Week of Money: Where Little Bun checks to see if I am human (LOL)
??:?? — I wake up with Little Bun snuggling into my side and hugging me. This is why we still sleep together even though he wakes me at ungodly hours.
6:17 a.m. — I can’t even open my eyes. I log in after I wash my face and have my 6 minutes with the mask (it seems to be helping so far, fingers crossed).
7:34 a.m. — First call of the day.
8:08 a.m. — Little Bun spends the morning cutting out hearts for each of us. One Mommy Heart, one Daddy Heart, one Little Bun Heart. The Green one with a bit of red is Daddy, the Red One with a bit of Green is Mommy, and the heart with both is Little Bun (half of each of us!)
12:08 p.m. — Lunch time!
2:10 p.m. — Little Bun colours in recipes to share with me, and is very excited to share them and read out to me what has to be done:
4:56 p.m. — I log off for the day.
5:12 p.m. — We are watching a few episodes of Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and then I say: Look, she has two little babies!!
- (All children under 20 are “babies” by the way)
- Little Bun: 😍😍😍 Awww babies!!!!! And do they have a Daddy too?
- (He is asking bc he knows sometimes there are two Mommies, two Daddies or no one else at all like single parents)
- Me: Yes they have a Daddy
- Little Bun: So then when Marie is away helping everyone on this show the Daddy is watching them! ❤️
- Me: Exactly!
- Little Bun: I know ALL about parenting *puffs out chest*
Then we keep talking about families and he names off all the combinations of families because he enjoys math, sequences and patterns, so he likes to categorize and list everything in his head:
- Little Bun: One Mommy, One Daddy, Two Mommies, Two Daddies .. and most importantly…
- Me: Baby, say “also” not “most importantly” because every family is important
- Little Bun: *amends* Also… one mommy and one daddy
- Me: but we also have children without mommies or daddies, they’re called orphans
- Little Bun: *goes quiet* … (I can see he is a bit sad)… then he says: Oh but a great example of this is the Boxcar children! They had a grandpa but they didn’t like him and now they do!!
- Me: Exactly. And the grandpa takes care of them now, like other family members or close friends, or they get adopted.
8:56 p.m. — Time for bed. We read a page out of this new book about learning about a new artists: Lives of Artists – Masterpieces, Messes and what their neighbours thought
6:30 a.m. — I log in and get three things off my list done and checked off my work list.
10:15 a.m. — I take a break and play “soccer” with the stuffies:
Little Bun keeps score:
WOO HOO! The box for Peter Rabbit moves as the goalie:
11:25 a.m. — I have lunch early so I can talk to my friend as she walks to work.
12:08 p.m. — Guess she forgot! I text her and she tells me she slept through her alarm and was 30 minutes late for work. I tell her not to worry about it because with two kids under the age of 5, sleep is SACRED and I would sacrifice calls with friends for deep, peaceful sleep.
4:28 p.m. — More of the Tidying Up series with Marie Kondo, and he watches happily alongside me (he enjoys seeing things get organized and cleaned). Then I get this gem from him as we are watching her say that we need to ‘spark joy’:
- Little Bun: Mommy, not everyone has the same spark joys. Here’s a great example! Shout out your FAVOURITE pizza topping, and I will do mine. Ready? One.. two.. three!
- Little Bun: SAUSAGE!
- Me: MUSHROOM!
- Little Bun: See? We have different spark joys!!! *eyes wide*
- Me: We certainly do.
5:15 p.m. — Dinner- we harvest basil to eat with our meals and he loves just chewing on them, even the stems.
6:40 p.m. — We do dishes, laundry, put it all away, clean up. I also start getting excited about cleaning out the second bedroom and finally letting things go to donation piles and to not bother trying to list or sell them. I do not have the time or patience. I will list designer items.
7:09 p.m. — He’s so cute….! I lean over and say “I love you, Little Bun” *hug* *kiss*
- Little Bun: Mommy you tell me that you love me a lot. I mean a lot. Every day. All the time.
- Me: Do you want me to stop? I think babies should be told they are loved all the time. I have never missed a day in telling you how much I love you.
- Little Bun: Noooo.. I like it. <3
8:56 p.m. — Time for bed.
6:00 a.m. — I wake up and log in. LOTS TO GET DONE TODAY.
6:19 a.m. — I feel like I should do yoga again…. but get lazy. And I log in and work instead.
8:08 a.m. — I call my friend to talk, and she starts to talk about her in-laws, and I mention her name, then I hear Little Bun in the background eavesdropping, saying: UGHHhhhhh!!!! …..dramatically when he hears it, which makes us burst out laughing because it means she complains a lot and clearly Little Bun, Champion Eavesdropper, has picked up on this.
