A Week of Money: Where the flu just takes over my entire body

DAY ONE

6:12 a.m. — I’m up and feeling like complete crap. I am meeting a buyer today at 2 p.m. to sell a belt I didn’t think I would ever sell, and some watches I no longer wear (Fossil x 2, I am into Olivia Burton these days).

6:17 a.m. — I feel body aches, a major headache, and pop a Day pill to stop all of this pain to get to work. Little Bun is dry coughing but in otherwise very good form. He is eating well, sleeping somewhat well (woke up 8 times last night asking for stuff), and in a good mood as he normally is with lots of energy. I wake up super early, and get up because there is no point in lying in bed when you’re awake and can’t sleep any more..

6:22 a.m. — I wash my face very leisurely (a luxury), and dress slowly, make a cup of tea, talk to my partner who is finishing his shower, and then check my emails, make a note to snap up all of these stocks at a major 10% discount from the recent stock market correction, and discover two brown envelopes to mail my taxes in. Sweet.

6:31 a.m. — Little Bun wakes up, asks for milk, and gets it.. and then starts talking to himself in the bedroom about how he has a cool new blanket (for the record he did not get a new blanket, he just decided that his old blanket is a “cool new blanket”), and I play along, telling him how nice it is to snuggle in a cool new blanket at night. He is very happy and in a good mood today.

6:45 a.m. — I get him to the potty, get him dressed, he requests Neptune underwear (underwear with the planet Neptune on it), and proceeds to tell me it is the coldest and farthest away from the sun, called the Windy Planet. This kid, I swear to you, has an incredible memory. We only just started doing planet stuff maybe 2 days ago.

6:56 a.m. — I get him with his socks on, we do a Lookbook today and I am trying out a new style where I WILL wear all the beautiful scarves I have not just under c oats, but as neckpieces in place of necklaces. I always forego scarves thinking it is too hot or too cold for a certain scarf and then end up never wearing them, so this time I am wearing scarves as decorative pieces..although you will never see me tie a silk scarf around my neck; that is not my style or look .. it is far too air stewardess for me.

6:57 a.m. — I grab the bajillion bags – his lunch, mine, my purse, the things I am selling today, his jacket and boots, and lug it all to the car.

7:19 a.m. — I drive very carefully to work (there is an inch worth of ice everywhere and it is very slippery), and on the way in a friend stops me and announces he will be a father again. OMG! I AM SO HAPPY! I hug him, congratulate him, and would chat more but Little Bun is pulling me to go to preschool so he can have forbidden Cheerios, stickers to his heart’s delight and to do math…

7:22 a.m. — I drop him off, his preschool teacher grabs him by the hand and he goes without giving me a hug or kiss goodbye (oh dear!.. she was too excited to get him away from me to avoid tears), and I quietly sneak in to give her his lunch bag, and to tell her to do basic math with him because he is very excited about it).

7:38 a.m. — I head into work, drop my lunch off, organize myself, and get to work.

7:50 a.m. — I really feel terrible. I think it is the start of the flu and I wonder if I should go home afterwards if it progresses. If I get a fever, I am for sure leaving.

8:02 a.m. — I make some quick eggs in the microwave and work on a project that seems to go nowhere if I don’t hassle people and nag them to do things. I can see why this gets tedious. I feel like people should want to do their jobs well and to work hard but apparently not.

8:22 a.m. — I take another break, have some lemongrass tea (cutting back on caffeine while sick), and then warm up these Yves Veggie Meatballs which are surprisingly AWESOME. I cannot believe how realistic they look and how good they taste. I wonder what the IKEA veggie meatballs are like in comparison. After I am done all of these veggie treats, I may head over to Ikea and buy a pack. These faux meatballs are GOOD. I am so surprised. They could do with a bit of marinade or a sauce to enhance the flavour (as with all meats) but this is a definite re-buy.

9:10 a.m. — My back is twinging. Little Bun has been asking to be carried a lot and I have overindulged him and now I am paying for it. Dang it hurts.

9:15 a.m. — I try to sit up straight and properly but feel it twinge even more. At least I can sit. I am not in that much pain.

10:18 a.m. — I head into a sneezing fit at my desk, and decide to take a break.

11:22 a.m. — I wonder how Little Bun is doing. He was fine this morning but I worry still. This is the total downside of being a freelancer, every day I don’t work, I don’t make money. As an employee, I’d be at home right now, without a care.

12:03 p.m. — I am craving crap right now to make myself feel better but I know junk food like chocolate and sugar will only make it worse. I steel my resolve to not eat my candy bars (I have spares in my desk drawer).

1:08 p.m. — I need to drink way more water, so I try to finish at least an 18 oz. jug a day…

1:24 p.m. — I struggle to finish my lunch, I really don’t feel good. I just eat the meatballs and some pasta, and leave the rest.

1:43 p.m. — What do people put in their cars for garbage bags? I need to find an option because with all the junk we have sometimes  I need something that can hang off the car console or something so I can toss used tissues in there. Thoughts? This is annoying that people don’t think of a place to put a plastic bag for things like tissue paper. I don’t generate much garbage but I don’t want to stick a wet tissue in the cupholder.. Gross.

1:55 p.m. — I shiver at my desk. I’m suddenly very cold. Wish I remembered to pack my cashmere sweater for the office.. I brought it home to de-fuzz it with this lint shaver.

