??:?? — He wakes up in the middle of the night just SCREAMING. Like SCREAMING… and the blankets are all twisted, he is stuck, I don’t know WTF Is going on but I was sleeping deeply and I think he actually hit me right at the end or the middle of my REM cycle because I am really dizzy now having to wake up and take care of him. That’s it, my entire sleep is ruined… I’m done.
6:00 a.m. — Little Bun wakes up again and as I try to bum-pet-force him back to sleep with any remaining strength and will of my brainpower, he says angrily : NOT SLEEPY. You are not sleepy!…… Correction, I am VERY Sleepy but Little Bun is not.
6:01 a.m. — I get up, get his milk, he drinks it as I pass out, and then he wants to cuddle and stare at my face, but with my eyes open naturally.. not closed and dozing off.
6:24 a.m. —My partner checks the time and gets up to shower which means it has to already be 6-ish. I get up too, and get ready for work.
6:27 a.m. — I made a decision last night to NOT wash my hair and shower because I’m a Mommy Slob. I’m disgusting. I don’t care. I don’t smell, I laid on extra perfume and deodorant, and the only thing is my gross greasy hair, so I do it up in a bun. Yep. Shortcuts. We all do them. Don’t lie. I was too tired (can you believe this), to take off my clothes, shower, dry myself, put lotion on and then let my hair air dry. I AM TOO TIRED FOR THIS @#*$&@$(…..
6:31 a.m. — I stupidly pick at a scab on my face and now it’s a red crater. It looks worse than a dry scab on my cheek. I am chalking this idiocy up to fatigue.
6:37 a.m. — I dress in my chosen outfit from the night before. I think about wearing my high-heeled boots but as I want to go to yoga today, I don’t want to walk in heels in the snow, so I decide on my flat Frye Melissa ones. I feel like this vintage skirt is gorgeous (I call it my Mermaid Skirt), but it is too long. I should get it hemmed to the knee… It feels dowdy. I love the deeeeeep pockets though.
6:39 a.m. — Little Bun picks out a vintage-inspired piece of costume jewellery – I gave him 3 choices and he really zoomed in on this option, and he wants me to wear a big ring too, so he picks out a studded ring for me, and my flower Olivia Burton watch – he was set last night on Mommy wearing this watch because it’s pretty.
6:42 a.m. — I dress, I get him dressed with some difficulty – he wanted to do the LookBook and selfies first but I wanted to get it done so we could just leave instead of then fighting about what to wear and so on.
6:44 a.m. — He reluctantly chooses a green shirt, and I dress him, let him choose his socks (stars), and we do LookBook together, and then take selfies. I look like death. I really don’t feel or look good. My skin shows it.
6:48 a.m. — I am getting ready to go and he keeps screaming : CHOOSE CHOOSE! YOU ARE A CHOOSY BOY! CHOOSE CHOOSE!!!
6:52 a.m. — I have no idea what he wants so I tell him Mommy doesn’t understand. Choose what?? I have no clue. My brain is tired, I do not know what he wants to choose, and I tell him to please tell me WHAT he wants to choose. He just keeps screaming CHOOSE…. Until my brain clicks in and realizes he wants to choose the song to start the day off in his playlist.
6:59 a.m. — I hand him the iPod, and explain he has to say : I want to choose a song from my Playlist, Mommy. He repeats back : Choose Song. … Good enough. At least I have an idea of what it is he wants.
7:01 a.m. — He looks at his playlist and he is about to have another outburst because the playlist doesn’t say DANCE, it says LITTLE BUN CAR …. OMG. I tell him I’ll transfer the other playlist later, and he calms down… then he wants to delete certain songs and jabs his finger at the iPod to make me delete them. I remove OutKast – The Whole World; it was NOT a hit for him, and neither is Amy Winehouse’s – Rehab.
7:05 a.m. — I finally get him out the door, and into the garage, toting 3 massive bags – again, all my winter stuff including boots, his winter stuff including boots, two lunches, my purse… and he just bursts into tears in having to share an elevator with a mother and her son (neighbours).. and then it stops again and a girl gets on, and he starts screaming bloody murder. He doesn’t want to share elevators, he doesn’t want this, doesn’t want that.. the other mother looks at me in sympathy and she says : I KNOW. I went through it. My first one was great, the second one… OMG.
7:06 a.m. — I get to the car, drop everything off wearily, and then hold him and hug him tight in my arms, rubbing his back. Sometimes he just needs to be quiet, in my arms, with some physical contact, and to get a big hug from Mommy. I do it for about 30 seconds (it feels long), and then put him in his car seat and tell him I love him.
7:09 a.m. — I slump in my car seat before starting the car. It is not even bloody 10 minutes past 7 and I am mentally wasted.
7:11 a.m. — I get him to preschool, he snags some digestive biscuits (cookies) in the snack box, and then he gets a bowl of snacky cereal mix with craisins..
7:23 a.m. — I head into work, drop off my UGG boots (leaving them there as spares), and my jacket with my scarf. I am really hungry..
7:28 a.m. — I make the first of two chai lattes in the morning with the Starbucks Chai Latte mix and am SUPER impressed. This tastes VERY close to it, I would just need to maybe do some milk frothing or something to seriously make the milk super hot, and we will be in business to stop buying Starbucks unless it is once a week on weekends..
7:37 a.m. — I grab my yoghurt to eat… but I can’t stomach anything cold and sweet in the morning, it just doesn’t feel right. I cave and buy a ham & egg sandwich. $4.05
8:23 a.m. — I practice more Spanish on Duolingo. I have been missing days here and there at home and not keeping up on my awesome daily streak (forgetfulness), and I should probably make it a point every day at 8 a.m. after I take a pill, to spend 10 minutes hiding in the bathroom at home to do it.
9:02 a.m. — I keep working but get frustrated. I asked for a change, they said there is no change needed and now I need to go back in my notes from previous presentations to PROVE that there is a change required. OMFG. I know what I am reading. I know what I am seeing. THE FINAL NUMBER IS NOT CORRECT.
9:28 a.m. — I get a message from a friend connecting me to another. This girl is going through something very similar to what I experienced here (read : The time I was a total Money Idiot), and I want to help her avoid the situation as much as possible because sometimes we women (in general, again, not ALL women are like this and not all men are not like this) are too nice.
9:30 a.m. — We think about others and have considerations for people who don’t even think or consider us in our lives, and YET we give them plenty of undeserved latitude and help because we think that’s what decent people do. AND FOR WHAT? We just end up getting angry and regretting it later. I have heard far more stories of men in relationships once they are over, saying : Get the f#$*@ out of my house, and then just ending it without any thought of where they will go and what they’ll do. In a similar relationship on the other side, a woman would think : Well you need to transition out, etc….
9:31 a.m. — We make plans to chat today. At the end, we decide on a call for tomorrow instead because I forgot the phone at home, and she doesn’t have an iPhone so we can’t do iMessage.
