Week of Money: Where my nausea comes back and I get my eyes checked

DAY ONE

??:?? — Still feeling a bit nauseous.

??:?? — I drag myself out of bed.

6:40 a.m. — I get up and make a cup of tea. Little Bun is so excited that we are going to the Clinic Today. He peppers me with questions, and even checks the time every 10 minutes, counting down until it is time to get ready.

8:21 a.m. — Oh I ain’t mad at this bag. It’s so pretty and sleek. Who? Wait. Don’t tell me what bag it is, I’ll want it. O_o

Update: It is the Hortensia bag by Wandler. DAMN IT. And it is about $1000 and under $2000. Of course it is. I can never like anything under $1000 these days. I am putting it out of my mind because I have MANY MANY pretty bags, and I will only put it on my Wish List to gather dust.

9:45 a.m. — We get ready to head out, Little Bun having warned us in 5-minute intervals, very cutely asking: Mommy is it time to go yet? Mommy, are we going to the clinic? Can we get ready now? Am I going to wear socks? Are you getting dressed?

10:27 a.m. — My eyes are really widening and it is giving me a massive headache. I have to sit here and wait for the chemicals and then go in for the test. My headache is starting up again, this time worse because it is training and the pressure drop in the atmosphere is really playing with my nausea.

11:02 a.m. — Test done. Picture of my retina shows that it is in good health. Only the exam is covered by the government, so I pay for the retinal photos. $30

11:28 a.m. — We head home, and my partner hands me a croissant he bought for me. THIS is why Little Bun smells like a bakery!! He took him to have a snack while they waited for me.

1:24 p.m. — Little Bun wakes up from his nap.

4:25 p.m. — I log off from work.

6:25 p.m. — I feel very tired. My eyes are very much still giving me a headache.

7:48 p.m. — We finish reading 7 storybooks and I try to get Little Bun to go to sleep, but he wants to stay up and play. I am too tired and headache-y to argue, so I agree, but then have to rescind my agreement when my partner comes in announcing bedtime. Commence, CHAOS.

8:12 p.m. — I finally get Little Bun calmed down, soothing him about how he doesn’t want to sleep and he wants to stay awake all day, and placate him with made up stories of Apples and Oranges growing and becoming trees.

Spent: $30

DAY TWO

??:?? — Tired. When am I not tired. This weather is playing havoc on my brain, the drop in the barometric pressure is killing my brain.

6:00 a.m. — I make a cup of tea, and start on my conference calls after working.

9:25 a.m. — Calls over. I take a break and eat lunch. Not going out today, it’s snowing like crazy.

10:59 a.m. — I play with Little Bun and then he starts learning on his father’s huge iPad which keeps him quiet.

12:09 p.m. — Little SCREAMS in the bedroom but stays in there, refusing to nap. It isn’t a pain scream, it is a whiny one. I can tell the difference, it lacks conviction….

12:30 p.m. — I finally hear silence. No more crying or screaming. I was going to go in there but as I learned when he was a baby, it is better to let him cry it out. If I go in there, it triggers fresh screams and he thinks there’s a chance he will escape. My partner has got this, I leave them both in there.

1:16 p.m. — I am staying out of this email chain. I get a call from another manager assigning me to a project, and I am letting people deal with #%(#% on their own.

2:42 p.m. — I take a drink of water and feel a bit better. Brain is going nuts. I almost feel like when my brain goes like this, I need a little sweet something like a piece of candy to boost my brain. Not anything like cake or pie, but… something like a mint.

3:04 p.m. — In desperation, I eat a spoonful of organic chocolate spread. Yes. I’ve hit rock bottom. I wash it down with a spare coconut drink I find in my bag. It helps my headache, so I am happy I had a stash.

3:26 p.m. — I log off for the day. Today was rough AF. Also I love my new tea tins (free with a purchase of loose leaf tea which I needed to restock anyway):

4:50 p.m. — I play with Little Bun, reading books, and we do more activity pages. He is KEEN ON FINISHING THEM ALL. I am glad I bought 5 books, I thought it would last us until end of next month but it looks like it might be sooner O_o.. Whatever it is, I am glad he is taking an interest in it, and he finds it fun.

6:33 p.m. — Dinner of noodles and Little Bun gets fed his vegetable stew. After his stew, he goes up to his father, bats his eyelashes and says: Paa paaaa…??? .… and lifts up his shirt to show him he ate his vegetables. LOL … He gets unsweetened goat milk yoghurt as a treat (one of his favourites)..