2:00 p.m. — I leave to go meet the buyer for the belt and two watches. +$35

2:09 p.m. — On the way back I ponder a Starbucks but again, SUGAR is not good for a sick person nor immune system so I glide on by. I have to also remember to note that I returned those notebooks in my budget for +$66.55

2:11 p.m. —I need to avoid people today, to avoid spreading this flu. I may work from home tomorrow but if I do, it means Little Bun stays home too and I won’t get any breaks or a rest… this is going to be hell. I need to get stuff done though. I could drop him off and work from home..

2:49 p.m. — I keep working, until it is time for the last meeting of the day. I feel a bit body-achey but I don’t think it’s the flu. No fever, I don’t feel like death.. But then again, maybe I am downplaying it because I don’t want to stay at home (want to get stuff done).

3:30 p.m. — I go through about a box and a half of tissues. It’s a good thing I bought a pack last week, I just forgot to bring it up to my desk.

3:15 p.m. — Hmm.. I do feel a slight body chill. I have to be in tomorrow for work so I am not sure I will be able to stay home and for SURE Thursday I have a meeting as well, so this is not working out, this flu/cold business… I hope it is nothing.

4:08 p.m. — I pick up Little Bun who snags two digestive cookies from the bin, and we sit to eat the cookies before going home. I am starting to feel a bit of a something coming on. A slight fever maybe.

4:33 p.m. — We head home, and by the time I am at home, I am on the floor. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep. My body is burning up and yet I am extremely cold, my headache has started, my body is aching all over, I’m really not feeling well.

4:33 p.m. — I try to set Little Bun up with videos so I can lie down but he won’t let me leave so I am on the floor half slumped over his chair trying to stay alive.

4:48 p.m. — Eff the dishes. I only get up and do a load of laundry however, I’m running out of socks.

5:02 p.m. — I get ready for bed early, and crawl into bed which causes Little Bun to lose it because he wants to play with Mommy. I explain that I am really not feeling well and Mommy is very sick right now. He screams and loses it, not wanting me to be sick because he wants me to play with him and carry him (ME NEITHER KID)..

5:25 p.m. — My partner gets home, my temperature is at 38.5 (he checked), and I manage to eat a few pieces of bread and cheese but have zero appetite.

6:20 p.m. — I go back to lie down and Little Bun protests some more until it is very clear that Mommy is not going to get up and play because she is really sick and she is DOWN. I end up reading books to him in bed until it is time to sleep. I get him ready  for bed (I would ask my partner but Little Bun is extremely particular about routine and it would just cause more tantrums that are not worth the trouble).

7:02 p.m. — Everyone dressed for bed, I end up falling into a deep sleep, covered in a thick down comforter, wrapped up three time, shivering from the chills but alternately feeling extremely feverish. I spend the rest of the night like this until the fever breaks at around 3 a.m.

11:58 p.m. — I wake up completely exhausted, body aching all over, slight sore throat and sweaty like nobody’s business. I’m just covered in sweat, completely drenched but the fever broke.

Earned: $35

Saved: $66.55 – Returned notebooks

Spent: $66.55

DAY TWO

6:30 a.m. — I wake up and my partner tells me it’s 6:30. I get up to get ready, and decide on cobalt blue and a nice Kate Spade travel scarf. Why didn’t I do scarves as accessories before? I’m so silly. It is such a great way to wear scarves without having to also wear a coat.

6:43 a.m. — I get ready, and Little Bun wakes up in a panic asking for Mommy. Maa maaa? Mommy? Mommy??? MOMMY…?? … and I come to soothe and comfort him. He smiles when he sees me and I give him kisses all over. I really do love him. It is just hard to be a young parent sometimes.

6:47 a.m. — I get him ready for preschool by dangling stickers in his face and treats, and he eagerly gets up to get ready. Stickers, are like crack for these preschoolers. CRACK, I tell you. They can’t get enough.

6:50 a.m. — I forgot his lunch bag at school so my partner gives me a plastic bag. I grab my cashmere sweater for the office and head off.

7:12 a.m. — In the garage as the doors are closing, Little Bun hangs around the car and I panic, and scream at him to go. He gets scared with my yelling (I didn’t want the doors to slam on his fingers) and I feel bad for yelling but I was also scared he would be hurt. Next time, I am walking away from the car safely with him and then hitting “”close all doors””.

7:15 a.m. — He is extremely upset and sad right now that I yelled at him and I apologize and feel bad but explain that Mommy didn’t want him to get hurt with the doors, and I hold him close to my body (no carrying, my entire back in flaring in pain). I wish I could take back these moments. Why did I yell at him? He was fine until I screamed at him to get away from the door.

7:20 a.m. — At preschool he happily sits down with his two snagged cookies from the snack box, and gives me a hug and kiss good bye. This is so good now, he doesn’t cry any more. I hope he isn’t scarred for life.

7:30 a.m. — At work, I quickly wrap up an issue I have been waiting on for a week and resolve it. Oh that feels good. I send a quick reminder to my Team Lead about it so he removes it from his list.

7:43 a.m. — I make a cup of tea, forego the eggs (not in the mood), and feel like I will not be eating much today. I am not hungry.

10:00 a.m. — I work at half-speed until my first meeting, where I end up getting into the meeting and people look at me and ask me how I am. I tell them I feel like Death. I really want to go home, but have more things to get done.

12:00 p.m. — After my meeting, I go to get my lunch, I can’t stomach the food, so I just eat a few veggie meatballs, and then drink lots of water and pop some Ricola.

12:23 p.m. — My nose is literally like a faucet. Like DRIPPING. It is insane how I can’t get it to stop these days. I feel like I have been sick since November.

12:30 p.m. — I finish another meeting, and the buyer of course, is a no-show today for the hard drive, and I reschedule with her for Thursday because I think I’ll work at home tomorrow so I can lie down at least.