10:05 a.m. — I take a break, grab a tea, wait for a report and people to get back to me… (no urgency here, no worries.. 3 weeks and counting).. and I ponder a bit more about my situation here at this client. It looks to me like.. maybe I am making things bigger than they actually are. What are the odds of them actually getting me to do any of this, considering that I have other things to work on, I am not a trained trainer, this is not my job to train, and they can’t really track or monitor anything that is going on? I just need to throw them a bone once in a while (there have been none so far), and keep them off my backs. They should just bloody pay for these people to go to get certified, and obtain the knowledge instead of trying to (as another guy put it) – to get the most bang out of their buck.
10:08 a.m. — I will just leave it as-is, and if it comes down to being pressured to train them, I can either do that, or work. It’s up to them, but I am also not a trained professional for training, so this could take longer than they expect. Plus, it is so much work and detail that I doubt anyone will be able to follow the entire process… It took me 5 years, so. *shrug*
11:07 a.m. — I want to go to yoga, I am SO ON IT.. but then I think of this pork bone ramen broth and get suckered in by my stomach to decide to go out for noodles instead with the boys. Boo. Boo to $15 out of pocket today… it’s okay. Tomorrow’s class is super hard so I’ll make sure I kill it. I am such a sucker for food.
11:33 a.m. — I head off to lunch and the wind is freezing cold against my face. I’m glad I made the choice to eat hot soup instead of go to yoga but damn it is cold. I’m feeling dizzy from my blocked ears and doubt I would have made it through the class (I spent last class half sleeping on the mat if I am honest). $15.86
12:50 p.m. — I take back most of the soup and almost all the meat to add to my meals for the rest of the week and to “”spread out”” the flavour which makes me feel less bad about getting a breakfast sandwich AND a lunch on the same day. Terrible. My eating habits are crap when I work, I spend so much money… I’m ridiculous. And I remind myself of my budget restraints for the rest of the year. I will definitely not be able to make the $1667 budget but I should aim for $2000… I need to conserve my money for until the end of the year at least, and the next. The plan is to plow everything into investing now that the markets are low.
12:58 p.m. — Back to work. I have meetings with directors and then time for my Little Bun.
4:22 p.m. — I go and pick up Little Bun after my meeting ends at 4, and I get caught on some emails before actually leaving.
4:56 p.m. — At home, I start a load of laundry and have to double wash it (I always do extra hot water on kitchen towels, TWICE), and Little Bun is super clingy, whiny.. I have to carry him around and back to the bed to tuck him in because he keep saying how Grumpy he is. (Code word: Sleepy)
5:03 p.m. — I tuck him in, and then offer food but he refuses to eat anything, so I give him water instead. He just want comfort foods now – milk, bread, etc..
5:48 p.m. — I log him into a laptop to watch nursery rhymes from Super Simple Songs and Barefoot Books (my two favourite Youtube Channels for him), and he is eager for the spelling videos instead from another channel that I don’t love, but he likes calling out ahead of time if it is a real word or not — “Sen is not a word, Mommy!“…
6:12 p.m. — I lay him back down in bed after cuddling him, and start on noodles. I make a slurry again out of nutritional yeast, some noodle water, a bit of soy sauce and sesame oil, and coat the noodles in it. YUM… It looks gross or sounds weird at first but it is perfect. Little Bun eats them plain beside me.
6:28 p.m. — I then do a bit of the dishes, leaving some in the sink for tomorrow, and we go to the bedroom.
6:36 p.m. — He just spends the next 45 minutes with me, blissful and perfect. This is what I imagined being a parent was all about, and he is not as energetic being a bit sick, so he is a little calmer. I rub his hands, his face, his hair, I kiss and play with his legs and feet, just like with a newborn or a baby, and he responds back (not like a newborn), giggling and asking me for “More”… We literally spend 45 minutes just staring at each other and playing, talking nonsense.. it is probably one of the major higlights and moments for me as a parent. Complete calm, love, happiness… it doesn’t get better than this.
6:58 p.m. — My ears still have not popped and I feel very dizzy like I am underwater, but functional at least…
7:24 p.m. — I get him ready for bed – he is already lying belly down, bum up in the air as toddlers do, cuddling his comforting toy and asking for bedtime because he is sleepy.
7:26 p.m. — I manage to dress him in pull-ups and he asks for his “Star socks” to wear underneath his other socks. I grab them. Then he asks for his “Dog socks” not to wear on his hands but on top of his OTHER two pairs of socks. LOL…
7:37 p.m. — I oblige, and then as he is tucked in, I read two books to him, and ask him if it is time for bed (we have half an hour here, lots of time for more books)… and he nods, tiredly.. he really isn’t feeling well. I check his temperature and it is 39. Not terrible, and I decide not to dose him with medication until it hits 40.
??:?? — During the night, I wake up about 4 times from him crying and just unable to sleep from being uncomfortable from his sickness.
??:?? — I strip him down to one layer of clothes and lightly cover him with a blanket.
??:?? — He falls back asleep after I hug him close and re-air out his toy to make it cold again…. see he does this thing where he hates it when his toy is “too hot” (from hugging it), so I have to “air out” this toy each time to whip some cold air into it, to cool it down, and hand it back to him “cold” …
6:10 a.m. — I grab his milk, check his temperature which is now 37, and I wonder if I should stay at home. He runs back to bed, half whimpering that he is tired and wants to sleep. I rub his back, and decide that I have to get through my morning meetings and then I’ll come get him at 11. I tell him it is only 4 hours. I will be there at 11. I show him the clock, he knows his numbers, and he knows 4 hours because 7 + 4 = 11. My partner can’t stay home today — the beginning of the week is hell for him. For me, not so bad, but today is not a good morning.
6:44 a.m. — He reluctantly gets dressed, I go calm and slow with him, and we do LookBook together and take pictures (I love my outfit today). He is too tired for selfies with Mommy and sits on the floor like a little lost stuffed toy animal, staring at me taking shots.
6:50 a.m. — I take shots of my outfit — love it today — minimalist silk colour-blocked shirt, black pants, booties in suede and two black stone rings. LOVE IT. It is like a classic rocker outfit but for the office if it met a Park Avenue princess.
7:30 a.m. — My ears finally pop on the left side completely. The pressure relieves my headache a little. The right side is still blocked but I am feeling better now, except Little Bun is sick again so I’ll get that next week. Sigh.
7:35 a.m. — I head into the preschool, he sits down and then looks up at me: only 4!! and waves 4 fingers, to show only 4 hours and Mommy will be back to pick him up before lunch and nap. Today he doesn’t want to nap at preschool he wants to nap at home in his bed.
7:53 a.m. — At work, I separate out the pork soup into a separate bowl and wonder if I should make two lunches out of this or just eat it all today.. it is a lot of food and I am still recovering. I leave it for now, and just make a chai latte.
