When you have to leave friends behind and go your separate ways
There have been two friends in my life, whom I am sad to say are just not compatible with me any longer.
This is not indicative of all my friendships, but sometimes you have to cut ties when your lives diverge.
One, was a good friend whom I met in high school and instantly bonded with.
As we got older, went to separate colleges, and started different kinds of lives, I’ve tried to keep in touch with her once in a while (every 6 months), by sending her an email, calling her (with a long distance card I bought), and trying to keep the relationship going.
In the end, I realized the following:
- We’re the same age (born apart by 7 months)
- I’m always the one initiating the contact & PAYING for calls & trips
- Every time I call her, her life is always a mess and she makes no effort to clean it
- She never learns from her boy and frenemy drama
- She isn’t in the same financial mindset as I am — she wastes a lot of money
- She’s still in the college girl, drinking, partying phase
- Her parents still give her money and do things like her taxes for her
- She blames herself for being born in December as the cause of her messy life*
*She seriously believes that people born in January for instance, are way more organized and put together than people born in December.It’s just a lame excuse, and I’ve told her that before.
In conclusion, our relationship was totally one-sided, and I just quietly broke it off by not trying to meet up with her or contact her any longer.
We just aren’t on the same path any more
I understand 100% that I am not what society considers to be a ‘normal person’, not only because I really like talking about personal finance (especially as a woman), but I’m also considered an oddity for not having really spent much time in the phase of drinking and partying. I just never enjoyed it.
I don’t judge others who like to party and drink, but there comes a point in your life where you have to grow up and eventually take responsibility for being an adult and start doing things for yourself like do your own taxes rather than handing it off to your mother.
You can still drink and party… but you have to start being independent too.
At least hire a tax accountant, or buy the tax software each year for $20 and go through all the numbers yourself rather than giving it to Mommy.
We are financial opposites
She saves a little (about $1000 a year), but considering what she makes ($90,000), she should be saving a lot more for her future.
I already talked myself blue in the face trying to get her to go out and understand retirement plans, compounding interest and just to start SAVING, but she has absolutely no interest or even an inkling of motivation to get a financial planner to help her.
I even went to the point of going through her finances with her for a day.
I realize now, that I care a lot more about her money than she does. I’m just wasting my breath and my time, because it isn’t my money at the end of the day and she couldn’t give 2 craps about my advice.
She’d rather spend the money on yet another bikini, on yet another Caribbean vacation where she drinks until she passes out on the beach, and this kind of financially destructive lifestyle is something that I don’t want to hear about any more, especially since I always end up being the one who is the most frustrated.
We aren’t compatible any longer
When I call her, it’s always about all this drama that doesn’t need to happen, and I have been giving her the same advice since high school. I think 10+ years is enough, don’t you?
My real benchmark is that I have other friends who are financially responsible and amazing to talk to.
They are so inspirational, and they are people I genuinely want to call, meet, and talk to on a regular basis.
They make me want to be a better person.
The other friend I’ve quietly cut ties with, are not quite as full of drama as this one (I can’t handle too much drama), but she is also on a different path of life I can no longer relate to.
She is a spoiled rich girl who has never lifted a finger to work a day in her life, but comes up with wonderful excuses as to why she is still living on her parents’ dole money but yet has the gall to preach to me about my finances and how I should manage my money.
She also has great excuses as to why she can’t do anything to change her life to be what she wants it to be, even though she is supremely unhappy. I have talked myself blue in the face for 6 years, and it’s time to cut the strings.
Sometimes, growing up is painful
You will have to leave behind friends whom you’ve connected with for so long, but ultimately, they might not be on the same path as you are, and could very well be holding you back.
I am not saying that in the future I would close the door in their faces if they called me, or asked for help; I still remember the good times and we have a history together.
I am just not going to be the one putting in all the effort into our relationships any more. It has to be a two-way street.
You know, they say that your 5 closest friends are the perfect representation of who you are as a person, and where you are financially (e.g. same salaries, same mindset).
If that’s the case, I’m thrilled beyond belief.