In Discussions, Life

Why do we shame celebrities but not ourselves? #notokay

I had another post on fashion scheduled today, but reading Belle’s vow to never buy Ivanka Trump products again, I thought I’d do this post on the spur of the moment instead, especially when asked by Kelly Oxford to share a sexual assault story that is #notokay.

Here’s my story, which I’ve written about before of how I was sexually assaulted and that it is #NOTOKAY …..

Anyway.

I am not an American but I can’t help but follow its politics, and I do not agree with any politician who doesn’t support basic core human rights, no matter if I live in that country or not.

flag-usa-canada

I will not be recommending Trump’s items again either, but I just wanted to touch upon this point that while it is admirable we’re skewering Ivanka Trump by her supporting her father and his wild theories and promises, remember that while Americans and the world thinks that this man cannot win, that George W. Bush won …. TWICE….when no one thought he would.

Just keep that in mind.

Moving on to the point of this post…

Why do we feel comfortable shaming celebrities like Ivanka Trump for her values, yet we don’t look at ourselves as being culprits?

See, there’s a guilt we all carry and should carry with purchasing items from companies that not only harm our bodies, our children, but our environment and other nameless, faceless masses of citizens of Third World countries?

It’s because it’s easy.


It is a single, individual face we can recognize and put as the face of the problem.

OUR SOULS ARE FOR SALE

sale-sold-sign-shopping

It is easy to take a look at Ivanka, see this privileged blonde woman stand up and be okay with her misogynist father supporting that women deserve to be treated as second-class citizens, molested and raped….

….yet after ranting anonymously (or not) online, and writing wonderful op-ed articles denouncing the whole Trump machine, we go out to stores like Wal-Mart or even Dollarama and purchase our comforting Kraft Dinners made by Mondelez, filled with orange powder that they dare to call “cheese”, and toss a few armfuls of cheap, colourful “affordable” clothing into our carts made in Bangladesh, India, and China, while finishing off with a nice McDonald’s run full of food that obviously makes us feel sick after eating it?

Travel-Photograph-NYC-New-York-City-USA-McDonalds-Fast-Food-Junk

It’s just not Ivanka, it could be anyone really.

Martha Stewart, Kathie Lee… tons of people (only women mostly, and strangely & perverse observation) have had their public personas propped up on pikes and paraded around in to be shamed.

(I am envisioning Cersei in Game of Thrones right now – Shame! Shame! Shame!)

We vote with our money every day, don’t we?

I am absolutely not a saint in this regard, having a childhood fondness for Oreos (I ate a few and got so sick I had to throw them away), and long-time readers know how long I have struggled to avoid buying such items (as I blog on a Macbook made in China by Apple), and I am by no means perfect, but I am trying.

I struggle with this because I feel guilt.

I feel shame each time I buy something and have to go through a whole gamut of thoughts, thinking about whether or not it is ethical to do so.

Or even ethical to NOT do so.

Readers in the past have brought up EXCELLENT debate points about how if we don’t buy cheap crap from Third World countries, they have ZERO chances of making a living.

They actually pray for such factories to open so that they can make pennies a day to do something, anything to stop their families from starving.

Photograph-Travel-NYC-New-York-City-USA-Stairs-Building-History-Old

Why do you think for instance, you see so many Indonesian and Filipina women working as nannies?

It saddens me each time I go to the playground, meet one, and ask them how THEY are and what THEY want.

I hear lots of stories about how they couldn’t find work back where they were from, so they decided to do what their mothers and grandmothers have done, and become nannies for families around the world; mostly concentrated in Asia, but I see a fair number of them in my ‘hood, pushing around babies and taking care of children who are clearly not their own (blonde, blue-eyed, white).

I hear stories about how they leave their families back in the Phillippines with their grandmothers, and they send back money.

They send back money to feed and take care of their children, whom they only see twice a year if they’re lucky.

TWICE A YEAR.

They see their own children only twice a year, while having to take care of someone else’s family (like their own) full-time because they live abroad.

Can you imagine the pain they must feel? I can.

Furthermore, you may not know that a large percentage of that money (I think I recall half of it) GOES TO THEIR GOVERNMENT.

Yes!

So even if you pay $1000 a month (or more) for a nanny (plus food, healthcare, expenses), half of that goes to the government, or at least close to half.

They don’t get to keep all of that money.