8:17 a.m. — I wish I could stay the whole day at work, I had planned on yoga… and as I am thinking of it, I decide to cut my losses and cancel my subscription completely — $300 bucks saved. I don’t make it often enough partly due to laziness but also due to how sick we all have been. It isn’t worth it to pay $100 a month for nothing, when I can just go once or twice a week when I can and pay for drop-in classes each time instead. I’d rather do that and save the money especially since I am not sure my contract will last. If they extend me, I’ll consider it for next spring/summer if I get extended again. Otherwise, I’d rather have the money. 🙁
8:45 a.m. — I go upstairs for another tea (my last) with my team lead and then I get back to work. I need to prep this stuff for the afternoon. I blow my nose and my nose pops again. This time, painfully…
8:57 a.m. — I practice some Spanish on Duolingo – I like keeping a streak but they should have a notification to remind you that your practice is pending…
9:02 a.m. — I have to pick up tissue. I ran through 8 boxes already (unbelievable right), and could do with a massive box. I tried the new format for the car in a cylinder but in the end it doesn’t fit well in the compartment, and is awkward. Maybe I can use a noose and loop it around the tissue box and hang it off the side so that it is there, but not awkwardly flopping this way and that.
9:44 a.m. — I head upstairs to portion out my lunch again. I mix the pork soup into two bowls of lunch rather than one full one — it is too much food for someone recovering from being sick. As I am doing it, we chat about how Genghis Khan spread his seed all over the world. Really? Is this a real thing? I make a note to look it up and research. I like learning stuff like this.
10:22 a.m. — I follow up on a project and am rather annoyed. You can only do so much until you actually DO THEIR JOB for them, and I vow again to never become a manager.
10:25 a.m. — I wish there was a podcast that just talked in Spanish (but baby Duolingo Spanish) all day, without hard words and then progressively getting harder. I decide it may be too much for my brain to handle, so I switch to my new favourite working track — DJ Roc – Slam It
10:38 a.m. — For some reason, I don’t like wearing my sleeves too long on shirts, so I turn the cuffs up and immediately like the result of being able to now see my pretty watch (Little Bun approved), and my wrists, which I feel looks less formal and a little cooler. I need to start practicing cuffing and doing folds in my clothes because sometimes I wear things and feel “meh” in them, but a little change can make such a big difference.
10:45 a.m. —We are finally back on track. I find it frustrating that people can take 3 weeks to do simple things. Organization seems to be a missing component in a lot of our education I feel. We concentrate so much on learning, memorizing, doing this and that, and we don’t focus on what can actually help us at work which is organizing our time, our life, efficiency, and thinking in a logical rational manner instead of just learning crap and then diving in. Organization is strategy, and it’s what wins battles…..
10:49 a.m. — My nails are ridiculously long. I need to chop them down again, they do this curved thing that makes it very clicky to type on keyboards.. “like mice tap dancing”, as one colleague puts it. I actually don’t bother with long nails and nailpolish because I type so much that it annoys me when nails are long. They don’t even look great to me, I think women with long nails look like they have claws… scary claws. I prefer short, cropped and natural. On my toes however, I like going a bit more neutral only because you can show your toes and the nails don’t grow as fast as on your hands…
11:00 a.m. — It is really sunny and pretty today, so I feel very optimistic inside. I am looking forward to picking up Little Bun. I am planning a little day together. He needs Mommy Time. More than usual, I know, but he is just such a sweet child..
11:02 a.m. — I go to grab my portioned out lunch and to head out to get Little Bun but get sidetracked into conversations with co-workers. One was disappointed with the schooling system here and started homeschooling his kids, and the other is considering something similar and/or tutoring outside to keep their brains stimulated. They’re BOTH amazed at how much Little Bun knows. I don’t know what I’ll do. I want to have his first year at school and see. If he is bored and hate school then I will just supplement on the side probably…
11:42 a.m. — I finally break away from my fascinating conversations (WHY DO WE NOT CHAT MORE LIKE THIS), and grab Little Bun who has been waiting ALL MORNING for me. He sees me, runs and almost slips on the ice outside where he was playing and says: It was eleven! ELEVEN!…
11:58 a.m. — We head home.
12:22 p.m. — At home, I feed him a whole bowl of pasta and soup. He eats it all, feels feverish and hot to my touch and is a bit grumpy. I let him watch videos and kiss him. He plays with this Easter Egg basket toy he got from his friend at preschool… he doesn’t know it’s candy, so he just plays with the eggs and bunny. Too bad this bunny will be eaten while he is napping. Sorry Baby.. Sorry Bunny. Momma needs chocolate more today.
1:09 p.m. — I try to get him down for his nap. I go back to work.
1:29 p.m. — I go back in, I hear whimpering. He won’t sleep. I try to get him to sleep and pat his bum while lying next to him scrolling through Money Diaries. DOES NO ONE pay for their own damn cellphone? WTF?… This sounds so screwed up. I’m all for saving money and being on a Family Plan but at least contribute SOMETHING towards said Family Plan…. not mooch off it and your parents. That is not Full Grown Behaviour. :-/ Someone prove me wrong here, please.
1:32 p.m. — I hear whimpering and crying. I go back, and his lower lip unconsciously pouts out like when he was a baby, and wavers (little kids REALLY DO THIS without thinking), and his eyes well up with tears. He isn’t feeling well, Mommy has “abandoned” him to nap, and he just.. he isn’t feeling well. I wipe his tears away, kiss his cheeks.. his pout is really irresistible. I feel terrible but he NEEDS to nap. He is sick and he is tired… but he wants to go and play with Mommy.
1:45 p.m. — I finally get him down. It’s almost 2. I quickly get back to work and concentrate on finishing it all.
1:55 p.m. — I basically plan to devour his entire Easter Chocolate collection which he was playing with as toys not knowing they were edible. Sorry. I was never going to give him any to eat, anyway.. I want him to live a little longer without having ever tasted commercial chocolate because I myself am addicted….. Anyway… It isn’t really stealing from your kid if you see it as getting paid in chocolate….. 😛 .. Okay whatever it’s stealing. So sue me. Mommy needs chocolate. Little Bun needs to keep his Mommy happy. Happy Mommy = Happy Baby.
1:58 p.m. — Sorry bunny. Time to break you open.
1:59 p.m. — OM NOM NOM NOM … So good.. I love that layer of white chocolate inside too.. mmmmm
2:43 p.m. — Little Bun wakes up crying from his nap. My poor baby.. I rush and I give him a bottle of milk, then I check his temperature.
2:51 p.m. — I cuddle him as he drinks his milk and kiss his head. I love love love love love him. And I am so happy I have him to get free flowing access to chocolate cuz they think I actually give him any of it to eat when it just goes into my belly instead…. LOL.. … I’ll make up for it with buying him a treat tomorrow. Maybe a butter croissant.
3:15 p.m. — He did not notice I ate all of his toys (Final Chocolate Count: 1 huge egg, 5 little ones, 1 chocolate wafer bar, and a full sized bunny… NOMZ).