12:08 p.m. — Time for lunch.
12:28 p.m. — *Out of the blue* he calls out: “I LOVE YOU MAMA!”
2:18 p.m. — He finds an insect on the window and he asks me to please take a photo!
5:11 p.m. — I log off for the day.
6:50 p.m. — I do laundry and then dishes.
7:46 p.m. — Time to get ready for bed. I vacuum, clean up the area.
6:00 a.m. — I wake up with Little Bun cuddling into my side.
7:59 a.m. — I got a sample of this cream and I want to try it out, it’s actually quite rich and moisturizing but it is because it has very little water in it, but I feel like Vaseline would work just as well. I just used a tiny amount and it was more than enough. I’m talking a light dab and it was a lot.
9:15 a.m. — I am on calls all day.
12:08 p.m. — This stuffed pancake potato recipe looks absolutely delicious!
12:28 p.m. — Time for lunch, and after we eat, his father helps him with some gluing of items, and this comes out:
Little Bun: Wow! Is there anything you cannot fix with glue?!! *hearts in eyes*
Me: Well, maybe tape?
2:56 p.m. — More calls, then a break. Finally.
5:19 p.m. — I log off for the day.
6:45 p.m. — After lunch, we go through the entire bookcase, pulling it all out on the floor and then go through each book asking if he wants to keep or get rid of it.
We end up with getting rid of these books that I will donate / send on to friends with younger children:
8:56 p.m. — Time for bed. We read a page out of the artists biographies.
??:?? — I wake up and snuggle Little Bun who squeals “Mommy Mama!” as he cuddles me.
6:30 a.m. — I log in and start working.
7:09 a.m. — I go through and clean out my cables and items, grabbing a few boxes to organize the cables, which makes so much more sense. Even though all the cables are held in by little cord taco sleeves, they also need to be contained in different boxes or else it gets all mixed up and tangled. I just used some old pretty boxes from things I ordered and I didn’t want to throw them out, they worked out perfectly here.
8:20 a.m. — I take a break for a tea.
9:14 a.m. — Little Bun is cutting out numbers for Daddy, little arts and crafts items, and for me, he cuts out “heart wipes”, which are basically little white triangles with hearts on them that you can use to wipe the bums of Little Stuffies when you change their diapers. I have a whole collection. This is what his father received over a course of a few days which he displays on a cloth:
10:27 a.m. — I really love these two looks, the layered blazer and coats, and then the crisp white wool fedora..
12:28 p.m. — After lunch, we play the app Two Dots together.
12:56 p.m. — Time for his nap.
3:00 p.m. — After his nap, I am still working and on calls.
4:41 p.m. — I clean up the sink, dishes, and do laundry, then scrub the oven.
8:47 p.m. — Time for bed. We read an artist’ biography.
6:00 a.m. —
8:59 a.m. — We are reading through a budget, a list of expenses, and on there was a $600 charge for takeout, and Little Bun says: NO TAKEOUT! I prefer FAKE OUT! It is healthier and cheaper, he says happily. He learned about ‘fakeout’ from a video, about making takeout at home.
8:08 a.m. —
5:08 p.m. — I am doing the dishes, and Little Bun jumps out and says to me: “Mommy may I help you scrub it?“.. and I give him my gloves and the sponge, and let him scrub out the pot and clean it. He loves helping me clean the pots and pans now, I am pretty happy he seems excited to help out and clean things.
8:57 p.m. — We hear the fireworks happening every night, and Little Bun squeals out in despair: Mommy can you please write to the city and tell them to stop and ban fireworks? The noise hurts all the baby animals!!! ….. I really wish we could stop all of this selfishness. He proceeds to tell me he hates bismuth in fireworks (in his Elements book it says that is what makes the crackly noise). He says they wish they made fireworks without bismuth.
6:00 a.m. — Little Bun asks me to learn together with Dr. Binocs… and we watch videos together, snuggling and he recites out facts for me from them.
7:49 a.m. — Little Bun begs me to let him help me organize things, and I tell him he can fold and roll things up into the box if he wants. We go through the pile slowly, and I am taking too long in between while he’s waiting here. He’s impatient and wants it all done!
8:08 a.m. — He takes a break and plays on the iPad, and then when I ask him to help me fold the growing pile that I left while he played, he mutters/whines: “I HATE big piles of things to do! There is TOOOO MUCH TO DOOOOOO!!!!“…. and my fuse was already short from not sleeping well the night before, plus I am hot which always makes me grumpy. I tell him: If you don’t want to help me, then don’t do it! No one is forcing you. You asked me to help! So help!