Maybe if they had a sweatshop there, they wouldn’t be abroad because even though you may be paying a lot for a nanny from those countries

family-mother-children-father-parenting-feet

But what can a consumer like me do?

Can I truly just stop buying stuff?

Can I stop buying completely unless I only buy ethically?

How do I know what I am doing is right or wrong?

Is it really also my problem that governments around the world (not just the ones mentioned in Asia as there are a ton from Africa too) are so corrupt that they allow this to happen to their own citizens, and they take kickbacks as well as profit off the blood, sweat and tears of their own kind?

If their governments don’t care, why do I?

Yeah.

You know what…?

Why do I care?

I don’t know.

This is something I’m struggling deeply with and still don’t have an answer to.

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.


My only response to this, is to struggle with buying anything at retail, and in terms of shopping mindlessly, to thrift more often for frivolous things like clothing.

Yes, frivolous.

I don’t need any more clothes, but I want them and I feel terrible each time I think and say that.

Maybe I am in denial.

But should I be punishing myself for the sins of others? Denying what I want?

Maybe I should think about changing what I want instead.

More food for thought.

But before we start telling celebrities off for their unethical, terrible positions against the core of human rights, those living in glass houses (bubbles?) should not be throwing stones.

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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.

Am my own Sugar Daddy. Am a millionaire at 36 after getting out of $60K of student debt in 18 months, a little over a decade earlier, using TheBudgetingTool.com. I have worked 50% of my career (taking 1-2 year breaks), and quadrupled my income within 2 years of graduating, going from $65K to $260K with an average lifetime savings rate of 50%. I have 11 side incomes that are on track in 2020 to make me $50K - $75K. I could retire today if I wanted, but love my work-life balance as a freelancing consultant in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math). I am all about balance - between time and money, and also enjoying my money. I also post daily on Instagram @saverspender.

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14 Comments

  1. ArianaAuburn

    There is an answer to why people shame celebrities but not themselves:

    -They don’t see them as people, but with more abilities and less weaknesses than regular mortal beings.

    -Celebrity worship is stupid. And celebrity hating. Both methods make these people MONEY. So WHY give them money when money is hard to come by?

    -Deep inside people are scared because in the U.S. EVERYONE knows or at least believes the country is a good place to live. And NO ONE WANTS THAT PLACE TO GO TO HELL.

    -If the fears are real, instead of bashing and wasting oxygen while shaming people, energy should be spent elsewhere, like crafting a plan B (possible immigration? or moving to the countryside?) until the situation improves.

    -We can all assume that we will make the most ethical choices in a given situation. But the actual choices we make can change once we are in an ACTUAL situation. That is because all decision making in life is made with hindsight, with limited views on what the other options are.

    -Globalization is good and bad. It helps and harms others interchangeably. But it gives OPTIONS and CHOICES on how to improve a rotten living situation or a country’s economy. So globalization has to be used WITH CARE..

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Excellent points, all. Globalization and celebrity worship in particular…

      Reply
  2. Elisa

    Well-said! I struggle with the same issues, but remind myself that I must continue to try living as ethically as possible. Every little success we achieve will count in the overall scheme of things, even if in small way. Therefore, we must keep trying and teaching our children and grandchildren to care for both the welfare of others and our earth.

    Regarding shopping, there are non-profits that I favor that carry fair trade products from all over the world (e.g., Ten Thousand Villages–you can check the website; also there is a small location in Vancouver, although not as nice as the one in Houston) that are great for buying unique gifts (e.g., beautiful scarfs, jewelry, pottery like tea pots, small and unique musical instruments used by other cultures–great for kids, handmade papers, etc.), all at very affordable prices. The volunteers in these stores will even print you a little description of the item, the artist who made it, and how important it is to support that particular community, which you can then include with your gift, and encourage others to start thinking of the impact their shopping may have on other people around the world.

    Regarding our current political campaign, OMG, we better pray hard! A long time ago, I lived under both right-wing and left-wing dictators. People who have only lived in the U.S., and who only know this beautiful democracy, have no idea how to even recognize what a dictator sounds like, and the actions that such a person could take (e.g., at a minimum, no freedom of the press, jailing and or killing people who do not agree with him/her, neighbors telling on neighbors). We have plenty of examples around the world of dictators, and what the consequences have been for those countries and their inhabitants. Let’s hope (and yes, pray) that Americans will respond wisely as we get closer to selecting the next President.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      For Baby Bun’s future at least, is what I am thinking.