4:55 p.m. — I finish working and decide to log off. I spend the next part of the afternoon reading The Hate U Give, because I am hooked. It is.. a.. fabulous AMAZING book. I highly recommend it. It is so raw and electric and relevant to our times today with racism running rampant.
5:47 p.m. — My partner comes home.
6:15 p.m. — At home I play with Little Bun while desperately trying to pretend I’m not eagerly devouring my latest obsession ( no, not his contraband Kinder chocolate I confiscated yesterday for my own selfish chocoholic gain to have some payback in my life from all this sleep deprivation he is giving me ), I am talking about the book The Hate U Give — ADDICTIVE. That’s all I can say.
6:15 p.m. — I manage to get to almost the end (100 pages left) and then I give in and do math with him. I do 4-digit addition and he gets annoyed because he then says: HARD MATH, MOMMY, with a tone of voice that says: Why are you wasting my time with this easy stuff for toddlers?
6:24 p.m. — I do some “hard” math subtraction and then we play with two toy hedgehogs and create a mountain out of a duvet.
6:36 p.m. — Then he says something really sad: Don’t want Daddy. Daddy isn’t here.
6:49 p.m. — I respond back to please not say that and we love Daddy and how much Daddy loves you, and he looks up at me and softly says: Daddy doesn’t love you. It sort of hits a chord with me. I struggle all night in my dreams and all the moments where I wake up and am unable to get back to sleep, about what he said. I decide to say something to my partner tomorrow. But how? This is so delicate..
6:51 p.m. — At around 7-ish he asks for bedtime so I get him ready for bed. I think we need to start getting ready for bed at 7 not 8 and sleep earlier… he isn’t sleeping well at night.
7:26 p.m. — We read one book – King Elk – $1 on clearance at IKEA and then sleep.
??:?? — He wakes up multiple times, crying: MAAA MAAAAA … and HELP ME PLEASE!!! … and I fix his blankets and cuddle him each time, pulling him onto me, cuddling up against his back to give him some support, and he wraps his body around my arm and sleeps..
??:?? — I wake up feeling exhausted. I was going to go to yoga today but I am SO… TIRED. I haven’t slept in such a long time from being sick, from Little Bun being sick…. damn it.. I won’t be able to hold any pose today let alone walk there.
6:25 a.m. — I get ready for work, Little Bun picks out my watch, bracelet, and decides on a grey jacket instead of a green one with my outfit and approves my chosen necklace …
6:48 a.m. — I get him ready for school and we take pictures then do LookBook.
6:51 a.m. — I hand him his new crocodile toy from his friend, I decided to name him Munchie because at this age kids have zero imagination for names and would happily call it Crocodile and be done with it.
6:57 a.m. — He hugs Munchie and Koala (see, three guesses who DIDN’T get to name the stuffed Koala) in the car on the way to preschool.
7:03 a.m. — Little Bun really loves my outfit today. The leather quilted sleeves on the blazer (he can’t stop running his hand up and down the arms petting the leather), and the bracelet with words, and the watch…
7:10 a.m. — At preschool he looks up at me and seriously says: My friend is sick today. She is at home… He misses her and I plan on doing play dates with her later.
7:46 a.m. — I get to work and can’t figure out this twisted tangled mess they made with the files and when I finally sort it out, I’m good.
11:43 a.m. — At lunch, I eat two lunches — I had one spare from going out to eat noodles earlier in the week, and then half a tub of yoghurt. I greedily finish my book and then start on Lynch – Out of Line…
12:29 p.m. — I get back to work. My brain is fuzzy. I am working but also not working… I don’t even know what I do but I end up on two major issues and don’t finish until LATE.
4:29 p.m. — I pick up Little Bun laaaaaate. I kept working and working and didn’t stop.
5:07 p.m. — At home, Little Bun is very well-behaved…
5:18 p.m. — I take a shower while he plays on the mini iPad, recording himself jumping like a kangaroo and making noises.
5:52 p.m. — I bring him out to the kitchen and he plays on the iPad while I do all the dishes. I’m pretty much done drying them before he gets bored and asks for a banana.
6:29 p.m. — I feed him a banana, I let him finish his orange slices from his afternoon snack, and he watches videos on how to spell, the alphabet and numbers.
7:34 p.m. — After my partner gets home, Little Bun doesn’t really want to eat, so my partner makes a light salad and some avocado on bread.
8:01 p.m. — I have no idea why but my entire body is ITCHY. I mean all of it, my legs, my arms.. my whole torso… I suspect I am allergic to something. I don’t know what, but I pop an allergy pill and the hives die down. Spring maybe? It isn’t food, I stopped eating so many eggs because I thought it was triggering my eczema.
8:04 p.m. — My partner asks me to buy some joggers for him from Banana Republic (these ones), and I pick them up. $196.41 – but it is $0, he’ll pay it
8:48 p.m. — I end up browsing and falling down the the rabbit hole that is online shopping but … surprisingly, I am tempted by nothing. The only thing that catches my eye are the glitter Robin pointed flats that would be $35-ish bucks with the 40% off, but apparently the code doesn’t apply to SALE items, so it would be “full sale price” at $70-ish. Forget it. I try to look for other things to buy to try on (I was sorely tempted by this eyelet long-sleeved blouse and this pink popover, as well as this floral high-low hem tank top), but decide against it all. I may check it out this weekend in-store, but .. if I like it I will be mad I spent money so maybe I should just forget going to the store altogether until I can get some more hangers freed up for any new items. Or stick to my secondhand-but-designer buys on Poshmark.
9:02 p.m. — Little Bun refuses to sleep, and it is getting late. I finally wrangle him into pyjamas after he is running around and sliding up and down his father’s legs on the bed…
9:05 p.m. — I read ONE book to him (I picked a nice short one – Dear Zoo), and then he goes to sleep. I beg him silently to fall asleep all night. I am really.. fatigued.
9:47 p.m. — No luck. He wakes up 4 times, 3 times crying for me and once because of a nosebleed. He is able to fall asleep right away without trouble, snoring like a tiny bear beside me, but I am awake.
??:?? — I can’t fall back asleep. I NEED TO SLEEP. I WANT TO SLEEP. I CANNOT SLEEP.
??:?? — My brain races and runs and thinks of everything happening that I have to do, get done.. all of this is written down by the way, but I can’t help but think about it, I can’t let it go.
6:30 a.m. — I finally wake up (exhausted of course. I have had broken sleep and no sleep all night), and I grab his milk. He seems awake. But grumpy. He is sleepy too.
6:45 a.m. — I get ready for work, wanted to wear my stiletto boots but decided against it and wear less opaque tights with my brown leather wrap boots instead. Little Bun heartily approves of my top choice (a gorgeous map print)…
6:56 a.m. — I pick out a letters necklace (again, it fascinates Little Bun) and he INSISTS on a LookBook entry before going to preschool, so I do it, and at the last minute grab a sweater, and he wants to add it to the look but we are out of time. I don’t like leaving too late not because I can’t get a spot but because where I am driving, EVERYONE walks to work from public transit and I do not want to get caught driving my car… although yesterday, the VP MAY HAVE noticed me in the car and looked at me in (smiling) surprise… I hope he thinks it was just a mistake because I really am nervous about higher-ups seeing me drive such a pricey car as a consultant. I work hard, but sometimes your work doesn’t speak for itself only and appearances do matter to a certain extent. I don’t want to make it seem like I don’t need the money. I do and I don’t.