12:36 p.m. — No yoga this week obviously. With the flu it is not a good idea. I finish a couple more emails, and take a break to make some hot tea. My whole body is in pain.

4:00 p.m. — I grab Little Bun and head home.

4:56 p.m. — At home, I get undressed, remove my makeup, take out the laundry from the dryer but have no energy to put it away, disregard the now doubly-full kitchen sink and go to lie down to read to Little Bun. I am feeling tired, sick, weak, dizzy…

6:08 p.m. — I get Little Bun and myself ready for bed early. He protests: NO SLEEPY. NO SLEEP. and won’t put on his pajamas, but I wheedle and plead to him that there is no more napping this late at night. There is only sleeping and we can sleep later. He looks at me and says: Nap. Want to nap. No sleep. .. I explain that napping happens at preschool or on the weekends at home, during the day at noon, and I point out the clocks. He now wants me to do clock faces with him so I grab a sheet of paper, a clip board and draw out clock faces and teach him the time. After about 10, he gets the hang of it, and starts saying: 6:30! 9:45!… and I keep going and going until he gets bored of the clock face game.

7:28 p.m. — He makes me get up and we eat an orange together (I have zero appetite), and I go lie down again, we read a few books before he asks me to “explain the outside” which is the cue to going to sleep. I explain the outside to him while cuddling and kissing his sweet little baby cheeks and then we go to sleep.

11:06 p.m. — I wake up completely drenched in sweat. I remove my sweat soaked clothes and switch to a lighter blanket and try to go back to sleep.

Spent: $0

DAY THREE

??:?? — I keep waking up drenched in sweat. My legs are all soaked and I’m shivering yet extremely hot.

??:?? — Can’t sleep. I curl up on my side to help my back but it doesn’t work. My back is still in pain, I can’t get comfortable, I’m both hot and cold.

??:?? — Little Bun squeals. I pat him back to sleep.

??:?? — Another squeal. Another pat.

6:00 a.m. — I feel my partner looking at both of us sleeping and I wake up, and ask him the time. He’s surprised, but I felt his presence.. and I wake up.

6:21 a.m. — I get Little Bun ready for preschool and plan on taking him in then working from home.

6:37 a.m. — I grab his stuff, and he just starts on his whining to be carried and played with like a baby. He pretty much killed my back so I cannot lift him at all. I manage to get him to the car but then he bursts into tears, sobbing because I wouldn’t carry him like a baby and I had to also yell at him to stop because my head is throbbing in pain, my whole body is aching, I am dizzy, I feel sick and HE IS NOT HELPING. I calm him down in his car seat and play Sanskrit for him in silence as we drive to preschool.

7:08 a.m. — I get him to preschool and before I leave, I hug him and tell him that Mommy is sorry for yelling at him today but Mommy is sick and can no longer carry him like a baby and he has to stop screaming for it. He nods, sort of ignores me and is totally focused on his Cheerios now. It’s like the screaming never happened. Does it scar them? Does it only scar me and make me feel terrible for the rest of the whole day that I lost it on him? .. I have no idea, I don’t want to screw up my only baby… I feel so bad now.

7:28 a.m. — Drop by the grocery store and pick up a turkey meatball, two juices and some butter chicken. I also get a coconut banana smoothie. I want stuff to tempt my appetite even though I have none. $21.08

8:00 a.m. — I log in, and start working.

8:25 a.m. — I quickly buy a whole bunch of maple candies and cookies as a gift to mail to our family friends who are helping my aunt. They have been UNBELIEVABLY kind and helpful. $109.55

9:21 a.m. — I take a break and eat my turkey meatball and butter chicken.

9:48 a.m. — I call one of my many managers and get chewed out politely on the phone for not giving enough details on something. Honestly? How much do you really need to know about the detailed side of things? It isn’t applicable to your job…. I grit my teeth and apologize, and promise to do better.

10:04 a.m. — My whole body hurts. It hurts to wear clothes.

11:46 a.m. — I head out to return the two BROKEN bread moulds that showed up. Garrrgggh. So annoying. Why can’t people package and ship things properly? -$224.50

12:34 p.m. — Back at home, I email my partner and we decide to just try again with that baguette mould (NOT sold in stores), and we hope this time it ships properly packaged and doesn’t arrive broken or I will be really annoyed. Everything is an additional 15% off so that’s nice. $109.94 

12:54 p.m. — I make plans with a friend this Saturday. He’ll cook something (I’m in!) and I need to ask him about his relationships (I live vicariously through single people horror stories).

1:25 p.m. — I continue working and give my rating of the sushi place we went to last week, a 1/10. It was terrible. I’ve blacklisted it. I KNEW we should have gone to my favourite noodle shop around the corner. Damn it. I’m never letting people pick places any more.

2:21 p.m. — I answer a few emails about some possible issue. While I’m waiting for an answer, I use the new Fujitsu ScanSnap XI500 my partner bought and I have never used until now……because I just never did but he was sick of feeding a paper through the portable one we own which I still like and use. This massive scanner though? Game changer. As long as the papers are flat, I just put them in the slot and they go zip zip zip zip… I scanned a ton of papers (all my tax returns) in about a minute. SUPER recommended if you scan a lot like we do.

2:28 p.m. — Nope, it’s good. The issue was a non-issue.