      Reply
  3. Michaela

    I’m not American but I follow American news and I know what you are talking about, lots of people are talking about it on facebook and twitter. Shaming Ivanka is in my opinion an idiotic thing. No one is guilty of his/her family, because one thing we cannot chose: parents. We are our parents’ children not matter how much we love them or hate them, it’ s a fact. We may not like them but there’s nothing one can do about it. People who expect Ivanka to stand publicly against her father are at best naive, Who on earth would do that?! Besides, this whole debate about the Trump tape is a bit hypocritical. The man was taped saying bad things, common, each and every human being said (not to mention did) things they’re not proud of. Remember Seinfeld and the episode with George eating the cake in the bin? Reality is like this. We have all been there one way or another and maybe we hate to admit it, even to ourselves, but IT happens, it has happened and it WILL happen again. Fortunately, we won’t be taped and exposed and we won’t run for president, but the facts stay.

    Trump has hired many women at top levels in his business and trained and educated his daughter to be successful and competitive in a men’s world. That is important to me and that speaks to me about him. I don’t give a $it on what he talks about with his friends. Was JFK a “better” person when it comes to women? Was Bill Clinton one? No, they were just not taped. Insignificant detail, for me. I can understand someone doesn’t like Trump (I don’t like him either but I don’t find Hillary exactly glorious, tbh, and I would never chose her just for being a woman, she would have to bring in something more substantial then her gender). I would have certainly respected her more if she had divorced her husband back then. If she did that she would be credible now against Trump and as a feminist, but she stayed and she went for this personal compromise which for me is far worse then what he blabla said 10 years ago.

    As for buying or not from companies like the ones mentioned, I would say, if you like and desire their products, buy them and enjoy your life, buy them and use them because you have one life only and guilt should not be a part of it. For each person who stops to buy for such reasons there are thousands of other consumers who couldn’t care less, so the battle is unbalanced and you cannot win. I would avoid a company if their products are lousy, but not for “ethical” reasons. Al these far trade, PETA, ethical buying, green life etc are just ways to make people feel guilty and put their money to other companies, not necessarily better companies, just better marketed.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Thank you for the other side!

      I would agree with some of what you are saying, and I do see that Trump has hired top women, but I wonder about WHY he is saying such things if he is so equal towards women.

      I feel like what he says publicly, is just so incongruent with how I had seen him before, and he is just all over the place with his comments.

      I will disagree though and say he doesn’t respect women as much as I had originally thought. He doesn’t see Hillary as a true opponent as she’s a woman (he addresses comments to Bill instead), and if he really cared about women and their rights, why is he saying all of this nonsense?

      I almost feel like it’s rigged somehow. Or some very bizarre punked prank he is running as a scam on the whole world to completely destroy the Republican party. It just sounds so unreal.

      As for greenwashing, I am probably a big victim of that. I do feel a strong sense of guilt over what I buy, which is why I struggle with the issue so much, yet I know I am being marketed to. It’s like being a lamb led to slaughter and unsure as to whether it is good or bad.

      Reply
  4. Kathy

    You say that Trump thins women should be 2nd class citizens, yet he doesn’t advocate stoning or killing them on the whim of their husbands as do the muslims that Hillary supports and wants to bring into the U.S.. as well as having taken money (quite possibly in return for favors granted during her term as Secretary of State) from those regimes. So as a U.S. citizen, I certainly don’t mind you having an opinion and interest in our politics, but please judge each side equally harshly.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      First of all, not all Muslims advocate killing and stoning their wives or girls.

      I dare you to say that as a blanket statement to every Muslim and watch the majority of them go up in arms.

      It is not a false stereotype that they stone, they certainly do and I don’t condone it, but is it any better than what we do as a Western country, torturing prisoners of war?

      I would say that we are living a type of psychological torture today, where we on the outside say things like: Oh yes, we want equal rights for women, LGBT and all citizens and non-citizens…. but then turn our faces and stop women from advancing, tell men that it is OK to rape women, condone Yale men to march on the campus saying that No means Yes and Yes means Anal.

      It may not be as overt, with stoning and killing, but is it any better?

      In the past, we burned “witches” at the stake, thought it was okay to “discipline” our wives by beating them and some of it even still goes on today in Asia where women are punished.

      How about killing little girl babies because they’re girls? They do that in Asia, particularly in India and China, and they aren’t Muslim.