7:14 a.m. — At preschool, I drop him off and he kisses me goodbye. I head into work, make a hot chocolate tea, and decide on a poached egg maker for this weekend plus groceries… and then get to work.
8:03 a.m. — My team lead comes in and rounds up the troops for a kitchen break. I make a chai latte (love these this Starbucks mix, will buy more especially if they’re on sale..), and then get back to work.
10:59 a.m. — I eat my lunch early. I add the vegetarian chicken tenders to it and finish the whole bowl. I really do like this stuff.
11:28 a.m. — I keep working.
11:52 a.m. — I take a break and go for a walk. I’m still hungry but I want to save money and see if I am hungry or just bored.
12:08 p.m. — Little Bun’s friend’s mother messages me about this weird bacteria that started in her lungs and turned into a major rash… she has been confined to the home for the past week or two.
12:58 p.m. — Back to work.
1:02 p.m. — I am literally on two conference calls. One on my cellphone in my left ear, another one in my right. O_o I don’t stop working either, both phones are on mute.
3:56 p.m. — I head upstairs for a meeting.
4:45 p.m. — I pick up Little Bun, who while eating his biscuits (and after NUMEROUS warnings to “sit nicely, or you will fall”), falls off the bench and then starts crying that he wants to listen to Mommy. Too late. You have to listen BEFORE.
5:36 p.m. — At home, I unpack everything, remove makeup, feed him his banana and milk and orange slices, and then organize my life.
6:13 p.m. — My partner gets home and I am relieved to see salmon this time, not just a plain salad.
6:43 p.m. — Little Bun is preoccupied so we chat about work and near the end after heated discussions as I try to explain with half a brain what happened, I just snap and scream at my partner (doesn’t help that Little Bun starts whining about this time) because he seems like he is needling me about my job —- why didn’t you do this… — sort of deal and Little Bun thinks I’m yelling at him and bursts into tears. I try to tell Little Bun I’m not mad at him but damn it, I have had a long effing day, and Little Bun whining is not helping nor is this interrogation.
6:50 p.m. — I think I screamed: I am tired, and have had such a long f*cking day and have been dealing with this ALL DAY… I AM TIRED. I haven’t slept properly in weeks and now it is not helping with Little Bun squealing!!!
6:57 p.m. — I take a sobbing, pink-faced Little Bun and leave for the bedroom with him where he insists on playing “Baby”… and I comply. I feel bad for yelling but he doesn’t even see the strain I am under sometimes… I don’t have any brain power at the end of the day after dealing with Little Bun in the morning and then work and then at home AND THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT. We all calm down in our respective rooms.
7:04 p.m. — He calls out Little Bun to eat fish, and it is like a stampede of wild horses as Little Bun shoves me away from him and thunderstomps out to the kitchen to scarf down salmon and avocado slices on bread. I wearily eat the side salad my partner prepares our with smoked salmon and avocado on toast.
7:59 p.m. — I try to do some banking after our dinner and give up because Little Bun insists on sitting on my lap, and because he is so tall now, he blocks my view of the screen and is kind of heavy…
8:16 p.m. — I do the dishes, and while I’m doing them, Little Bun demands that I play “The Reading Machine” game with him where I spell out words, ask him to guess if it is a word or not and then tell him what I spelled. I don’t get a break at all with this kid — mentally drained. It is really cute and nice that he wants to learn but exhausting.
8:40 p.m. — I finish all the dishes and 50 billion words later, then pull out the dried clothes from yesterday. I sort them into piles and Little Bun puts them away for me in his baskets — we have clothing baskets sorted by Inside Clothes, Outside Clothes, Clean Socks & Clean Underwear. I don’t bother folding anything and he goes to school wrinkled (I dun… care…)…life is too short to iron tiny clothes. I don’t even do my own unless I am pushed to because the wrinkled pile is piling up…
8:47 p.m. — He runs off and plays with his father while I take a break and read a book. I only get 5 minutes of peace (this is why I’m a speed reader) and then we get ready for bed. He lies down on his back and refuses to move (it happens nightly)… saying: You’re not sleepy. Not grumpy. No bedtime. Want to play all day?????? ….
8:59 p.m. — We finally get to bed, he insists I pat his bum so I do, but after what seems like an eternity of patting and him wiggling out of his blankets then squealing to be tucked back in, I get annoyed and INSIST in my stern Mommy voice that he stops wiggling and sleeps. He squeals but then calms down and sleeps.
??:?? — My brain was working overtime last night and I realized I made a mistake in a set of plans. Luckily I have time to fix it but how messed up is it that I dreamed about it? WTF BRAIN.
??:?? — Little Bun thinks his nose is bleeding, it wasn’t.
??:?? — Another false nosebleed alarm.
??:?? — Now he is stuck in the blankets…
6:10 a.m. — I wake up from Little Bun wiggling and then smashing his pillow into my face and crawling on top of me to “sleep on Mommy”… and finally I just tell him: Let’s get up. He gets milk, I “rested” but not really. I mean I got enough sleep to function on auto pilot but my brain is molasses now…
6:12 a.m. — I get ready for work but Little Bun clings to my thigh and sobs into it: Want Mommy. Want to go to school, with Mommy … don’t want to stay at home…
6:23 a.m. — I tell him he has to stay at home and he shakes his head, sad.
6:35 a.m. — I wear my outfit I picked out, Little Bun wants me to look like a Christmas tree — all the bangles! All the bracelets!!! All the rings!!! — and I let him pick only the necklace and a watch. Keeping it minimal today.
6:40 a.m. — I slap on makeup and then as I head off, he seems fine but really sad, hanging out at the door frame, face all scrunched up…
6:57 a.m. — After our hug and kiss, I go to leave and I head him burst into tears and wail in the doorway…. time for Daddy to step up. I have to just leave and stop coddling him so that my partner learns how to cope with this.
7:36 a.m. — At work I get to work not even making a tea beforehand to lay out my new plan, and then my Team Lead comes in, and rounds us up for a coffee break.
8:13 a.m. — I go to take my morning pill.. AND I LOSE IT. THIS TINY EFFING LITTLE PINK THING.. omg.. I panic and search all around on the floor on my hands and knees like a maniac, I check and check and check until.. I feel something tiny and hard in my shoe…. LOL.. it fell INSIDE my shoe. Thank goodness though because.. this is not a pill I can skip. ifkwim…
8:48 a.m. — I can’t leave for yoga today because I have back to back meetings and … I also don’t wanna. I’m tired, sick and not in the mood. This is not conducive to wanting to go, I need to SLEEP… I feel like I wasted about $400 so far on yoga ever since Winter hit…
10:50 a.m. — I end up going and eating my lunch which was made better with the addition of fake chicken tenders…I really love this stuff. Need to buy more.
