Week of Money: Where Burrito Gate happens and Little Bun loses it

DAY ONE

??:?? — I wake up to Little Bun snuggling me. He’s getting really big now. I remember when his head was the size of a small teddy bear’s head, and I would cradle him in my arms for hours, for the first years of his life.

7:30 a.m. — I log in and start working. I am increasingly feeling despondent and drained. I am seriously considering putting in my notice, but I will give it a few more months, to see where this goes. I cannot see a solution or a way out. It just feels impossible, and I did not sign up to be someone who would take on all of this extra work in a rushed, urgent, frantic manner due to the absolute INCOMPETENCE of management not planning things properly. I DO NOT ENJOY WORKING LIKE THIS. This was ill-planned, ill-conceived, and ill-executed. Not my problem.

8:46 a.m. — In calls all day. My ears are starting to feel pain. I stretch out my headbands a bit, to see if they can be a bit softer.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

1:07 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time, I log into another meeting.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he comes out, I am in another meeting and he quietly watches videos.

4:45 p.m. — His father is in the bedroom resting, he has been feeling tired as of late, and he needs rest. Early dinner for us.

5:23 p.m. — Little Bun does schooling with his father, and then we finish watching Hotel Transylvania together. His favourite is #2 because of the ‘baby” Dennis. He really relates to any show with children, like Top Chef Family Style where the kids were the chefs. It is his ultimate favourite cooking show to watch.

6:25 p.m. — We are reading about things that are considered ‘essential’ for people – housing, water, medical and so on, and Little Bun comes across “Friends” as an option. He looked at me, unsure, a bit alarmed and said: But you can have your parents for this right? I mean your parents can also be your friends? .. and I almost burst into tears. I told him “Yes, and support people, family, friends, relatives, anyone who loves you unconditionally, no matter if they are related or not is considered part of this Little Bun Support Group. For you, right now, it includes parents and family, and family friends, okay?”

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $0

DAY TWO

??:?? — I wake up to Little Bun kissing me and snuggling. I kiss his forehead, and hold him close, smelling him.

7:00 a.m. — I log in and start working. Day three on soy milk (homemade) to replace my cow’s milk, and I will cut out yoghurt as well, to see if it helps my skin. If it does, I will have to just live without, and find substitutes. I also found this nutbased milk paste online, and will try it out, to mix it in a blender with water, and create my own milk in less than a minute. $56.02

10:26 a.m. — I check Little Bun’s pages, and I tell him – Wow! You are working so hard on your pages. You are doing great, Little Bun!

Little Bun: Thank you for the support *smiles* *hearts in his eyes*

THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT. Can you even. I think he picked this one up from me because I say this all the time when he encourages me in my handstand work.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time. I am eating mashed potatoes mixed with red and green peppers (my new favourite combination), and I can’t get enough of it.

1:00 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time, I am working on documents and then go on a call.

2:55 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom, drinks his milk, and starts schooling with his father.

3:30 p.m. — More calls.

5:12 p.m. — I log off for the day. I really feel tired. Not sure if I will make it. We will see.

6:25 p.m. — I tell him we are going to scrub the floors of all stains with a rug. He lights up, grabs a rug, wets it, and starts going at the floor at the spots I point out that look like food may have fallen and dried. After we spot wipe the floor, he looks at me and says: Should I make a “CAUTION WET” sign? I think so. He runs, grabs his pencil, paper, folds it, then writes out neatly: “CAUTION WET” with big exclamation marks, and puts it in the middle of the floor.

After the floor dries, he tucks it away in a book, telling me: “Maybe we will need to use it some other time.”

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $56.02

DAY THREE

??:?? — I wake up to Little Bun snuggling me. An early but welcome alarm clock.

7:30 a.m. — I log in and start working. My back has started hurting, I think it is also from stress.

8:08 a.m. — Someone messages me saying that the AQUILA subscription for kids seems right up Little Bun’s alley about STEM and featuring cool topics, beautifully illustrated. I sign up for a year. $123.64

9:33 a.m. — I am trying to reach something on a high shelf, and I jump and jump, and finally get it.

Little Bun, observing me (after hearing my grunts from jumping), politely tells me: Mommy, maybe a chair would work especially well in this situation.

WHO IS THIS CHILD AND THIS VOCABULARY? Wow. I am sort of surprised, but also not. He has been reading more books (longer chapter ones), and his vocabulary as accelerated. Plus all the YouTube videos he has been watching.

12:46 p.m. — Lunch time. It’s late because my meetings ran late. My other manager from a team, called me to ask how it was going. I tell her frankly how I feel. She totally gets it, but she’s in the same boat as well, so we both commiserate. I can at least quit any time I want, she cannot unless she wants to search for another job.

1:01 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap. I am taking a break, drinking tea and reading a book. I think I need some books back in my life.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom, and I am on the piano taking another break and practicing a few songs.

