A Week of Money: Where the flu just takes over my entire body
6:12 a.m. — I’m up and feeling like complete crap. I am meeting a buyer today at 2 p.m. to sell a belt I didn’t think I would ever sell, and some watches I no longer wear (Fossil x 2, I am into Olivia Burton these days).
7:50 a.m. — I really feel terrible. I think it is the start of the flu and I wonder if I should go home afterwards if it progresses. If I get a fever, I am for sure leaving.
2:49 p.m. — I keep working, until it is time for the last meeting of the day. I feel a bit body-achey but I don’t think it’s the flu. No fever, I don’t feel like death.. But then again, maybe I am downplaying it because I don’t want to stay at home (want to get stuff done).
4:08 p.m. — I pick up Little Bun who snags two digestive cookies from the bin, and we sit to eat the cookies before going home. I am starting to feel a bit of a something coming on. A slight fever maybe.
Saved: $66.55 – Returned notebooks
6:30 a.m. — I wake up and my partner tells me it’s 6:30. I get up to get ready, and decide on cobalt blue and a nice Kate Spade travel scarf. Why didn’t I do scarves as accessories before? I’m so silly. It is such a great way to wear scarves without having to also wear a coat.
10:00 a.m. — I work at half-speed until my first meeting, where I end up getting into the meeting and people look at me and ask me how I am. I tell them I feel like Death. I really want to go home, but have more things to get done.
4:00 p.m. — I grab Little Bun and head home.
4:56 p.m. — At home, I get undressed, remove my makeup, take out the laundry from the dryer but have no energy to put it away, disregard the now doubly-full kitchen sink and go to lie down to read to Little Bun. I am feeling tired, sick, weak, dizzy…
6:08 p.m. — I get Little Bun and myself ready for bed early. He protests: NO SLEEPY. NO SLEEP. and won’t put on his pajamas, but I wheedle and plead to him that there is no more napping this late at night. There is only sleeping and we can sleep later. He looks at me and says: Nap. Want to nap. No sleep. .. I explain that napping happens at preschool or on the weekends at home, during the day at noon, and I point out the clocks. He now wants me to do clock faces with him so I grab a sheet of paper, a clip board and draw out clock faces and teach him the time. After about 10, he gets the hang of it, and starts saying: 6:30! 9:45!… and I keep going and going until he gets bored of the clock face game.
7:28 p.m. — He makes me get up and we eat an orange together (I have zero appetite), and I go lie down again, we read a few books before he asks me to “explain the outside” which is the cue to going to sleep. I explain the outside to him while cuddling and kissing his sweet little baby cheeks and then we go to sleep.
11:06 p.m. — I wake up completely drenched in sweat. I remove my sweat soaked clothes and switch to a lighter blanket and try to go back to sleep.
??:?? — I keep waking up drenched in sweat. My legs are all soaked and I’m shivering yet extremely hot.
??:?? — Can’t sleep. I curl up on my side to help my back but it doesn’t work. My back is still in pain, I can’t get comfortable, I’m both hot and cold.
??:?? — Little Bun squeals. I pat him back to sleep.
??:?? — Another squeal. Another pat.
6:00 a.m. — I feel my partner looking at both of us sleeping and I wake up, and ask him the time. He’s surprised, but I felt his presence.. and I wake up.
6:21 a.m. — I get Little Bun ready for preschool and plan on taking him in then working from home.
6:37 a.m. — I grab his stuff, and he just starts on his whining to be carried and played with like a baby. He pretty much killed my back so I cannot lift him at all. I manage to get him to the car but then he bursts into tears, sobbing because I wouldn’t carry him like a baby and I had to also yell at him to stop because my head is throbbing in pain, my whole body is aching, I am dizzy, I feel sick and HE IS NOT HELPING. I calm him down in his car seat and play Sanskrit for him in silence as we drive to preschool.
7:08 a.m. — I get him to preschool and before I leave, I hug him and tell him that Mommy is sorry for yelling at him today but Mommy is sick and can no longer carry him like a baby and he has to stop screaming for it. He nods, sort of ignores me and is totally focused on his Cheerios now. It’s like the screaming never happened. Does it scar them? Does it only scar me and make me feel terrible for the rest of the whole day that I lost it on him? .. I have no idea, I don’t want to screw up my only baby… I feel so bad now.
7:28 a.m. — Drop by the grocery store and pick up a turkey meatball, two juices and some butter chicken. I also get a coconut banana smoothie. I want stuff to tempt my appetite even though I have none. $21.08
8:00 a.m. — I log in, and start working.
8:25 a.m. — I quickly buy a whole bunch of maple candies and cookies as a gift to mail to our family friends who are helping my aunt. They have been UNBELIEVABLY kind and helpful. $109.55
9:21 a.m. — I take a break and eat my turkey meatball and butter chicken.