4:15 p.m. — I quickly de-fuzz my sweater and prefer the new Conair rechargeable lint remover I purchased:

4:18 p.m. — My partner is picking Little Bun up today, so I get to relax and get stuff done. I log off work, finish my load of kitchen towel laundry, take a nice, leisurely long hot shower ALONE (oh the bliss).. and then vacuum the apartment (stubbing my toe in the process OF COURSE), put away the dishes and warm up a cup of milk for myself. My partner tried this new brand La Pinte from Québec but honestly it tastes watery and not at all as creamy or as nice as the Harmony Organics brand. Thumbs DOWN.

5:26 p.m. — With my sweater on, I’m really warm. With my sweater off, I’m cold. WTF BODY. At least I am feeling less achey all over.

5:30 p.m. — Right on time, Little Bun comes thunderstomping through the door.

5:38 p.m. — I hear them remove clothes, giggle (Little Bun, not my partner), wash their hands, put on inside clothes (we always change from outside to inside clothes to avoid keeping any germs that might stick to “outside clothes” and getting it spread around the house), and then Little Bun, dressed and washed, runs towards me giggling. I reach out my arms in a big huge hug and smile. I feel way better today, I needed this rest and break, and the house is slightly cleaner which also helps. It is more that I got to rest today instead of sitting in a office which I am surer and surer is full of bacteria which is why I keep getting sick here.

5:41 p.m. — I hold him for as long as he will let me before he wiggles away. He then pulls me to the bedroom to do “clock faces”, and I go in there and draw endless analog clock faces and have him name the times (5:45! 9:15! 2:30!). Then we do a little math and he gets bored of it and asks for: Mommy pease do multi-pi-cation? … he can’t really pronounce “multiplication” and it is adorable. I end up doing the 1 times table until 12, and the 2 times table until 5. I have not figured out how to explain it to him in a manner he will understand yet because he is right now limited to just 10 fingers for his addition and subtraction and needs to go beyond counting to be able to grasp multiplication. What am I even saying, he’s only 3 for goodness sake, he shouldn’t even be doing this stuff but there you have it. A kid who (thankfully) finds math just as fun as his father and I did when we were kids.

6:12 p.m. — He then turns to me and says: Mommy will bring you a present?? …. Present? Mommy present?…. and I look at him and say: Little Bun!! Presents aren’t for everyday! Mommy doesn’t bring a present all the time, just only once in a while. (His presents are printed coloured diagrams of planets, or clock faces…), and he ponders that presents don’t appear everyday, but probably decided it was a good idea to ask just to be sure.

6:21 p.m. — I read a book to him after he gets bored, and then he hears the bread board, as in, my partner cutting bread on the board with a decisive “schhhsssshhh” and he runs out to the kitchen to grab a mouthful of bread, then runs back to read another page, then runs back out for another piece of bread, then comes back.. wash, rinse, repeat.

6:40 p.m. — I finally get up after a few of these back and forths, and we eat our dinner. For us, it was a light salad with eggs, with this new balsamic vinegar my partner found from Greece that is not aged and doesn’t use sulphites but tastes quite good, just not as thick and as deep of a flavour as the aged stuff, but you can eat it more often as it is sulphite-free.

6:48 p.m. — Little Bun eats all of his egg white (he hates the yolk right now, just as I did when I was his age because I found it dry), and powers through his entire meal except for the last 8 pieces of bread and avocado. I try to offer another piece and he refuses. I’m confused. My partner gives Little Bun a knowing side-eye I don’t understand…..

6:52 p.m. — We finish off his orange slices from his afternoon snack he refused to eat at preschool, and then we play in the bedroom, after Little Bun climbs up to my desk and grabs my clipboard and pen, asking eagerly for “more clock faces? more math?“, and runs to the bedroom with the items but drops everything on the floor and then bursts into tears. I tell him he has to wait for me because Mommy has to carry the clipboard and pen, but he was too excited to wait. I soothe his tears and tell him it is okay it fell but next time to wait for Mommy.

6:55 p.m. — He bursts into tears, screaming: NO WAIT. NO WANT TO WAIT FOR MOMMY. I then ask him very calmly: But who will do clock faces with you? You have to wait for Mommy!… he sobs again that he doesn’t want to wait. I do clock faces with him, and then… like a bat… he perks up his ears after about 5 minutes, and gets up without a peep and RUNS to the kitchen. What .. just.. happened?

7:01 p.m. — He had heard the rustle of the bag and box of cakes opening (which I didn’t know my partner bought), and he ran to the kitchen to eat some. I hear him ask his father for cake, and his father puts him in the chair. I get up. Cake? What cake?

7:02 p.m. — I get out there, and my partner says: Now you know why he didn’t want to eat his dinner! He was saving his belly space for cake.

7:03 p.m. — Little Bun looks up at me and says very seriously: Hungry for cake! Am hungry for cake! LOL…

7:05 p.m. — My partner bought a very delicious chocolate église, he bought an éclair for himself and cut half a blueberry clafoutis tart for Little Bun. I plan on buying a tart for his birthday so this works out well. He loves clafoutis! After he eats, he smiles happily, turns to me and says: Today… is CAKE DAY! … My partner asks him where the cake went, and he grins and says: IN THE BELLY!!!! … This baby is too cute.

7:25 p.m. — We head off to get ready for bed (against his protesting), I get him dressed, and then we read a book. Then he flips over on his belly and says: Am sleepy. Sleepy. Want to sleep.

7:31 p.m. — I try to pat his bum to sleep.

8:05 p.m. — …..and then after maybe half an hour he sits up and says: Not grumpy. No sleepy. Don’t want to sleep! UGH… I am tired, he said he wanted to sleep and we are SLEEPING DAMN IT. I firmly tell him no, it’s time for bed, and then ignore his protests the rest of the night. I don’t even acknowledge that he is saying anything and just keep rubbing his back or trying to pat his bum back to sleep.

