On being an equal partner whatever that means to you and yours
I am constantly being told how lucky I am that my partner does all the:
- Shopping and inventory supply planning for the household – soap, toilet paper, household dishes and equipment, towels, bedding, furniture, shelving.. I mean EVERYTHING. Including reviewing flyers DAILY for sales on things we need, and price matches. He actually plans when to buy things like sugar in bulk, and through his efforts we save at least $10,000 a year.
- Planning and shopping for Little Bun’s clothing — his next sizes in winter gear, boots, shoes, socks, clothing, I do not buy or handle any of this planning
- Cooking — all of it. I make some meals here and there as I crave them (vegan sauced noodles), but he cooks 100%. Bakes too. He also cooks all of our birthday meals, even his own.
- Car stuff — the maintenance, buying of fluids, and only until recently, the car appointments (I do my own now.)
- Errand running — buying not just household stuff but milk, groceries (makes sense, he cooks) and planning for sugar, flour, salt, pasta, and stocking up. I just tell him what I want, he finds it in the store.
… and a bunch of other things but mostly that.
I do the rest —
I project manage his career.*Update: He’s retired now, but I used to* …. I do a lot of work in hunting down and finding him contracts because I have an extensive network and am very nice. People message me, or I hear of things and pass along intel to him. His last 2 contracts have been because of me, and he has made $$$$$$. I’ve been managing his career in a sense, by bringing them to him on a platter and then he takes over for negotiations and landing the job.
- All the cleaning (but he does the heavy stuff like the bathroom shower, the oven and the grill), vacuuming all of the radiators, moving the appliances and vacuuming underneath there once a year
- I am pretty much 90% Little Bun caretaker, for all his needs – emotional, etc… and this is getting slightly better, but I will have to say angrily sometimes: GO AND SEE WHAT HE WANTS. I cannot be the ONLY ONE HERE parenting him.
- I also do mine and Little Bun’s laundry, and all the laundry except his clothes (bleached his shirt once, he has never let me touch his clothes again.)
- He will floss and supervise brushing at night
but I do all the baths, we jointly do the hair cutting, I do his nails. He now does showers with Little Bun instead of me.
- I do all the education (soon to be piano lessons) which is why he now reads very well and does math easily, and my partner has now started doing nighttime classes with Little Bun as well, so we are both doing the education bit, though I will say I am more 75% and he is 25% supplementary.
- I handle ALL the online shopping and returns. If you don’t think this is a part time job, you are WRONG. It is so time consuming. He gives me what he wants me to buy, I buy it, track it, return it if need be, and get on customer service to handle anything that comes up which by the way takes a lot of time.
And through all of this, I hear:
Wow! He is SO GOOD, he is such a keeper!
(I am too, we are both amazing. Why do you think he is doing all this?)
That’s amazing. He does EVERYTHING!!!
(Uh no. We share the workload, as we should).
I’m just surprised when people expect him to be a second child, so to speak.
For him to be “useless” and sit around doing nothing and complaining.
He’s my equal
I wouldn’t expect or want anything less. What for? Might as well be better of alone in that case than having to care for another “child”.
And if I’m bringing in half the money, half the retirement and making sure I cover my end of the money side by being a full-time contractor then where the hell does he think I’d ever find the time to ALSO do his half of the household chores??
I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the House Elf AND the one bringing home half the bacon for him to cook on pasta.
He is equally as lucky to have someone like me in the corner ready to back him up if anything happens, including taking on financial reins if need be.
I can also run a household AND the money including investing as well, so I’m not incompetent, we just chose / fell into these roles and the work is equally distributed.
He and I are both working together to a shared goal of saving money in little ways, being productive and crushing it in the workplace while supporting each other and Little Bun.