9:48 a.m. — I call one of my many managers and get chewed out politely on the phone for not giving enough details on something. Honestly? How much do you really need to know about the detailed side of things? It isn’t applicable to your job…. I grit my teeth and apologize, and promise to do better.
10:04 a.m. — My whole body hurts. It hurts to wear clothes.
11:46 a.m. — I head out to return the two BROKEN bread moulds that showed up. Garrrgggh. So annoying. Why can’t people package and ship things properly? -$224.50
12:34 p.m. — Back at home, I email my partner and we decide to just try again with that baguette mould (NOT sold in stores), and we hope this time it ships properly packaged and doesn’t arrive broken or I will be really annoyed. Everything is an additional 15% off so that’s nice. $109.94
12:54 p.m. — I make plans with a friend this Saturday. He’ll cook something (I’m in!) and I need to ask him about his relationships (I live vicariously through single people horror stories).
1:25 p.m. — I continue working and give my rating of the sushi place we went to last week, a 1/10. It was terrible. I’ve blacklisted it. I KNEW we should have gone to my favourite noodle shop around the corner. Damn it. I’m never letting people pick places any more.
2:21 p.m. — I answer a few emails about some possible issue. While I’m waiting for an answer, I use the new Fujitsu ScanSnap XI500 my partner bought and I have never used until now……because I just never did but he was sick of feeding a paper through the portable one we own which I still like and use. This massive scanner though? Game changer. As long as the papers are flat, I just put them in the slot and they go zip zip zip zip… I scanned a ton of papers (all my tax returns) in about a minute. SUPER recommended if you scan a lot like we do.
2:28 p.m. — Nope, it’s good. The issue was a non-issue.
4:15 p.m. — I quickly de-fuzz my sweater and prefer the new Conair rechargeable lint remover I purchased:
4:18 p.m. — My partner is picking Little Bun up today, so I get to relax and get stuff done. I log off work, finish my load of kitchen towel laundry, take a nice, leisurely long hot shower ALONE (oh the bliss).. and then vacuum the apartment (stubbing my toe in the process OF COURSE), put away the dishes and warm up a cup of milk for myself. My partner tried this new brand La Pinte from Québec but honestly it tastes watery and not at all as creamy or as nice as the Harmony Organics brand. Thumbs DOWN.
5:26 p.m. — With my sweater on, I’m really warm. With my sweater off, I’m cold. WTF BODY. At least I am feeling less achey all over.
5:30 p.m. — Right on time, Little Bun comes thunderstomping through the door.
5:38 p.m. — I hear them remove clothes, giggle (Little Bun, not my partner), wash their hands, put on inside clothes (we always change from outside to inside clothes to avoid keeping any germs that might stick to “outside clothes” and getting it spread around the house), and then Little Bun, dressed and washed, runs towards me giggling. I reach out my arms in a big huge hug and smile. I feel way better today, I needed this rest and break, and the house is slightly cleaner which also helps. It is more that I got to rest today instead of sitting in a office which I am surer and surer is full of bacteria which is why I keep getting sick here.
6:00 a.m. — I wake up feeling like a human again. Oh thank goodness. My body still has a slight ache all over and it hurts to wear clothes but I feel way, WAY better.
9:59 a.m. — You know, no one ever comments when you wear grey, black or white that you “match” with other similarly dressed folk, but when you wear a colour like cobalt blue, and someone wears something similar to blue, it is like an instant: Oh did you coordinate your outfit this morning? Interesting….
10:02 a.m. — I end up skipping the trip because I keep forgetting things — the hard drive to sell, and then my envelopes to mail my taxes, and by the time I’m ready to leave, I am half an hour “late”. I won’t make it to the post office, Starbucks AND be back in time for the buyer.
12:00 p.m. — My call gets cancelled (yay!), and I end up going to lunch with the guys and it starts raining (OF COURSE IT DOES). We speed walk there, and eat a super delicious bowl of pho except I wish they had added more tendon to my soup. $11
5:09 p.m. — I end up at home with Little Bun, and he wants everything yesterday. Honestly. Mini Dictator. I tell him we have to get things done like get organized, put away dirty dishes and get cleaned up, change our clothes and THEN we can do things.
6:30 a.m. — I wake up, get ready, and head off to work. I feel like Little Bun is okay with my leaving as I kiss and hug him good bye and go out the door, but then as the door closes, I hear him run back and wail: MAAA MAAAAAAAAAAA………. Sigh.
7:19 a.m. — At the office, I get settled in after a tea, and work.
8:08 a.m. — I make plans with a colleague (a new one) to go try some pizza. Screw my lunch.. won’t eat it.