8:12 p.m. — He wakes up again and says: You’re drinky??... (Translation: I am thirsty)… I correct him, and hand him some water.

8:22 p.m. — He wakes up again and asks for more water. I do feel a bit thirsty myself, it is quite dry in the apartment.

9:05 p.m. — He finally falls asleep and so do I, but then I wake up completely drenched in sweat again (hello fever…), but it seems to be the last time. I switch to a light blanket and sleep.

Spent: $240.57

DAY FOUR

 

6:00 a.m. — I wake up feeling like a human again. Oh thank goodness. My body still has a slight ache all over and it hurts to wear clothes but I feel way, WAY better.

6:10 a.m. — I have to remember to buy some spare concealer for the office because I keep blowing my nose and removing my makeup, so I need something…

6:11 a.m. — I have to also redo my eyebrows. Pluck, reshape.. retint? That’s another $50 expensive. Maybe I’ll just DIY at home and use an eyebrow pencil.

6:15 a.m. — I get ready for work, and I hear Little Bun call out: Mommy?? MAAA MAAAAAA….

6:16 a.m. — I go to him, rub his back and his hair and his cheeks, and kiss him. I hand him his bottle of milk.

6:30 a.m. — I finish getting ready for work and sort of like the outfit — teal with an orange Morrocan-print scarf and a gold bib necklace. I would take pictures for Instagram but the light has been so terrible during the winter that I haven’t bothered. You need real sun and light for this to work. I do like this outfit A LOT though, and will probably repeat the combination.

6:32 a.m. — I grab my lunch and pack it, chat with my partner, and send out 3 emails today to 3 buyers who should be coming by to buy various things.

6:57 a.m. — I get Little Bun excited for preschool with stickers while dressing him, and we leave.

7:22 a.m. — At preschool they just have bagels and he rejects it with a “No“.. now he’s getting picky. LOL… and I sit him down at preschool with stickers, peel his banana, get him to take a few bites and then hug and kiss him goodbye as another baby shows up. His father drops him off, and leaves, but doesn’t say goodbye to his son which I think also may not help. I don’t ever offer advice to anyone on how to parent, but I was told about 3 times by different workers that you should always properly say goodbye to your child so that they know you’re leaving, AND THEN leave. Don’t linger, for sure, but at least say good-bye. The little curly-haired cutie bursts into tears squealing: DADDY. DADDY…

7:24 a.m. — Little Bun is far too concentrated on his heart stickers to bother with the plight of other children, so he methodically picks off the stickers and pastes them on a paper, one by one, like a little addicted sticker robot.

7:25 a.m. — I leave after forcing a hug and kiss out of him, and head to the office.

7:42 a.m. — Everyone asks how I am feeling and I say: Like a human.  I grab a tea, my nose is still running a little, and work.

7:59 a.m. — I need to drop by the post office when they open to mail my company taxes and buy some more brown envelopes. And a Starbucks treat. I finally feel better, I feel like having a chai latte.

9:59 a.m. — You know, no one ever comments when you wear grey, black or white that you “match” with other similarly dressed folk, but when you wear a colour like cobalt blue, and someone wears something similar to blue, it is like an instant: Oh did you coordinate your outfit this morning? Interesting….

10:02 a.m. — I end up skipping the trip because I keep forgetting things — the hard drive to sell, and then my envelopes to mail my taxes, and by the time I’m ready to leave, I am half an hour “late”. I won’t make it to the post office, Starbucks AND be back in time for the buyer.

10:12 a.m. — I go and end up working until I meet the buyer, and she ends up bringing along her very adorable little boy who speaks French and tells me she doesn’t speak French, and her son does! I laugh and ask if she speaks English, and she said no, and her son replies in French: Spanish only. I try with some broken Spanish but it isn’t a language I have ever attempted to learn.. could be useful though. I should put it on my list to learn next, it is a very useful language I think. I hand her the drive. Her son looks disappointed he didn’t get to use his French at all on me to help out his mother (SO SWEET), because I reply back “Gracias“, and she leaves. +$50

10:12 a.m. — Sweet! I am slowly paying off the electronic pretties I bought thus far — Sony RX100 V camera, Wireless Airpods (look these are useful for calls), and the Bose Soundlink Micro speaker. It has been a serious amount of money for electronics when I had budgeted only $250, and I would like to get rid of things to make up for it. I have been applying these sales as credits against my categories to help bring down the cost. If I sold clothing, I’d apply it against the clothing categories to offset the cost of what I have bought so far, so this new budgeting trick is working out well for me. I am motivated to get rid of stuff I no longer use (junk to me, treasure to someone else), and to alleviate the guilt of having purchased what I have!

12:00 p.m. — My call gets cancelled (yay!), and I end up going to lunch with the guys and it starts raining (OF COURSE IT DOES). We speed walk there, and eat a super delicious bowl of pho except I wish they had added more tendon to my soup. $11 

1:20 p.m. —We make it back a bit late anyway because I stop to buy some cheesecake from a bakery but they sold out (unhappy face). I buy some random cake instead. $1.50

1:35 p.m. — At the office I realize that I forgot to do something before I left and quickly rush to do it. It takes me half an hour before I figure it out because.. I forgot what I did the first time around. This is why I had been avoiding it for so long.