3:40 p.m. — Little Bun works on his schooling with his father.

5:12 p.m. — Dinner of pasta, I feel like comfort food. Little Bun chooses green curry, and I load it on, it seems less and less spicy each time we eat more of it.

6:25 p.m. — We read a book together – his favourite as of late is this Philosophy one – Philosophy for Beginners – which is full of very interesting questions and topics. I love reading through them and discussing the questions with him, and hearing his thoughts on things like equality and equity in equality.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $123.64

DAY FOUR

??:?? — I wake up to my favourite little boy snuggling me. He whispers: “My body clock is not like the others. I like to wake up at 6 a.m.”

Me: *sleepily*.. I know.

7:30 a.m. — I log in and start working, I am answering the 30 emails that came in overnight. Off the weekend I also get a ton of emails as well. I don’t even know why people work the weekend. I wouldn’t. Especially as an employee. When do you get down time then?

8:08 a.m. — I am unable to concentrate. I have such a headache from the weather changing from False Spring (where it feels like spring, but a snowstorm is around the corner), and sure enough, it snows 10 centimeters and looks all completely white and wintry outside. Most of it is gone by the end of the day, and it is back to “Spring”, REAL Spring this time.

12:52 p.m. — Lunch time, I am eating late while Little Bun goes down for Quiet Time.

2:51 p.m. — He quietly walks out of the bedroom and drinks his milk while I am on the calls.

5:40 p.m. — I log off for theday.

6:22 p.m. — My partner makes burritos for dinner again – he is pulling out the stops!

Pickled onions made it to the plate this time, and we got to have chicken with ours (Little Bun and I), as my partner is now vegan for his health (all meat and dairy causes health issues for him, as he has experimented over a period of a few months, by removing it from his diet and trying again).

6:25 p.m. — We finish everything, and I clean the entire kitchen again and do laundry.

8:45 p.m. — Little Bun folds everything to put away and wipes all cutlery.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed.

Spent: $0

DAY FIVE

7:30 a.m. — I log in and start working. Just a few intense hours of meetings and I am finished for the day.

8:50 a.m. — How funny is this? I am checking his answers and see this:

“I am a decade old, my uncle is 2 decades older than I am, how old is he?”

Little Bun wrote: 300 years old

I ask him to please use some logic or rationality. How could a person be 300 years old? Clearly the answer is off!!! But I am laughing. The answer is so cute.

11:12 p.m. — Early lunch, I head out for the afternoon to drop things off at consignment. I have decided to just donate everything I am sure won’t sell, and then consign the rest. I don’t want to keep it around any more, it is taking up mental health and space for me, and I would rather have it gone. I still have a ton of clothes left, but I want to wear all of them, so they all stay. The rest that I touched and thought – No – can go. And I am finally letting all the donations go – the old styles I know I won’t wear again because I am no longer in that style era.

12:55 p.m. — He runs for his quiet time, then knocks like crazy to get out of the bedroom – I tell him he can just open the door!!! – and he runs out to grab his Stuffies. He thinks once I close the door he can’t leave, but he isn’t in PRISON, I tell him. He still can come out and do things that he wants. He really is a rule follower, and very obedient, which I as a parent, very much enjoy, but am also concerned by because I want him to make decisions on his own as well.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom.

5:57 p.m. — I log off, have a dinner with Little Bun and then we get to work making soy milk. From two cups of dried soybeans, soaked overnight, I can make about 4 mornings worth of soy milk, which is about how long the fresh soy milk lasts anyway.

The recipe is simple:

1. Rinse soybeans (2 cups means 6 cups of water at the end)
2. Soak soybeans overnight
3. Blend it with water up to the top of the blender on super high
4. Put a cheesecloth or nut milk bag straining over a colander/strainer, and squeeze the liquid through. A lot of the foam gets caught in the strainer as it comes out of the cheesecloth which is perfect!
5. Boil the soymilk for 5 minutes at least, on high and skim off the foam, then let it cool and put it into jars.

It takes about an hour or so, including cleaning up, but it is worth it for now, if it heals my skin.

7:44 p.m. — We do all the dishes and laundry together, and I put the items away.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed after reading our Philosophy book.

Spent: $0

DAY SIX

??:?? — Little Bun screaming. I wake up, groggy, and he stops screaming, and goes back to sleep.

4:30 a.m. — More screaming, I check the clock this time

6:41 a.m. —He wakes up and comes out. I was just logging in, so this was perfect (I woke up 10 minutes before).

8:08 a.m. — He notices a bowl wasn’t cleaned properly, and I say: OH NO! I’ll clean it again. Bad Mommy.

He looks at me, softens and says: It’s not that you’re a Bad Mommy, it is just that you didn’t see the side of the bowl that was dirty when you were cleaning.

I hug him and thank him for reminding me of this.

