What’s in a name? On marital status & keeping your last name
Obviously this is an issue that only applies (affects?) women because men don’t need to fret about taking the last name of their wife or not.
Why do we even need to know the marital status of a woman?
Also on that topic, men don’t need to ever announce their marital status on any records, they are always “Mr.” and yet women need to be classified into “Mrs.”, “Ms.” Or “Miss.”
Why does society today, need to know whether I’m married, a single older woman (I guess this is the Ms.) or a single younger woman or little girl (this is the Miss?) but we couldn’t care less about a man’s status?
My mother always insists people call her “Ms” instead of “Mrs” and I never understood why when I was young – I get it now. It is not what defines her, her marriage. She took my father’s last name but those were different times and she did in a sense, want to escape her old life.
I’d keep my own name, it’s been too long now….
Personally, if I ever formally got married, I’d keep my last name — I’ve more than earned my name.
Little Bun has his father’s last name out of convenience but his cousins, actually have their mother’s last names.
Both of them have their father’s last names as their second middle names, and then their mother’s last name is their last.. name.
I guess I could have given Little Bun my last name as his middle name as well but I couldn’t be bothered. He will earn and grow into his own name as well.
But what about your illegitimate child?
This is outdated thinking to me, but you’d be surprised how even my cousins, look down on me because I am not married. It’s like I couldn’t convince my partner to put a ring on it, so I am clearly not worthy enough to be considered his forever life partner.
Or I am ‘unwanted’, because apparently mistresses are the only ones who are unmarried (yeah I know, BIG EYE ROLL HERE because you know I am NOBODY’s mistress).
My mother used to tell me tactfully that it was so unconventional for me to not be married (A) and then (B) to have a child *gasp* out of wedlock, and for him to be illegitimate.
I laugh at illegitimate because it is ridiculous. Of course he is legit. He was born from my body and is a living, breathing little boy. How could anyone deny that he is not real?
I suspect my mother has even fudged a little to her relatives that I am indeed married, because I have been getting correspondence with my partner’s last name instead of my own. *shrug* Whatever. If it helps her stay on top and avoid questions, I don’t mind.
It hasn’t been an issue for me personally however, to be honest. I still don’t consider it a problem. I will only get married if I have to, like to get the papers for France.
The other aspect to consider is also that I live in Québec where basically all women keep their last names even when married. I blend right in with them.
No one assumes things or makes comments that it is “weird” my last name is different.
And they don’t care I am sure.
Note: In Québec it is not allowed for a woman to take the last name of her husband. Apparently it is a hassle administrative wise (especially if you then divorce)… so if you marry you must keep your maiden name.
What about changing your last name for racial reasons?
I also respect the thorny issue of women who take their husband’s last names either from the start or after they are married, because their own names are holding them back.
When you have a very ethnic last name, it should come as no surprise to anyone who does, that you are pre-judged and a bias appears when you are not perceived as Caucasian.
On the phone you may “sound white” (oh how I DETEST SAYING THAT but it is the only way I can say it to be clear), and get treated differently.
You may even have the chance to not be unfairly pre-judged because of it, because they may find out later that you are not Caucasian, and decide it doesn’t matter because you’re so great at your job (or whatever).