1:45 p.m. — I finally finish it, then do a runaround with a buyer for my vegan leather jacket and we end up LOL’ing outside because the building is so strange that the entrance is not immediately apparent. I walk out to meet her in the rain, we exchange. +$30 

2:10 p.m. — This is turning out to be a good day! An extra eighty bucks in my wallet for things I don’t really wear any more.. or use… I feel an urge to purge even more and to make more money to bring down my purchase costs coming on. Maybe this was my real trigger — instead of spending, sell something. Don’t buy. SELL. Then you’ll feel better because it’ll go for a low price, you’ll have “lost” money and you just feel sick at paying retail.

3:18 p.m. — I get back to work but can’t concentrate. I work on finding photos of Little Bun for a colleague instead.

3:35 p.m. — You know you’re selling a lot when your wallet is too small to hold all the money you’re getting. This is a good problem to have 😉 This is addictive, selling….

4:25 p.m. — I pick up Little Bun and leave.

5:09 p.m. — I end up at home with Little Bun, and he wants everything yesterday. Honestly. Mini Dictator. I tell him we have to get things done like get organized, put away dirty dishes and get cleaned up, change our clothes and THEN we can do things.

5:11 p.m. — I manage to get myself organized. I also go to pick up the mail. The maple goodies I bought came in, and I have to write a card, seal it, mail it tomorrow. I grab a nice card (I keep spare ones I find on sale just for this purpose), and I write out a nice long heartfelt letter thanking our family friend.

6:30 p.m. — Little Bun, annoyed that Mommy is not paying attention to His Highness, starts throwing a fit. He wants to sit on me. He doesn’t want to sit on my lap. He wants to wiggle. He needs to pee. He doesn’t want to pee. He wants to play. He doesn’t want to play. I get so frustrated and don’t want to screw up this card, that I plop him on the floor. He bursts into tears.

6:32 p.m. —I leave him crying, sobbing as I finish off the card and take my time.

6:36 p.m. — I finally pick him up, and his whole front of his underwear is wet. I try and bring him to go pee, and he bursts into tears again. HE DEFINITELY NEEDS TO PEE. I am not having an accident all over the floor for something stupid. I go to the bathroom and wait there for him to come to me to go pee.

6:43 p.m. — Finally, seeing that he is about to lose his bladder control, I pick him up, forcibly pull down his underwear and put him on the toilet. I know we are not supposed to do things against their control and will at this age so that they realize they have personal agency and say over what happens to their bodies, but THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO ENFORCE THIS. I wait until he finishes, and then I hug and hold him and explain that he was all wet and he has to wait and also listen to Mommy.

6:50 p.m. — He just is so angry, so worked up, so furious, so sad, so whatever.. that he couldn’t even see anything straight (how can he, he is only 4..), and I get extremely frustrated, but managed to keep my cool most of the time up until then.

6:55 p.m. — I go to play with him in the bedroom, and he doesn’t want to lie down and calm down. I tell him he has to wait until the clock hits the minute “57” and then we can go and have stickers. I want him to show Mommy how well he can listen, and he keeps screaming: LISTEN TO MOMMY. LISTENING TO YOUR MOMMY. LISTENING.

6:57 p.m. — He lies down, calms down, watches the clock like a hawk and the minute it hits 57, he gets up and asks sweetly  for stickers.

6:58 p.m. — I praise him for listening to Mommy, I hand him stickers, he decorates his new bus that his aunt sent him in the mail today that my partner fixed up for him, and then I go to grab my apron to do the dishes.

7:25 p.m. — I ask him to play nicely (and he does with the iPad, looking at the calendar and colours), and I do all the dishes. He ends up being perfectly fine until the end when I am wiping the last of the dishes, and he wants to be fed.

This is how a conversation with a small child pretty much always goes: 
Mommy. Hungry. Want soup.
Can you please wait? Mommy has to finish wiping the dishes.
Yes…….Mommy. Want soup now.
Baby, can you wait please? I’m almost done. 5 more dishes.
Mommy. Hungry. Want to sit. Eat soup.
Okay baby, hang on a moment please and once I wipe a plate I will be able to get soup for you.
Mommy. SIT. SIT. SIT NOW. SIT NOW.. *leg half up on the chair, precariously dangling off the side about to flip upside down and crack his head and neck open*
*summoning all of her inner will to not lose it all over now clean, and clear kitchen counter*.. Baby, you have to wait. PLEASE WAIT.
Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit, sit….
OMFG. <— this is my inner voice of course. And this all transpires in less than a minute. Srsly. 

7:27 p.m. — I get him into his chair, I prepare a bowl and am wiping dishes as I am feeding him.

7:40 p.m. — He finally finishes eating, my dishes are all wiped in between bites I am feeding him, and he gets down. Now he wants to play.

7:41 p.m. — I go to get ready for bed so I can lie down and read books and play with him, and go to the bathroom.

7:43 p.m. — He sees me in the bathroom and starts screaming that he doesn’t want Mommy in the bathroom. No getting ready for bed, NO SLEEPY. NOT GRUMPY. NOT SLEEPY. This… this is the point, after about oh hours of biting my tongue, staying calm, being quiet and zen, before I just lose my effin’ ish all over. I really.. effing lose it. I just turn into this screaming, angry, furious monster, and all of this bottled up, clamped down zen comes pouring out in a huge rush of rage.

8:00 p.m. — Little Bun starts screaming more, and I am so freakin’ angry right now and frustrated that I force his pajamas on, and it isn’t until I am finally lying down that I try to calm down.

8:02 p.m. — He wants to read Good Night World, and his pink little snuffle-face looks up at me, red-rimmed eyes, running nose, and asks for the book.

8:08 p.m. — I read it in a monotone, still fuming, still very annoyed, and rush through to the end. At the end, he says in a very small voice: “Not so fast. Mommy. Not so fast. Not like this.”

