In the world of Save. Spend. Splurge.: Why getting a prenuptial isn’t a terrible idea
I loved this thread from Jill Filipovic on Twitter. For all the women who have been there, they know what’s up. For those still with their heads in the clouds in a romantic, dreamy fantasy…. well I hope that bubble never bursts.
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Why getting a prenup isn’t a bad thing. I think the P-word is the worst one you can bring up to friends when talking about marriage and finances. Prenuptials, or agreements of what to do with your money before and after marriage, are documents everyone gasps in horror over.
But don’t you love him? Don’t you want to be chained together legally forever and ever and not ever be able to leave them for whatever reason just because of financial devastation?
Okay, so maybe the last part was all me, but I don’t see the point of NOT exploring the idea of a prenup. That to me, is not a red flag at all, it is both people being SMART about their money and what they see as the goals of their relationship going forward. It opens up BIG doors to talk about money, and has zero resentment. If you can’t even talk about a prenuptial and be open about money matters, what’s the point?
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8 confessions of a new dad was very endearing to read. I can see all of those being valid points.
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6 Comments
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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
I feel like people not even talking about what they want out of a marriage – future goals, money goals, retirement goals, is a shocking, glaring MISS when people come together.It is like it is taboo to even talk about prenuptials, and even if you dismiss it as not your thing, it brings up other questions that need to be answered.
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KL
One thing to be aware of regarding prenups – they can be EXPENSIVE ! Unfortunately in the US there doesn’t seems to be a simple ‘do you own’ prenup as you can do with wills or living wills because judges will throw out anything that doesn’t seem fair to both parties. My husband and I discussed getting one before we got married and were quoted a total estimated cost for both parties of ~$12-15 thousand dollars for a very simple one that would only protect my expected inherited assets. If we had wanted to do one defining more clearly who would get what from our individual assets and earnings expected in the marriage, it could have been upwards of $20-25 thousand. We are in a high cost of living area surrounding NYC but went to a basic family and estates lawyer – nothing blue chip – and I have heard stories of hefty price tags from other parts of the US.
Ultimately we decided against it after discussing how we would handle a divorce as well as speaking with my sibling that will jointly inherit our family assets. For some people, that expense might be worth it but at our net worth levels we decided we would much rather keep and invest the money and draw down for counseling if we really hit a rough patch.
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Sherry of Save. Spend. Splurge.
That’s a great point – Prenups might make sense if you have more assets to protect, but if you’re young, everything is joint when you’re getting married if you both have little or $0 LOL .. it’s all half anyway after that.
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PL
My partner and I got a pre-nup for 4K, It was not simple and we each had our own attorney. We used a collaborative process and each had our own lawyer who was used to working this way. We live in San Francisco, not a cheap legal market by any means. For anyone interested in this I would google “collaborative prenup” in your area.
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KL
To support the points you made, at least starting the prenup process gave us the chance to have the conversation about how we would handle things if our marriage didn’t work out! Seems like an essential discussion that I suspect many people avoid. ….