Why I am not planning on leaving an inheritance to my children
So you can chalk me up to being the world’s worst future mother and parent right now, because not only am I not planning on paying for my kids’ college education, I am ALSO not going to leave them an inheritance either.
Let me explain before you get out your pitchforks.
An inheritance to me, is whatever is leftover at the end of someone’s life to pass on to the next generation to help them.
So this means if I need to spend $3000 a month to hire a live-in helper to make my last years easier, I am going to damn well do it.
I am not going to guard my money like a Scroogette JUST SO I can leave “something” to the kids. I am not of that cultural mindset.
THEY DON’T NEED OR GET MY MONEY EITHER WAY
I can only hope that with my parenting style, my kids won’t turn out to be total screwups (yes they exist, and I hope I am honest enough to recognize this), and will become independent early on.
In the event that this happens, they won’t need my inheritance (this is my current situation with my parents, I told them I don’t need their money, but I hate seeing them waste it and jeopardize their own retirement).
In the even that this fails miserably (there’s always a chance, no matter how good you think you are as a parent, your kids will not be successes), then they will be getting my inheritance over my dead body.
Even in death, I will refuse to enable them in leading a life I did not raise them to live.
As a result, I don’t plan on leaving them an inheritance, and they’re going to REALLY understand this as children, if the whole “I am not paying for your college education either” doesn’t sink in.
THIS IS FOR THEIR OWN GOOD
Culturally speaking, I am supposed to want to leave my next generation richer than mine was.
In reality? I think not.
I choose me and my retirement over my kids, because I will be helping them learn to be adults and to be independent in ways that cannot be expressed in dollars.
See, I don’t care if my kids end up working simple jobs as tradespeople, but if they can’t sustain themselves with such careers, and are banking on me to kick the bucket early on so they can cash in on the motherlode (literally), they’re in for a rude awakening.
I am not keen on ending up in a modern nightmare where the children basically deprive their parents who are senile out of their money, and bring them to the brink of ruin just because they don’t want their parents to spend their inheritance.
(Brooke Astor, anyone?)
My kids will be sure to have this drilled into them:
Don’t expect an inheritance from me.
You can be sure I will never leave you any debts or money problems, but I won’t have anything significant for you by the time I die.
The happy bonus is that if at the end of my life, I do end up leaving them something significant (unless they turn out to be bums, in which case I change my will timely and accordingly), I will die happy knowing that they will be pleasantly surprised and hopefully grateful for the money to help them achieve their dreams earlier than they had planned.
To be fair, I guess I won’t really be leaving them with $0.
At the very least, they will have the home I have lived in if I haven’t already been forced to sell it to pay for my rising elderly healthcare costs, and that must be worth something.
I say this now in the hopes that when I am a parent and in the sad event I am saddled with such dependent, entitled children, I will look back on this post and realize that I had a resolve early on before any of them were born in how they would meet reality.
S Young says:
I absolutely agree with you about not leaving children any inheritance. My husband died suddenly 20 years ago leaving me four children to raise, the eldest was 10 and youngest 4.
I worked full time to continue paying the mortgage on our home etc, didn’t buy new clothes for myself so they could go on school trips and do extra curricular activities.
All four went to university where the bank of mum helped them out when their student grant ran out. They lived at home after graduating, paying me minimal rent so they could save up for the deposit on a home.
I downsized the family home last year and went from a 4 bed house to a 2 bed flat. I’m now enjoying myself on the equity gained. I go on a foreign holiday twice a year, have a reasonable car, eat out weekly, buy new clothes and work part time.
Why shouldn’t I after going without to give them a head start in life. All are now in well paying jobs and wouldn’t have the lifestyle they do if it wasn’t for my drive & determination during their formative years.
When I enter those pearly gates, they’re welcome to whatever is remaining but until then, I’m going to enjoy myself as you’re a long time dead.
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
You have done wonderfully. Four kids, doing it all on your own and sacrificing? You deserve to enjoy your life now.