8:12 p.m. — I try to calm down, I take 5 deep breaths and then I start the book again. I can’t get rid of this monotone in my voice because I am so filled with residual rage, and he looks at me and in a small pleading voice says: “No. Not like this. No..”

8:13 p.m. — I stop, take a few more breaths, and then start reading in my normal reading voice with inflections, and going slower, until the end when I do the Good Nights around the world in various languages again.

8:15 p.m. — He looks at me when I’m done, I look at him and tell him it’s bedtime. He flips over on his bum, and with the light on I pat him to sleep.

8:18 p.m. — He then says: Not sleepy. Not grumpy. Don’t want to sleep. I am about to lose it AGAIN, and instead, I just say: Then you just LIE THERE and close your eyes until you ARE sleepy.. *warning edge in voice*

8:20 p.m. — He takes the hint, and not even 30 seconds later, falls asleep. CHILDREN. He was grumpy, he was over tired, he doesn’t want to sleep, I tried to get him to get to bed earlier, and NOTHING. OMFG. I fall asleep, exhausted.

Earned: $80

Spent: $12.50

DAY FIVE

6:30 a.m. — I wake up, get ready, and head off to work. I feel like Little Bun is okay with my leaving as I kiss and hug him good bye and go out the door, but then as the door closes, I hear him run back and wail: MAAA MAAAAAAAAAAA………. Sigh.

7:19 a.m. — At the office, I get settled in after a tea, and work.

8:08 a.m. — I make plans with a colleague (a new one) to go try some pizza. Screw my lunch.. won’t eat it.

9:12 a.m. — Someone eyes me and says if I am sick I should go home and not infect everyone else.. you know what, the managers should be the ones saying this to me, not colleagues so I get permission to go home.

12:08 p.m. — We head out to lunch, and have a good time chatting. She’s very nice, I like her instantly. The pizza was okay and not worth the price but then again I am picky… $23.49

1:18 p.m. — Back at the office, I get back to work. OMG. I FORGOT TO TAKE MY BIRTH CONTROL PILL. I quickly take it. I keep forgetting if I don’t check my To Do list that reminds me each morning. The good thing is that pills can be taken within a certain period — 20 hours or something and still be effective.

1:34 p.m. — I am going to the bathroom and I see a guy in full plain sight, walking around with his hand down the back of his pants, like RIGHT IN THE BACK OF HIS PANTS, while talking on his cellphone. WTF? WHY DO WE DO THIS? If your belt hurts your middle, buy another belt. Why are we putting our hands in our pants in public? I’m grossed out.

2:00 p.m. — I hop on a call.

3:00 p.m. — Call done, I futz around my desk, finish a few things.

3:45 p.m. — I leave to mail a package. At the counter, the guy replies to a customer in English, and the guy sneers and said: EN FRANÇAIS……. Je ne suis pas Américan ….What the eff prompted that? .. Some people are real jackasses here in Québec. What’s the point of being rude? And not only Americans speak English, I’m an Anglophone too and I’m not American. … then I realize the package I am mailing is to the United States, and he for some reason, probably took offence to my mailing something to the United States and decided to sneer in French also thinking I don’t speak the language. Whatever. F#$(* you.

4:23 p.m. — I finish the custom declarations and pay.  $61.35

5:03 p.m. — At home, Little Bun squeals and greets me. I unpack everything, and then we do clock faces and math.

6:24 p.m. — I take a hot shower. My ears won’t pop I wonder why. I try really hard to yawn and pop them. It is throwing off my balance making me a bit dizzy.

7:15 p.m. — I’m in bed early. We do clock faces and math before sleeping, and Little Bun also hops on his father and plays “elevator” (he gets lifted up and down with my partner’s legs).

Spent: $84.84

DAY SIX

7:00 a.m. — I wake up feeling somewhat refreshed. I could have used another hour…. My body was craving sleep.

7:09 a.m. — I make some tea after Little Bun drinks his milk, and put away the laundry.

7:38 a.m. — I start on the dishes after I drink my tea, and he plays with stickers, making scenes and making up stories about all the animals.

7:43 a.m. — I finish wiping all the dishes, and then we go into my closet so I can put away clothes and clean up.

8:33 a.m. — I organize things, pick out an outfit for today — having lunch at a friend’s place, and check to make sure I am not missing anything on my list to get done today. I forgot to mail my company taxes (I put them in the desk at work and then promptly forgot to take them out to mail them. I still have time next week.

9:08 a.m. — I rub a little rosehip oil on my face. It’s so dry this winter that I need it. I am SURE it is the cause of a few little pimples I have been having but overall my skin feels a lot softer, so I am willing to put up with a bit of acne if it keeps my eczema and dry skin at bay.

9:33 a.m. — I have a massive headache. I don’t think it’s flu-related, I think it is because I’m cutting back on caffeine (involuntarily), and the withdrawal is making my head pound. I basically spend the next two hours half dozing in bed while Little Bun plays around me, doing math in the iPad.

12:28 p.m. — My partner comes home and unpacks everything. He also makes a quick lunch and I get ready to head out for a lunch at a friend’s.

1:36 p.m. — I reach my friends’ place late (unprecedented but … he isn’t picky about time), and I announce the car I got after he dishes out something I already knew — he was having a relationship with someone I know at the office; I already discovered it and watched them like a hawk to confirm it. Apparently they’re still in love but he can’t commit. Anyway, I after I announce the car I got, his eyes pop. He can’t believe it. He actually had no idea I had that much socked away to be able to afford such a car, and he is completely flabbergasted. He is more flummoxed by how young I am to be able to buy such a car easily, and thinks back to when he was my age (he’s 10+ years older), and says he wasn’t even close to where I was financially.. assuming.. he has no idea how much I really have saved. Yet. I shrug.