9:12 a.m. — Someone eyes me and says if I am sick I should go home and not infect everyone else.. you know what, the managers should be the ones saying this to me, not colleagues so I get permission to go home.
12:08 p.m. — We head out to lunch, and have a good time chatting. She’s very nice, I like her instantly. The pizza was okay and not worth the price but then again I am picky… $23.49
1:18 p.m. — Back at the office, I get back to work. OMG. I FORGOT TO TAKE MY BIRTH CONTROL PILL. I quickly take it. I keep forgetting if I don’t check my To Do list that reminds me each morning. The good thing is that pills can be taken within a certain period — 20 hours or something and still be effective.
1:34 p.m. — I am going to the bathroom and I see a guy in full plain sight, walking around with his hand down the back of his pants, like RIGHT IN THE BACK OF HIS PANTS, while talking on his cellphone. WTF? WHY DO WE DO THIS? If your belt hurts your middle, buy another belt. Why are we putting our hands in our pants in public? I’m grossed out.
2:00 p.m. — I hop on a call.
3:00 p.m. — Call done, I futz around my desk, finish a few things.
3:45 p.m. — I leave to mail a package. At the counter, the guy replies to a customer in English, and the guy sneers and said: EN FRANÇAIS……. Je ne suis pas Américan ….What the eff prompted that? .. Some people are real jackasses here in Québec. What’s the point of being rude? And not only Americans speak English, I’m an Anglophone too and I’m not American. … then I realize the package I am mailing is to the United States, and he for some reason, probably took offence to my mailing something to the United States and decided to sneer in French also thinking I don’t speak the language. Whatever. F#$(* you.
4:23 p.m. — I finish the custom declarations and pay. $61.35
5:03 p.m. — At home, Little Bun squeals and greets me. I unpack everything, and then we do clock faces and math.
6:24 p.m. — I take a hot shower. My ears won’t pop I wonder why. I try really hard to yawn and pop them. It is throwing off my balance making me a bit dizzy.
7:15 p.m. — I’m in bed early. We do clock faces and math before sleeping, and Little Bun also hops on his father and plays “elevator” (he gets lifted up and down with my partner’s legs).
7:00 a.m. — I wake up feeling somewhat refreshed. I could have used another hour…. My body was craving sleep.
7:09 a.m. — I make some tea after Little Bun drinks his milk, and put away the laundry.
7:38 a.m. — I start on the dishes after I drink my tea, and he plays with stickers, making scenes and making up stories about all the animals.
7:43 a.m. — I finish wiping all the dishes, and then we go into my closet so I can put away clothes and clean up.
8:33 a.m. — I organize things, pick out an outfit for today — having lunch at a friend’s place, and check to make sure I am not missing anything on my list to get done today. I forgot to mail my company taxes (I put them in the desk at work and then promptly forgot to take them out to mail them. I still have time next week.
9:08 a.m. — I rub a little rosehip oil on my face. It’s so dry this winter that I need it. I am SURE it is the cause of a few little pimples I have been having but overall my skin feels a lot softer, so I am willing to put up with a bit of acne if it keeps my eczema and dry skin at bay.
9:33 a.m. — I have a massive headache. I don’t think it’s flu-related, I think it is because I’m cutting back on caffeine (involuntarily), and the withdrawal is making my head pound. I basically spend the next two hours half dozing in bed while Little Bun plays around me, doing math in the iPad.
12:28 p.m. — My partner comes home and unpacks everything. He also makes a quick lunch and I get ready to head out for a lunch at a friend’s.
1:36 p.m. — I reach my friends’ place late (unprecedented but … he isn’t picky about time), and I announce the car I got after he dishes out something I already knew — he was having a relationship with someone I know at the office; I already discovered it and watched them like a hawk to confirm it. Apparently they’re still in love but he can’t commit. Anyway, I after I announce the car I got, his eyes pop. He can’t believe it. He actually had no idea I had that much socked away to be able to afford such a car, and he is completely flabbergasted. He is more flummoxed by how young I am to be able to buy such a car easily, and thinks back to when he was my age (he’s 10+ years older), and says he wasn’t even close to where I was financially.. assuming.. he has no idea how much I really have saved. Yet. I shrug.
2:03 p.m. — We have an amazing lunch of seafood pasta. He’s a nice guy but can’t commit. I am going to write about this because it boggles my mind.
3:21 p.m. — We talk about work, share gossip, nothing much. He shares The Making of ‘The Shape of You’, one of the biggest hits of 2017 that I am obsessed with, and I LOVE how it came about.
4:37 p.m. — He still can’t believe I bought that car. He’s obsessed now. He wants to drive it. I give him the side eye.. I tell him only my partner and I are the trusted ones with this new baby.
