Children you have, are not investments.
You have kids as a parent, knowing full well that you may spend about $250,000 until they’re 18 and ready to be shipped off to college or start whatever adult career they want to start, where you’ll spend goodness knows what on their education (if anything at all).
So why is it that my dad thinks we’re investments?
Just recently he asked for:
- Luxury, all-expenses first-class paid trip to London, England
- $500 a month (extra) as a sign of “respect” in dole money back to him
- A new car, because the one that they JUST BOUGHT, is not a luxury Mercedes-Benz
Is he out of his fricking mind?
We had a massive fight over this.
I yelled for a good hour and almost lost my voice, and I’ve been angry ever since.
HE’S TRYING TO SHOW OFF TO HIS BROTHER
It all boiled down to the fact that he’s been comparing what my (millionaire) uncle has gotten from his 3 sons.
They regularly give their parents $500 – $1000 a month as dole money, which works out to about $2500 a month coming in from the kids.
Now, what my uncle failed to mention (and my father has failed to recognize) is:
- He paid for their 4-year overseas education, tuition and living expenses — $500K minimum each*
- He gave them each $250,000 for a house or apartment down payment
*Paid for a nice apartment, bought them a new car to drive around while in school, paid living expenses, all food, all equipment, all books.
We’re just at around $750,000 per child. Totally free and clear.
OF COURSE THEY ARE GIVING MONEY BACK TO HIM!
They don’t need to give the money, but they’re doing it because:
- It’s a sign of ‘respect’ (or so he says, which makes my dad super jealous)
- They can expect to get the money back when he passes on anyway (this is my thought)
- They know there’s a fortune on the way of about a million to two million each kid (or more)
- …in addition to the $750K they have already gotten as their start in life
BUT WHAT HELP HAVE I GOTTEN FROM HIM? SERIOUSLY?
In contrast, what has my father done for me once I turned 18 and left by my own will?
- Didn’t save that $10,000 they promised they’d set aside for my education from their winnings
- Didn’t pay for my $60,000 education, nor offer to help me in any way
- …actually, hasn’t paid for anything since I turned 18, not even letting me stay at home rent-free*
*Not that I care, but people get really surprised when they hear that my parents charge me $600 in rent, in addition to my paying for all the food, cooking, cleaning, snow shovelling, garbage-throwing, helping, etc.
Now all of that above doesn’t matter to me in hindsight.
What bothers me now, is this asking for money, when he hasn’t done anything to (basically) deserve it.
It’s like comparing apples to oranges. The situation of my uncle and his sons, is NOT our situation, and I am not sure my father has told the entire truth to his side of the family.
He probably comes off as the self-sacrificing martyr in his one-sided stories.
I can’t say that going $60,000 into debt was an entirely ruinous experience, because I came out of it for the better, having learned how to manage my money, budget and track my expenses, and otherwise set myself on the path to riches.
Basically, I ended up on the right side of things by luck, and I have no doubt I’ll be a millionaire before 50, it’s just a question of how early before 50.
Currently, I don’t mind paying rent and buying all the groceries (AND cooking, AND cleaning), because it’s nice to be with my mom, having not lived or have been around to help her once I left.
It also isn’t fair to be a parasite on your parents, even if they can afford it.
As an example we could pay about the same amount (or less, actually) of the $600 rent if we lived on our own in Montreal, because we’ve done it before.
In fact, it’s actually costing us MORE money (about $100 – $200/month more) to live here with my parents, but we are choosing to do it for personal reasons. Or at least, I was, to be near to my mom for a little while before I leave for good this time.
This is the first time in years, that I’ve even been back for more than a month, since I left at 19. I’m generally always traveling or in another city, and my mom has told me she has missed me for the past 10+ years I haven’t been around them much.
THEY DON’T NEED THE MONEY
Furthermore, HE DOESN’T EVEN NEED THE DAMN MONEY.
He just wants to spend it on himself, to brag and to front like he’s rich when he isn’t.
Photograph I took of a stack of yuan we had when we went to China
Selfishly, spending the money that his children have worked hard for, when he himself, hasn’t worked more than 15 hours a week in his life, living off his previous winnings, and using it to gamble in casinos.
Now he wants to mooch off his kids!?
They currently have the mortgage COMPLETELY cleared, and about $4000 a month coming in to cover the household.
As he was in charge of the money, he basically let money slip through their fingers like water their whole lives, not having saved enough for retirement on their own (not that it matters, they have a fairly decent company plan), and not having worked much his ENTIRE life, unlike my mother.
WE WERE HIS INVESTMENT/RETIREMENT PLAN, BUT HE NEVER PUT IN THE WORK OR THE MONEY REQUIRED INTO US
What does my dad really want?
To recoup his “investment” in his children because he feels like we owe him for having paid for ages 0 – 19.
The funny thing is he was a bit of an absent parent when we were growing up, and frankly, didn’t do anything for, or with us for more than 20% of the time.
Did I also mention that he hasn’t worked more than 15 hours a week at minimum wage OR LESS for his ENTIRE life? He spent his days doing.. Nothing. At. All.
Do you know who started doing her laundry at 7? This girl.
My mom was the real core of the house, but she had her own problems and work to handle, on top of trying to clean, cook, feed, prepare for, and help the 4 kids in the house with no help at all from my dad. She just didn’t have the time for us, so we turned independent at an early age.
I CAN AFFORD TO GIVE MONEY, BUT NOT FOR THEM TO WASTE IT
I can’t even begin to tell you how upset I’ve been this whole week after our knock’em’down-drag-’em-out-fight.
Yes, I have money.
Yes my other 3 siblings have money.
Yes, we CAN afford to give him money even from our savings and not be destitute, but taking all of the above into account, why should we?
It’s not like we plan on leaving them for dead, but we also don’t see the point of giving him money … for NOTHING.
We’ve already agreed among ourselves that if they have a serious need for the money like a nursing home, healthcare, or anything that threatens their life, we would gladly chip in and pay.
Need $20,000 for a life-saving, critical surgery? I’ll sell my investments to pay for it.
But not if it’s just so you can buy a new car and brag to your brother about how your kids paid for it.
That’s just sheer idiocy.
Let me repeat this again, future and current parents: YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT INVESTMENTS.
If you want investments, save your money and BUY THEM.
Don’t have children.
We aren’t guaranteed to give anything back, and frankly, they should be happy we didn’t turn out to be losers and drug addicts, with the way that they raised us.