Matt says:
Just like to add some people have some pretty serious issues like for one chronic social anxiety that pretty much rips your whole life plan apart stopping you becoming a “success” as you put it, whatever that means objectively.So that screw up may have a lot more going on under the hood than your judgemental attitude suggests.
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
And that is a minority, not the majority. I am talking about the majority and aiming for what in general could work as the best strategy. If a hiccup occurs, of course I would help and step in, but that is an exceptional situation, not something that is the norm.
If you think I’m being judgemental it is because you are, on yourself. Don’t put your #%( on me.
Ana says:
You should not feel guilty of not leaving inheritance. You should, however, feel guilty of breeding. Great philosophies and philosophers have found out that life is not worth living. Why bring the misery of existence to new children, especially if you dont want to help them? It is not selfish of not leaving inheritance, it is selfish to have children.
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
In that case, why not just kill yourself to end the misery? You’re proposing suicide in this case and everyone should just off themselves.
Ana says:
We dont have voluntary euthanasia where i live and i dont know how to kill myself.
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
I was being sarcastic due to your comment but now I am strongly suggesting you seek professional help and therapy. This is not healthy. Please go and seek help and talk to someone.
Ana says:
Read Arthur Schopenhauer and Buddhism. My point is that nothing what we see around us suggest that it would be better to be born than not.
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
No thank you. That is a pessimistic view taken of teachings and a twisted one at that. Without pain there is no joy and vice versa.
Doc Martin says:
Just read this and couldn’t agree more! I’m just passed state retirement age in the UK, worked for over 50 years without a break, paid for my three daughters to go through college, my wife died 5 years ago and I’ve just decided that the fruits of my labour are for me to spend to live as I choose for whatever time I have left. Like you I will not pass any debts onto my kids, my funeral expenses are paid for and they’re welcome to anything left over when I die but meanwhile I’m going to enjoy the rest of my life – and I don’t feel at all guilty about it
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
It’s your money. Spend it, enjoy it reasonably and whatever is left is left. I don’t want to pass on any debts (that is confirmed) but although I will pass on assets (more than likely) I’m not working for my kid…
Tes Janssen says:
I almost agree with you abot don’t leaving an inheritance to children, But I also agree with the following statement in previous comments that,”Our support was a significant contributor to our children’s educational success so we would pay their education”.
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
You do you 🙂 I would not pay for my son’s education but I may clear his debt after if I see it is beneficial and I can.
Eloka says:
Typical baby boomer. Greedy, selfish, me generation.
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
1. You obviously didn’t read the post.
2. I’m a Millennial not a Baby Boomer
3. My son will get what he will get at the end (I won’t go nuts), but I am not going to sacrifice my life and my retirement to live in poverty just so he can “have it all” and live a rich life on my dime; I’m already seeing these effects on my peers and they’re obviously not properly prepared for the real world and its bills.
Figuring it Out says:
I so much agree (Gen Xer). I am trying to plan how I can retire early and spend down to my death to leave practically nothing (except maybe real estate). I have the hindsight of spoiling children (thanks to my wife) vs. expecting nothing and improving my station (me and my wife have similar backgrounds, but she’s kinder on this topic).
One key thing I noticed is that you said that you were not currently a parent…
All I can say is: good luck with that. 😉 And REPEATEDLY read this post to your kids. They will listen, and they will decide later in life to make similar decisions (yes or no) based on their beliefs: which will come from you right now.
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
Hang on.. I am a parent 🙂 This is an old post. I have a little boy, and I do plan on not leaving anything to him still. He will get what he gets in the end, I will give and provide everything he will need, but I am not going to be handing it over on a silver platter. 🙂
Ron says:
More like typical woman. Greedy, selfish, me me me.