He bursts into tears. I guide him into the second bedroom, finish cleaning up the piles, and leave him to sob there. I finally go in there, hold his hands and sit there. I ask him what is going on. He was so happy to help and fold this morning, and now he suddenly has anger that there was a big pile of work. I ask him if he was mad at Mommy for giving him all that work to do, but I remind him that he asked .. BEGGED me to help.
He then bursts into tears again, and I rub his back, and let him cool down (he gets very warm and sweaty when he is crying and angry), then I guide him to lie down and snuggle a bit…. then he blurts out underneath the covers, in my arms, that he hates himself and he doesn’t want to be himself any more. He wants to be someone else.
Horrified, I ask him why he would say that. He tells me it is because he is so BAD and he doesn’t know why he is so bad sometimes and how to stop it so he wants to be good and he thinks he has to change himself to be good.
I immediately and 100% disagree with him and tell him he is wrong. I tell him that he is a GOOD little boy. I give him examples, and start with asking him if he thought Mommy was a good person. He nods tearfully yes.. and then I tell him that he is the same, and that no matter what he does, deep down inside, he is a GOOD person. He is kind, generous, sweet, empathetic, helpful, loving, (I give him lots of examples of how great he is).. and sometimes good people have bad days. Like all of us. I tell him good people are also normal people who have emotions, and we aren’t just happy and calm all the time and it is okay to feel frustrated but that doesn’t mean we are bad.
We launch into a huge discussion about how it is human nature, and normal to feel frustration, sadness, anger (lots of personal examples come out), and that it is not healthy to not have them or to suppress them. I tell him everybody has a bad day. I explain to him the concept of a fuse, and how Mommy has this long of a fuse, but when she’s hungry, it gets shorter, when she’s tired, it gets even shorter, until the fuse is so short that ANYTHING can set Mommy off, even just a bad comment and then she gets angry.
He nods and stops crying. I tell him this is NORMAL. What is NOT normal is not dealing with it and learning how to talk it out, and understand why you reached that point, and to work through it. You are never going to be happy 100% of the time. I tell him holding all of this in, like I used to when I was younger, turning my red angry smoke into black slime that would just grow and rot, would make me explode and lose it, and that was not good.
Little Bun: And people who hold it in, it becomes a big black slime. You can’t pretend to be happy when there is black slime there!
Me: Exactly. Don’t let red smoke turn into black slime and take over.
I tell him he needs to let it out. He needs to learn like me now, how to recognize when my fuse is getting short, and take a break. Eat something. Nap. Cool down. Lie there and breathe. We have to learn how to address what is happening because will encounter stress and anxiety, and we need to work through it rather than ignore it or hide it away, and no matter what happens, we are GOOD people, having a bad morning with not so great actions. I tell him we will love each other no matter how many bad actions happen and we will help each other. I also remind him to tell me when things happen immediately, so that we don’t forget and we can address it together.
11:08 a.m. — We break for a short lunch, and then he runs in and helps me finish up the piles. Out of the blue he bursts out: I forgot to tell you this morning that you called me idiotic! I shake my head, and told him that I did NOT say that, I was saying the ITEM was idiotic (he happened to be holding it and he heard the word and immediately thought I said it about him). He reminds me then I should be saying “bunny” instead of the words ‘stupid‘, or ‘idiotic“. I thank him, and tell him he’s right and I am working on it.
12:28 p.m. — We have lunch of fries and eggs, and I still have 3 piles to go through I will do after his nap. I am tired.
1:01 p.m. — I break, eating strawberry marshmallows as a treat while I read a book.
5:25 p.m. — Time for bed.
6:24 p.m. — He tells me thoughtfully that people who don’t get angry, frustrated, sad, tired, hungry, jealous, or whatever, are not healthily dealing with or expressing their emotions. I giggle and say: “maybe they’re robots!!”… he tells me if I know how to tell if someone is a robot or not. I tell him I don’t know, how?.. and he rubs my leg with his hand and says – well they don’t feel human! .. I ask him if he is checking to see if I am human, and he laughs and tells me: “I know you are human, Mommy” (as if I said the most ridiculous thing ever).
9:01 p.m. — Time for bed. We read about another artist – Sofonisba Anguissola who was incredibly famous and well respected for her time, in a place and era where women were no more than baby carriers.
The artist’s sisters are depicted in The Chess Game, 1555. National Museum in Poznań
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.