I actually say that to him a lot. I tell him all the time he isn’t a bad child, or he isn’t a bad little boy the way he might think he is, but it is just that his actions or his words were not great, or that he forgot something. It doesn’t make him bad or stupid, just that he has to try and remember or work on it. Glad to see it is sinking in.

8:30 a.m. — I head out for my appointment.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time, back home, I have donated all the bags, and dropped off everything at consignment.

12:55 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom and we snuggle. He asks to watch a movie together, and I tell him after he does schooling with his father, he can.

3:40 p.m. — We watch a movie together.

5:12 p.m. — A very light dinner, I don’t feel that hungry, and neither does he, and he wipes down the cutlery, and fold towels.

6:25 p.m. — We are reading the philosophy book and discussing the questions in there.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine of Wordle as a family (Little Bun got it!), and then we go to bed. I spend the night slowly smearing on O’Keeffe’s Healthy Foot Cream, and then I cover them in these little silicone socks, and then I cover them in regular socks to hold the silicone in, and to not let the cream seep out. This is the fastest way I know to soften feet.

Spent: $0

DAY SEVEN

??:?? — I cannot sleep. I had put my feet in those little moisturizing slippers, so I wake up, slowly remove them and wash off the cream.

4:12 a.m. — I buy a yearly pass for Asana Rebel, and start working out every morning, for at least 5-minutes, if not 10-minutes of yoga. I am hoping with regular habitual yoga, I can slowly start adding on more and more routines to go back up to half an hour a day. $55.18

I greatly dislike wasting money, so this is a good motivator for me to get the MOST out of my app. I also cancel my Apple News, just to see if it was useful at all for what I read (I do not think so, but will see).

5:05 a.m. — I log in and start blogging. Tomorrow it’s back to work.

6:30 a.m. — Little Bun wakes up and comes out sleepily. As we snuggle in the hallway, him on my lap, leaning against my chest, eyes closed, he mumbles: “I like waking up early around 6:30 a.m., I do not know why!” He blinks awake then says – WOW. Look it’s so bright at 6:30!!!

Maybe he’s just an early bird like me.

He later tells me: Mommy, when I start school, I will probably be the first one there. I like being the first one in class everyday. I like being on time. I do not like being late. I am not the kind of person who could wake up late.

I nod.. he is. He is definitely my child as well. I am a perpetual early-bird. Even if I am ‘late’, I am never very late, or I am just on time. Only traffic or extenuating circumstances could make me late.

I remember once he told my mother years ago, to wait for him on September 1st and he would be back. Sure enough, a month and a half later, he tells me at 6 a.m. – MOMMY. It is SEPTEMBER 1st. LET’S GO! … and he fully expected to be back at my parents’ house that day.

12:22 p.m. — Lunch time.

1:05 p.m. — Down for his Quiet Time / Nap.

2:51 p.m. — Up from his nap, he bounces out of the bedroom.

3:40 p.m. —

4:12 p.m. — I take a short nap and after about half an hour, he comes in softly, leans over me, and taps me. He tells me: Mommy, if you sleep all day you’ll miss the burritos.

5:12 p.m. — Dinner of burritos. A real feast, and his favourite meal thus far.

6:25 p.m. — He leaves a little bite of burrito on his plate.

6:25 p.m. — He comes back to the kitchen crying: WHERE IS MY BURRITO?

His father: You left it! I threw it out, I thought it was garbage.

(cue crying)

He apparently saved a bite to eat LATER to enjoy, and he (1) did not tell us and (2) did not know you cannot keep food out like that without a cover, or else his father thinks it’s garbage and he didn’t want to eat it.

He sobs pretty loudly. It’s a long cry for the loss of a burrito bite. I take it pretty seriously, because I can imagine how disappointed you must be to just lose it because of a mistake or a miscommunication. I tell him stories about how I have been disappointed, and he listens.

I also tell him – It is okay, to feel sad and disappointed, still. You can feel sad. Okay? Feel it, and then try to let it go because keeping anger, sadness and disappointment for TOO long is not healthy. Do not let it take over your brain and life, and learn how to deal with it, process it, acknowledge it, think about how we can improve it for the future.

Maybe, tell Daddy. Or ask Mommy. And we can tell you – it is safe to keep, or not safe to keep (like ice cream!), or anything that would collect bacteria. Or you have to at least tell us so we do not assume things. Okay?

Little Bun: I HATE ASSUMING. You should NEVER ASSUME.

I tell him: Yes, but we did it anyway because we cannot go through life always asking asking asking. Sometimes, we see things, like a dirty plate with food, and if we think it was not good or garbage, we won’t ask, because no one gave us instructions, and we will toss it, and clean up the area. Understand? You need to tell us too so we know, if you want to avoid miscommunication.

Little Bun: Okay.

8:54 p.m. — Bedtime routine, and then we go to bed. Burrito Gate was pretty exhausting, to be honest.

Spent: $55.18

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Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.