Patricia says:
I’m so glad to see this other side of things. Fortunately, our kids are doing very well in life – in some ways better than we are! We’ve gone to great lengths to create a revocable trust so as to avoid probate, etc. But then it occurred to us, rather than spending the money on attorneys to set up the trust, we could have used that money on ourselves! So what, if the kids have to wait it out through the probate process? They would get the same inheritance anyway. We’re also looking at a long term care insurance policy, but again, it’s geared to offset the cost of care so that your own assets will not be depleted. It’s not a matter of getting the needed care or not, it’s a matter of paying for it. This LTC policy costs about 50G, and in the end our kids would inherit even more money, plus a death benefit from the policy. Everything seems to be geared towards protecting the inheritance for the heirs, but it costs a lot of money out of our pockets to do that for kids that really don’t need it!
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
The only ones getting rich are the lawyers. 😉
C says:
A point to ponder: Consider that you will reap what you have sewn. If you treated your children poorly and are living long enough that you end up dependent on them, their hope of getting an inheritance might be the only thing keeping you from being put into a nursing home or worse. Spend if you were kind, let them inherit if you were a not.
Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge. says:
I’d be spending then although as of late, I won’t be spending recklessly. 🙂
He is not going to be deprived but I am also not going to be like these parents who are sacrificing their own happiness to give money to their kids who look as though they’ll be turning out quite spoiled from their parents STILL paying their car payments, cellphones, etc (and they’re in university!), not even working part-time jobs to help out, going back for multiple degrees like it’s free candy…
Then these parents have zero saved in retirement, a mortgage to clear and expect their kids to fund their lives. Then what happens? This: The scary side of freelancing.
Marie-Josée says:
I don’t plan on leaving an inheritance to my children either, but paying for their university tuition is certainly the best decision my husband and I ever took. Few of my children’s contempories attended university, and many are holding down jobs that frustrate them. Of course, this is a complex issue, where each child’s personality and all kinds of other issues come to play. Because kids are staying in school longer and longer, most technical trade schools require a three year cursus, I think it is normal and healthy to support them through school. I certainly think conditions need to be attached to this, such as maintaining grades and giving priority to school. From my perspective, our support was a significant contributor to our children’s educational success. They both are professionals and are leading fulfilling lives. They have always known that we would pay their education whether through trade or technical school or university. I think we can educate children to be responsible, grateful and resourceful without having them incur a debt to get an education, if as parents, we can afford to pay tuition. We are expecting so much from everyone these days and life is getting so much more complicated (skill-wise) and in so many other ways.
sherry@savespendsplurge.com says:
We shall see if Baby Bun proves himself to get my money. I don’t want to give them handouts, I have seen it firsthand how it ruins them.
Linda says:
Hi Sherry!
LOL this article came at the right time….my grandmother is def guarding her $ like a Scroogette!
The more and more I experience the current situation with my grandmother, who is 85 with adv glaucoma and early onset of dementia, and in dire need of social interaction, the more I see how important retirement for oneself is extremely important. I also realized and have made the decision, that you must SPEND to make your life easier no matter the cost.
My grandmother is a homeowner so help from the city/state is limited. She does has some income, but she refuses or she constantly states she has no money! I have to reiterate over and over and over, “mama you have money and you need to make like easier and better at this stage”. It appears to falls on deaf ears…I for one don’t believe I should spend my $$ if she has it. Its a rough situation either way….
Anyway, for the current situation, I am almost in full agreement with you abt not paying for kids college at this point. I go back and forth, b/c it seems to be embedded in my head to pay for kids college etc, even though my parents didn’t help me. Initially I was upset and pissed off to say the least! But now because my mom helped my little sister through college and now they have debt, I feel great that I don’t owe any college loans!
I don’t have kids now, but plan to. I stand with you on choosing my self/retirement than to leave kids with $.
I will at least make sure the house is paid for and there’s no debt left in my name for them, but I hope they’re self sufficient as well w/ the proper tools of course.
Someone once said, love your child now, because when they grow up, you may not like them. I hope this isn’t the case when that time come.
sherry@savespendsplurge.com says:
LOL!! I like that: “Love your child now, you may not like them when they’re grownups..”