      Should we ban all Asians from entering our countries too? How about the ones living here? Maybe we should put them all into torture camps.

      Aren’t all these Asians just as barbaric as Muslims, as you say; painted with your same brush because they allow little girls to be murdered, wives and women to be beaten and made into slaves?

      Second, I am judging every side equally harshly but obviously I am not a political blog and I am not even an American, but in this particular post, I am also being specific about NOT blankly judging celebrities and other political figures without first judging ourselves, and actually defending Ivanka Trump a little, if you believe it or not, because she’s the public face and I do feel a little pity for those who get roped in.

      If you want the truth, I am not a fan of any of your alienist policies to be honest, American governments generally treat all foreigners like slaves, unless they’re American citizens, and even then, judged by colour, race and religion.

      Reply
    2. save. spend. splurge.

      Oh my, I am thinking of even more examples.

      How about priests who rape little boys? Should we also ban them from this country or are they exempt because it’s a “white” religion?

      Reply
    3. save. spend. splurge.

      OK so I have to apologize, I was half wrong and half right in my first reply.

      I called a Muslim friend of mine and she said:

      This stoning law is a social law to stop people from committing adultery. It only applies to adultery and it applies to men as well as women, not just women.

      She said it was a way to deter people from committing adultery and as a result, they don’t do it or at least are strongly deterred as the rule is enforced with stoning.

      To actually be stoned, you then need to either have 4 witnesses (which she says never happens) to have seen you do it or you come out of guilt and confess to be punished in fear of the judgement of Allah.

      Men are also punished if they commit adultery, with stoning.

      It doesn’t only apply to women, it isn’t something their fathers, husbands or brothers can do in Muslim law because it has to be done by an official person and it is only for adultery… And I was a bit confused but I think also sex before marriage as well but I’m not sure.

      At any rate the stories you hear about fathers and brothers doing honour killings, it is part of their cultural tradition NOT because they are Muslim.

      The two are separate, like being Canadian or Brazilian and Catholic.

      That said, I don’t condone any of the above but she at least clarified it.

      Hope that helps, I learned something, myself.

      Reply
  5. Taylor Lee @ Yuppie Millennial

    Given how globally interconnected our economies are, it really is difficult to ethically source everything we buy. Unless I am specifically aware of questionable practices by a company or industry (e.g. diamonds) I will try to buy used first but won’t admonish myself if I need to buy new. I assuage my guilt by giving to charity since that seems to be a much easier task.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      Maybe that’s the best we can all do.

      Reply
  6. raluca

    My, such a lot of questions in this post, almost like you were trying to solve the world in 1500 words or less :P.

    On a more serious note, I would like to perhaps re-frame these questions a bit. A lot of them start from the point of view of me/them. Such as “what should I do for them?”. There is, in my opinion, a better way of thinking about it and that is “what should I do for me?”.

    It’s not a egocentric “me”, but rather a recognition that at this point in time, the borders of nations are somehow less important than they were a century ago, and that we are all one specie, one people that we call planet Earth our home. We can travel from New York to Malaezia in about 10-12 hours, we eat each others foods and watch each other shows, how can we still think in terms of Americans/Asians/African/European? We are, in my opinion, part of the global vilage and we are, slowly but inexorably, moving towards a global culture. Whether this is good or bad is debatable, but it IS happening and it IS accelerating.

    I’m Romanian, yet I’m reading your Canadian blog, I have a shamefull addiction to KPop drama and I love eating Chinese food. So rather than relating to people Congo or Bangladesh as “Others”, I consider them my neighbours. And I’m thinking, what is best for me and my neighbours? Do I want them to be poor? Would any of us, by choice, live in a neighbourhood full of poor people, being the single rich person there? Wouldn’t we need to hire bodyguards and always feel unsafe? Do I want their backyard to be poluted? But wait, wouldn’t that make my backyard poluted as well? Would I want them to be abused by police, or their state, or to be hurts by thughs? Would I be safe if they are not?

    By allowing that others are us too, we are going to start making the world better for everyone.

    Reply
    1. save. spend. splurge.

      What an excellent re-framing of the question.

      It has really helped — we are all interconnected, and if I condone policies that include increasing global warming and pollution, I am hurting my own self as well. It’s my air too! And my water!

      I wonder though, if it is that easy. It can be hard to not see it as your air or your water and I am guilty of doing that sometimes.

      Reply

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