7:42 p.m. — I get ready for bed. My head is killing me.

8:12 p.m. — We are all finally in bed, I drop off to sleep almost instantly.

Spent: $0

DAY THREE

??:?? — I wake up with a slight headache as usual. Little Bun snuggles and cuddles all over me like a wiggly caterpillar before asking me for milk.

6:34 a.m. — After milk, his father is cuddling him (I can hear the squeals of giggling), and tickling him a bit, so they’re playing in the bedroom.

7:03 a.m. — I log in and work.

7:29 a.m. — People are not freakin’ organized. So it looks like they are cleaning house on everyone. They’re firing as many consultants as possible and I am not the only one. In fact I am the “lucky” one to be told month-by-month. I guess they are trying to cut down on the budget. Whatever. They don’t know what they are in for.

8:10 a.m. — Time for my first few calls of the day.

11:30 a.m. — I head out to return things, and to eat some lunch. I decide on vegan today (I was feeling like something along the lines of tartare, or sushi, or fried chicken), but settled on a black bean burger with a green smoothie to feel healthier. $17.75

12:27 p.m. — I use my Sephora points and pick up a sample kit of makeup from Kat von D:

1:05 p.m. — Waiting for a conference call to start. I hate this music.

1:25 p.m. —What’s this extra $50…. hey, thanks for the referral <3 —

My Tangerine referral code is

32726976S1

..if you too want a free $50….! And to give me $50. Well the bank gives me $50 but you know what I mean.

1:41 p.m. — This is a useless call. We are doing nothing but dialled in to try and figure out what to do. Can’t wait until this is over.

2:55 p.m. — I log off, only to realize I have another call. FML.

4:27 p.m. — Finally off the call. We couldn’t resolve the issue, we have another call tomorrow.

6:12 p.m. — Time for dinner. I make a big bowl of noodles but undercook them. I choke it down anyway.

7:30 p.m. — I package up things to return — I ordered some leather belts but the belts are a squeaky leather, so I return them all. -$279.80

8:40 p.m. — Time to sleep.

Returned: $279.80

Spent: $17.75

DAY FOUR

??:?? — My partner is snoring. REALLY loudly. It is too late in the morning for me to sleep another REM cycle, so I lie there, tired, and unable to sleep.

??:?? — Little Bun wakes up.

6:00 a.m. — Wow it’s early. I was up earlier anyway. Little Bun turns to me and says: Daddy is UNTIRED!

6:49 a.m. — I log in and start working. My afternoon is shot, I have two major sessions to handle and that’ll eat my afternoon.

8:15 a.m. — I hop on a call, and work while on there.

8:15 a.m. — It just dawned on me that since I have astigmatism maybe it is the cause for my being so clumsy. I have constantly knocked my hips and bruised them, I have also felt like I never see the door where it should be and bang myself on it all the time. This has happened my whole life. I can’t seem to sense the depth at times especially when I am tired or my brain is hurting.

12:08 p.m. — I buy myself a lemon cake pastry treat. I cannot hold off. And I thoroughly enjoy it. $5.79

1:15 p.m. — I am in the car, stuck. On calls. Little Bun is at home with his father, and I was going to come home early but it looks like I am working in my car.

4:34 p.m. — Did I call it or what? Luckily my car is comfortable. And I now have that phone plan with 8GB of data so I just hotspot myself when I need to. Technology is AMAZING.

5:06 p.m. — Back home.

7:30 p.m. — We have a great dinner of BBQ chicken wings, and then Little Bun runs amok around the house.

8:30 p.m. — Time for bed.

Spent: $5.79

DAY FIVE

6:10 a.m. — I wake up tired. As usual. I make a cup of tea.

7:00 a.m. — I log in and start working. I’m annoyed with this whole company. I don’t think I am going to last any longer. I may just take the summer off.

8:15 a.m. — I do activity pages with Little Bun. I am also starting to plan for my trip back to hang out with everyone. In the end, I think it would be nice to take the time off. Screw them.

12:08 p.m. —

12:28 p.m. — I grab a sashimi lunch. A nice treat. It really makes me feel good when I eat well. $35.14

4:03 p.m. — There is an issue. I log off for the day because I am learning boundaries.

5:37 p.m. — “Mommy look, it’s a flying eagle!” … “No baby, that’s a seagull.” 😛

6:45 p.m. — My partner makes a light vegetarian lunch with tomatoes and Parmesan cheese bread, a salad, avocado, and we eat happily.