5:02 p.m. — We proceed to go through his entire list of girls he is juggling and I veto pretty much all based on what he is saying except for one (THE ONE I LIKE).
5:23 p.m. — I head home. I am not hungry, but my caffeine-free headache is just killing me. I drink 2 glasses of water.
7:53 p.m. — Little Bun is a perfect angel all night and apparently all day. This is because HE HAS FINALLY STARTED SLEEPING. Until at least 7 a.m. in the morning and as a result, extra sleep = very happy, wonderful child.
8:27 p.m. — I very happily read books to him until it’s time to go to bed. I love love love this baby. His new favourite books are: Lulu the Big Little Chick and Good Night World. He makes me read the last page obsessively, at least 5 times.
??:?? — Potty Run.
7:00 a.m. — I wake up.. .tired. I couldn’t get back to sleep after I woke up for Little Bun’s potty run and it screwed my sleep the entire night. My head is pounding.
7:06 a.m. — I have a small bowl of matcha green tea. No other tea. My head is killing me. I also do the dishes.
7:56 a.m. — Dishes all dried and put away.
7:59 a.m. — I spend the whole morning in brain pain.
8:08 a.m. — I play with Little Bun, half dozing, reading his obsessions to him over and over again, doing clock faces, math and cuddling all morning.
10:12 a.m. — I feed Little Bun half of his vegan soup before he refuses it.
10:33 a.m. — I start a load of laundry.
11:10 a.m. — My partner heads out to get something he forgot at the grocery store. I dry the load of laundry then lie down to play and read to Little Bun.
11:40 a.m. — My partner is back and we have a salad. I have zero appetite so I feed Little Bun most of my avocado and egg as not to waste it.
12:08 p.m. — I read to Little Bun for half an hour.
12:28 p.m. — I gently tell Little Bun Mommy has to go out for a bit to get something done (errands, have to hit the post office), and he is SO INCREDIBLY good. He nods, kisses and hugs me good bye, and plays with his father. He is a dream child this weekend and I tell him how happy I am he listens to me and how good he is being.
12:58 p.m. — I’m out, getting stuff done and I drop by work to pick up my tax papers (forgot to mail them and I have a bit of an OCD complex about getting things done), and for some reason the parking garage won’t open. I end up parking on the street just as it hits 1 p.m. which means I have to pay. I don’t take chances, and I pay for 10 minutes. $0.25
1:28 p.m. — I decide to have some Starbucks as a treat. They keep screwing up my order each time I order a WHITE hot chocolate they keep giving me a MOCHA hot chocolate or whatever. Arg.. Anyway, I pick up a chocolate cake as a treat to eat. $8.05
2:36 p.m. — On the way back home after errands, I am stuck in traffic.
3:16 p.m. — I am home and Little Bun is out with his father. Yay!!! I immediately rush into gear, stripping off everything, putting things away, I take a very short hot shower (alone, which is the luxury), and then wrap my hair and want to go blog but decide to give myself a break from all of this, and lie down with my hair wrapped in my Aquis microfiber drying towel. I doze off and try to nap my crushing headache away.
4:31 p.m. — Little Bun comes in the door and miraculously doesn’t even think I’m in the bedroom napping, so I have the next HALF HOUR alone in the bedroom napping while I hear him conversing with his father and removing the baby seat attachment off his lovely Stokke chair. My baby.. is officially no longer a baby. He doesn’t need a baby seat any more. This is bittersweet.
4:58 p.m. — I get up after he discovers me in bed napping, and put away the laundry, start on the dishes, and Little Bun politely takes his iPad to math alone in the dark bedroom while Mommy washes the dishes, and closes the door quietly. Wow. This is really huge. He wants to be alone in a room with the door closed. I am sure as a teenager this will get annoying but this is a real departure from what I am used to.
5:22 p.m. — I finish all the dishes and dry all of them as well. My nose is stuffed and won’t clear up. I wish I would just feel better and not get sick again.
5:24 p.m. — My partner leaves to put things away in the locker (Stokke baby seat…)
6:31 p.m. — I don’t even know what we do but I am sure we had a blowout because I have a note here: Google parents yelling. I start Googling what happens to kids when their parents yell. I need to try and stay calmer. I just.. I just get so overwhelmed and stressed and I also vainly do not want white hairs from stress. What to do? I have no idea. I am out of techniques. I am out of calmly repeating myself. I am out of explaining, I am at my limit of tricks to use to try and get your child to listen to you and I think it is a losing game as he is FOUR YEARS OLD and is programmed to NOT listen. I read and I am very unhappy. I have been yelling at him far too often. I am ruining him. It is not too late. I have to stop.