Every family is f*cked up in its own way
So regular readers will remember my trials and tribulations with my own family (geared around money mostly) but thankfully in recent years this has mellowed down to where we are in a good place.
They even know about my $$ car and have all but congratulated on me for finally enjoying my life and my money because life is too short. They’re being quite generous about my success these days, even if they are still (lightly) hinting about being taken on nice vacations (not happening).
But now, this year, the situation at my partner’s family has come to a head. I never realized it was so bad until we were having screaming matches after the first week.
You better believe I was in tears and I am still smarting about it all.
To put things bluntly:
NO ONE CARES THAT WE ARE HERE
His brother booked their flights, and never gave us the dates.
We then proceeded to book our flights and when we gave the dates to his brother so they could plan to be there at the same time, they said: Oh we are leaving the day after you’re coming.
I mean…. WTF.
I was a little miffed because the whole point was to see the baby cousins and to meet up with them and hang out.
For the two days that we arrived, I was jet lagged to the max and his brother and their family basically up and eff off for the whole day without nary a good morning.
They come back in time to eat a lunch that my partner cooked for the family while they were out, and then sort of screw around for the rest of the day.
Wash, rinse, repeat.
And my partner’s sister and family?
They arrive the day we arrive only because there is a wedding to attend.
Otherwise, according to my partner they wouldn’t have bothered to make the trip up to stay on their week off (2 hours), and this rings true because they leave the minute the wedding is done, and head back instead of staying to hang with us.
NO ONE EVEN APPRECIATES THE SACRIFICE WE ARE MAKING
We are here, and as contractors, my partner and I are basically giving up $20,000 in lost income each, plus the trip and expenses, so $50,000 total.
Do they care? Not really.
No one made the effort to want to meet up with us even when we gave the dates to try and coincide with them, and I think it partly stems from jealousy.
I hate to say it, but when we work, we make 30 times more in income than his sister and her family.
The reason why I think it is jealousy, is because his sister has been griping about how she can’t even afford anything beyond a cheap crappy cellphone for herself and cannot understand how other people can afford things like an iPhone.
I don’t know what to say, but I see that in the past year, her daughter was given:
- a new car to get around — yes it’s small, but it is a NEW CAR
- a new iPhone
- a Macbook 13″ laptop
- a new PC laptop because they realized she can’t use Macs at school with certain programs
- everything paid for – she eats out three times a day, and has a free reign of about 1000 EUR a month to buy whatever she wants
…so she doesn’t have money?
Her daughter is also sporting new pairs of Ray-Bans every time I see her, and if SHE cannot “afford” to buy herself a proper phone to use, it is because she is spending it on her kid instead.
I am totally fine with this — you do you boo — but don’t complain that you don’t have money because I see where it’s going even if you say you don’t have anything for yourself.
You are sacrificing your happiness and spending the money on your daughter instead, so…… live with it.
THEY THINK I AM LAZY AND USELESS
This one hurt the most. They have repeatedly told my partner that they find me useless and lazy. I’m actually very hurt and shocked by this.
What they don’t see is that I DO a lot of the work but no one is there to see it.
For instance, his brother and wife left a mess of the kitchen in the morning before leaving to go to the pool. I spend the morning while they’re out, scrubbing and cleaning all the pots and pans and putting them away.
They come home, to a spotless kitchen and don’t realize that anything even happened because I cleaned it up and they never saw the mess to begin with.
Did I work? #*%%( yes.
Did they think I did anything all morning? No.
Furthermore, I was heavily jetlagged, drugged from the motion sickness patch, and tired from a long international flight and then a bus and train to get up here.
GIVE ME A F*ING BREAK. RIGHT???
No, the first night apparently, they expected me to do MORE than my fair share of helping out (as in, clean the entire table and put everything away), while having just arrived off a plane, whereas his brother and wife were there with their kids, without nary an excuse for ‘jet lag’.
I thought they would give me a break for the first night but apparently not.
Not only that, when his brother and wife left with the family to fly back, I spent the afternoon taking out the garbage and cleaning the bathroom (they left a huge mess).
Did anyone see it? No.
So… ergo, I didn’t do jack #%(%.
I was even cornered by her the second night and told that I HAD to help Mamie do more around the house because she won’t complain or say anything but she gets sick, bla bla bla… and I gave her a strange look, not understanding why she was even having this conversation with me. My thought was: I know… ??? I do help.
But I was tired and I just said: Ah vrai? .. or something stupid but now I realize what she was actually saying.
So… #%(& them.
THEY BASICALLY PREFER HIS BROTHER AND WIFE OVER US, PERIOD
My partner said: They are wearing pink glasses ….when it comes to his brother and wife.
In the heat of the moment, I was too angry to see the humour but he meant that they are wearing rose-coloured glasses when it is his brother’s family.
They just prefer him because his brother is more ‘likable’, and my partner truth be told, is a little less easy-going about everything.
They say things like: Oh no! Little Cousin DOES eat everything and eats WELL…
…when the truth of the matter is that I have seen that child only take in chocolate milk in the morning, biscuits, a few olives, 5 tablespoons of mashed potatoes, 2 flavoured yoghurts, and a piece of bread.. all… DAY.
Pardon me, but that is not “eating well” if we are going to compare against Little Bun eating a plain yoghurt, banana, vegetable stew with pasta, another yoghurt, a mango and a full dinner with more fruit at the end. HE eats well.
Little Cousin is NORMAL. He is a normal, picky child who won’t want things that he has had before and stages food rebellions, just like Little Bun does on occasion.
Instead, Little Cousin is the perfect one and Little Bun is not because he isn’t as likable/friendly/pliable/outgoing…. (for now, I say).
His brother and family also pay for ZERO at the house, and Mamie buys everything they want and pays for it all, but we insist and pay for everything we eat ourselves.
We also cook FOR the family, and they only make little dishes to eat amongst themselves or their children, not making enough for everyone to partake in.
His wife does as much as I do in helping out but yet she is seen as being far more hardworking, helpful…
It made me wonder if it is one of those things where they prefer her because she’s French and I am not.
I would hope not but I am starting to wonder WTF is going on and it would explain a lot if that’s the case.
Anyway. Hello Drama.