7:37 p.m. — I leave the dishes. I literally didn’t do them since yesterday, and there are TWO sinks full of things to wash. Groan.

8:42 p.m. — Bedtime. My partner is now officially retired (YAY!) and is going to get his doctorate in mathematics and wants to teach for fun afterwards. Sure. That sounds like fun… (not). To each their own. I cannot seem to figure out what I want to do in retirement, and he tells me not to worry because I am already sort of semi-retired (I calculated how much I actually worked) and my life is pretty chill by half working most of the time and best of all – STAYING OUT OF DEBT (house and car 100% paid) so that I have peace of mind.

Spent: $35.14

DAY SIX

??:?? — Little Bun cries that his nose is bleeding. His father gets up immediately (he is 100% on Nose Bleed duty)

5:47 a.m. — Little Bun gets his milk, I make a tea.

6:44 a.m. — Little Bun just loses it. He already did not sleep enough last night, he is grumpy about everything, wants to do activity pages in the book but refuses to give me any answers… I am losing my own sleep-deprived patience very quickly.

7:12 a.m. — And then… CHAOS. Complete effing meltdown. Screams, crying, kicking, I try to calm him down but it just gets worse and worse until it reaches the point of no return and I snap. I’m screaming red in the face, yelling, and Little Bun, apparently was waiting for this reaction because he screams and cries even more but then stops his intensity in crying, which allows him to slowly calm down.

7:17 a.m. — I struggle to gain control of myself and my emotions, and get as calm as I can, which helps calm him down, and now we are both calm.

7:30 a.m. — It was like he was waiting for me to scream. I was calm, I was talking softly and NONE OF IT EFFING WORKED. He WANTED me to acknowledge back the rage he was putting out, and then he was okay once he saw I was angry. WTF. Little demons. Little manipulative DEMONS.

7:38 a.m. — We are all calm down. I just hold him. We cuddle. I explain very VERY softly that Mommy tried her best and she got angry, but she doesn’t like getting angry, does he understand that?

8:12 a.m. — We end up reading books together, and the morning passes by with him yawning a lot and rubbing his eyes.

8:29 a.m. — I start a load of laundry and work on the dishes.

11:44 a.m. — He goes down for his nap after I leave almost immediately, although he wouldn’t let me go out because he kept clinging to my legs like a toddler, whining: Mommy stay, I want Mommy to stay .... but then I left and he was fine, waving good bye. I would have stayed, but to be honest with you, the more you give in to these requests, the more they think it is possible and when they don’t get their way, they become worse. You have to set what you want to do, stay firm and leave (within reason).

11:50 a.m. — I really wish on my days ‘off’ where I leave and ‘get things done’, I could make THEM leave for 6 hours and let me go through my closet and things without interruptions so I can think quietly in my head and be calm. No such luck. Sigh.

1:15 p.m. — I return a few items, contemplate HARD, getting a Starbucks.

4:20 p.m. — I head home, Little Bun, rested, greets me.

5:08 p.m. — We read a few books, and then head to bed after dinner.

Spent: $0

DAY SEVEN

??:?? — Insomnia. I’ve been stressed about my job.

6:00 a.m. — I make a cup of tea, and then try to clean up my bathroom. Half-heartedly. I am not in the mood.

7:59 a.m. — I head out to run errands. Treating myself to a Starbucks. $5.44

8:08 a.m. — I head into some stores looking for leggings. I just want some plain ones to sleep with but am coming up short.

10:25 a.m. — I drop by a store (am looking for white jeans, distressed or not), and find a perfect pair. I just am not sure whether I should spend $50 on a pair of jeans, or buy a similar pair for much cheaper ($30)…. ugh. Being on a budget sucks sometimes. I put them back and will think about it.

11:55 a.m. — Home! I have a salad and some hard boiled eggs for lunch. Simple. Little Bun doth protest, but goes down for his nap and feels much better afterwards.

2:27 p.m. — I start loads of laundry.

4:39 p.m. — I have such a headache. I think it is going to rain again, my whole head is pounding…

7:15 p.m. — It rains, and I feel better.

7:22 p.m. — If anyone wants to know what it is like to raise boys, Little Bun just spent the morning without my knowledge, RUBBING HIS FOREHEAD DOWN THE GLASS WINDOWS. He liked the way it bumped down the glass instead of sliding, and he left forehead marks all over the apartment.

8:39 p.m. — Bedtime. I am BEAT.

Spent: $5.44

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Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.