11:16 a.m. — I check my emails before continuing on a break and get SUCKED into a major emergency issue.
11:49 a.m. — I break myself away and leave to salvage what is left of my break — I eat half a tub of that 9% yoghurt and then get back to work.
12:05 p.m. — I work to try and finish everything then just give up and eat chocolate with the team the entire day — everyone brought some!! Twix, Lindt, Cadbury….. damn. I eat my weight in chocolate in the last hours of the day.
4:19 p.m. — I get ready to go and time it so I don’t have to meet anyone while in my car on the way out.
4:35 p.m. — I make it home and Little Bun is in a super good mood after his nap. He slept 2 hours… I cuddle him, he makes me play with him and clings to me all night.
5:47 p.m. — He asks for fish again but we can’t eat that nightly!!!! I manage to get soup into him before he rejects the rest and wants an orange but we don’t have any left either LOL .. tomorrow is grocery day..
6:12 p.m. — I make noodles instead and he eats a little bowl.
6:59 p.m. — We play on the floor doing math — he insists that it has to be HARD subtraction because he likes it.
7:08 p.m. — I get him ready for bed.
7:28 p.m. — We read two books and he plays around me.
8:34 p.m. — We’re all in bed and he drifts off to sleep.
6:20 a.m. — I am “refreshed”… as in I slept a bit more than yesterday.
6:31 a.m. — Little Bun wakes up, gets milk, I make a cup of tea and message my friend about this afternoon to meet and come run errands with me. I have a lot to do.
7:00 a.m. — My partner gets up and makes homemade bread (baguettes) with Little Bun… The scene is SO CUTE… OMG… They’re patting out the bread, etc…
7:32 a.m. — I “share” a banana with Little Bun. who only eats half, and leaves me with his toddler garbage to finish. I reluctantly eat the other half of the banana. I didn’t want anything sweet in the morning, but… hey. I hate wasting food.
8:08 a.m. — Bread in the oven and Little Bun can’t stop singing Jingle Bells OFF KEY. OMG. I hate this song now. I hand him a huge stack of photos of himself and he starts arranging them and stays very quiet.
8:35 a.m. — I paste almost all of his photos in his house, and he loves looking at all the shots of him with my family, as a baby etc… his house is his little art gallery.
9:26 a.m. — I spend the last half hour collecting everything I need to get tailored — no sense in being cheap, let’s get these things hemmed up and fitted, or else I just won’t wear them… I also search in vain for allergy pills but can’t find any. I might need to buy some today. I’ll check the car for any spare stashes but I think I may have taken them all by now.
9:30 a.m. — Little Bun asks for another shared banana. I eat half of this one, and let him have the other half (we limit him to ONE banana a day, or he would just turn into a monkey..)
9:38 a.m. — I message my friend again — I hate not having a set plan and confirmations for the day. I am NOT an impulse “let’s meet up right now” sort of person. You need to book me at least 24 hours in advance, and I need to have a schedule set. We cannot deviate from this because I have a lot to get done in a short amount of time. I’m efficient and I hate wasting time going from one place to another, and then doubling back again. We go in a logical manner, leave enough time for traffic, etc…. this is how I like to live — a life well planned.
9:40 a.m. — Little Bun asks for food. I offer his vegetable stew. He refuses. He wants bread and something else. I shrug… he has to wait for Daddy then, to eat the homemade bread and cheese.
9:44 a.m. — I try to browse Zara but… get overwhelmed. There is so much. And frankly, some of it might be interesting but the quality is not there — not thick enough, strange cuts.. too boxy… I give up and log off. A few pieces I am always on the lookout for are:
- Red dress
- Thin black, and grey turtlenecks – I have thick ones but want thin ones for work with skirts and pants
- High-waisted trousers
- Banker’s cuffs striped shirt – with white cuffs
- Collared striped shirt
10:12 a.m. — I start vacuuming the entire apartment and Little Bun videotapes himself on the iPad, but thinks I am making too much noise with the vacuum cleaner so halfway through, he runs up to the door and I hear (and see) the door SLAM shut.. LOL…. I can’t believe my BABY.. is so big that he can do things like that and have such opinions…
10:25 a.m. — Friend finally messages. Apparently she has to be back before 4. I inwardly sigh only because today is my only day off. I have to get #*#&% done and this is really not helping my errands to be on someone else’s schedule, but she is leaving the country so… I just wish she had told me earlier than just a few DAYS AGO that she was leaving and we could have planned something properly. I’m a little peeved.
10:30 a.m. — Little Bun asks for food AGAIN. I offer his vegetable stew AGAIN. He refuses AGAIN. I tell him to wait for Daddy. I point to the clock.
11:34 a.m. — I spent the last hour:
- Scrubbing down the kitchen counter
- Cleaning the kitchen sink and taps thoroughly — I mean every little gross crevice got scrubbed out
- Cleaning the bathroom sink
- Scrubbing the entire bathroom sink and tap — again every gross crevice
- Scrubbing the toilet
… THAT IS HOW LONG IT TOOK ME.. I really like to get it sparkling clean once a month.
11:45 a.m. — I somehow find a new secondhand & new clothing store online — vintage-y and yet Alexa Chung cool called Na Nin.. through this one image of a skirt that looks JUST LIKE one in my closet (obviously why I love it):
11:48 a.m. — I browse it, immediately intrigued but in the end, only find that I like the raw silk button up dress but it is in sage green which is not a colour I can pull off. Phew. Shopping temptation averted.
11:54 a.m. — Overcome by hunger, Little Bun caves and asks for his vegetable stew (which he calls “soup juice“… I guess to make it more palatable — whatever works for you, baby…). I happily prepare a bowl. The key to getting kids to eat their vegetables and listen to you, is to not give in. They’ll snack on ANY FRICKIN’ THING BUT REAL FOOD…. so if you give in and fill up their belly space, you’re done for actual meals. *shrug* I learned this from my parents who are more lenient with their grandchildren today, but were STRICT on us growing up. We ate what was there or we starved. Kids, of course, never let themselves starve, so we ate what was there.
12:01 p.m. — Little Bun asks about where his preschool chocolate Kinder eggs are (to play with, because he doesn’t even know what they are)… I tell him they went home to their Mommies. This makes no sense at all, but .. they actually did go home to a Mommy.. ..specifically Little Bun’s Mommy, and if by “home” you mean into my stomach… I should feel terrible as a mother but I don’t. I have zero guilt eating his chocolate. They were awesome.
12:23 p.m. — My partner arrives home with groceries and food. I have to cut down on my plans to get all my errands done today if I have to stick to my friend’s schedule. *sigh*… I plan on groceries for the office, picking up an egg poacher (again), and dropping it all off at work, then dropping my friend off (depending on the time), then picking up a stash of noodles and that’s it. That’s all I REALLY need to get done today. The rest can wait until tomorrow or next week… I was hoping not to go out tomorrow though.
