread sheet and reconciled with the credit card bills. Keep a stash of cash on hand in a secret place in the house and make sure it is always there, never spent. Keep an eye on new clothing coming into the house that suddenly seems to be stuffing out the closets and spare bedrooms (that’s where I spent boatloads of cash). Keep an eye on Amazon packaging, etc etc etc It’s easier now to keep track online than it ever has been. Back then, I was able to hide a lot because it was all paper bills. Sorry this is so long, but I just felt triggered and thought maybe I could help someone else out there a little.

  • SARA

    Sounds like they had joint accounts and which should have never happened. The second he bounced that check, he would have had more than a “come to Jesus meeting on his hands. How do you just not know what’s going on with your joint assists (like your home/ mortgage)? He would have been gone long before 2012.

  • Financial Orchid

    Mb this kind of result is the cost of having kids with another separate being.
    Again not all couples, but I just see too many ppl in later life (40s, 50s) go thru this as their friends/parents decease n they suddenly realized their time on earth is limited n that ultimately pushes them after too many “irreconcilable differences” to become well


  • Financial Orchid

    It sounds like she did depend on herself financially, but the problem appears she was married n one ultimately never has ctrl in a partner’s choices even with the most sound communication n third party mediation especially marrying a visionary / delusionary . The older humans get the more set in their own ways they become sometimes regardless of the family .

    Ive seen so much of this with the same ending.
    Not all families, but enough to reflect the 50% divorce rate .

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