I really don’t care what my kids will do as a profession when they’re older
…as long as it isn’t illegal or otherwise salacious, I’m okay with pretty much any profession.
(No leaders of mafias, strippers, or drug dealers please.)
Why?
Because they’re the ones who chose it and are going to live with it.
I am in no way going to help them, bail them out, or otherwise fix their messes if they choose to go down a path that pays near to nothing.
They will of course have all of this drilled into their heads well before they reach the age of rebellion (16 is it?), and they will KNOW that if they end up as a singer/actor/songwriter, they will have to live with the consequences (read: near poverty) of their choice.
Even before they GET to choosing that path of near poverty, I will be helping them figure out how much that job realistically pays and what they will have to live on based on what that degree might bring (if they need a degree for it).
EYES. WIDE. OPEN.
THEY WILL KNOW what it’s like to live on a budget by the time they’re old enough to have part-time jobs, and I will make sure that they know what it pays in their chosen profession (student debt payments included and all), so that they know what kind of choice they’re making (not to scare them or anything, but reality is a far harsher mistress than I could ever be).
If they still decide to go for it, then it’s their choice.
FORCING KIDS INTO YOUR OWN VISION DOESN’T PAY
I’m not going to force them into a job they don’t like. I’ve already seen what it does to kids.
See, I have a friend who wanted to be a marine biologist or a veterinarian. She loooooves animals to death and would gladly take care of them in any capacity.
Unfortunately, her parents owned a thriving business and had already decided she would be the heir to their throne out of all the kids they had (the other ones were older and got to sneak out of this duty by the time their career choices rolled around).
It’s not to say she hates her job and can’t stand it, she likes it enough, but it wasn’t what she wanted to choose for herself and that is what hurts her the most.
She had no say, and it made her (and still makes her) resentful to this day.
Do I want to do that to my kids? No.
EVEN IF THEY END UP IN GREAT JOBS WITH HEAVY DEBT..
Even if they decide to take expensive degrees, I am not going to be helping them unless I can help their siblings as well.
I’ve seen resentment build between siblings where one aspiring doctor sibling got $50,000 as a gift to help towards his education while his brother who chose to be something a little less expensive (electrician), got squat.
His doctor sibling also had his parents buy 2 cars for them — for him and his fiancee, and you guessed it… the electrician brother had to pay for his own car, and bought it secondhand in cash.
I think the stronger one in the end is the electrician, but even so, it must grate on his nerves to be treated so unfairly.
If I give $50,000 to one, the other ones will be getting a cheque for that amount as well. It’s only fair, and I am sure I won’t have $150,000 to throw around willy nilly, so they can count on getting $0 from me until I feel truly secure.
I CAN ONLY HOPE THEY DON’T END UP AS DEADBEATS
Sure, I don’t want to see them end up in dead end jobs, but if that’s what they want, that’s what they’re going to live with.
I’ll support them emotionally and accept it, I just won’t support them financially like I see some parents doing.
My reasoning is as follows:
If they’re old enough to decide on a career for the rest of their life for the next 40+ years, then they’re old enough to pay for it on their own, as independent, strong adults.
19 Comments
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Pauline
I was told I would have to pay for everything in college from age 12 or 13 when I started to make baby-sitting money. I left at 17 and paid my tuition (5 euros a year haha) and all expenses.
My sister never worked as a teenager, stayed at home during college, then kept receiving a monthly check as she decided to start over after 4 years and get another 3 year degree while living with her boyfriend. “She is not as smart and independent as you, she couldn’t work AND study” was the answer I got. I am not resentful, on the contrary, I am really glad I am independent, and much better off 10 years later than she is. Helping is not really helping.-
Priya
@Pauline:
“I am really glad I am independent, and much better off 10 years later than she is. Helping is not really helping.”
Its really how you look at it isn’t it? My parents managed to one-up that and helped my cousin get a job, something about helping out dad’s sister cause that’s what Indian men do 😛 and didn’t want to help me get an internship when they could, cause I am a girl and didn’t need to stuff my head with job-nonsense! The cousin, stole money at work and eventually got fired and Dad had to pay, me, scholarship-job-scholarship-dream job later own house (the pinnacle of Indian Dreams!) at 26 and no need of a guy to ‘support me’ -
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save. spend. splurge.
Helping is really not helping but you have to wonder how much is parent-driven versus kid-driven
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Aleksie
A car for the fiancee but not the brother? That’s cold.
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Emily @ Simple Cheap Mom
I hope that my daughter will choose a career that will make her happy and that will challenge her. I’m also hoping to teach her about personal finances so that she’ll know the pros and cons of both low paying and high paying jobs. I want her to believe that she can do anything she wants to do.
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Kathy
Our son chose his own career path but he knew it needed to be one which would allow him to be self-supporting. Not that he was interested in fine arts or gender studies but quite frankly there are few jobs for people with those majors. I didn’t ask him to choose a profession that would make him rich, just one where he could support himself and his family.
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Taylor Lee
I’ve decided I’m just going to save up like $100-200K for each kid (US college is expensive) and say Here you go, that’s it, no more money thereafter. I figure I’ll give them enough to either go to a good private undergrad with zero debt or a state school undergrad + master’s or something. Or if they want to just go out into the world and start a business they can do that too. Of course, I might need to tweak things if I find one or other child is not responsible enough to handle getting such a large sum to deal with at once (you can generally tell these things…). But otherwise, I totally agree with you. Their life, their choices.
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Petrish @ Debt Free Martini
I totally agree with your perspective. I have no intentions of forcing my dreams on my child, but only impress on her the importance of doing well in school. She is only eight and I have already expressed to her that she can be whatever she wants, but college is not a choice but mandatory.
Some people may feel its wrong to push college on my daughter but I don’t care….I plan on doing it anyway.
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Clarisse @ Make Money Your Way
Me too, I really don’t care what my kid will do as a profession when they’re older as long as they do the right thing. I asked my seven year old daughter what she wants when she grows up, she told me that she wants to have her own restaurant and I hope she will reach her dreams.
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Alexis
I have friends that are majoring in programs that they have little to no interest in, only pursuing the degree because of parents interests. I do care what my family thinks and hear their suggestions/advice, but I always go with what makes me happy.