12:46 p.m. — I have been thinking a lot about seniors in general as my parents age … and then I read this article about how anglophone seniors can feel very disconnected and isolated. I am considering volunteering to go and pick one or some of them up, take them out to Wal-mart, etc.. any place they normally would not go, and to just have them have someone to talk to and go out. I’m an anglo.. and we really should show respect to our seniors in society and not cut them off. Some of them have very interesting, fascinating life stories and it is a nice thing to do. I just need to find TIME to do this. Between work, family and blog..and self-care, where would I find time to care for others? I need Little Bun in school, or something to “give”, so to speak. I decide to put it on my “Free Time To Do list”… To volunteer with local anglo seniors, start a free financial literacy course for young adults, among other things. If I had a lot of free time (“retired”, or in between contracts), I’d like to do some of these things.
12:48 p.m. — I am crazy for wanting these $1000+ sandals right? They’re SO. PRETTY. But… it would be my dream to find them in a size 7.. secondhand because the heeled version is 4″ and I can’t walk in 4″ heels no matter how pretty they are. They aren’t practical. I want these flat ones instead:
12:49 p.m. — This dress looks JUST like what I am looking for in a red dress. I ponder buying it.. having to maybe return it.. Ugh…
1:12 p.m. — I leave to pick up my friend. She lives just around the corner..
1:30 p.m. — ON THE DOT. She is waiting for me, desperate to escape her kids… we drive and start doing all my errands. I already warned her it would be a full day.
1:45 p.m. — I pick up a swimsuit for Little Bun and get annoyed that they won’t give me that 10% off if you sign up for the newsletter, so I buy the outfit and then decide to buy it online at 10% off, and return the other one in-store next week. *eyeroll*…. $39.14
2:14 p.m. — I pick up all the groceries for the office — this egg poacher, organic eggs, turkey slices, provolone cheese slices, whole wheat English muffins, and a 50 pack of allergy pills (I like Aerius allergy medication — it is the best I have tried thus far)… I VERY successfully resist buying mini eggs and KitKats before checking out. *pats self on back*…even though, the bill is pretty high because the pills were $40. $72.54
2:39 p.m. — We go for a little walk, I spy some moto green leggings and try them on but decide that even for $10 I would not want to wear them because they are too LEGGING-like, and I want it more like a moto jean trouser chino thing…. I sadly put them back on the rack but am secretly pleased I didn’t break my shopping resolve. GO ME!
2:41 p.m. — I spy a banker’s shirt on the way out (on my list of covetable items) but also nix that because the white cuffs are not thick and luxurious like real banker’s shirts…
3:03 p.m. — I hit a café and pick up a drink before leaving. My friend just takes a hot water, adds a bit of milk, and tosses in her own tea bag. She’s trying to save money. $5.11
3:33 p.m. — I head back to drop her off, her husband has to go to some outing tonight so he has to leave at a specific time.
3:55 p.m. — Exactly on time!
3:58 p.m. — CRAP. SHE FORGOT HER STUFF. I have to double back and give it to her. It’s just $2 in some antibacterial wipes, but she needs it for the plane for the kids.
4:31 p.m. — With all the road closures, it takes me half an hour to get back to her place…
4:45 p.m. — Finally on my way out, I pick up a whackload of noodles. I clear the shelf, and they look at me surprised… but I explain I only do this every few months because they’re too heavy to carry, so I have to park the car, pay for parking ($0.75) and then buy the actual noodles. $119.54 + $0.75 parking
4:52 p.m. — I drop off all the groceries in the fridge at work so I don’t have to worry about any of it, and then head back home, only to get caught in a snarl of traffic.
5:29 p.m. — Definitely too late to hit the post office now to mail this cute Spring package to my mother (I bought her a shirt and made Little Bun write a note and put his little paper plate flower he made in preschool in there). I go to the donation box instead to drop off this old cashmere sweater that has seriously shrunken beyond repair and I no longer want to wear.
5:35 p.m. — I get caught chatting with a random guy in the parking lot, we end up exchanging contact info (he wants to start a business soon), and I promise to help him if I can. I can’t help myself. Wherever I go, no matter what I do, I end up making contacts and it is never bad karma to help other people out if it is in your wheelhouse. I like helping… it is in my personality.
6:23 p.m. — Back home “late”. On the way up in the elevator, a neighbour a little enviously mentions that his wife has said my son is a genius to her. I tell him: I don’t know about GENIUS, but he is very interested in learning and curious…. He doesn’t want to give me unsolicited advice, but he just mentions it would be a good idea to spend more time with him.. I think he is hinting that I should concentrate on giving Little Bun all of my attention and nurturing said “genius”… but y’all.. my life is not 100% my son. It is ME as well. And I do what I can at home, but I am not ’bout to give up my job and risk my career for my son if he is thriving as-is. It would be good for him to see that Mommy also works.
6:24 p.m. — Everyone has already eaten. My partner gives me the side eye but I sheepishly explain the road closures were a mess… to drop my friend off, etc. He dresses quickly and leaves to finish his errands and to wash our cars (part of the deal of being able to drive my car, is he has taken it upon himself to wash and detail my car weekly.. I DID NOT ASK HIM, he does it on his own.)
6:35 p.m. — I eat dinner (salad and some parmesan & tomato bread), and then do all the dishes.
7:10 p.m. — Little Bun asks me for more vegetable stew (seriously, a SECOND huge bowl), and I happily oblige. I think he is growing again, he always bulks up on food when he is about to sprout an inch.
7:29 p.m. — Little Bun gives me a break and I start on my next book – The boy who loved too much – a real life account of the Williamson’s disease, but I can’t keep reading it. I can’t read anything (right now) about young boys, vulnerability as a parent, stress, and concerns… it makes me very depressed, it raises my anxiety level about Little Bun, it makes me even more fearful, and I don’t want nightmares about Little Bun. It is, from the first chapter, a seemingly good book, but I just.. I just can’t. So I “finish’ the book and start on my next one — The Abundance of Less – Lessons from Rural Japan, which I quickly get sucked into.
7:57 p.m. — I get Little Bun ready for bed after my partner comes in the door from washing the car. I snuggle with him in bed and do more math. I want him to nail 3-digit subtraction and to not have any visual aids with counting, and so on before we move on to anything harder (multiplication is next..)..
8:34 p.m. — Time for bed after 3 books. He doesn’t want to do shared reading with me any more but I know he can read. He just doesn’t want to be pushed into “performing”, and would rather have Mommy read in a fun voice. What I was scared about the most and the ONLY reason why I started with letters early with Little Bun, was that my nephew had gone on until the age of 8 without actually knowing how to read.. He was just guessing at words and his parents had no idea because they were always the ones reading TO him at bedtime (like me now..), and it wasn’t until a birthday party that he revealed through a scavenger hunt that they had a serious problem on their hands. I wanted to avoid all of that, so I really tried to focus on letters with Little Bun.