2:03 p.m. — We have an amazing lunch of seafood pasta. He’s a nice guy but can’t commit. I am going to write about this because it boggles my mind.

3:21 p.m. — We talk about work, share gossip, nothing much. He shares The Making of ‘The Shape of You’, one of the biggest hits of 2017 that I am obsessed with, and I LOVE how it came about.

4:37 p.m. — He still can’t believe I bought that car. He’s obsessed now. He wants to drive it. I give him the side eye.. I tell him only my partner and I are the trusted ones with this new baby.

5:02 p.m. — We proceed to go through his entire list of girls he is juggling and I veto pretty much all based on what he is saying except for one (THE ONE I LIKE).

5:23 p.m. — I head home. I am not hungry, but my caffeine-free headache is just killing me. I drink 2 glasses of water.

7:53 p.m. — Little Bun is a perfect angel all night and apparently all day. This is because HE HAS FINALLY STARTED SLEEPING. Until at least 7 a.m. in the morning and as a result, extra sleep = very happy, wonderful child.

8:27 p.m. — I very happily read books to him until it’s time to go to bed. I love love love this baby. His new favourite books are: Lulu the Big Little Chick and Good Night World. He makes me read the last page obsessively, at least 5 times.

Spent: $0

DAY SEVEN

??:?? — Potty Run.

7:00 a.m. — I wake up.. .tired. I couldn’t get back to sleep after I woke up for Little Bun’s potty run and it screwed my sleep the entire night. My head is pounding.

7:06 a.m. — I have a small bowl of matcha green tea. No other tea. My head is killing me. I also do the dishes.

7:56 a.m. — Dishes all dried and put away.

7:59 a.m. — I spend the whole morning in brain pain.

8:08 a.m. — I play with Little Bun, half dozing, reading his obsessions to him over and over again, doing clock faces, math and cuddling all morning.

10:12 a.m. — I feed Little Bun half of his vegan soup before he refuses it.

10:33 a.m. — I start a load of laundry.

11:10 a.m. — My partner heads out to get something he forgot at the grocery store. I dry the load of laundry then lie down to play and read to Little Bun.

11:40 a.m. — My partner is back and we have a salad. I have zero appetite so I feed Little Bun most of my avocado and egg as not to waste it.

12:08 p.m. — I read to Little Bun for half an hour.

12:28 p.m. — I gently tell Little Bun Mommy has to go out for a bit to get something done (errands, have to hit the post office), and he is SO INCREDIBLY good. He nods, kisses and hugs me good bye, and plays with his father. He is a dream child this weekend and I tell him how happy I am he listens to me and how good he is being.

12:58 p.m. — I’m out, getting stuff done and I drop by work to pick up my tax papers (forgot to mail them and I have a bit of an OCD complex about getting things done), and for some reason the parking garage won’t open. I end up parking on the street just as it hits 1 p.m. which means I have to pay. I don’t take chances, and I pay for 10 minutes. $0.25

1:28 p.m. — I decide to have some Starbucks as a treat. They keep screwing up my order each time I order a WHITE hot chocolate they keep giving me a MOCHA hot chocolate or whatever. Arg.. Anyway, I pick up a chocolate cake as a treat to eat. $8.05

2:36 p.m. — On the way back home after errands, I am stuck in traffic.

3:16 p.m. — I am home and Little Bun is out with his father. Yay!!! I immediately rush into gear, stripping off everything, putting things away, I take a very short hot shower (alone, which is the luxury), and then wrap my hair and want to go blog but decide to give myself a break from all of this, and lie down with my hair wrapped in my Aquis microfiber drying towel. I doze off and try to nap my crushing headache away.

4:31 p.m. — Little Bun comes in the door and miraculously doesn’t even think I’m in the bedroom napping, so I have the next HALF HOUR alone in the bedroom napping while I hear him conversing with his father and removing the baby seat attachment off his lovely Stokke chair. My baby.. is officially no longer a baby. He doesn’t need a baby seat any more. This is bittersweet.

4:58 p.m. — I get up after he discovers me in bed napping, and put away the laundry, start on the dishes, and Little Bun politely takes his iPad to math alone in the dark bedroom while Mommy washes the dishes, and closes the door quietly. Wow. This is really huge. He wants to be alone in a room with the door closed. I am sure as a teenager this will get annoying but this is a real departure from what I am used to.

5:22 p.m. — I finish all the dishes and dry all of them as well. My nose is stuffed and won’t clear up. I wish I would just feel better and not get sick again.

5:24 p.m. — My partner leaves to put things away in the locker (Stokke baby seat…)

6:31 p.m. — I don’t even know what we do but I am sure we had a blowout because I have a note here: Google parents yelling. I start Googling what happens to kids when their parents yell. I need to try and stay calmer. I just.. I just get so overwhelmed and stressed and I also vainly do not want white hairs from stress. What to do? I have no idea. I am out of techniques. I am out of calmly repeating myself. I am out of explaining, I am at my limit of tricks to use to try and get your child to listen to you and I think it is a losing game as he is FOUR YEARS OLD and is programmed to NOT listen. I read and I am very unhappy. I have been yelling at him far too often. I am ruining him. It is not too late. I have to stop.

6:56 p.m. — Time for bed. I am sure I was beat by now.

Spent: $8.05

———-

Want more? Read all of my previous Week of Money Diaries.