7:30 a.m. — HE REALLY slept in. We all had a good night’s rest, but I groan inwardly because I know it won’t last.
7:45 a.m. — I make a bowl of matcha… in slowly cutting back my tea intake I figure I’ll also save money.
8:02 a.m. — My partner squeezes fresh orange juice for us ( we are all sick with a cold ), and makes fresh croissants. Again. I know, we’re spoiled.
8:36 a.m. — Little Bun SUPER CUTELY “helps” Daddy bake bread and smacks and massages the loaf like Play-Doh. Can’t wait until he starts actually cooking.
8:55 a.m. — I take a shower because I feel gross and my head is itchy (oil and bacteria builds up when you don’t wash your hair often) and relax and slowly rub rosehip oil and body cream (like Glaxal Cream) into my body while Little Bun sits there and videotapes himself. I feel much better after the shower.
9:25 a.m. — I take Little Bun out for errands (yes with wet hair which I hate but I had no choice) to return the swimsuit I picked up for him — he already has shorts I forgot about… -$36.14
9:38 a.m. — I drop by the grocery store and pick up some non-dairy milk on sale (almond and cashew nut milks), and some Bio-K — 12 bottles which costs $40 or $3 per bottle….. $74.37
9:39 a.m. — I’ll do anything to get better so I decide on the Bio-K to try and boost my immune system.
10:27 a.m. — I take him (upon his insistence) to the bookstore where he plays with the little school bus toys but then wants more (there used to be a huge lot of them but they all sold I guess).
10:49 a.m. — He throws a tantrum in the store when I tell him the other cars have been sold and he only pipes down once I remind him about how he has to behave outside or Mommy leaves him at home next time she goes out to get stuff done. He sobs: don’t want to get going! No get going! Get going is RED (meaning bad / no / stop)…
11:02 a.m. — He then has another mini meltdown when he inspects the school bus and notices they did NOT put a stop sign to the right that flashes and comes out. He is quite put out by this inaccuracy and demands that Mommy fixes it. Sigh.
11:23 a.m. — I pick up a chai latte on the way home, twitching from the morning. $5.11
11:59 a.m. — Before I get home, we stop by a little open house event (I’m nosy) and I eat two bites (that’s all they gave me!!) of their raw salmon wrap (quite good) and Little Bun eats one bite.
12:27 p.m. — I head back home (and before you ask, no I did not stop JUST for the open house snacks.. LOL), and he has a meltdown in the garage because he does NOT want to share an elevator. He screams: this is not our stop!!! And I have to let the woman get on and go up first and wait for the next one. Sigh.
12:42 p.m. — Little Bun eats most of his lunch (all the tasty cheese bread naturally) and only the egg but gives up, he is a bit stuffed from all the food.
1:15 p.m. — He refuses to go down for a nap. WTF. Why did I expect otherwise? He only manages to sleep after I get him in tucked into a blanket sleeping in between my legs and patting his bum.
1:30 p.m. — I was going to read my book for the next hour – Abundance of Less (not quite the minimalism book of what you are imagining), and decide I will risk napping and ruining my night sleep.
2:18 p.m. — I wake up about an hour later refreshed and happy. I could keep sleeping but it will definitely mean that my REM cycle will be interrupted when Little Bun wakes.
2:19 p.m. —I remember in horror that I forgot the Bio-K in the car and it should stay refrigerated …
2:22 p.m. — I quickly dress and run down to grab it, I also plan on taking Little Bun out to mail that spring package to my mother.
2:25 p.m. — As I grab it and come back upstairs I hear him crying in panic, screaming: MOMMY WANT MY MOMMY WHERE’S YOUR MOMMY……
2:26 p.m. —I quickly rush in and hug him tight to me, all red-faced and crying into my shoulder, with huge shaky sobs… He thought I left him and had expected me there when he woke up. I only left for maybe 5 minutes and he woke up right in that time… I hug him tight, soothe him and then grab his milk and whisper that I only went to get Bio-K from the car.
2:34 p.m. — He nods and sobs a little more before lying down and drinking his milk.
3:08 p.m. — I get him ready and we head out to mail my mom’s package. She’ll love getting mail from him. $14.45
3:44 p.m. — I spy some liquidation sunglasses for him that are UVA and UVB on sale for $5 and pick up a pack of extra strength hairpins. $12.37
3:50 p.m. — I very narrowly miss buying a bunch of lipsticks to try by reminding myself that I need to use what I have FIRST. Then I can treat myself to one lippie. I steel my resolve and am very pleased.
4:11 p.m. — We drop by the grocery store just to look around and I end up caving in when Little Bun begs for sushi. I buy the raw tuna package and he eats half of it happily, that I can’t say no to him. What kid loves raw fish and sushi at this age!? $9.89
4:34 p.m. — I get back home and my partner leaves on errands.
5:16 p.m. — I start on dishes while he watches videos. I get them all dried and put away when my partner gets home.
6:30 p.m. — Yay! Salmon again for dinner. Little Bun is super excited and wants to eat all the green onions as-is..
6:34 p.m. — I tell him to wait, his father tells him to wait then annoyed, threatens to not give him ANY food which sparks a meltdown. He sobs: Am hungry!!! You’re hungry!!!! HUNGRYYYYYY… you would think with this screaming and tantrum nonsense that we were starving him or something. THIS KID EATS. He eats ALL DAY LONG.. omg… Glad I’m not in public with this animal.
6:36 p.m. — I tell him we all have to eat together and it is t just all for him, and he calms down once I say that we are all hungry, and explain that it isn’t ready…. he sobs the word: hungry… softly, over and over again into my sweatshirt shoulder. After he is finally calm, dinner is ready.
6:48 p.m. — I’m … tired. I think I have aged again. Someone noticed I had white hair… I said: YEAH I HAVE A TON. Started coming in once I had a kid.
6:50 p.m. — I eat dinner, then start on dishes so the kitchen is clean and I don’t need to be depressed seeing it when I wake up the next morning.
7:39 p.m. — Little Bun refuses to listen to me and put away his clothes and the bowls. I’m starting to institute little chores that he has to do and so far it is:
- Help put away the bowls when dried
- Help put away the Glasslock lids when they’re dried
- Help fold and put away the cloth handkerchiefs
- Sort & put away his dried clothes
7:45 p.m. — I give a deep sigh, he gives me a look and then does as I ask, wearing the clothes on his head like a hat and around his neck like a scarf (yes, he actually says that — Like a hat! Like a scarf!)
8:20 p.m. — I get him and myself ready for bed after much protesting and he wiggles over to Daddy’s side and sleeps on top of him, then changes his mind and sleeps on Mommy instead after I “air out” his “hot” pillow by fanning it.
8:56 p.m. — FINALLY READY AFTER ONE BOOK READING… that turned into two…. I pat his bum for what seems like eternity and finally in an annoyed voice I ask him to stop moving and to SLEEP. (The Go the f*ck to sleep as a book comes to mind)..
Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.